While I was in such a positive mood, I went the back way and pulled into the short drive outside Hawk’s gate. I didn’t need to call him. He monitored my arrival and opened the gates from inside the house. I pulled in just as he walked out the door and toward me, giving me a welcoming hug.
“How was the shower? Do I need a storage pod?” He grinned, and I rejoiced. His smile was a beautiful sight to see. I don’t even notice his scars anymore.
“The shower, young man, was absolutely delightful. Lianne’s friends are friendly and welcomed me. I spent some time with Ben, chatting. Overall, I’m very glad I went. And yes, you can start with the stroller that’s packed into my trunk.”
Hawk was watching my face as he lifted it out and carried it toward the house. He could see my mood was definitely lighter, and it seemed to please him. This was the beginning of many realizations to come. He was accustomed to my face being sad and worried — this was a pleasant improvement.
“Come in,” he invited. “I don’t think I’ve ever shown you around, have I?”
“I’d love to.” This was exactly the sort of thing that Ben had talked about.
Hawk put the stroller into a spare bedroom and shut the door. “The nursery in case we don’t get the house done in time,” he explained, and I nodded.
“I hear you have Beverly doing it for you?”
“She’s a dream, Mom. I see now why you used her for the pool. I thought it would mostly still fall to me, and I’m not crazy about all that design stuff. But she just consults when she has a major question or asks Liane decorating plans, and for the most part, she’s doing it all on her own. I’d like to take you up and show you around if you have time?”
“Sure. I’d really like to see your office, though. The inner sanctum as it were?”
He nodded and took me to the door that led to the lower level. There was a keypad lock, and he quickly punched in the number. “Mother, in case anything should happen to me, I want you to know where I keep things. The keypad number is 8-7-4-5 and when we go down, I’ll show you the safe. Liane will know this too, but I’d rather you were a backup.” I understood where all his contingency planning was coming from. We had learned, just too recently, how quickly life could turn on a dime.
We went down wide steps and into what I could only term as a bunker. The walls, ceiling, and floor were concrete with no windows or natural light. “I’m not sure I could work down here very long.”
“Oh, you’d see the logic of it if you were on a monitor as often and long as I am. You have to reduce the glare and eye strain,” he explained. “Now this,” he hit a key, and a bank of monitors came to life, “is the brains behind the business. I design apps for companies.”
“Really? Like I have on my phone?” I was suitably impressed.
“Well, strictly speaking, yes, except you can’t get to these apps. They’re proprietary to the company who hires me. Each company has their own internal servers for their employees. My apps interact with their private computers. There is a great deal of very valuable information passing through those boxes. If it got into the wrong hands, it could do a great deal of damage on a corporate level. Now you understand the reason for the security.”
I nodded and felt pride. I was also relieved to realize that the fences and gate were not to keep family out, but to keep his business impenetrable. “I had no idea you were this successful, honey.” He noticed my term of endearment and beamed with pride. I felt as though we were making real strides. Hawk showed me the safe and gave me the combination. He opened it and went through the papers it held, explaining his holdings and how to access them. I felt trusted and valued that he’d share this with me. “You know, this sort of thing has been on my mind too. There’s so much about the business of running the farm that would stop if something happened to me. Lily is getting married to Brandon, you know?”
“I’d heard through the grapevine,” he said, referring to Liane I was sure.
“It would take a lot off my mind if you would come by sometime and let me show you where everything is kept. I’d feel a lot better.”
“Sure. Be happy to. If you like, I can set up your computer system so that it backs up automatically to one of my servers here. That’s good to have in case of fire or flood.”
“What a wonderful idea! Thank you, that would be great.”
We walked back upstairs, and he laid out the house plans on the dining room table. He showed me the design of the building itself and how it took advantage of the view of the river and countryside. I could see his pride in being able to provide Liane with such a showplace home and was very glad I’d given them that particular parcel of property. Perhaps it was my personal encouragement to keep him close at hand and not move somewhere far away. Seeing the building plans relieved me of that angst.
“Want to take a first-hand look?” he invited.
“Sure, that would be nice.”
Hawk pulled an ATV side-by-side out of the garage, and we bumped and jiggled over the pasture up to the house site. We walked through it entirely, him pointing out the rooms we’d looked over on the plans. Although the house was little more than a shell at that point, its bones were unique and spacious. “We modeled it on architecture we saw on our honeymoon,” he pointed out.
As we headed back to the house, we saw Liane’s car pulling into the drive. She waved up to us and headed to the house with an armload of packages. Hawk stepped on the accelerator so he could get down and help her. As she came back out, he waved her off and motioned that he was coming. It was so wonderful to see the love he had for her.
“You’re a lucky man, sweetheart. You’ve chosen the best wife anyone could wish for you.”
“I am indeed lucky.” I was overjoyed to hear the pride in his voice and an awareness of his blessing. It seemed that Ben knew what he was talking about. I resolved to work on Worth, although he would be more difficult.
