by Jo Barrett
“I’ll be driving myself to work on Monday,” she said, picking at her food.
He just nodded, knowing she was working up to say more. She really did have trouble discussing topics that made her uncomfortable, especially if the discussion would be unpleasant.
“I’ll miss taking you.”
She nodded, a brightness to her eyes he didn’t care for at all. It wasn’t a good sign.
“I’ll miss it, too. But I hate being a bother—”
“You’re not a bother,” he snapped, then wished he could pull back his comment, or at least the tone. But she was always doing that, making it sound like she was some sort of weight around his neck, when the truth was just the opposite.
She looked back to her food. “I think—I think it’s time I got a place of my own,” she said, her voice so soft it was barely a whisper.
His jaw clenched, and he took a deep breath as he set aside his fork, his appetite gone. “Is there a reason you don’t want to stay here? Is it because I snapped? Because if it is—”
“No, of course not. I know you hate it when I say stuff like that.” She cast him a small smile. “I’m trying to stop, but habits can be hard to break.”
“Then why move out?”
She shrugged and put her fork aside. “I’ve never had a place of my own.”
“There’s more to it than that, Eleanor.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and faced him. “I’m afraid that if I stay here, I’ll be doing the same thing I’ve been doing my entire life. I have to take control. I can’t let someone else do that anymore.”
He managed to rein in his temper but had to force the words past his constricted throat. “When have I ever controlled you? When have I ever told you what you could or couldn’t do?”
But his pain was too much and his temper flared. “Damn it, Eleanor, I’m not your brother!”
He jumped to his feet and stormed across the room, then took several deep breaths before facing her again. “I understand your need for independence, but I don’t see why that has to mean living apart.”
“I need to be by myself so that I can figure out what I want.” She got to her feet and crossed to where he stood. “Don’t you see, Dustin? If I stay here, I’ll never know. I’ll always wonder what my life could’ve been like.”
The pain in his chest nearly took him to his knees. “What you’re saying is you don’t want me in it.”
“No! I’m not saying that at all. I just need some time.”
Dustin bit back the bile rising in his throat. He’d heard that said one too many times by prior girlfriends. Enough to know what it really meant. Only this time, it did more than just hurt. He felt like someone had taken a scalpel to his heart and was slicing it up into tiny pieces.
“Fine,” he said, his throat so tight he barely got it out. “You do what you have to do.”
Unable to stand there and listen to another word, he went to his office and closed the door. She was leaving him. Sure she said she was just moving out, but it was the same thing in the end.
He pushed down his grief. He’d get past this, get past her, and the hurt she caused.
“Maybe I’m just doomed to be alone,” he muttered, then sat down at his desk. His hands automatically opened the account book before him, and he picked up a pencil, but his mind wasn’t involved. Sitting there, his pencil poised, all he could do was stare off into space.
****
Eleanor couldn’t contain the tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d hurt him, but he had to understand. She needed to be on her own, to live her life, and she had to do it without leaning on someone else the way she’d leaned on her brother for so many years.
Being with him was wonderful, the sex was more than she’d ever imagined, but in the end, wasn’t she using him as her shield and protector the same way she’d allowed her brother to be her protector for so many years?
Unable to face him again, unable to bear the sight of pain in his eyes, she decided to gather her things, and move out that day. She’d go back to her brother’s house for the interim until she could get an apartment. It was for the best. Staying with Dustin now would only hurt them both more.
As she hurried to pack, she reminded herself over and over why she was doing this. Determined to follow through with her plan, she wouldn’t allow her heart to change her mind.
Within an hour, she was packed and walking out the front door. With one longing glance at the house, she threw her things in her car and drove away, knowing he watched from his office window.
New tears scalded her cheeks the closer she got to her brother’s house. She had a terrible feeling that she’d just thrown away something more important than the need to strike out on her own.
Chapter Six
Dustin managed to get through the days and nights, but she was never far from his thoughts. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d left, but he still found it difficult to work. Concentration was something of a rarity these days. Even his employees had begged him to take some time off. He was no good to them walking around like a zombie or blowing his stack at the smallest thing.
He had to face it. He was just no good without Eleanor.
What baffled him most was how fast he’d fallen in love with her. They’d known each other for barely a month, and now he couldn’t live without her. But somehow he had to. She wanted to spread her wings, to be on her own, and there wasn’t any room in her life for him.
One part of him hoped they’d be able to start over once she’d had time out on her own, and yet another part of him hoped he never lay eyes on her again. Out of all the girlfriends he’d had over the years, she was the only one he wanted to share his life with, and she was the only one to thoroughly break his heart.
****
On the other side of town, in her quaint little apartment, Eleanor felt like a fool. Her brother had finally come to realize she’d grown up and that her life was her own, which was wonderful, but at the same time, it was awful. She’d managed to make an absolute mess of her life before she’d even gotten her foot out the door.
The long empty nights in her apartment, the cold and empty bed, the stillness of it all weighed on her. It pressed in around her like a vice, closing off the light, the air, the very reason she’d moved out on her own in the first place. She had created an even darker cave than the one she’d escaped.
She didn’t need an apartment of her own choosing, filled with stuff she’d collected and purchased here and there. It wasn’t what she needed; it wasn’t the life she thought she wanted. It was just lonely.
“How could I have been so stupid,” she muttered to herself, clicking off the television.
All she’d accomplished by moving out on her own was hurting the one man she’d wanted and dreamed about her whole life.
“Why hadn’t I seen it before screwing it all up?”
