by Chii Rempel
“Mother,” I say in ways of greeting. The door to the study is being closed behind me, as I walk towards the two sofas facing each other in front of the fireplace.
“Uncle.”
I try to keep a calm face, although my insides start boiling just from seeing his face. Xavier and Arcadia have made me promise them not to do anything stupid before we’ve figured out a plan how we could bring Claudius to justice. I plan on keeping that promise, however difficult it turns out to be already.
Sitting down on the vacant sofa across from my mother and uncle, I cross my legs and throw my arms over the back comfortably. There’s tea ready on the small table between us, but I ignore it. Tea is for good company.
“You’ve summoned me?”
“Yes, son, indeed we have,” my uncle says slowly. Mother gives him a smile and pats his knee, leaving her hand casually caressing his thigh. I think I might puke.
“We need to talk, Alexander,” she adds.
“I guessed as much.”
“Please, darling, try to be civil,” she says in a strangely sweet voice.
I take my arms off the backrest and fold my hands on my crossed knees, shooting her the most innocent expression I can muster.
“Whatever do you mean, mother? I am always civil.”
My uncle looks like he’s intensely trying not to roll his eyes. “Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?”
I sigh and nod slowly, mentally preparing myself for what is coming.
“We want you to conduct the wedding.”
I blink.
Wait, what?
“You want me to … what?” I ask incredulously.
My mother’s smile turns even sweeter, it’s even reaching her eyes and make them shine.
“Conduct the wedding, dear, yes.”
“What … wait … I don’t understand. Why?”
Claudius sighs and leans forward, taking my mother’s hand in his, while he looks at me intently. “We think it is a good idea for you to play a vital part in the wedding. If you are the one to give us the blessing, everybody will see that you fully support your mother’s and my decision. This way we can ensure that there’ll be no unwanted complications at the ceremony.”
I stare at the two of them open-mouthed. “But I’m not,” I say, shaking my head disbelievingly.
My uncle’s eyes narrow for a second. It’s the first sign that his mask is slipping.
“What do you mean, darling?” my mother asks.
“Don’t act stupid mother, it doesn’t become you,” I scoff.
“Alexander!” my uncle warns.
“Oh, come on!” I sneer and stand up from the sofa. “You couldn’t be seriously thinking that I would do that! Me, giving my blessing to this sickening union?”
“Alexan –,” my mother tries to interrupt, but I don’t let her.
“I will never approve of this madness and I sure as all hells will never in this life or any next lives conduct your bloody wedding.”
This time, my uncle can’t suppress the eye-roll. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“Fuck you,” I spit and with a fluent motion, I swipe the full cups of tea from the table, just for emphasis. They land with a clutter and splash on the floor. Pity for the tea, it was an innocent casualty in this war. My mother jumps up, squeaking.
“Alexander!” she shrieks.
I storm towards the door but turn around at the last second. “How can you do this, mother? How can you jump into the arms of another man so quickly after father’s death? How can you jump into the arms of his murderer?”
The words leave my mouth in a haste. I don’t know if I’m angry or hurt or frustrated because she simply doesn’t understand! Probably, I’m all of the above. My emotions are driving a roller-coaster inside my stomach and I have no idea how to stop them.
I leave before I can see their reactions. I leave before I can say anything more. And here I thought they wanted to confront me about my raging homosexuality. I’d have preferred that a hundred times. At least, we would’ve been talking about me for a change.
Xavier
Xander is storming towards me across the training grounds. I don’t need to see him up close to realise he is upset again. He looks flushed and his shoulders are tense. There’s nothing of his usual grace in his pace.
“I’m sorry, I need to handle this,” I say to my partner and throw my sword to the ground, before jogging towards Xander.
“Xander, what hap-”
“I want to have sex with you. Right now.”
My jaw nearly drops to the sandy ground. “I’m sorry, you what?” I squeak.
“Sex,” Xander repeats, his eyes aflame, “You. Me. Right now.”
I can feel the blood rushing to my head at full speed and pray to all gods new and forgotten that my comrades haven’t heard him.
Judging by the loud coughs and whistles coming from behind me, I guess my prayers haven’t been heard.
“Let’s, erm,” I harrumph, “Let’s talk somewhere more private, yeah?”
Before he can answer, I grab his arm and drag him back towards the castle.
Behind us, the hail of catcalls and cheers continues and I duck my head in a miserable attempt to hide. I’ll have a grand time at the next training session.
As soon as we get to Xander’s room, he shoves me against the door and starts unbuttoning his shirt.
“Wait, Xander, what are you doing?” I quickly grab his hands before he can continue.
“Undressing,” he states, as if it was the most normal thing. “Oh, did you want to do it yourself? Please go ahead then.”
I step away from the door and put his arms down slowly.
“Xander, what is going on? What happened?”
His cheeks are red and his breath is going rapid, a tornado of emotions is raging in his eyes. If I didn’t know he was angry, it would be an enticing sight.