I said my goodbyes and headed home. Worth was watching television in the family room and Marga, it appeared, was out somewhere. He watched very little television, so I found this odd.
“Hi,” I smiled as I came in.
“How was the shower?” he asked without looking up.
“Actually, it was very, very nice, to tell you the truth. Liane has charming friends. She got beautiful gifts, and I chatted with her father for a while. He’s an exceptionally nice man.”
“Yes, he is, what little I’ve spoken to him. Letty is making pot roast for dinner. Should be ready soon.”
“Good… sounds good,” I responded. I looked at the television. There was a soccer game playing. Worth hated soccer. “Worth, could we talk a bit?” I asked, motioning at the screen. He nodded and after locating the remote, flipped it off. “What’s up?”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
Worth’s head literally jerked backward at my words. He wasn’t sure how to reply, I could tell. “What brought that on?”
“I just think it’s been a very long time since I’ve told you that. I don’t want you to forget about it, or about me.”
His voice was tender. “I never forget about you, Auggie. You’re always on my mind. Especially lately.”
I sighed and sat back in my chair. “Yes, I know, things have been pretty rough for everyone. I’ve needed you, you know. At night, I want to just crawl into your arms and be held.”
“Then why don’t you?”
I searched for the right words. “I suppose it’s because you seem sort of insulated. As if you’re living in a world of your own that doesn’t want any outside interference.”
“Not true. I would love to hold you.”
Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I battled them back. “Worth, women have a different kind of strength than men do.”
“I know that.”
I smiled. “Yes, I know academically you know that, but since you’ve never been a woman, you really don’t know what it feels like. Anyway, there’s something in my core that keeps me going
no matter what. But that doesn’t mean that I’m independent. I’m lonely for you. I need your hugs. I need your reassurances that everything will be okay.”
“It will be okay, honey.”
“We don’t know that at all. Life changes course so quickly, but we also know that there’s so much more ahead we haven’t seen yet. I don’t want to miss it. I want you there with me, fully aware and supportive. I don’t know how I could get through it if I thought you weren’t going to be there.”
“I’ll always be here, Auggie. You don’t need to worry about that.”
I bit my lip. “There’s something else I’ve been thinking about.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to retire.”
His eyes grew wide. “Retire?”
“Yes. The farm is starting to be too much. Mark will begin home schooling soon, but we don’t yet know when he’ll graduate or what he will want to do after that. Marga is off to college next year, and I heard her mention to a friend that she’d like to study in France.”
“France?”
“I know… I know… probably one of her whims, but actually it wouldn’t be a bad idea for her to go abroad for a year just to know what the world is like outside of Kentucky. Would look better on her resume too.” I smiled. “Believe me, she can use help with her resume. You’ll probably have to buy her way into a school. But, the fact remains that I’m starting to feel that I’d like to do something else for a change.”
“Like what?”
“Like nothing, like be with you. With our children. Maybe, when Mark is better even travel a bit?”
Worth nodded. “Have been thinking the same thing myself, actually. Ever since I saw those pictures from Hawk and Liane’s honeymoon.”
I held my breath. That was the first time he’d mentioned that day, and he’d actually used Hawk’s name without contempt. I could hardly believe my ears. “See? I would too. I’ve always wanted to see the British Isles. Liane makes them sound so charming. I’d like to visit New Zealand and Australia and perhaps a bit of Germany and France. Maybe we could take everyone after the baby is born, and then get Margo settled in France when she’s ready.”
He was sitting forward in his chair. I could tell the idea intrigued him. It represented a new sort of life for him. We both needed that so badly, especially now. We needed family.
“What about the farm?” he asked.
“Well, that’s the other part of what I was thinking about. You know Lily and Brandon are getting married, right?” He nodded. “Obviously, they’re going to be intent on making a family and Lily won’t be staying on as farm manager. That means it will all be back in my lap. I don’t want all that responsibility. I’m worn out with it.”
“So, what do you want to do?” He was genuinely interested, judging by his tone. I heard the difference in his voice. He was mentally invested in my plans. That hadn’t happened before.
“I’m not completely sure yet. We could sell it, or I could simply hire a new manager to replace Lily when that time comes.” I looked at him through my lashes. “What do you think?”
“I have a better idea.”
I held my breath, letting him continue. I looked at him with anticipation on my face, letting him believe that I’d not thought any further. It was important that he be leading this party.
“Give it to Hawk.”
“Hawk?” I almost jumped up from my seat in joy. Now he was in the position of advocate for the very person I’d wanted to give it to anyway.
“Well, why not? He can handle the farm, he’s next door and building a new house. He can look over all this land and run it as easily as his place alone. He’s having a child, and that child should be able to know he or she comes from something that was built with family blood and sweat. Maybe deed him everything but this house and a hundred or so acres for our personal use. That way we’ll still be close enough for you to bounce your grandchild on your lap.”
