“Save the shrink crap, Worth. That shit won’t work with me,” he snapped.
“What will work, Father? I’ve spent my life trying to please you and seem to always fall short. You’ve made my life a hell. I accept responsibility for the drinking and the carousing, but you have to man up and tell me just what the hell is so wrong with me. The time has come and the women in our lives are standing by. I want them to hear it from your lips.”
“Hear what from my lips, damn you! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Let it lie, Worth. Let it lie.”
“That’s the whole problem, Father. It has been nothing but a lie, all these years. Tell Mother why you hate me. Let Auggie know, now, before she marries me and still has a chance to get away. Tell the damned truth for once in your life!” I shouted, louder than I realized.
“Damn you, Worth! Damn you to hell! You want to hear it? Okay, then here it is. It was you who should have died. You who should have rolled that car in one of your drunken races, but no…. you have the devil guarding you, don’t you, boy?”
“Why should it have been me?” I snarled. I was a rabid dog.
“Because!” he shouted, pounding the desk. “Linc was the better man. He had the best of me in him! The best of me and the best… the best…” his voice halted.
“The best of whom, Father?”
“The best of her damned mother!” he roared, pointing at Auggie.
I’d known it, of course. I’d finally put together the connection of the red-haired Jezebel, who had reacted so strongly to meeting me along with Auggie’s discovery of the photos in the album. I had suspected he was hiding something all these years and when I realized that his hatred was not inspired by anything I’d done, but instead by what had happened to Linc, it all clicked.
I heard a loud thump behind me and looked around the wing chair to see Mother had fainted. Father just sat at his desk, puffing his cigar and looking at her. I was on my feet, as was Auggie, and I took her vital signs. She had just passed out from the shock. I lifted her and carried her upstairs to her room. She began to come to and as the memory of what she’d just heard began to flood back, she started crying.
I sat with Mother for some time and Auggie found her night things. I found a vial of sleeping pills in her nightstand and gave her one, pocketing the rest just in case. I left as Auggie helped her change. She waited until Mother fell asleep and then joined me downstairs.
“You’ve made a pretty fine mess of things,” Father said to me.
“Does Auggie’s mother know that Linc was her son?” I asked quietly.
“No, nobody knew. I knew when she disappeared what had happened and had her tracked to her aunt’s. When she put Linc up for adoption at birth, my agent was there. I told your mother he was the son of a friend who had been killed in a car accident and had the adoption papers to prove it. I didn’t need them. He was already my son,” he blurted the story, anger, and a deep, depressed pain coloring his words.
I looked at Auggie. With Mother’s fainting, I’d not had a chance to deal with her and the shock she must be feeling. She seemed nonplussed. I guessed. “You knew, didn’t you, darling?” I asked her.
She shifted in her chair. “I knew about their affair but have been trying to track the resulting child. Now I know. She rose to her feet and walked toward Father’s desk. She leaned forward, picking up the decanter and the glass of bourbon, pouring herself a full glass. Setting the decanter down, she looked at Father, who was watching her. “You’re a bastard,” she commented quietly and threw the bourbon into his face. She set the glass down, looked at me and said, “I’ll be in the car,” as she passed me on her way out of the house.
I stood, looking at the gray-haired, corpulent fraud before me. “I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I said in a level voice and followed Auggie out of the house.
She had the Escalade running and soft classical music playing. The glow from the dash lit her features and I could see big tears running down her cheeks.
I put my arms around her and said, “I’m sorry you had to witness that, but that was the best way to get it over with. Let’s put it behind us and start our own life now.”
“I need to tell you something,” she said quietly.
“Go ahead,” I urged her.
“I knew about Mother and your father, but I didn’t know about Linc. Mrs. Jessup told me they’d had an affair and that Mother had disappeared for the winter, supposedly to Florida. I didn’t have an exact year and wasn’t sure what happened to the child who everyone suspected she was off having. I stole your toothbrush and that document I asked you to sign granted your permission to have your DNA tested and compared to mine. I had to make sure we weren’t of the same blood before I could be with you. I was in hell, Worth… in hell. It’s why I was avoiding you. I just found out two days ago that there was no connection. I’m sorry for misleading you, but I needed to know, obviously, and didn’t want to expose anyone’s secrets.”
Worth nodded, considering the logic of her explanation. “I noticed my toothbrush was gone and thought it had fallen in the trash and been thrown out. I knew there was some reason you were avoiding me, Auggie, but I let my jealousy lead me to think it was Knotts.”
She shook her head. “It’s always been you, Worth. I loved you from the moment I walked into your office.”
I lifted her face and kissed her softly and then harder as she molded herself to my chest. There was redemption in her clinging. She was suffering the same pain I was going through and yet the two of us were the only comfort either of us could have. “I love you, Auggie,” I said and she nodded.
“I love you, Worth,” she returned and I kissed her again.
“Will you tell your mother?” I asked her.
She shook her head. “I won’t. She’s had her own version of hell all these years. If she knew her son had only been a few miles away and then was killed, it would be too cruel. Not just for her, but mostly for Dad.”
