by BJ Hoff
Andrew shook his head, trying to digest what he’d heard and why he’d been… selected, if that were the case, to hear it.
“I believe I’ve finally been forgiven.”
Her words fell quietly between them, like drops of rain on soft ground.
“I’m so glad, Mrs. Guthrie,” Andrew said, greatly pleased but still puzzled.
She nodded. “I’ve asked forgiveness before, of course. But to tell you the truth, I never once believed God had forgiven me. In fact, I was convinced He wouldn’t forgive me. I had no excuse for what I’d done, and I’d deceived my husband and my only child all those years. Why should God show me any mercy?”
“Why should God show any one of us mercy?” Andrew said. “But go on—please.”
She leaned forward. “Something happened today, Doctor. I don’t understand what it was or why it happened. But while I was praying this afternoon, something changed. It was as though God put His arms around me and told me all was well. And I was forgiven—I just knew. But I also knew that I had to…to confess to someone else. I had to tell someone the truth, the entire ugly, terrible truth. But I couldn’t tell Caroline or Edward. I simply couldn’t. And then your name came into my mind like a banner and wouldn’t go away until I convinced Edward to send for you.” She paused, then added, “And I think I know why.”
Andrew smiled a little. “Then I must admit you are a ways ahead of me, Mrs. Guthrie. Why?”
“Because,” she said, again worrying her handkerchief between her hands, “I know you’re a very wise man, Doctor—a godly man. I need your advice as to whether I must tell Caroline or if I may simply keep my silence.”
Andrew ran a hand over his forehead. The woman was asking for wisdom he didn’t have. How could he possibly answer such a question?
“Mrs. Guthrie, I don’t see how anyone can decide that for you. You can only act on what you truly believe is best—for you, and for your daughter.”
He almost added that she’d also need to be ready to bear the consequences if she did tell her daughter she was illegitimate, but he caught himself. Now wasn’t the time for such a caution.
“But what do you think, Doctor?” Before he could reply, she went on. “I have to admit I’m terrified by the very idea of admitting my sin—and my deceit of all these years—to my daughter,” said Mrs. Guthrie, her voice trembling. “I don’t know if I can actually bring myself to hurt her in such a terrible way, and I can’t see how such news could benefit her. But I suppose I’m also being selfish. I can’t imagine how I could possibly endure—the loss of her love.”
This was definitely not his province. Natalie Guthrie was an intelligent woman. She would have to think this through for herself, and Andrew didn’t envy her dilemma. But the Lord had brought her to this place. Surely He would also guide her to make the right decision about what, if anything, to tell her daughter.
Suddenly, he remembered the night he told Bethany about his opium addiction—how frightened he’d been that he would lose her once she knew about his past.
But he didn’t lose her.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Mrs. Guthrie,” he finally said. “I’m not nearly as wise as you seem to think. But let me try to reassure you of one thing. Sometimes we badly underestimate the people we love. I don’t know your daughter very well, but I have seen the love and devotion she feels for you. Please understand, I’m not suggesting that you necessarily need to tell her the circumstances of her birth—that’s for you and the Lord to decide. What I am saying is that if you reach the point where you believe you must tell her, then try to have enough faith in her—and in her love for you—not to expect the worst. Naturally, it will be a tremendous shock. But I truly believe that love is almost always strong enough to bear the truth.”
He reached to free one hand from the handkerchief she was wringing. “It’s fair to say that the truth can hurt,” he admitted. “But it’s just as important to remember that the truth can also heal.”
In that instant, Andrew sensed something trying to work its way to the surface of his own mind, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then stood. “I’ll stop in to see how you’re doing tomorrow. In fact, I’ll be sure to do just that, because somehow I don’t expect you’ll need me much in the future.”
A hesitant smile slowly broke across her face, and she got to her feet. “Even if you’re right about that, Doctor,” she said, her voice still somewhat tremulous, “please don’t ever think you need a reason to stop by and see us. You will always be welcome in this house.”