“Worth, what a wonderful idea! I love it.” I praised him, really, authentically praised him. I’d hoped for this outcome but hadn’t really believed it would occur. At that moment, I realized that when it came to adulation, his professional side shut down. He was not the least bit suspicious. I’d used Ben’s advice and ended up precisely where I wanted to be. Just by being the loving wife he needed.
“How about your clinic? Do you think you might want to retire?”
“I’ll have to give that some thought. I could let Deborah run this one, but I don’t think I’m ready to retire completely. A little too young for that.”
“True. Maybe we’ll take some time off and stumble across something entirely new that the two of us can do together. Or all of us as a family. You never know.”
“No, you never know.”
Letty’s announcement that dinner was ready couldn’t have come at a better time. “I think we’ll eat on the patio, Letty.”
In typical Letty style, she responded, “Well, I’m not carrying everything out there after I’ve set the table in here. Get your plate, fill it up and eat wherever you want, I don’t care.” I really loved her sass. It was like having a mother in the house.
Worth was quite cheerful that evening. We played a few hands of cribbage, and he talked about places we could visit that would be handicap and baby accessible. He seemed as if a bit of life had been restored. I would have to give Ben an extra hug the next time I saw him. I couldn’t believe the answer had been there all the time, right in my control, and I hadn’t seen it. I was a better supporter to the horses I raised than to my own family.
I decided not to say anything to Hawk about giving them the farm. I would leave that up to Worth, let him make it his idea and do it in his own good time. It would be better that way. I would however, ask him not to say anything until after Lily’s wedding. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her out. I knew that at some point in the interim, she would be coming to me with her resignation. It would be easier on both of us if we knew she wasn’t letting me down.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Worth
Guilt was like a needle under my skin, pricking me constantly, taking over my entire life.
I’d failed my family – completely, totally, miserably. And I didn’t know how to make it right.
So I threw myself into work, as always. I was also throwing myself into the bottle more and more. It was my bed fellow. My only chance of a good night’s sleep. My only source of oblivion.
Until this week.
It had been eight days since Auggie broached the subject of selling the farm and I’d given it a great deal of thought since our discussion. I broke down and called Brandon, asking him to begin the process of splitting up the land and deeding it to Hawk. I hadn’t decided when to offer it to him. Perhaps in December for Christmas or January in honor of the new baby. Or maybe just on a random Thursday, so it didn’t look so much like a gift.
I shook my head. I was overthinking it. Overthinking everything.
The therapy pool and spa area would be completed tomorrow and I was ready to bring our son home the day following that. I couldn’t believe how much better he was doing. Taking a few steps on his own. His speech becoming clearer. A smile replacing the pained look on his face.
“I’m so proud of you,” I told him at my last visit. “You’re a hell of a lot tougher than any LaViere man before you.”
He’d laughed and took another step with his walker. “Yeah, right. I’m practically Mario Andretti here.”
Clapping him on his back, I went on, “It’s not about speed. Hell, it’s not even about surviving a crash like you did. It’s inner strength, son. It’s about laughing like you just did, even when you’re in pain. It’s about caring for others, giving second chances. That takes strength. More strength than I’ve ever had.”
He stopped and turned toward me, looking me in the eye. “It’s not too late, Dad. It’s only too late when you’re six feet under.”
Yet, here I was. Scared to death of f
ucking another thing up.
Things were looking brighter, at least there were momentary sparks of possibilities. Except for one area in my life… Hawk.
He still scowled at me each time we ran into each other, his face growing red, his shoulders tense. I’d say hello and he’d turn away, muttering things I couldn’t quite hear. That was probably for the best.
Once, Liane had taken me by the arm and pulled me aside. “Give him time, Worth. He’s still working through everything. But he’ll get there, I know he will.”
I’d nodded and she’d raised to her tiptoes to give me a kiss on the cheek. I’d damn near collapsed into tears.
I went to bed that night feeling brighter, more hopeful. The feeling instantly increased when I noticed Auggie waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom. She was wearing nothing but lace panties. She held out her arms, and I fell into them. “There. That better?” she whispered as she pressed her fingers into my temples. I closed my eyes, losing myself into her touch.
She kissed my nose and I laughed, pulling her tighter to me and inhaling the sweet fragrance of her skin. She kissed the place behind my ear that seemed to have a direct link to my dick.
“I love you, Auggie,” I said, looking down into her glorious green eyes. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Or us.” Damn it. I had to choke down the emotion. “Any of us.”
In response, she pulled my head down until our lips touched, sealing us together. I deepened the kiss and she moaned against my tongue.
“I need you so much,” she said and smiled before scooting backwards off my lap and moving to the floor between my legs. Reaching for the waistband of my pants, our eyes met. “I need us.”
“My green eyed temptress,” I said before lifting my hips to help her pull them down. “I need us too.”
I hissed as her mouth closed around me. Hot and wet. Sliding down my aching cock. I closed my eyes but opened them again, not wanting to miss a thing.
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