“I don’t want to talk right now,” he urges and steps impossibly closer to me. There’s a challenging tone to his voice and it makes me gulp. His hands are suddenly on my chest, slowly creeping up my body. I push them away before I forget myself and bring some space between us. There’s a short look of hurt in Xander’s face but I try to ignore it.
“Xander,” I try again, “please. You’re clearly upset. Let’s talk about this before we jump ahead of ourselves.”
He huffs and throws his hands in the air.
“I don’t want to talk! It’s all I ever do, damn it. My emotions are running wild, I have no idea what to think or what to do. My mother is marrying my father’s fucking murderer, I’m being sent away from my home … my life is falling apart and I have no idea how to stop it! I just want to make the feelings go away, I want to stop worrying for a second and feel good for just one bloody minute! Is that too much to ask?”
He goes over to his divan and flops down on it gracelessly, burying his face in his hands. I take a few steps towards him.
“It is, if you think I’m done in just one minute,” I say.
He frees his face and looks at me. There’s a moment of silence before he breathes out a laugh.
“You’re impossible, Xavier,” he says, shaking his head.
“Hmm,” I agree and sit down next to him, close enough for our knees to touch. “I think we’ve established that already.” Then I take his hand in mine.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. But let’s not do anything hasty. We haven’t even talked about this … about us. We can’t just skip the beginning and jump right to the finale.”
Xander eyes me from the side. “Maybe I’m afraid to talk about us,” he admits. “Maybe I’m terrified that as soon as we voice whatever this is out loud, your brain catches up with the fact that I’m a boy and you’ll realise what a huge mistake you’ve made. You’ll see that there’s nothing soft and curvy about me, or anything of the things that you find attractive.”
I tug at his hand. “Xander, look at me. Properly.”
He does so rel
uctantly. There’s hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes and I find myself amazed once again at how quickly he can go from one mood to another.
“You’re fucking delusional if you think I could find you unattractive for even a second.”
His eyebrows rise in surprise, but his expression remains guarded, doubting. It’s time for a confession, I guess.
“Look,” I start, collecting my thoughts, “On the night I found that skull, the night that I was so drunk I spent it outside at the fountain because I was just too shit-faced to get back to my room … do you know why I was that drunk?”
Xander shakes his head slowly, eyes resting curiously on me.
“D’you remember what you were wearing that day?”
He tucks his chin in surprise. “My embroidered golden tunic and the black trousers I’ve had tailored,” he answers without missing a beat.
“Yeah, well … they were extremely well tailored,” I rasp.
“What do you mean?”
“Xander, I couldn’t take my eyes off your arse the entire day. It was … quite enlightening, to say the least. You were just going about your day, but every of your movements had me watch you more closely, completely enticed by you. Imagine my struggle when I realised that I had it bad for my best friend, who – in addition to being a man – is the fucking prince. So, I helped myself the only way I knew.”
It’s his time to blush, but I’m not finished yet. I need to get all the words out, before I lose them again. In for a penny, in for a pound. I’ve practiced this speech in my head a dozen times in the last two days, I’m going to deliver it to the fullest.
“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, Xander. Half the time I can’t concentrate on what you’re saying because I trace your lips in my mind and have to keep myself from drooling. I’m going half mad whenever I have my arms around you, because I fear you could hear my heart beating so fast like I’ve just run a marathon, but at the same time I never want to let you go. You’re my best friend, Xavier, and yes, you’re a boy and it might have taken me some time to admit that I’m head over heels for you, but that was just because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I’m not afraid of my feelings for you and I sure as all hells don’t regret anything. I’ve never felt anything so real as the things I feel for you.”
I take a deep breath, but never let my eyes drift from his face. There’s a slight possibility that I might have said too much and scared him away, but I don’t let myself dwell on that thought. He’s wearing an expression of shock that quickly changes into open delight. His eyes light up and a grin spreads on his face.
“I had no idea you could be so cheesy, Colson,” he taunts, but his wicked expression is damped by the obvious blush he is sporting.
I raise a hand and run a thumb over his cheek, just because I’m feeling bold and I believe this is the beginning of something. His gaze turns soft as he leans into my touch.
“I really, really want to kiss you right now,” Xander whispers.
“What’s stopping you?”
He looks away shyly. “If I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”
I shudder and lean forward so my nose is brushing his ear. “See? How am I supposed to resist you, when you say something like that?”
I breathe in the mix of his cinnamon soap and something wild and flowery, that is so distinctly Xander. Then I pull back and nudge his nose with mine.
“Go take a bath, before I change my mind and jump you. Bathing always helps you when you’re feeling upset.”
“I’m not upset anymore. You helped with that already,” he whispers, leaning slightly forward.
I let our lips touch briefly, just an innocent peck, but my whole body tingles with the sensation. With a deep sigh, I pull back.