As he started down the hallway, Andrew was surprised to realize just how much her words had meant to him. It had been quite a long time, he thought, since he’d felt really welcome anywhere.
With that thought, he recognized the beginnings of an unwelcome burst of self-pity and shook it off before it could tighten its grip.
Downstairs, he spent a few minutes with Edward Fitch, trying as best he could to explain the change in his mother-in-law’s condition without revealing anything Natalie Guthrie had told him in confidence.
“You honestly believe she’s going to recover?” Fitch asked hopefully.
“I don’t think there’s any question,” said Andrew.
“Was this—was it all in her mind, Andrew? Some kind of hysteria?”
Andrew thought for a moment before replying. “No. Not entirely. Mrs. Guthrie has also been suffering from exhaustion and anemia—mostly because she hasn’t been eating or sleeping as she should. She’s had a difficult time of it, so her body’s resources have been fairly depleted. But I believe you’ll see a marked improvement over the next few weeks. Just be patient with her.”
The other man studied him closely. “You’re not going to tell me what that ‘difficult time’ was all about, are you?”
“Can we just accept the fact that Mrs. Guthrie has turned a corner and leave it at that?”
“How very cryptic of you, Andrew.”
Andrew managed a smile, but it quickly fled at Fitch’s next words.
“I’m deeply grateful to you for your help—and for your patience with us. Especially since I’m aware that you’ve been going through your own, ah, difficult time.”
Andrew had no intention of getting into his personal problems with Edward Fitch, but the other wasn’t to be put off.
“Gratitude aside, I just want to say that the calumny presently being attempted on you and your reputation isn’t going to work. I can’t imagine anyone who knows you believing a word of it.”
Moved by the attorney’s show of trust, Andrew said awkwardly, “Thank you, Edward. I appreciate that. But—”
“All the same,” Fitch interrupted, “I’d strongly suggest that you make a public statement and defend yourself, even bring suit against the perpetrator of this outrage.” He cracked a sly smile. “And I just happen to know where you can find yourself a good attorney, should you decide to take such action.”
Caught off guard by the suggestion, Andrew stumbled over his reply. “Why—I hadn’t even considered such a thing. Besides, the truth is—”
Fitch made a dismissing gesture with his hand. “You owe me no explanation, Andrew. All I need to know is that you are most definitely not guilty of what this lunatic is accusing you of. If you ever had such a problem—well, that’s past history, and quite frankly I couldn’t care less. But again, I hope you’ll at least consider a public defense of some sort. You’re an excellent physician, and you’re a good man. But you’re in a position where doing nothing could conceivably cost you your reputation and your career. If there’s anything you need to divulge about your past, I’d urge you not to be afraid to do so. Whatever it is, it couldn’t be worse than the garbage these scandalmongers are dishing up.”
Fitch paused, then added, “The truth can be a formidable weapon against these kinds of tactics, you know. And don’t forget the words of our Lord—that the truth will make us free. The Gospel of John, chapter eight, as I bel
ieve you know.”
Surprised, Andrew looked at him. “You’re a believer?”
Fitch burst out with a laugh. “Don’t look so shocked! Even lawyers can be saved!”
Embarrassed, Andrew tried to cover his gaffe, but Edward Fitch wouldn’t have it. “It’s all right, Andrew! I’m used to getting that look when I step onto my soapbox. But nevertheless, I hope you’ll consider what I said. Now, I know you need to get home to your supper. I believe Thomas is waiting to drive you back. And, Andrew?”
Andrew waited.
“Thank you. On behalf of Caroline and her mother—and myself—thank you.”
Andrew thought he might have a little more spring to his step as he left the Fitch residence and started for the carriage. Despite the troubles that had been wearing so heavily upon him for days now, he was acutely aware he’d been doubly and richly blessed in the course of just one evening.
He was also aware that he had some very serious praying and reflecting to do about the discussion that had taken place tonight regarding truth. More than once he’d felt that familiar nudge that signaled that the Holy Spirit was trying to get his attention.
