“No. I heard the tone in her voice.”
I ran my hands through my hair and grunted. I jerked my neck up when I heard tapping on the door. Chad looked at me and then over to the sound.
“Expecting company?”
“Nope,” I said, jiggling my good knee in frustration.
“It’s a guy,” Chad said, as he looked through the peephole. I shrugged. He slowly opened the door.
“James, here?”
I recognized the voice. “Come in, Mike.”
He strode in smiling and carrying a six pack of beer. “Welcome home, man. I showed up at the hospital too late. They said you had already left.”
I tried to smile, but I just couldn’t, not after that conversation. “Thank you for coming.”
“What’s going on, bro? You look down. You miss the hospital that much?”
“He’s having girl issues,” Chad mumbled.
I eyeballed my brother for a second. He shrugged and walked away. Mike just looked at me.
“No more chasing, Mike. She gave me the words,” I said, as I leaned all the way against the couch.
Mike frowned and then sat down on the cushion next to me. He placed the entire six pack on my lap and nodded to it. I looked down at the beer and placed my hand on top of one.
“We might need more alcohol than this. I’m getting shit faced tonight.”
Chapter 9. Emily
This wasn’t like me. Why was I writing a pros and cons for James? I couldn’t help myself at the time being. Nico’s opinions were lodged in my brain and no matter what I said to myself, his words seemed to overshadow and outweigh anything I could come up with. It was my fault though for telling him about James and how we met. I wanted him to see how close James and I were, and the struggles we had already faced, but nothing I said stopped Nico from firing off the worst comments.
“Emily, he comes from money. You will never fit into his world.”
But, he’s different. He’s kind and generous and nothing like those people I work for.
“Emily, he probably just feels sorry for you. Guys like him can have any woman.”
But he chose me. He told me he loved me. I can see it in his eyes.
“Emily, he only said he loved you, because you’re pregnant.”
No. He wouldn’t do that. I gave him an out. He didn’t take it.
Nico always saw the obvious in things. He never held back and he always told the truth. He was still in love with me after all of these years and I accepted that. You can’t stop the way someone felt for you. Although I worried that his feelings got in the way and that he was jealous of James, so hearing and believing what he said when it came to me was difficult.
“All he is, is money dressed down looking for a poor girl to break. He’s going to hurt you, break your heart, and this time I won’t be around to stop it,” Nico warned.
That was all it took. I cringed as I recalled what happened. The painful memories flooded in as I remembered Johnny. He was the first guy I was serious with after Nico. We fell in love, moved in and became engaged. We were inseparable at first, just two love birds stuck at the hip, basically. It was that make believe love you see in the movies. Everything was great, until he was fired from his job. That’s when my dream became a nightmare. He turned irritable and depressed as the liquor consumed him. I tried to fight for him, I did. He refused to listen. The more I fought, the more he drank. The more he drank the angrier he became. It was a vicious cycle.
I never saw the abuse coming, and I guess that’s why it hurt me so bad. I had always asked myself how a woman could stay with a man who hit them, and now I knew the answer. It’s the love inside of us. We think we can fix him. We think if I just loved him a little harder, and fought a little more for him than it would make everything better. It’s not our fault. It’s built into our genetic makeup. It’s what we are good at, loving you. Women are God’s nurturers here on Earth. We give until we can’t give anymore. It’s both our strength and our weakness, but the truth is that some men are incapable of love. Sometimes they lose it and sometimes they never had it to begin with. Either way I’ve always released these toxic guys from my life because they’ll kill you. But to be honest, I didn’t always think this way. There was a really old saying that said listen to your heart. I disagree, my heart was dumb as hell. I followed my heart with Johnny and it was the worst decision I had ever made. It almost cost me my life. I didn’t realize he was toxic until it was too late. I was blinded with love for him.
The abuse cycled in slow, just slow enough to mess with my head. The arguments between us increased over time and fingers were pointed constantly and then it happened. It became evident that there was an issue in our relationship that I hadn’t seen before. It all started with a single handed slap to my face, followed by a sincere apology and a beautiful bundle of red roses. The confusion set in. He hurt me, but he apologized. He seemed really sorry with all of those tears falling down his cheek. I wanted to leave him, but I couldn’t. Why couldn’t I just go? Charm over threw everything and here I was still with him. Soon after, Johnny’s drinking increased to where he was drunk from morning until night. The next few arguments were dark. We argued over bills and the lack of money and his addiction. He didn’t like being called an addict so he punched me this time and then stormed out. He came back hours later with pretty jewelry and expensive champagne. That was the moment I should have left, but I didn’t. I stayed and I felt so weak for doing it. I felt like a doormat for letting him hit me, but at this point I was terrified. The depression set in and my self-worth became so low that I hated everything I saw in me. I wanted out at any cost. I couldn’t watch him perish, and take me with him. One day I waited until Johnny left for the bar and then I packed up all of my things in hopes of heading back home to Mexico, so I could try to re-build my life. I was too scared to call my brother, because he probably would have murdered Johnny. I didn’t want revenge. I just wanted out, so I called Nico who lived in Los Angeles at the time. I begged him to come pick me up. I told him everything, and then I nervously waited for him arrive. Johnny came home earlier that day than he normally did when he left the house. He found my suitcases planted next to the door. This angered him. We fought and we screamed. He pushed and I pulled away until I could break free. I ran straight into the garage to seek safety, and that is where he grabbed a pipe and hit me over and over again in the back of the head. I was close to death, laying in my own blood when Nico arrived. He beat the hell out of Johnny and saved my life that night. I should have listened to Nico. He warned me to stay away from Johnny. He told me that he didn’t think Johnny was good for me. He had only met the guy once so I refused to listen to him, and see what happened. I looked down at the white college lined paper, and scribbled a few things.
