“Thank you, Brandon. By the way, I’ll expect you to stop in from time to time and maybe give a few talks about the advantages of becoming a lawyer. Who knows, you might actually have something valuable to contribute yourself,” I teased him.
He rolled his eyes. “Let’s not get carried away, shall we?”
“Brandon, you’re such a snob!” I accused him and I had to give him credit. He did stop to consider the possibility, if even for just a moment.
***
Worth and I stood at the side of the Steeplechase course and tried to look at the grounds with a new perspective. No longer was this going to be a diversion for the idle rich, but a learning ground for underprivileged kids who needed to see a bridge between where they were and what it was possible for them to become. We had to be very sensitive in their needs and not look like we were being condescending in any way. These were two totally diverse worlds that needed to be combined into one that made sense.
“You know, this is as much for us as it is for them,” he pointed out.
“Yes, the same thing occurred to me. We’ve grown up having before we even asked. These kids, many of them, will never have, no matter how much they might ask. They don’t even know what to ask for. Worth, are you comfortable building the right environment, or would you like to bring in some other colleagues? How about Tyler Peterson?”
“Exactly what I was thinking, as a matter of fact.” He grinned and pulled out his cell phone. A few minutes later he said, “Tyler’s off today and is on his way over.”
“Wonderful. I’ll take that as a positive sign.”
Tyler showed up a short time later and had the good sense to wear boots. While there was no snow on the ground at the time, it was definitely not ground suited for dress shoes. Tyler was a tall man with a grandfatherly appearance, despite the fact that he was just about Worth’s age. Prematurely gray, he walked with a bit of a hunch and was very unassuming. I could see how he would be great with kids.
We took pictures, walked the grounds, measured things and ended up back at the estate. Worth lit a fire and we sat down in the family room to go over ideas and concepts.
“This will be a completely different world for these kids, Worth,” Tyler brought up, knowing that we were well aware of it, but using it as a preamble to our continuing conversation.
“So, the primary question is whether we try to make the atmosphere more reminiscent of what their homes look like, or do we keep it a little more special, sort of like a trip to Disney World?” I asked.
Tyler smiled. “Have you ever been to Disney World?”
I nodded.
“Have you ever thought you could live like that — or even wanted to?”
“I see what you’re saying. So the atmosphere has to be reachable but inspirational?”
He nodded with approval. “That’s an excellent way to look at it.”
Worth spoke up, “So what does that look like?”
“Well,” Tyler began, “the first thing will be to remove the old money look of things. Naturally, the Steeplechase configuration will have to be taken out and I don’t think we should even have a track. That suggests being competitive and these kids don’t have the experience to ride a horse in that manner. If it were me, I’d level everything but the buildings and then repurpose those. Naturally, you’ll need sleeping and eating accommodations, so you’ll have to build cabins and I would keep these natural looking. Yes, very much like camp and not like barracks. Bunks are fine but there should be a sitting and kitchenette area in each unit so there’s some sense of relaxation. We want things kept on a schedule because it teaches conformity and self-discipline, but not so rigid as to make it undesirable. Use the scheduling for the more fun events. You’ll need camp counsellors who sleep in with the kids to keep an eye on things. Naturally, boys are distant from the girls. It’s less about what goes on inside the cabins and more about group participation and building inner realization of strength and reward.”
Worth nodded and was making notes. “I’d agree with all that,” he said. “What if we were to invite the kids who were previously campers back after a few seasons to become counsellors?”
“Marvelous idea!” Tyler agreed. “In the meantime, you might check with some of the youth centers in their actual towns for candidates. That keeps them relatable. In fact, you might have a few weeks of counselor training here before you bring the first kid in.”
“What about how they’re chosen to come?” I asked. “Of course I want to invite everyone, but won’t it be important that we accommodate those who show the greater inclination to break free from their current environments?”
“Exactly,” agreed Tyler. “There again, you may want to reach out to the community centers and allow the people who know their own kids to select who gets to come. They can use some sort of graduated incentive with camp attendance as the reward. They’ll know the best way to determine all that. Your job is to be at the other end of that bridge once they get here. They can’t be expected to become millionaires for having attended, obviously.”
“Brandon was right,” I mumbled.
“What’s that?” Worth’s ears always picked up on any mention of Brandon. Even though the two had long before come to an understanding, men will be men.
“Well, when I talked to Brandon about creating the foundation for this, he seemed to think that maybe we were taking on more than we should — that we weren’t really prepared for all this.”
“Brandon has a point, Worth,” Tyler interjected. “This sounds generous and wonderful on the onset, but it’s a major undertaking. For one thing, have you considered how it’s going to impact your privacy? Your estate is huge, but your house still sits at the end of the same street and these kids are bound to wander. You’ll have traffic you’re not used to and there are liable to be some neighbors who won’t be as enthusiastic as you are in introducing their private little kingdom to incoming strangers. You know how these people are.”
Worth nodded. “These are all valid points. I probably haven’t given this as much thought as it deserves. I tend to be a bit idealistic and then bull my way through to getting what I want.”
“I’ve noticed,” Tyler smiled in a teasing way.