And somehow he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that Natalie Guthrie’s unexpected summons this evening had been as much for his sake as her own.
22
A JOB FOR NELL GRACE
There is always hope for all who will dare and suffer.
JAMES CLARENCE MANGAN
Caterina was one step away from being completely out of control.
“I’m going to the circus—the circus—the circus—”
“Caterina! Either you take five deep breaths,” Susanna cautioned, “and stand perfectly still until I finish your braids, or else I’m calling your papa in here to settle you.”
Had she ever seen the child this unruly?
Only at Christmastime, she decided, and the day of her grandfather’s arrival. Well, there was also the day of her own arrival, Susanna remembered. But surely all children didn’t turn into such monkeys over a circus, did they?
As she attempted to secure her niece’s right braid for the third time, Susanna realized that most children probably did.
“There,” she said, giving the stubborn braid a final tug. “You are ready to go.”
That was the cue Caterina needed to begin chanting and bobbing up and down again. Susanna turned her around by both shoulders, unable to suppress a smile at the girl’s high spirits as she held her firmly in place.
Papa Emmanuel and Rosa Navaro were treating Caterina to a day in the city, which would include the child’s first visit to P. T. Barnum’s “Greatest Show on Earth.” She had been practically wild for over a week now, ever since she’d learned of the outing. Indeed, Susanna had announced to Michael more than once that, in the future, any plans that might lead to excitability were to be kept secret until the very hour of the big event.
Caterina threw her arms around Susanna’s neck and pulled her forward for yet another hug. “I love you, Aunt Susanna! Is it time to go yet?”
Susanna tugged the child’s other braid, laughing at the little minx and her exhausting energy. “I do hope so!” she teased. “Otherwise, I’m going back to bed and hide under the covers.”
Caterina kissed her on the cheek and then, with surprising strength, tugged at Susanna until she got to her feet. “Let’s go downstairs and see if Grandpapa is ready!” she urged. “I hope he knows we can’t be late for the circus!”
Downstairs, to Susanna’s huge relief, they found Papa Emmanuel ready and waiting. Michael and Paul had come to the door to see them off, and when Caterina saw her father she practically leaped into his arms.
“Papa! Don’t you wish you were coming with us?”
Michael hoisted her a little higher and smiled at her excitement. “Of course, I do. But cousin Paul and I have much work to do before our concert next week, so we must stay at home.” He kissed her soundly on the cheek, then set her to her feet.
“You are going to have a wonderful day, Cati. Nothing is more fun than the circus. You’re a very fortunate little girl, to have a grandpapa who takes you to such special events.”
Susanna was surprised to see Caterina suddenly grow solemn. “I wish Maylee could come with us, Papa. I feel so bad for her, having to stay in her room all the time now. She can’t even come to the table with us anymore.”
Her niece’s words brought an ache to Susanna’s throat, and she noticed the flurry of pain that crossed Michael’s features. He stooped to his daughter’s level and pulled her into his embrace. “I know. But Maylee wouldn’t want you to be sad on her account. You go with Grandpapa now and enjoy yourself. Perhaps you will say a prayer for Maylee on the way to the ferry. And, Cati?”
“Yes, Papa?”
“You make me very proud, to know that you remember someone less fortunate even when you are so happy. I know Jesus is pleased, too.”
Caterina hugged him once again before turning to her grandfather and taking his hand. By the time they stepped out onto the porch, she was singing again.
Both Michael and Paul turned to go back down the hall, but Susanna stopped them. “Michael, wait. I know you’re busy, but I need to ask you about something.”
When Paul made as if to leave them alone, Susanna said, “No, that’s all right, Paul. Please stay. I’ll only take a moment.”
She explained then that Nell Grace MacGovern had been to the house early that morning, asking if there might be work for her to do through the day.
“Here?” Paul said, his eyes wide. “At the house?”
