‘You like Tetsuo?’ Thea says to Jamie.
‘Yeah,’ he replies. ‘It was on BBC2 really late one night a few years ago and I thought the write-up in the paper made it sound like it was worth watching. I thought it was brilliant. I bought the video and I’ve seen it loads of times now.’
‘Tetsuo is cool,’ says Anne.
‘Doesn’t the cyborg get fucked by a vacuum cleaner?’ says Emily.
‘Yeah,’ says Thea. ‘That scene was hilarious.’
Paul doesn’t know if she’s attempting irony.
‘My favourite film is Babe: Pig in the City,’ says Anne.
‘You’re such a kid,’ laughs Emily.
‘That film is not for children,’ says Anne seriously.
‘What’s yours, Thea?’ asks Jamie.
‘The Last Seduction,’ she says. ‘John Dahl is my favourite director.’
‘Cool,’ says Emily. ‘Paul?’
‘What?’
‘Favourite film?’
Paul wants to say Chasing Amy. But there are two reasons not to. Firstly, it really is his favourite film and it made him cry. Secondly, Emily obviously likes Kevin Smith. How could she? The man’s a genius and she fucking likes him.
‘The Curious Dr Hump,’ he says instead.
‘Who?’
Paul summarises: ‘Mad scientist kidnaps people and forces them to have sex so he can extract some kind of love enzyme from them while zombies stand around banging tambourines.’
‘I read a book like that,’ says Emily. ‘About some scientist taking—’
‘Maybe that’s why we’re here,’ interrupts Anne.
‘Sorry?’ says Emily.
‘To have our organs harvested.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ says Jamie.
‘Yeah, thanks Anne,’ says Thea. ‘I’m going to have great dreams now.’
‘Sorry,’ Anne says huffily.
‘Bryn?’ says Emily.
‘What?’
‘Favourite film?’
‘War Games,’ he says.
‘War Games?’ says Emily. The one with the—’
‘Two kids and the computer,’ says Thea. ‘I remember that.’
‘We are now at DEFCON four,’ booms Paul.
‘Isn’t that, like, a bit too retro?’ asks Emily. Paul imagines her frowning, trying to understand why anyone would choose what is basically an uncool film.
Bryn is silent for a moment.
It’s too dark to see anyone’s expression.
‘It was the last film my dad took me to see before he died,’ he says eventually.
Now everyone is silent. How do you follow that?
‘But apart from that, I like True Lies,’ he adds.
Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.
‘Action film classic,’ starts Thea. ‘Great, oxymoronic title—’
‘How did your dad die?’ interrupts Anne.
‘Anne!’ says Emily.
‘He was run over,’ answers Bryn. ‘By a pizza delivery bike.’
Paul can hear Anne trying not to laugh.
‘One of those mopeds?’ he says, to cover the choking sound coming from his right.
‘Yeah. My uncle Dave was driving it at the time. They had a feud. He finished it.’
Paul wonders what it’s like when your life is basically a black comedy.
The dark room doesn’t seem so cold any more. The thing that worries Paul is the silence. He likes it when people are talking, because then he doesn’t have to listen to the nothingness. Irrationally, he wishes a bus would pass, or a plane would fly over, or someone going past the window would laugh, just out of the pub. He misses the electric whirr of his flat and the flats of everyone he knows; the noise of fridges, freezers, computers, TVs. There is the odd sound here and there, but they are exactly that – odd. They’re countryside noises, the kind of thing Paul’s only ever heard on holiday: crickets, night insects and the occasional moth hitting the windows.
The favourites game continues. Paul’s playing a game of his own, trying to second guess everyone’s choices. And of course he’s going to pick the most ridiculous thing he can in each section. For music he chooses 5ive. Trouble is, both Anne and Emily instantly start raving about how cool they are. Emily’s obviously being ironic, but Anne? Paul’s not sure if she’s being ridiculous for the sake of it, like him, or if he’s misjudged her and she’s just like Emily. Or maybe she actually likes 5ive. In a way, Paul quite likes then, too. Particularly now Anne’s jiggling up and down next to him singing ‘Everybody Get Up’. This is too confusing.
Emily chooses Take That.
‘But which one was your favourite?’ asks Anne, still bouncing up and down.
‘Robbie, of course,’ she replies.
‘Passé!’ squeals Anne. ‘And Robbie’s way too obvious.’
‘Which one did you like, then?’