“Well, tell you what, Tyler. It’s the holidays and we’re not going to accomplish much of anything over the next two weeks that can’t be revised at some point. We’ll let Brandon move ahead with forming the foundation and I’ll count you on board. Let’s all give some thought to the most practical way of achieving the goal, and actually defining that goal before we bring in the bulldozers. Will that work?”
I was thoroughly impressed and let Worth know it by springing up and hugging him. I locked my arms around his neck and turned to Tyler. “Do you have any idea how huge that was for him to say? Do you think there is a chance for him yet?” I teased and Worth flushed, grinning. “Seriously, Worth — that was a major step in giving up control and I know what that took. You’re even ahead of me on this one. I want you to know how proud I am of you!”
Tyler cleared his throat. “Good plan, Worth.” He stood and held out his hand. “I want you both to have a wonderful holiday. We’ll be in touch after the first of the year and begin to formulate plans. That work?”
We both nodded in tandem and Tyler headed to the door. “Merry Christmas to you and to that son. How is he doing, by the way?”
Worth spoke up, “He’s learning probably just the thing we’ll want to teach the kids who come here. Self-discipline and less selfishness. Odd, but it just occurred to me that although they’re at opposite ends of the income scale, they share pretty much the same issues.”
“It’s called being a kid, Worth,” Tyler said, opening the door. “I think you just never took the time to be one yourself.” With that, he saluted and headed out, closing the carved wooden door behind himself.
“Wow, that was revealing,” I said.
“Indeed, it was,” Worth agreed. “How about we cuddle on the bed an
d watch a movie?” he winked. “I seem to have developed a bit of a chill.”
“I was thinking the same thing myself!” I replied and we retreated to the bedroom for the remainder of the afternoon. Betsy had gone home by the time we emerged and we found plates wrapped and ready to be popped into the microwave for dinner. She’d made fried chicken and mashed potatoes with green beans and dinner rolls. I knew it wasn’t the most “health conscious” things to eat, but there was no beating comfort food when it came to a winter evening.
“Auggie,” Worth broached the topic. “When are you moving back here full time?”
I still had the condo fully operational and all my belongings were there. When I came to the estate, I brought a small bag or wore the clothes I’d left behind when I first moved out.
“Do you think we’re ready to go back to that life?” I asked him. “I mean, honestly, isn’t it just a little erotic to have those surprise visits and total immersion in one another and then go back to the more humdrum part of living on your own?”
“I want you by my side all the time,” he said simply. Evidently, he wasn’t feeling the festive atmosphere of “sleeping over” that I felt. I wondered why that was.
“You know, Tyler makes a good point,” I said, partially to move the spotlight off my sleeping arrangements and partially because it seemed like a good time to talk about it. “If there are hundreds of kids and counselors just over at the track, this estate is going to seem awfully small. We’ll have virtually no privacy.”
“What does that have to do with your staying at the condo?” he asked, pouring himself another glass of milk as we sat companionably at the kitchen table.
“Nothing, actually.” I got up to slide leftover apple pie from the refrigerator and slice us each a piece. “Ice cream?” I offered.
“No, but warm mine up, if you would,” he requested and I popped them both into the micro for a minute.
“You know what?” I spoke up. “Actually, it does have something to do with the condo. In fact, quite a bit.”
“How do you mean?”
“Okay, hear me out on this, promise?” He nodded and I continued, “Just so you know, this isn’t exactly spur of the moment type of thinking. I’ve changed since I moved out.”
“Yes, I noticed,” he agreed. “I might say you’ve changed for the better. You seem so much happier.”
“Exactly. Worth, you and I were raised in families that never lacked for anything. In fact, I would say in the case of your father, money even corrupted him. Certainly money and position made my mother give up Linc, and we both know how that worked out. Your father did things to protect his money and reputation. Things that were far worse than his reputation had been up to that point. While I’ve been living on my own, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. When I come down to it, money and power and reputation; these have all been the sources of unhappiness in my life, in one sense or another. Yet, the two things that mean the most to me, Ford and you, were also a victim and therefore, we’re perpetuating the underlying problems while trying to dress up the top.”
“I think I see where you’re going, Auggie,” he agreed.
“Well, think about it. Our son is at a military school right now, instead of home here where he belongs, because you and I cannot do anything but shove money and position at his problem. That’s not right and we’re actually audacious enough to think we can fix someone else’s problem with their child by doing the very same thing — throwing money at it.”
Worth nodded for me to continue.
“While I was living in the condo, granted it still has five bedrooms, but the point is that I used some of them for other purposes. I adapted to the space I had for my needs. You know what? I realized that I spent the majority of my time on my bed, on the sofa, and in the kitchen. I didn’t need those other rooms. I didn’t need the wardrobe because I was most comfortable in jeans and a shirt. In fact, I began to feel guilty for not wearing the clothes I’d bought — almost as if I owed it to them to be worn. I made dates with my girlfriends, just so I’d have an excuse to wear them. How sick is that?”
Worth sort of shook his head in a daze and I could see in his eyes that he was deep in thought.