Pros-handsome, generous, kind, funny, persistent, brave, great sex.
I feel…something amazing inside of me when I am with him.
Cons- Our worlds clash financially, family baggage, prison record.
I feel…scared. I feel afraid. I worry. I just worry.
Ugh! I looked at the paper in disgust and crumpled it. It was time to think with my head. This was a man I barely knew. I refused to become attached. I wouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t put myself in danger. I needed to give myself some time to sort out all of these feelings. I was already in too deep. What the hell was I thinking sending James that I love you text? I blamed it on the accident. I blamed it on the baby. I refused to let myself be loved or love another. I looked at my phone and decided to send a clear text to James.
Emily: I thought long and hard over the past few days, and I think that the best thing for both of us is if we go about our lives in different directions. I have decided to terminate the pregnancy. It’s for the best. I wish you well.
My stomach was sick as I pushed send. My heart was beating through my chest and I could hardly breathe. Why did I do that? I felt like throwing up. Oh God! Knowing James he would call back immediately, yelling
and screaming. James was a fighter. He would probably figure out a way to get over here to set me straight. Is that what I wanted, for him to keep digging after me? I wasn’t even sure what I wanted anymore. I might have just made the worst decision of my life. I could feel the bile in my stomach rising as I waited for it. Maybe this could be fixed. I stared at the phone in desperation, but nothing ever came. No response. No text. No call.
Chapter 10. You have my interest
“Yeah, buddy, hop in,” Mike said, as he pulled his car up to the curb.
I faintly smiled as I slid in.
“We’re meeting Jack and Ryan there.”
“Cool. So, this new place just opened, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. I thought I should go see what all the hype is. The bar will be fine if we shut it down for one night. We can go check out my competition, ya know.”
“No harm in that.” I stared out the window.
“And while we’re there we can have a little fun as well.” Mike chuckled.
“I could use all the fun I can get.”
“Now that your cast free, you can get your dance on.”
“I don’t think dancing will be anywhere on my agenda tonight.”
“Come on. It’s been eight weeks. A hot little number will do you good.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t ready for any woman. Emily seriously fucked up my head. The last text she sent to me was devastating. She basically said, have a great life and by the way I’m killing the baby. That was all it took to shatter me. I was a mess. I had been drowning out any thoughts of her with as much liquor as I could find. Poor Mike had seen me at my worse. He had cleaned me up for my parole officer meetings and come over to bring me food every morning before work. He had argued with me to kick my ass into gear and here we were. I was definitely in better shape than I was last week or the week before that and it was all because of him, and the threat of him calling my brother and my mother over to deal with me. If Chad knew how bad I had gotten after he left, he would have never gone home.
I’d lied when he was here. I’d told Chad I was fine. I’d smiled and faked it when he asked if I would be okay once he left. I’d just wanted to be alone through all of this. The look that Chad gave me the day he packed up was one of uncertainty, but I insisted he should leave. I had a system down pat now with the wheelchair and a refrigerator full of Tupperware filled food made by Chad. “I’ll be fine,” I’d repeated to him. I don’t think he believed me, but he left anyways.
“Maybe you’re right,” I mumbled.
“Damn right, I’m right.”
We pulled up to what looked like a typical club. An insanely huge sign read The Jungle. I could hear music blaring from out in the parking lot. I looked around, the placed was filled with cars. A long line of people waiting to get in, wrapped around the building. Mike walked us right up to the bouncer. The bouncer looked Mike up and down and then stared over to me.
“Mr. King from King Hotels, should be on your waiting list.”
I stared at Mike in irritation. Did he just use my name to get us into this place? The bouncer nodded just once and opened the bar for us to go through. I kept looking at Mike as we walked.
“I’m sorry. Did you want to wait in that long line?” He laughed.
“No. It would have helped if you told me. I usually don’t go places and throw my name around.” I laughed back.
We stepped in and the place was wall to wall packed. There was a dance floor and Go-Go cages surrounding it. In the corner there was a group of tables where Jack and Ryan sat. They stood up and flagged us down as we made eye contact. Both of the two men bartended at the Blue Moon Bar, and seemed like pretty cool guys. As we made our way over a round of fist bumps and handshakes took place before we sat down.
“Someone get these guys a drink,” Jack shouted over the music and pointed to us as a waitress walked by. Jack was tall and thin and completely bald already, even though he was only about thirty years old.