‘Mark Owen,’ says Anne. ‘I would have fucked him.’
For some reason her words sound shocking, as if a seven year old has said them.
Thea chooses Blur. As soon as she does, Emily tries to unchoose Take That and claim them for herself. Clearly the ironic choice wasn’t the one to go for this time. They start to bicker about which single came out in which year, when they bought each one, which is the best album (The Great Escape vs 13) and who’s met Damon. They’re neck and neck until Thea scores a point with a rare Japanese import.
‘Well, I’ve still got the issue of The Face with the Union Jack cover and the first ever Blur feature,’ Emily says.
‘Like I care,’ says Thea wearily, clearly tiring of this.
‘I love Blur,’ says Jamie. ‘But if I had to choose something different, it would be um . . . in second place, Prince, but in first place, definitely Pavement.’
‘Pavement?’ says Emily. ‘Isn’t the lead singer really sexy?’
‘Stephen Malkmus,’ says Jamie. ‘Yeah. He is.’
‘He looks a bit like Paul,’ says Anne.
‘Thank you,’ says Paul. ‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’
‘I love Pavement,’ says Anne. ‘But my choice has to be Billie.’
Paul’s certain she’s playing the same game as him now.
‘Delakota remixed “Honey to the Bee”,’ says Bryn. ‘Cool tune.’
‘Oh, I love Delakota,’ says Emily to Bryn. ‘What other stuff are you into?’
‘You know, mainly DJs like David Morales, Richie Rich, Frankie Knuckles, Norman Jay,’ he says. ‘And some of the lot who used to DJ at The Edge in Coventry, like Randall and whoever.’
No one says anything. He lights a fag, his unhealthy-looking face orange in the black.
‘Apart from that, I’m into Chicago house, happy house, handbag, happy hardcore, ordinary hardcore – although not what people call hardcore now; that’s what we all used to call dark and it’s shit – a bit of R&B, although not with all those fat girls singing about love and all that when-you-walked-out-that-door bollocks. TLC are all right, and I liked Eternal before Louise left. Mariah Carey. Ragga. Bit of jungle. I don’t like drum and bass much. Some people reckon it’s the same as jungle but it isn’t. I think they’re calling it UK garage or speed garage or whatever now. Fuck knows, though. I stopped following all the new stuff when it became really shit a few years ago.’
‘I don’t like current house music much,’ says Thea. ‘I know what you mean.’
Bryn sighs. ‘There was a time when Kiss FM had only just started, and you could get it in Essex if you were lucky. They had really cool stuff on late at night, and sometimes guest DJs like Cold Cut and Norman Jay. And during the day they had Dave Pierce, you know, that Radio One DJ? Right, he used to be called—’
‘Dangerous Dave Pierce,’ says Emily. ‘I met him in a club recently.’
‘Right,’ continues Bryn. ‘When he was at Kiss his show was really sorted. I don’t know what’s happened to him since then. Of course, in those days most people thought Radio One was bollocks, but it was all right real
ly, because the house scene was still quite new and they got people in who really knew about it and played top tunes, and because it was still sort of underground no one really bothered about being, you know, popular. They certainly didn’t have any of that phone-in jukebox crap where Tracey calls in with a big fucking shout out to all the hardcore crew in Ingatestone and requests whatever her and her mates have heard while some bloke from Liverpool’s been fucking them up the arse in some Ibiza toilet. I quite like Danny Rampling, but all the other tossers on there at the moment are total wankers. All the tunes are fucking mong-out dark shit. I’d rather listen to my mum nagging me than listen to Radio One at any time from six on Friday until Sunday morning. It’s fucked. But the worst thing is that now you’ve got all these eighteen year olds who don’t remember anything about 1988 – they haven’t even heard of A Guy Called Gerald or anything that started it all off. You say A Guy Called Gerald to them kids and they’ll go, “Who?”. I don’t even know what they’re really into. Yes I do. Fucking Moloko, and those stupid fucking Ibiza albums with all that trance shit on. Have you seen Top of the Pops recently? It’s full of stuff like Alice Deejay, ATB . . . all that crap. I like Phats and Small, though,’ he concedes. ‘And Faithless.’
‘What’s the name of that bloke from Radio One who got shot?’ asks Thea.
‘They should have finished the job,’ says Bryn.
‘I think he’s nice,’ says Emily.
‘What is his name, though?’ says Thea. ‘It’s on the tip of my tongue.’