“We shouldn’t rush this,” I say, “We have plenty of time. I don’t want to ruin anything by going too quickly.”
He smiles a lopsided smile. “There’s nothing quick about this. I’ve been dancing around you for years, hoping against hope you would someday notice me like I notice you. And now that we’re here, I want everything and I want it all at once. I know it is a selfish thing to ask. And I know that you’re right, I don’t want to ruin anything either before it even started. I’m just not sure if we really do have the time. If Claudius is sending me away after the wedding –”
“I won’t let him. I promised, remember? I’m not letting anybody take you away from me. And now stop thinking about it and go take your bath before I forget myself. If not for your sake, then for my sanity, please.”
I stand from the divan and heave Xander up with me. He’s shaking his head and smiling. He takes a step towards the bathroom, before turning back, a feral grin on his face.
“Maybe you want to help undress me now?” he asks and starts unbuttoning his shirt again. “Or maybe I can put on those trousers for you.”
I take a pillow from the divan and throw it at him.
“Don’t tempt your fate,” I growl.
He just winks at me before he struts to the bathroom. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
I should get a medal for my self-control.
17
Arcadia
Xavier is fidgeting like a child on his first day of school. It’s the third time he opens his mouth to say something, before looking at the ceiling again. I wonder how long it will take for him to finally break. Xander’s divan is very comfortable, so I don’t mind waiting and instead snuggle deeper into the cushions. My legs are resting on Xavier’s lap and he’s playing with the hem of my mint dress. I don’t know what it says about me that I enjoy his misery, but I could probably stay like this forever and watch him blushing like a little girl. However, I don’t believe we have too much time left before Xander returns with Guildenstern and Rosencrantz, who he went to fetch about fifteen minutes ago. I should probably put Xavier out of his misery before the guys return, if I want to know what it is that has got him so bothered.
“Xavier –”
“Xander and I kissed,” he finally blurts out. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you … I know you told me you guys aren’t like that and stuff, but I still feel bad because he is your fiancé and I think you should know. I kissed him. Well, actually, he kissed me. But that doesn’t matter and yeah … now you know.”
He looks at me with puppy eyes and a miserable attempt at an apologetic smile. I burst out laughing.
“This is what you’ve breaking your pretty head over?” I laugh, shaking my head. “Darling, I knew the second you two came downstairs. Xander was glowing like a blushing bride on her wedding day. You two weren’t subtle, if that’ what you were going for.”
If anything, Xavier’s blush deepens even more, even if his face relaxes and he lets out a relieved sigh.
“And besides,” I add with a wink, “Xander told me everything as soon as you went to bed that night.”
“He did?” he squeaks.
“Believe me, it was about time. If I had to listen to him pining after you for yet another year, I’d have locked you two up in a room and forced him to confess his feelings for you.”
Xavier smiles at that. “So, you’re not angry?”
“Angry? I’m fucking ecstatic,” I exclaim, then add, a little quieter this time: “I’m really happy for you two. You deserve each other. And Xander could really use some happiness for a change. I’d give you the don’t-you-dare-hurt-him-speech, but I know you won’t. You’d never hurt him on purpose.”
“You know I wouldn’t,” he uttered, “But I can’t say I’m not a little afraid … I’ve never … I don’t have any experiences with guys, Cadi. What if I do something wrong? What if I do something he doesn’t like … Gods, what if I’m bad at it with guys?”
I can’t cope with his haunted expression, I burst out laughing again.
“Xavier Aradin Colson, doubting his sexual abilities. I never thought I’d see that day.”
He pinches my calf. I let out a squeak and move my legs
away from him.
“I’m serious, Cadi!”
This guy is truly impossible. I let out a sigh and grab his hand. “If you do something wrong, you’ll talk about it. If you do something he doesn’t like, he’ll tell you and you learn from it. It’s you guys, you are best friends, you’ll find a way. Besides, I don’t think there’s anything you can do wrong, honestly. He’s crazy about you.”
A soft smile appears on his lips. “I’m crazy about him, too. It’s just so new, you know? I’ve only ever been interested in girls. I don’t know what it all means. Am I gay now? Is there some sort of club I need to join? How does this work?”
“Don’t think about it too much. You don’t have to label yourself, just be you. You love who you love, Xavier, if it’s a girl or a boy or in your case, a prince. Does it really matter if you’re straight or gay or bi or whatever?”
“I guess it doesn’t. And I don’t think I’m really gay … I still like girls. I just like Xander more.”
“Then I don’t see a problem,” I say, smiling.
“You know what?” Xavier says, a grin on his lips, “I think I might be Xander-sexual. Does that count?”
I laugh again, only this time, he joins in. “It counts,” I snicker, “I think we all might be a little Xander-sexual.”
At this moment, the door to Xander’s room opens. The golden prince and the two giants stride in, looking amusedly at Xavier and me giggling on the divan.
Xander raises an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”
Xavier and I share a glance and break into another fit of laughter.