I looked into Auggie’s eyes and shook my head. “It’s not good,” I said and took her hand as we went into Mother’s room. “Go get Walter and the kids.”
We stood in a semi-circle around the foot of Mother’s bed, each of us crying and touching her leg or arm. Her eyes were closed, and she looked peaceful. We spoke quietly to her, each offering a story or funny memory.
It was while we all stood around her that she inhaled one last time. We all waited. Waited. Waited for her chest to move, the small hiss of air to escape her nose. It didn’t. Before our eyes, the mother I adored slipped away.
Walter looked as though he could no longer stand and I sent Marga to get a wheelchair for him. He was a proud man, however, and shook his head, rejecting the aid.
“Take them home,” I whispered to Auggie, and she nodded and gave Mother one last look before she shepherded them out of the room.
I sat on the side of Mother’s bed for some time, holding her hand as it lost heat and stiffened. I’d never been a religious man but found it impossible to believe that the vibrant, loving woman I’d known all my life had simply disappeared into the ether. Her soul had to be present, somewhere, some place.
They brought me papers to sign and even though rightfully Walter should have been doing it, I was also a next of kin and took the responsibility on myself. Her wishes were to be cremated, and this would be the last time I would see her loving face. I bent and kissed Mother’s cheek, and for a moment, imagined that her mouth curved upward in a faint smile. It was only muscles contracting, but it was comforting to think otherwise.
I said my goodbyes and left. It was time to go about the business of grieving. Margaret LaViere Langford had passed into her next existence.
***
We held a service outdoors, in a park where Mother had adopted a garden to tend each summer. We were surrounded by her beauteous legacy, as well as our memories of her. The twins were brave, but tears ran down their cheeks. There were hundreds of additional flowers and plants from friends and neighbors she’d had over the years; both from her side and from Walter’s. Mark made it his business to go through and gather all the cards and then we sent the flowers on to Sunset Village, the retirement home Auggie had adopted and converted into a haven for retirees. I wondered momentarily whether they realized their bounty was a result of someone’s death, but perhaps they no longer feared the end as I still did.
Walter stood up well through it all. Auggie was by his side the entire time. The daughter had become the parent as we are all eventually prompted to do. He stayed with us at our house until Auggie and the twins had a chance to go through Walter and Mother’s house, packing up her clothes and personal effects, putting them into storage. No one was ready to throw anything away just yet. There would always be time for that.
Nearly a week after Mother’s death, the family stayed at the dinner table after dessert had been cleared away. We had a stack of thank you cards to send and thought it would be better if we split up the job so no one person would be overwhelmed. There were almost three hundred cards. Mother had been well-loved in the community. Walter was little help. His hand shook too much to write legibly, and his heart simply wasn’t in it. The rest of us finished our stacks and then decided to move out to the porch to look at the stars. Mark held me back by the arm as I went to leave the room. Puzzled, I saw an urgency on his face and stood still until the others cleared the room.
Mark closed the door to the dining room and held out a card. Puzzled, I took it and read, Goodbye, you will be missed. ~Hawk Sansabri
Confused, I looked at Mark to explain why he’d kept this card out of the stack. “I don’t understand, son. Who is it? One of Mother’s friends?”
“It’s him,” Mark whispered. “The man who’s been watching us. I saw his name on the mailbox.”
A cold chill shot down my back. “Just a neighborly thing to do,” I told Mark, and he cocked his head as though he wasn’t fully in agreement, but he nodded and left to join the others.
I stood for a while and looked out the window to the west, wondering why this man seemed so interested in what went on at Carlos Acres. I thought of my brother, Linc, who had now been dead some fifteen years. He’d left a debt to the mob in Chicago. Were they coming to deliver their bill?
The next day, I put in a call to my old friend, Bill Daughtery. He was retired now but had done some detective work for me in the past. I gave him Sansabri’s name and asked him to look into it. He agreed and said he’d get back with me if he found something.
A week later, I hadn’t heard anything from Bill. I tried calling him, but his phone went unanswered. I left a voicemail. A few days later, I received a call from Bill’s wife and learned the stunning news. Bill had died of a sudden heart attack while on the golf course. Shaking, I expressed my condolences and hung up. There was no one I could trust who I could turn to now. No one alive who knew the whole story. I had no choice. I would just have to sit and wait.
Auggie
I worried about Worth. He was taking his mother’s death in a very strange way. I’d seen many people grieve. My time helping at Sunset Village had exposed me to plenty of that. No, what Worth was displaying almost appeared to be fear. I asked him about it several times, but he only shook his head, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said to give him time. I had no choice but to do as he asked.
Dad took all my attention now. With Margaret gone, he had no one to be with him and to occupy his time. Many of their friends here in Kentucky had passed on. He seemed so forlorn. I approached Worth about it.
“Worth, I’m not sure how to ask this, but Dad isn’t doing well at all. The weather will be getting colder soon, and I don’t think he’ll do well here through the winter. As much as I don’t want to leave you at a time like this, you have the kids, and he needs me. Would you be okay for a while if I took him to the Florida condo and stayed a few weeks?”