There is a moment of thought, but it comes to no one.
‘I like the Evening Session,’ says Jamie. ‘And John Peel.’
It’s warm now, under all the duvets. Paul, for reasons he doesn’t totally understand, wants to move closer to Anne. It’s nothing sexual. He just wants a human touch. He doesn’t know why.
‘TV programmes,’ says Anne.
‘Friends,’ says Emily instantly. ‘I’ve got all the videos.’
‘I hate Friends,’ says Thea. ‘With a passion.’
‘How can you hate Friends?’ asks Emily. ‘It’s so good.’
‘It’s stupid,’ says Thea. ‘No one is actually like that.’
‘I like “Chums”,’ says Anne. ‘On SM:TV.’
‘I like that,’ says Jamie.
Paul has trouble imagining Jamie tuning in to Saturday morning TV, unless it was for a wank-fest over Britney Spears and the girls (or possibly H) from Steps.
‘Oh, and Jerry Springer,’ says Emily. ‘I adore Jerry.’
‘This gets worse,’ says Thea. ‘How can you like that stuff ?’
‘Come on,’ says Emily. ‘Jerry’s cool. I’ve got the book with all the show titles in it.’
‘Weird,’ says Thea, shaking her head.
‘What do you like, then?’ asks Jamie.
‘I don’t watch much TV,’ she says. ‘I quite like League of Gentlemen.’
‘That’s cool,’ says Emily. ‘Do you like the Fast Show as well?’
‘No,’ says Thea.
‘It is pretty stupid,’ agrees Anne.
‘What’s yours then?’ Emily asks her.
‘Home and Away, of course,’ she says.
‘Bryn?’ asks Thea.
‘I like News 24,’ he says. ‘And the Discovery Channel.’
‘What?’ says Emily. ‘Don’t you find that stuff boring?’
‘Nah,’ he says. ‘I like knowing what goes on in the world.’
‘I like The Simpsons,’ says Jamie. ‘And South Park.’
‘I just saw the South Park movie,’ says Emily.
‘Now that’s a good film,’ says Paul, and he means it.
‘What about you?’ Emily asks Paul. ‘What’s your favourite TV programme?’
‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire? ’ he says, randomly.
‘Don’t get me started on that,’ says Emily. ‘I’ve phoned every single time . . .’
‘Computer games next, then,’ says Jamie.
‘Videogames,’ corrects Emily.
‘What?’ says Jamie.
‘Videogames is the correct term,’ she says.
‘Don’t bicker,’ says Anne. ‘Although Emily is right.’
There’s a faint orange glow in the room where two or three people are smoking.
‘Emily first then,’ says Jamie. ‘Since she’s the expert.’
‘Me?’ she says. ‘God, no. I’m out too often. I barely even get the chance to watch TV. I’ve played “Sonic” and “Ecco the Dolphin”. One of my ex-boyfriends had a Megadrive. But that’s it really. Oh, and I’ve played “Mortal Kombat” once, although I couldn’t really get the hang of it.’
‘I like “Tomb Raider”,’ says Jamie.
‘What format?’ asks Paul.
‘Sorry?’ says Jamie.
‘Have you got a PlayStation?’
‘PC,’ says Jamie.
‘Cool,’ says Paul.
‘I wish I had my Gameboy,’ says Anne. ‘Then I could play “Pokémon”.’
‘You’ve got “Pokémon”?’ asks Emily. ‘That’s like, supposed to be the next big thing, but I thought you could only get it in America and Japan.’
‘Import,’ says Anne wistfully.
‘They had a Gameboy in The Beach,’ comments Jamie.
‘Yeah, well we’re not in The Beach, are we?’ says Anne. ‘And even if we were I wouldn’t have “Pokémon”. They had “Tetris”, didn’t they? Or some boring game, anyway.’
‘What beach?’ asks Bryn.
‘Never mind,’ says Emily.
‘What else do you like apart from “Pokémon”?’ asks Paul.
‘Every “Mario” title – especially the second one where you can play as Princess Daisy, although I suppose the third one is my real favourite – the original “Streetfighter” series, the “Tempest” games, but mainly “Tempest 2000”, “Duke Nukem” – particularly the second one, “Time to Kill”, which is fantastic – “GTA”, “Zelda”, “Theme Park”, “Theme Hospital”, “Rayman”, “Broken Sword” . . . I enjoyed “Metal Gear Solid” at the time, but then I discovered the “Final Fantasy” series and it seemed a bit shit. It’s worth it though just to hear Liquid Snake’s stupid accent: “The Genome soldiers are our—”’
‘Don’t give the plot away,’ says Paul, laughing. ‘“Final Fantasy VII” is the best game in the world, though.’