“You know what? When I was in jeans, I was myself. When I laid on the bed and watched television, I was myself. I wasn’t pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I could be honest with myself. My thinking pattern wasn’t reliant upon your approval, or that of my girlfriends, my father or anyone. I only had to approve it myself. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“I believe I see where you’re headed. Keep talking, Auggie.”
“So, when you ask me to move back in here, it has nothing to do with you. I love you and always want to be with you,” I pointed out and he breathed a sigh of relief. “I know, I know… you were taking it as rejection. It wasn’t about you; it was about me — the real me, inside. The me who didn’t have to outwit my mother, or be seen with the right friends or graduate from the right school. It was the me who wanted to be a woman. To have original ideas and imagination.”
“I could tell that the night you asked me to meet you at the Hilton, honey. You were a completely different woman from the one I’d parted from. I loved the new you — and still see you blossoming.”
“Exactly. The old Auggie would never have been so bold, so adventurous and made those moves on you. The new Auggie is me. I can’t fake this; I wouldn’t know how. I don’t have anyone as a role model but my own inner persuasions. So, you see, to move back here to the estate means to move back to that old way of thinking. The selfishness, the sanctimonious judgments of others. The value system based on corrupting materialism. That’s what I don’t want to come back to, Worth. I’m sad about Ford because I don’t know how to fix him. Why don’t I? Because I’ve raised him the same way I was raised.”
He opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I plowed on. “Oh, I’d like to think I haven’t. I tell myself all the time that I’m nothing like my mother. But that’s bullshit. I’m exactly like my mother. I can’t help but be anything else. You’re just like your father for the same reason. It’s in our genes.”
Worth was letting me talk, but I knew he was getting as much from it as I was. “So, we’ve been identifying in our parents what we don’t like in general, and then trying to cover it up with some of the same devices they used. We think we’re different, better… and the scary thing is, they probably thought the same thing. I mean, my mother slept with your father and they weren’t married. You know what? We did the same thing. My mother ran away from the truth of it. You know what? So did I. Your father focused more on his business and growing his wealth than he did his family. You know what? So did you! Don’t you see? We’ve become exactly what we hate the most. Why do we hate it? Were they totally wastes of human flesh? No, they were raised to be that way. Once you take that first step to the dark side, there’s no going back. Not unless you acknowledge the dark side and refuse to stay there. Well, I refuse to go back to the dark side, Worth.”
“What are you saying, Auggie?”
“I’m saying this. First of all, I want to be the authentic me, whoever that is, good or bad. I want my son to come home and be raised for who he is, using the same gauge as I will; what makes sense for each of us individually. I want you to do the same thing; not because I want to control you, but because I truly feel it’s the path that will make you happiest. If you’re happy, then we’re all happy, because we use you as an example. Why can’t one of us be happy and the others miserable? That makes all of us miserable.”
“Auggie, are you sure you didn’t go to shrink school?” he asked me, grinning.
“I think that shrink school can sometimes be the last place to learn about human nature — in the wild. In school, you learned how to apply concepts and identifying tags to people who were simply being what life brought them to be. It didn’t make them bad or sick or sometimes even wrong. It just made them. Your job was to straighten them
out — and yet look at us. Are we straightened out?”
Worth was shaking his head. He’d stopped eating and was looking at me with amazement. “Have I ever told you how you blow me away with your head?” he asked. “You have made more sense in the last half hour than all those years in ‘shrink school,’ as you call it.”
I sat back in my chair, beaming. I felt so much better for having said all that. The fact that Worth had let me say it, and hadn’t interrupted or argued or minimalized my thoughts was the most gratifying, loving thing he could have ever done for me. “Thank you for letting me say that,” I said. It was important to me to acknowledge the gift he’d given me.
“I’m not demonizing them, but if you’ll permit the example, Worth. Look at Joe’s. When you go in there, it’s not because their drinks are particularly appetizing or volatile; they’re the same as you can get at any bar downtown. You go to Joe’s because of the fellowship. You like the idea of sitting among people who do unconscionable things and then sit together and justify it. Not only justify it but perpetuate it. Helping one another with tips and stories and back-slapping cooperation where you have the advantage because there is a fix in. Those men think they’re real men, when in truth they’re the furthest thing from it. They’re cowards, hanging together in a herd mentality that permits them to be disreputable. They have their own code. You can’t go in there and brag about being decent, can you, Worth?”
He shook his head and thought about it. “Now that you mention it, not exactly.”
“No, of course not. Most of what goes on in there is illegal and it’s only because the people in there have money and have bought off the right politicians that you get away with it. Do you leave there feeling proud? Feeling as though you’ve accomplished something credible? No. You leave feeling fulfilled, but it’s a fulfillment of having beaten the system that applies to all those other poor slobs out there who don’t have the money or the lineage to get things done. You figure they work for you, but they certainly aren’t examples of who you want to be. So you would leave a den of thieves feeling more justified than if you went down and packed groceries for survival. It’s not a fair system, Worth. It’s an elitist system. I know I don’t want it anymore, and I don’t want to raise our son to want it, either. What have we done? We’ve shipped him off to live in the den of the very people I don’t want anything to do with.”
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