“I think you’re right and if she finds out, it won’t be from either of us. At least we both know why they’ve been the parents they’ve been… and it had nothing to do with either of us. Linc is gone so there are no ties between them.”
“Let’s go home,” Auggie suggested and I agreed, putting the vehicle into drive and leaving the farm for what might very well turn out to be the last time.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Auggie
Worth and I spent the winter pulled in opposite directions. His clinic had become all the rage and he extended the hours to accommodate the demand. I could tell it was wearing him down and urged him to bring in another psychologist to help with the load.
I spent my days in a rotation between supervising the construction of the new house, Sunset Village activities and my new love of homemaking. At night, Worth and I climbed into our bed, exhausted and had fallen into a routine of a kiss, hug and falling asleep. Neither of us were happy with this, but for the time being, it was our life.
I had cooked a roast with potatoes and vegetables and taken the time to make homemade dinner rolls. Worth came in, circles of exhaustion beneath his eyes.
During dinner, I brought up the topic. “Worth, this is silly. Success is one thing but killing yourself isn’t worth it.”
“I’ve already begun looking for another doctor,” he informed me, picking at his food.
“I’m afraid you’ll get sick,” I urged again.
“I said I have already started looking!” he said, slamming down his fork and leaping up from the table. I heard the bedroom door slam and sat there, shaking at what had just happened. I had never seen Worth lose his temper like that.
I hoped he would come back shortly, apologetic and we could finish dinner but there was no sound from the bedroom. I quietly finished eating and then cleaned up, shutting off the kitchen light and settling on the sofa to watch a bit of television and get my nerves settled. Worth never emerged.
Sad, I finally decided to go to sleep in
one of the extra rooms and climbed between the covers, lonely and wanting to cry. There was no movement or sound from the bedroom. Eventually, I fell asleep and when I awakened the next morning, I checked on Worth, but he had already gone.
That night he came in and it was a resumption of the night before. We ate dinner but silence commanded the table. He wasn’t angry — he was simply stone cold.
This bothered me more than a little. This wasn’t the calm, resourceful Worth I knew. Why was he becoming so rough, so temperamental?
“I slept in the other room because I thought you needed some space,” I said in as empathetic tone as I could muster, given the hurt I was feeling.
“I know.” Two words that I could translate a hundred ways. He knew why I slept elsewhere and didn’t care? He didn’t care if I was hurting? He understood that he was being cold and dismissive to me. What did he know?
“Is this about your father?” I tried once more to break open the shell and encourage him to talk.
“No.”
I couldn’t make myself ask the next question. This wasn’t the time or the point in our relationship. I had too much to learn about this man I was now living with. There were times he took me to the pinnacle of happiness and other times when I looked into the pits of hell. I needed to give this time to become more familiar; more time for me to learn what he needed from me. He might say it wasn’t about his father, but I knew differently. His father had literally wished Worth dead in lieu of his illegitimate son.
I could not begin to imagine what Worth’s mother must be going through right now, to learn that she’d been the victim of lies. Lies have a way of becoming a habit and if Worth’s father had perpetrated one, then there were dozens, if not more, atop it.
I thought of my own dad and wondered whether he knew about Mother’s indiscretion. If he did, how could he live with that, day after day, especially considering the way she treated him? If anything, my admiration for my dad grew at that moment. Even if he didn’t know the specifics, he was living with the hell she’d created with her guilt. How could he do that?
“You want to talk?” I finally asked, exasperated.
“No, nothing to talk about,” was his short response. I was trying not to take this personally, but it was tremendously hard to stand by and be dismissed like this and not wonder if I’d done something wrong. I would bide my time, however.
My time, as it came to be more obvious, was going to be of an extended duration. Worth’s demeanor was not confrontational, but distant and very cool. I took up semi-permanent residence in the guest room, even going so far as to move in a share of my clothes and toiletries. He never said a word. I began to wonder whether I should move out entirely, but there didn’t seem to be an opportunity to even discuss that.
Winter was receding and the first signs of spring were advancing. The new house was going exceedingly well. I drove there daily and made the A or B decisions that Beverly put to me. She and I had decided at the outset that one of us had to be the boss, to have the overall knowledge of what needed to happen and in the proper sequence and it was more or less obvious that would be her. I was fine with that. My job would come later in determining the furnishings and fixtures and she kept me busy picking out tile, appliances, carpets and window dressings. The recessive Worth never showed up at the house and I began to wonder whether his heart was still in it. Even Beverly alluded to his absence from time to time and I knew she wanted to know whether there was something wrong. I avoided the topic, commenting on how busy he was.
It had been some time since I’d been to the clinic and the afternoon was gorgeous. The dogwood were just beginning to bud and it smelled like spring, particularly as the sun warmed the bluegrass. I had been at my parents’ farm, riding Carlos and brushing his winter coat away. I was feeling in an unusually perky mood. It was certainly brighter than the atmosphere at home. So, on a whim, as I left the farm, I drove to the clinic. The parking lot was packed and while this made me happy that Worth was enjoying such success, I could also see that this is where his life had turned.
