Friendship Fails of Emma Nash

by Chloe Seager

‘What are you doing, weirdo,’ she said, batting away my hand.

  I could’ve cried with joy. You can only really insult the people you love the most to their face like that.

  But I’m also feeling kind of weird and lonely, now. I tried desperately to get someone to stay over, but they all have to get up early in the morning. Faith has a family friends outing and Steph’s going along to a Morton family thing with Gracie and Andy. Holly had ‘business to attend to’.

  Sigh.

  Now I have to be alone and I’m definitely going to be thinking about the thing I was avoiding thinking about. But I think I’ve reached a conclusion.

  My conclusion is…that I don’t really have a conclusion. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but that’s OK. I’m not going to know how I feel about it tonight. But what I do know is that he’s leaving. Whatever I may or may not feel about Leon now, he’s been a huge part of my life. And behind everything…I mean, behind all the hormones and horniness and confusion and messiness… Behind all that I do believe we have cared about each other. That we’ve been, dare I say it…friends. That’s how we started, anyway. And I’m determined that whatever else is going on, that’s how we’re going to end.

  Hi, it’s me. I just wanted to say that I know you weren’t trying to hurt me and that I’m sorry things got messed up, and that there are no hard feelings here. I’ll always be your friend. 22.40

  He started typing something, then stopped, then started typing again.

  You know, Emma, you don’t have to say ‘it’s me’ because my phone tells me it’s you. 22.45

  …It just felt more dramatic that way. 22.46

  I’ll always care about you too. Bye, Emma. x 22.49

  Bye, Leon.

  posted by EditingEmma 00.07

  New Realizations and Resolutions

  So, I’ve been thinking about everything I’ve learnt this term instead and, once again, redesigning my blog. Because it’s been a bit of a roller coaster, and I think I’m in need of yet another fresh start.

  There’s SO MUCH to be happy about. I started out the term on the hunt to make new friends and, even though it didn’t totally go to plan, I did make two new ones. OK, so, Charlie and Holly were sort of happy accidents and I may have made a few casual enemies along the way too…but I’m sure one day Anika Khatri will unblock me and Hannah Condom will get married, change her name and forget her grudge.

  My friendship with Gracie is totally transformed and OK, so I may have had a huge fight with my best friend which was mainly my fault, but my heart was in the right place… And I actually think our friendship is going to be stronger for it.

  And so I did get a little bit obsessed with my, erm, online presence. Which rapidly led me down rabbit holes of comparing myself to others and defining myself by what I’m uploading. But I’ve stopped that now, and lots of good stuff, like doing the fashion show, came out of this resolution too.

  New Realizations

  I stopped obsessing over boys and started focusing on myself, which would have been great, except I started focusing on my IMAGE which is categorically not the same as ‘myself’. Obsessing over how many likes you’re getting on things and how you’re coming off on social media is really no more healthy than internet stalking. It’s just internet stalking yourself.

  Whilst I stopped comparing myself to Leon’s girlfriend, I started comparing myself to everyone else on the planet. YOU CAN ONLY BE YOU. (Even if you haven’t exactly worked out who that is, yet…)

  Focusing on your friendships is amazing and worthwhile, but they cannot be the sum total of your existence either. Everything is a balance and getting it right can be really hard.

  New Resolutions

  1) Carry on focusing on my friendships but, like romantic-type-relationships, don’t obsess over them either.

  I will do this by:

  A) Not internet stalking my friends if I miss them. I will make actual contact.

  B) Accepting that my friends have other things going on in their lives, too, and whilst expecting a decent amount of attention from them, I won’t try to hog them unreasonably.

  2) Continue to use my blog for self-expression, but don’t become fixated on it or let it define me:

  I will do this by:

  A) Never again feeling bad about nasty comments left by sad people who have nothing better to do with their lives than try to bring other people down. And remembering that those people often have their own motives/reasons/ circumstances making them do what they do, that aren’t about you. And for every bad comment that I am focusing on, I will remember the TEN GOOD ONES that I am most definitely forgetting.

  B) Trying not to forget the ‘me-behind-the-blog’, and making more time for that version of me.

  C) Stopping comparing myself to other people PERIOD, and by remembering that everyone else has a themselves-behind-the-internet, too.

  Once again, behold my new blog.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you as always to my Mum, the Lorelai to my Rory, for everything you do.

  Lots and lots of love to Nell, Catie, Sarah and Rachel whose friendship endures despite all our many ‘fails’ over the years.

  Thank you to Patrick for being unwaveringly supportive as I continue to lock myself in my room writing and neglect housework. I don’t know what I’d do without you (or your little hoover. But mainly you).

  Thanks to Lauren Gardner for being a fab agent, pal, general babe and supplier of Chewits. (Eight months and I still haven’t worked through that pile).

  Thanks to Anna Baggaley for putting so much thought into this book - I will miss working with you – and to Hannah Smith for stepping in and being Superwoman in her absence! And a big thank you to the one and only Lucy Richardson for being a superstar publicist.

  I’m also very grateful to the people I never get to meet, but who do so much work behind the scenes - Sandra, Anna, Kate, Steph and Aisling and to everyone else at HQ for continuing to cheer Emma on. The same goes for Tashya Wilson and the US team for doing brilliant things with Emma across the pond.

  Massive shout out to the whole blogging community. One person who deserves a special mention is the lovely and awesome Jim Dean. (How many copies is it now?!) You’re the best unofficial publicist a gal could ask for.

  Also a big HEY to my fellow funny YA writers whose chats/drinks/tweets mean so much in the middle of the isolating writing process.

  Last but not least, my cat Edie. You really are very fluffy.

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

  Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

  Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

  http://www.harpercollins.com.au

  Canada

  HarperCollins Canada

  Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower

  22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor

  Toronto, ON, M5H 4E3, Canada

  http://www.harpercollins.ca

  India

  HarperCollins India

  A 75, Sector 57

  Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201 301, India

  http://www.harpercollins.co.in

  New Zealand

  HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited

  P.O. Box 1

  Auckland, New Zealand

  http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

  1 London Bridge Street

  London SE1 9GF

  http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

  United States

  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

  195 Broadway

  New York, NY 10007

  http://www.harpercollins.com

 

 

 
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