“Hell yeah. Nobody works tonight. Let’s tear up some shots. You guys in?” Ryan questioned. Ryan was shorter than any of us, but his red mo-hawk made him look taller than what he appeared to be. He had tattoos and piercings covering most of his body, which the female patrons of the bar just loved.
“I’m in.” I raised my hand.
“You know I’m in.” Mike smiled.
The waitress approached the table. “What can I get you, boys?” She smiled and looked around at us. She had a pretty face and a cute body, but so did half the girls in the room.
“Bottle of tequila and four shot glasses,” Jack shouted, and slid her his credit card. He winked at her, but I pretended not to see.
“You got it,” she said, as she walked away.
“I would so like to eat that cookie,” Ryan said, pointing to the waitress.
“You can’t handle that cookie, my friend,” Jack teased him.
We all laughed at Ryan and waited for the waitress to return. Mike was dancing in his seat when she arrived.
“Here you go, fellas. Enjoy.” She placed the tray of liquor down with all four glasses and slid Jack his credit card and another paper. I assumed her phone number was on it, but again, I pretended not to see. She smiled and walked over to the next table.
“You see this, boys.” Jack unraveled the paper and held it up, which showed a phone number and a name. “See, she knows who can handle that cookie.” He laughed hard and shoved the paper in Ryan’s face. Ryan just shook his head and grabbed the shot glasses and started pouring.
“Fuck you, bro. There are plenty other cookies up in here,” Ryan said, as he slid the glasses to us all.
We clinked glasses, before we all threw back the tequila and then slammed the empty shot glass on the table.
“How have you been, James? Cast are both off now. Are you coming back to work?” Ryan asked, pouring more shots.
“Yeah. I’ll be in tomorrow night. My arm and leg are still sore and stiff, but I’m good.”
“Nice. The bar has been busy as hell. It will be good to have you back.” Jack smiled.
Just as Ryan slid us our shots, a brunette in a tight black dress walked up to Mike and asked him to dance. We all looked at Mike with wide eyes.
“Who me?” he asked, and looked around as if he was surprised she was talking to him.
She nodded.
“Yeah sure. Why not?” he answered her. He downed a shot first, before he stood up and that’s when she grabbed his arm and dragged him away. We waved and Jack whistled.
“Shit. Do you see that hot piece of ass by the bar? Blonde hair. Long legs.” Ryan nodded over to an area.
We all turned to see what he was staring at. She must have felt us looking at her, because she slowly rotated her neck and glanced at us. I looked away so we wouldn’t look like a bunch of starving vultures after fresh meat.
“She just smiled at you. Go get you some.” Jack elbowed Ryan. Ryan downed his shot and took off to go talk to her.
Now it was just me and Jack sitting there. He poured another shot for us and slid it to me.
“What’s new, man? What have you been doing during your recovery?”
“This.” I pointed down to the liquor.
He laughed. “I don’t blame you. Stuck in the house with a bunk arm and leg, I’d probably drink away the time too.”
I didn’t want to talk about it so I pulled a detour. “Where’s the bathroom around here?”
“I think I saw it over there, behind the DJ booth.” Jack pointed across the room. I jumped up from the table and stared across the dance floor to what might be the restrooms.
“If I don’t return in ten minutes, send back up,” I joked.
Jack smiled and saluted me.
I worked my way through a crowd of people when I was stopped by young woman. She grabbed my arm. “You’re that guy.”
I just shrugged.
“No, you’re him.”
I stared at her, hoping she wasn’t a King family stalker. I’ve had
my share of obsessed fans in the past and most of them were pretty scary. I’ve had letters from women claiming to be my wife and pregnant with my child. I looked down at the woman praying she wasn’t a nut job.
She had blonde, short hair that was shaved on one side. My observations told me she liked to stand out and that she was probably an attention getter based off of the way she was dressed. I didn’t mind her outfit. It was a tight black dress that had lace around the mid-section. There was no hiding anything in that dress of hers. Within three seconds, I had already checked out her breast, her legs and a peek at her ass when she slightly turned. She was shorter than the average height, even with her high heels on. She took a swig of her beer while I stood there patiently waiting for her to either remove her hand from me or say something.
“I know you.” She nodded.
“No you don’t,” I responded.
“Yeah I do. You were in that car accident.”
I rolled my eyes. Fuck. I can’t get away from this shit for anything.
“I’m sorry. I should explain. I was one of the paramedics on site that night. There was quite a few of us.” She patted her chest.
“Thank you for helping me.” I paused. “I appreciate everything you guys did.”
“I’m glad to see you pulled through. You look great.” She smiled. “I remembered you, because you were all over the tabloids and reporters were on the scene. It was a big thing. I know you were out of it and don’t remember me, but I always remember a handsome face.”
“Can I buy you a drink for saving my life? We also have tequila shots back at my table.”
“Tequila shots work for me.” She smiled.
We walked to the table, where all three guys were seated again. Mike had that girl he danced with on his lap. Ryan had the blonde from the bar on his lap and Jack looked up at me and smiled.
“Well who is this pretty, young thing?” he asked. His eyes drank her in.
I looked over to her, because I had no clue what her name was.
The Silver Lining Page 15