‘Absolutely,’ says Anne. ‘Along with “Pokémon”, of course.’
‘I’m looking forward to that,’ says Paul.
‘I thought you’d be more into “Doom” and “Quake” and everything,’ says Anne.
‘Nah,’ says Paul. ‘I’m a vegetarian.’
‘What’s so great about “Final Fantasy”?’ asks Thea. ‘It’s a platform game, right?’
‘No,’ says Anne.
‘It’s an RPG isn’t it?’ says Jamie uncertainly.
‘Yeah,’ says Anne.
‘I remember when it first came out,’ Paul says. ‘Me and two of my friends all got the game on the day of its release. We decided we’d have a competition to see who could finish it first. It was one of those things where the rules of the challenge weren’t made entirely clear, so I just thought we’d compare the hours racked up on our memory cards when we all finished. I’d heard it took about seventy hours to complete, and I reckoned I could do it in about fifty, although I saved my “fast” game on one block of memory card and then kept another one going so I could explore the world without knocking back my hour score.’
‘Do you play on a PlayStation?’ asks Jamie.
‘Yeah,’ says Paul. ‘I work on a PC, so I don’t really play many games on it. I also like collecting consoles. I’ve got a few old Ataris, a NES, a Master System, a SNES, a Megadrive, a Jaguar, a Saturn, an N64 and the PlayStation. I’ve got an old Spectrum as well, although it’s fucked, so I use a Spectrum Emulator on my computer.’
‘Snap,’ says Anne. ‘Except I never got a Saturn, and I don’t have any Ataris.’
He’s beginning to really like this girl. ‘Have you got a working Spectrum?’ he asks.
‘Oh, yeah,’ she says. ‘And a load of old tapes. It was the first machine I had.’
‘What’s your favourite Spectrum game?’ asks Paul.
‘“Automania”,’ she says. ‘You know, the one with Wally Week in it.’
‘Cool,’ says Paul.
‘And “Ms Pacman”,’ she adds. ‘Because it’s so ridiculous.’
‘I know,’ he says. ‘They just put a hair ribbon on Pacman.’
They both laugh.
‘It’s good you did the fast and slow version thing on “Final Fantasy VII”,’ Anne says, getting back to the subject, ‘because all the Chocobo racing and breeding takes up loads of time. I spent about a week just in the Gold Saucer.’
‘What are you talking about?’ asks Emily.
‘Chocobos are these magic birds, a bit like ostriches, that you can ride across the World Map,’ explains Anne. ‘And the Gold Saucer is kind of a Las Vegas thing – a game, or really several games, within a game. You can go there for a laugh, or to save up GP to buy special items. They have Chocobo races there. You can bet on the races or even ride in them.’
‘I’m even more lost now,’ says Emily. ‘You can buy stuff?’
‘Yeah,’ says Paul. ‘I bought a villa in the Costa Del Sol.’
‘What’s the premise for the game?’ asks Jamie.
‘You start off as this character called Cloud,’ explains Paul. ‘The “world” in the game – which is made up of this big city called Midgar, and then various villages over several continents – is controlled by a corporation called Shinra, who are corrupt, and who drain all the magic Mako energy from the planet. They do evil experiments and generally use magic for evil and whatever. It’s the usual Japanese narrative set-up. Cloud is a mercenary who’s been hired by a revolutionary organisation called Avalanche. Once Cloud has helped blow up a Mako reactor, he joins the group – or rather, they join him – and he sets off on his life’s crusade, which is to defeat Sephiroth, the ultimate evil force in the game.’
Anne continues: ‘As you go through the game you pick up items and magic. It’s a lot more complicated than “Mario”, where you just power-up with mushrooms and flowers, or even “Tomb Raider”, where you can keep a few Medi Packs in your rucksack. In “FF7” you can carry unlimited items, and you have weapons and armour which you can equip with particular types of magic. You can cast bad spells on enemies, good spells on yourself, summon Gods and Goddesses to help you in battles, or use magic to increase your strength. You also win money and points in every battle you have. You can use the money to buy items in towns. It’s so cool, there are shops everywhere, and really cool subplots in the towns and stuff . . .’
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