Worth immediately nodded. “Of course. I’m fine. I’m no stranger to this, and I’m far younger than he is. I agree. In Florida, he will have more friends his age and, who knows, maybe he’ll latch on to someone and still enjoy a bit of life. Go any time. Let me know and I’ll charter a jet to take you down.”
I nodded. When we’d had the entire chain of clinics, we’d owned a private jet, but Worth seldom travelled now so it wasn’t practical. “I think we’ll leave on Sunday.”
“Good girl,” he agreed, “I’ll take care of things.”
“Well, there’s the farm and the business to look after,” I pointed out tentatively. “But I’ll only be gone three weeks.”
“We’ll be fine. I have Mark and Marga. They run things almost as well as you do and I’ll pitch in if they need me. Go and take care of your dad.”
Dad and I boarded the jet that weekend, and he settled into his seat with a sigh.
“You okay?” I asked him.
“Yes, honey, I’m fine. It’s just been a long haul, and I’m not as young as I used to be,” he confessed, although I knew what lay behind it.
“Dad, when we get down there, I want you to check into Mayo and have a complete physical,” I asked, knowing he would resist.
“That’s not necessary,” he answered as I’d expected.
“Dad, I’d feel better. I’ll be only staying for three weeks, you know. Then I have to get back. I want to know you’re in good shape before I leave. Please do this for me.”
“Very well,” he said, appeasing my anxiety. He knew by now it was easier to give in to me than to argue.
We landed in Florida and Worth had a limo waiting for us to go to the condo. It was a huge place, way too big for one person. I made a promise to myself that I’d bring the entire family down to stay for a couple of weeks during the winter. I needed to find someone to manage the farm for me in my absence. It would take a while to break them in, and the twins would be leaving for college in less than two years.
Dad and I settled into our rooms, and I talked to the housekeeper who was always
in residence. I ordered some good old comfort food for the next few days and then called the doctor to schedule Dad’s physical.
We walked down to the Gulf together and sat in lawn chairs by the water, watching the sun settle for the night. We talked about many things; beginnings and endings. I was surprised when my Dad talked about my mother at length, recalling the good days when they’d been young and first married. There was more to her than I’d ever realized and I was glad he could remember those days, for it helped to fill the loneliness. It gave me pause to consider what my own life would be like if something ever happened to Worth. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.
Dad’s physical took two days overall, but he got a clean bill of health. The news made me feel much more comfortable about leaving him behind on his own. We went to dinner with friends he and Margaret had made, and he received their condolences with fortitude. I felt better knowing he wouldn’t be entirely alone after I went back to Kentucky.
I took some time to myself while I was there. I laid on the beach and got a tan. Shopping took up a few days, and I was rather excited to get home and show off my new wardrobe. With all that was going on at the farm, I seldom took the time to be a woman. Worth would appreciate my new clothes probably even more than I would.
Most of all, Dad and I spent our evenings relaxing. It felt really good to be lazy for a change.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Hawk
My business exploded, and I barely had time to think. I still took daily rides on Diablo, just to maintain my sanity. I kept watch on Carlos Acres, and I knew when my grandmother died. Sending flowers was dangerous, but I couldn’t let one more family occasion pass without some acknowledgment of it. I had to belong to someone.
I was headed for the YMCA, as I did most days of the week. Especially on the days Liane worked. We spoke with each visit and every time I saw her I was drawn to her sweet spirit more and more. I was desperate to get to know her better but had hesitated to do more than chat with her for a few minutes. Well that, and sit on the back pew at her church every Sunday.
It was Saturday, and I knew Liane would be at the desk. She greeted me as always with a sunny smile and said, “Well, stranger, how have you been?”
For just one moment I wanted to grab her up, take her somewhere private and tell her everything. I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew she didn’t think of me the way I thought of her, but it felt wonderful to reflect on for even those few moments. It must have shown on my face.
“Is something wrong, Hawk?” she asked in that sweet voice.
I hesitated only a second before shaking my head. “No, now that I’m here, I’m great.” I smiled bigger when she giggled.
“Listen, I’m on my way to lifeguard a swimming class here in a minute. Want to join me by the pool and talk?” Her voice was hopeful, but I could tell she felt a bit shy about asking me.
“I’d love that. Let me catch up with Kenny and let him know I won’t be doing any boxing demonstrations this afternoon.”
She nodded and waved me through. I was walking on air.
Kenny was in the gym, as usual, with the group of boys he coached. “Hey, Kenny,” I greeted him, and he motioned me over.
“Good. Just in time. I need a sparring partner.”
“Oh, no, not this time. I’m just now getting the hang of breathing through one nostril from our last bout.”
“Too bad. Then what are you doing here?” he asked, curious and grinning with knowing.
“Seems I have a date by the pool.”
“Good luck with that.” He nodded and went back to the boys clamoring for his attention.
I left my shoes and socks in the locker room and washed off my feet before entering the pool area. True to her word, Liane was sitting in a chair at the edge of the pool, her attention on a group of teens who knew how to swim, but the organization required supervision just in case. I walked over to stand next to her and looked down to see her sumptuous body in a very form-fitting, one-piece suit. It left nothing to the imagination and although it was strictly organizational issue, she made it look like haute couture.