Although her brother had managed to run her life, something she’d allowed for years, he’d done it out of love when they lost their parents. She’d been such a frightened little girl then, and he’d made her feel safe. He took away her fears and her worries, but in doing so, she’d become a woman who never experienced anything, never tried anything, always afraid to explore outside her brother’s boundaries.
Until the accident. Until Dustin.
He made her feel things she’d never felt before. Things she’d been afraid to dream about, afraid to want. And not once had he tried to control her. All he ever did was care for her, maybe even love her, and she’d let those new feelings and experiences frighten her away.
Stomping toward her bedroom, she swiped away her tears and focused on fixing what she’d foolishly broken. It was up to her now. Her brother wasn’t going to swoop in and save the day. It was her life, her mess, and it was up to her to fix it.
The following morning, after trying all night to build up the courage to call Dustin had failed, Eleanor drove down an old familiar road. It was out of her way to work now that she’d m
oved, and it was the coward’s way of testing the waters, but she had to start somewhere.
Her palms felt clammy where she gripped the steering wheel. Still, she managed to get up the nerve to pull up beside him in traffic at their old stoplight.
Dustin glanced her way, and she cast him a soft smile, but all he did was look back to the light.
So it really was over. Well, what had she expected? She left without even saying goodbye. He’d never attempted to call her, but she’d never attempted to call him either, letting her old fears rule her life.
Watching him, she knew she would never come this way again. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him without having him in her life. It was time to move on, time to put her mistakes, and her regrets behind her, and face her future, regardless of how lonely it looked at the moment. She knew now how to recognize her fears, and how to face them, and conquer them. She had Dustin to thank for that, but it was over.
He glanced her way once more, and with mounds of regret forming tears in her eyes, she mouthed “I love you,” silently saying goodbye to the best thing that had ever happened to her.
A horn honked and with shaking hands and the tears pooling in her eyes blurring her vision, she pulled out into traffic. It was over. It was behind her.
But being the wreck that she was emotionally, she decided to stop at the coffee shop, where they’d planned their first date so long ago, in an attempt to get herself together before going to work. It was probably a lost cause, but she had to at least try.
“Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Throwing the car into park, she cradled her face in her hands and allowed the tears to flow. What was the use in trying to stop them? She knew she’d be crying for some time, off and on, for months before the pain would begin to ease. If it ever did.
A rumbling startled her, and she lifted her head. Her heart stammered beneath her breast at the sight of Dustin parking his bike in the space beside her.
She swallowed hard and slowly climbed out of her car, as he got off the motorcycle and ripped off his helmet. His dark green eyes held her for a moment and she waited, not sure what she should do, what she should say.
He rounded the end of the bike and came to a stop mere inches away. She had to keep herself from throwing her arms around him and begging him to take her back.
“Say it again,” he commanded.
She tensed at the sharp tone of his voice.
His gaze narrowed. “I want to hear it.”
She sucked in a breath, realizing what he meant, but afraid he only wanted to throw it back in her face. Still, she would say it, because she meant it, and it was the truth.
“I love you, Dustin Bass.”
His helmet fell to the ground as he pulled her into his arms. His lips met hers with such force, she gasped but relished the way his tongue explored and conquered her mouth. She returned his fervent kiss and wished it could go on for hours, but she owed him an apology.
She shifted her lips to his cheek and held him as tight as she could. “I’m sorry I was so stupid. I should’ve stayed.”
“No, I was the stupid one. I should’ve understood. And I shouldn’t have let you out of my life so easily. I should’ve called, I should’ve—”
“Shh,” she said, brushing her lips across his. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”
He kissed her again, deeper, and longer, then rained kisses down the side of her face, and along her neck.
Eleanor giggled. “We’re making a scene.”
“Then we should take this somewhere else.” He lifted his head, and looked at her with those bottomless green eyes. “Come home.”
“I will, right after work. I promise.”
“No. Now.”
“But—”
He cupped her face in his hands and peered into her still damp eyes. “The world can do without you for a day, but I can’t. I should’ve told you before you left, but I was hurt, and it was all still so new. I love you, Eleanor. Come home. Now. Please.”
“All right.” She grinned with a faint sniffle. “But if I get fired—”
He laughed and pulled her tighter against him. “Then they’ll have lost the best data entry operator there is, and I’ll have gained a new office manager.”
She pressed her face to his shoulder, relishing his scent and the feel of his arms tight around her. “You’re crazy. I don’t know how to be a manager, and that’s one of your jobs.”
“I’d rather be working on bikes than pushing around papers.” He shifted so he could see her face. “Why not quit your job and come work for me? I can teach you all you need to know. We’ll make it a family business.”
“A family?” she asked, with a small squeak. She should’ve known. Dustin never did anything slow, which may have had something to do with her leaving, but in his arms was where she wanted to be, so she’d have to take him as he was.
He chuckled. “I love you, you love me, so next comes marriage. What do you say?”
She couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease him. “Is this a marriage proposal or are you offering me a job?”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Both. It’s a better deal that way. I can steal kisses all day,” which he did, although it was just a quick peck on the tip of her nose. “Then take you home and make love to you all night. I love you with all my heart. Please, will you marry me?” he whispered against her lips.
“I accept both proposals,” she said with a nip at his lower lip. “Now I believe you said something about taking the day off?”
With a laugh, he helped her back into the car and followed her home where they spent hours loving one another. They may have started out fast, thanks to a little stoplight magic, but some things were better savored.
A word about the author...
Jo currently resides in North Carolina with her patient and supportive family while she juggles her writing career and her position as a programmer analyst.
She has won numerous awards and continues to write whenever she can. Someday, she hopes to take off her programming hat and write full time. So many of her dreams have already come true. What’s one more?