Susanna curbed a smile. Paul was so badly smitten with the MacGovern girl he could scarcely speak her name without stammering.
“Yes. For a few hours a day.”
“But isn’t she very young?” said Michael.
“Not too young to work. And she implied that she needed the extra money.”
Michael frowned. “The MacGoverns need more money? I’ll raise MacGovern’s wages. I should do so anyway. The man deserves it.”
“Wait, Michael,” said Paul, putting a hand to his cousin’s arm. “Perhaps Nell—perhaps Miss MacGovern is wanting to earn money of her own. She’s not a child, after all.”
“So I am told,” Michael said dryly.
“Well, just so you know,” Susanna put in, “Moira could certainly use the help. And so could I,” she added.
“What about Mrs. MacGovern?” Michael said. “Is she well enough now to do without the girl’s help?”
“I asked Nell Grace that very question. She told me that Renny Magee is willing to take on extra responsibility so that Vangie won’t need to overdo.”
“There!” Paul said. “It will all work out, no? Don’t you think it’s a good idea, Michael? Since Susanna and Moira are in favor of it?”
Susanna looked at Michael and saw the slight twitch at one corner of his mouth. “Obviously, you are in favor of the idea, Pauli,” Michael said. “All right, then, it’s fine with me. You decide on her wages, Susanna.” He stopped. “Does Moira know about this?”
“Yes, and she actually seems pleased,” Susanna replied. “Moira is slowing down, Michael. I really do think she needs the extra help.”
He nodded. “Good, then. And, Pauli?”
Susanna knew he was feigning the stern expression he suddenly adopted.
“You be very careful around this girl. She is quite young—”
“She is a young woman,” Paul offered.
“—as I said, she is quite young, and I suspect Conn MacGovern is not one to tolerate a man playing light with his daughter.”
Paul’s face flamed. “You know I would never do that! Not with any woman! And especially not Nell Grace—Miss MacGovern.”
“I rather imagine that in the case of Conn MacGovern and his daughter, Pauli, you must avoid even the appearance of dallying. I have the distinct impression that he is most protective of his family.”
Paul sighed. “Sì, Michael. You do not have to warn me of th
is. I know the man.” He brightened. “But surely there can be no harm in my speaking with his daughter from time to time? And now I must leave you. I have much to prepare for our day’s work.”
Susanna watched him as he turned and went down the hall. “He’s practically skipping,” she said to Michael.
“Love will make a fool of the best of men,” Michael offered just before kissing her on the cheek and following his cousin.
“I’m sorry, Mum, but I have to do this. We need the money.”
Nell Grace MacGovern had steeled herself for an argument from her mother. She’d known this wouldn’t be easy, especially since she was already dodging volley after volley of guilt. But something had to be done, and she could think of nothing else.
“We don’t need the money so badly that you should hire yourself out as a servant! And how am I to get along while you’re up at the Big House all the time?”
“You’ll be fine, Mum. And I won’t be there all the time. Only a few hours a day. Da says he can check on you often, and Renny is going to assume more chores. She’s already doing a great deal as it is, you know. She’s a good worker, Renny is. And the twins will help as well.”
“The twins will be at school most of the day,” her mother pointed out, her tone bitter. “And Renny’s not one to handle the babe. She says she doesn’t feel easy with such a responsibility.”
Nell Grace knotted her hands behind her back, bracing herself as she said, “Well, but you’re doing so much better, now, aren’t you, Mum? You don’t need Renny or me as much as you did. This will work out just fine, you’ll see.” She paused. “It’s important that I do this, Mum.”
“Important to who? That cousin of Mr. Emmanuel’s? He’s the real reason you’re going to work up there, isn’t he?”
Nell Grace felt the heat rise to her face. “No, he is not the reason!”
It was the truth, she told herself. She knew Paul Santi was sweet on her, and she liked him well enough. Maybe a lot more than well enough. Every time she was around him, she took on the strangest feelings, and her brain seemed to turn to pudding.