“Am I the only reason you didn’t spar today?” she asked in that musical voice.
“Nah. Nose is still healing,” I fibbed, “Probably stay out of the ring another week.” I drank in the sight of her, not believing we were sitting this close. “How long are you on duty this afternoon?”
“I’m off the desk at five, but I generally hang around a bit in case someone is late in their next shift.”
“Could I interest you in having some dinner with me?” I asked, my voice filled with hope.
“Hmmm… well, I’d love to, but I’m hardly dressed for it.”
“We can go casual. I’m not dressed for it either.”
“Right. Well, then, let’s, shall we?” she agreed, those brown eyes sparkling with an internal light. “Just meet me up front about five. If I’m a little late, please wait. Sometimes I get tied up.”
I nodded and was watching her leg. Evidently she hadn’t entirely dried off since her pre-pool shower, and there were droplets on her thigh. Two of them were slowly running down the inside of her slender thigh as though they were in a race to reach that precious part of her that I longed to touch. I envied those two drops and felt myself grow hard as I thought about it. In embarrassment, I turned away and busied myself with organizing life rings and foam tubes.
I was not a stranger to sex; quite the opposite. California was a very open and free environment in many ways. When I’d stayed at the trailer, copulation was a regular occurrence in almost every direction you looked. I’d eventually gotten a place of my own and women were easy to come by. Perhaps there was a certain mystery in my scarred face and elusive character. At least that’s what I’d been told.
I’d been celibate since I moved back to Kentucky. This felt like the fresh start I’d been craving for so long, and I’d been too busy to think about women. Until Liane.
I could hear her melodic voice behind me, chiding some of the kids to settle down. Her accent did, indeed, make her a bit exotic and all the more desirable.
“So,” I began, walking toward her again now that I had control of myself. “You got a guy?”
“Me? Oh, no.”
“You sound surprised. You do like guys, don’t you?” I asked the horrible thought that had just entered my fevered mind.
“Oh, yes, quite. Father has different ideas, however. He believes that a man and a woman should be wed before they become intimate.”
“And do you agree with your father?” I held my breath for her answer.
“Yes, I’m afraid I do.” She looked up quickly to gauge my response, and I tried to maintain an agreeable face.
Sweet Jesus, she’s a virgin!
“Still want to take me to dinner?” she teased with a wink.
“All the more,” I said in full honesty.
She watched my face for some sign that I was teasing, but seem satisfied and looked back over her charges. “Have you grown up here?” she asked over her shoulder, twirling the lifeguard whistle like a lariat with her long, sensitive looking fingers.
I hesitated, looking for some way to tell the truth and yet not tell it all. “Lived around here as a kid,” I offered, hoping it was enough.
“And then?” she prompted me for more. I couldn’t blame her.
“My family travelled quite a bit. I ended up in military boarding school,” I added, hoping that would account for the remaining years in a logical manner.
“That must have been a bother,” she observed in her quaint way of speaking. She used enough of her family’s language, combined with local expressions to keep your attention and interest. I loved it.
“Wasn’t my favorite place.”
“And where is your favorite place?”
Could I tell her that I’d never felt better than right there at that very moment? Would she laugh me off? Would I sound like that military school child who had heard too many dirty jok
es and wanted to experiment on his own with the world?
I smiled enigmatically, and that seemed to be enough. She wasn’t intrusive and seemed to understand that I wasn’t the talkative type. I liked that immensely.
“Five in the lobby, right?” I reminded her, and she nodded.
“See you then.” She blew me a kiss, and I quickly turned before she saw me spring into action once again.
I hurried to the locker room and out to the car. When I returned at five o’clock, I was more fully prepared. I practically jogged into the lobby, and there she sat, her purse over her shoulder, waiting.
“You ready?” She nodded and came around the counter, turning to wave goodbye to the young man who took her place.
We went outside, and I opened the car door for her, then sprang around to the driver’s side. “Do you have a car?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I do, but I take a bus when I come here. It can be a naughty neighborhood, and I feel better on the bus. It stops right out front.” She pointed to the white city bus that was bearing down behind us.
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward downtown. “Where are we going?” she asked, and it struck me that she was trusting me without question up until now.
“I have a surprise for you,” I said, and she nodded, seemingly content with that plan. I turned on some music and found a classical station. She smiled in approval and settled her head back against the headrest. I looked at the profile of her tender throat and imagined what it would be like to kiss it.
Turning my attention to the traffic with great deliberation, I listened to her hum to the music. She was probably the first girl I’d ever known who could hum along with classical music. She became more precious by the moment.
We reached River Road, and I turned alongside it, heading for the park. When we pulled in, I found a parking place at the end of the parking lot. Flipping off the ignition, I reached behind her seat and pulled out a bouquet of fresh, mixed flowers. “M’lady,” I teased, handing it to her.
She seemed genuinely touched. “Thank you, Hawk! No one has ever given me flowers before.” I wondered just how protective this father of hers was. Surely she hadn’t been overlooked this long.
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