I walked in to find several people milling about, on their way from one therapy to another. Most were women, my age through a couple of decades older. They were well dressed, wearing designer athletic clothing and sporting diamond stud earrings. A few nodded in my direction, but I got the idea they were just being polite and really had no idea who I was. In fact, I knew almost no one who was at the clinic, employee or otherwise. I checked with the receptionist who told me Worth was in with a patient and suggested I have a seat in the juice bar. I did as she suggested and took a stool, ordering a green drink perhaps because spring was well on its way.
On the stool nearby was a very attractive blonde woman built like a dancer and dressed in a three-piece suit as opposed to the athletic clothing everyone else wore. I assumed she was a talk-therapy patient only. I nodded toward her and said hello.
She smiled and spoke. “You seem very familiar to me, but I’m new in town and surely we haven’t met before?”
“Really?” I said. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure…”
“I’m Deb Hunt,” she said, thrusting her hand forward. I shook it briefly and tried to find a connection but nothing came to mind.
“I’m sure I’ve seen you,” she said and then a lightbulb must have gone off for her. “Of course! You’re with Dr. LaViere… his fiancé, is that correct?”
I nodded. Our picture had been in all the papers following the grand opening and that was likely where she’d seen me. “Yes, I am. Are you one of Worth’s patients?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t unethical for me to ask, but she had more or less started this guessing game.
“Oh, no, I’m his colleague,” she said, laughing. “I should have introduced myself better. I’m Dr. Deborah Hunt. I’ve been working here with Worth for the last month. Didn’t he tell you?”
I was flabbergasted. “No, he hadn’t mentioned it,” I said to her as well as to myself and my discomfort must have been evident because she picked up on it instantly.
“It probably slipped his mind,” she filled in the horrible gap. “He’s been so busy here at the clinic.” She blushed, realizing that if anyone knew how busy he’d been, it would be his fiancé.
“Well, I’m glad he has you to depend upon,” I made a stab at something pleasant to say. There was the decided air of two females circling one another, looking for the advantage to take the other down. It had already been pre-determined between us that we would not be friends. The only question remained whether we could keep from becoming enemies.
My drink tasted sour at that moment and I said, “Well, I have to run. Pleasure meeting you.” Her baby blue eyes sparkled. She was exactly Worth’s type; tall, leggy and beautiful. She was probably also very qualified as a doctor, a fact which made her doubly poisonous.
I left the stool and smiled at the receptionist as I left the clinic. I climbed into my car, feeling as though I’d just caught Worth in bed with another woman. My happiness with the sunshine and warm day was destroyed and in its wake was a sour taste from that horrid drink.
Now I knew why Worth had shut me off, why he didn’t care if I slept with him or was a part of his life. He was consumed with his clinic, his aspirations, his control and now, his partner. They were validations that he wasn’t a failure, wasn’t a black sheep and the undesired son of a powerful man he’d tried his entire life to please.
I also now understood who I was. I was the daughter of the woman who had destroyed his life. My mother had helped produce the offspring that his father wanted as an heir, and could not acknowledge. Every time Worth looked at me, he saw my mother. He was distancing himself from everything that hurt… and that included me. We weren’t blood to one another. It was something far worse. I had become his enemy.
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
Auggie
I drove home through a stream of tears and with each mile, the resolution in my willful soul strengthened. I pulled into a tire store and a
s I waited, they welded a trailer hitch onto the back of the Escalade. I drove back to the condo knowing I had at least two hours before Worth was due home.
I had come to a decision. It wasn’t what I wanted to do but every time in my life that something threatened, I retreated. It was the way I coped with things I could not change.
I packed an assortment of clothing and shoes and stowed these in the back of the car. I gathered up my personal papers and my laptop, and I left my engagement ring and Worth’s class ring on his dresser.
I stopped by the phone store and bought a new cell with a private number.
As I drove to the farm, I called Dad to meet me in the stable. He was there when I arrived. I hugged him.
“Dad, I don’t want to go into details, but I admire you more than any man alive. I’m going to text you one time from a new phone number and I’m asking you not to give it to anyone, not even Mother and most especially, not to Worth. I’m leaving and taking Carlos with me. I’ll be fine. I don’t know where I’m going but I need to be on my own. I hope you will understand.”
Dad looked at me with tears in his gentle eyes and he understood something dark must be behind this move. He and I had always shared a mutual understanding; we were very much alike. I wondered again how he could have spent these years with a creature like my mother.
He helped me hitch the trailer to the Escalade and to load Carlos and all the feed, grooming equipment, saddle, and blankets I would need. He hugged me, hard, and kissed me on the cheek and then turned and walked to the house so he wouldn’t have to watch me drive away.
As I pulled down the drive, I threw my old cell toward Mother’s bedroom window. It was symbolic as in giving her my old life and claiming my own. Let her deal with the questions. I doubted Worth would barely notice and chances are he would feel a distinct relief.
There was a thunderstorm building in from the west as I crossed the Ohio River and headed in its direction. It seemed very fitting, considering the turmoil my life was in at the moment.
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