Timid (Lark Cove Book 2)

by Devney Perry

  “Okay.” I took the paper, seeing a list of Ryder’s classes with his grades next to each. Every single one was an F.

  “I gotta go.” He turned around and took two steps but then stopped. He came back, gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, then waved to Dad. “Later, Nate.”

  “Bye, Jackson.” Dad waved back.

  Neither Dad nor I spoke as Jackson’s boots echoed down the hallway.

  “I’m losing him,” I whispered. “He’s just . . . drifting away.”

  Dad reached across the table to place his hand over mine. “Then pull him back.”

  My chin quivered. “I don’t know how.”

  “Talk to him. Don’t just let him drift away. If your relationship is going to end, you deserve to know why. Stand up for yourself, honey.”

  “You know I’m not good at that.”

  Dad patted my hand. “I think you’re a lot better at confrontation than you think. You just choose your battles.”

  I didn’t want to fight this battle, because I wouldn’t win.

  Jackson had all the weapons. He held my heart in the palm of his hand.

  How was I supposed to fight? I couldn’t demand that he fall in love with me. I couldn’t make him feel those things.

  When we ended, I’d be shattered. My life would be forever changed. I couldn’t stay in Lark Cove without him, not with memories of us together around every corner. I’d end up leaving my beloved camp. My parents. My home.

  Everything.

  “Do you have dinner with the girls tonight?” Dad asked, always knowing when to change the subject.

  Though that topic wasn’t much better.

  “No, not tonight. June and I are kind of fighting. And you know Hannah, she always takes June’s side.”

  Dad nodded. “And Leighton always takes yours.”

  “Yeah.”

  I hadn’t called June or Hannah since the night at the diner two weeks ago. I would eventually—we’d been friends too long to just throw it all away—but I wasn’t quite ready yet. And I didn’t know how I’d face them if they ended up being right about Jackson.

  “What happened with you girls?” Dad asked.

  I gave him a sad smile. “I stood up for myself.”

  And look where it had gotten me.

  “So how did Ryder take it?” I asked Jackson later that night.

  We were lying in his bed, him on his side, me on mine. It was another thing that had changed these last two weeks.

  There was no more spooning.

  “About as well as you’d think,” Jackson muttered. “He doesn’t want to get held back.”

  “He’s smart. We’ll get him caught up.”

  “We might not,” he said. “The fact is, Mom was too busy dragging him all over the country to worry about keeping him in school. He might have to repeat this year. So don’t promise him something that might not happen.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, wounded by his sharp tone.

  A chill settled into the bed as silence consumed the room. I’d never wanted to escape Jackson’s bed before, but right now, I just wanted to go home and cry.

  “I think I’m going to go.” I sat up, ready to run away, but Jackson grabbed my shoulder, forcing it down and back into the mattress. It was the first time he’d touched me since I’d come over after dinner.

  “Stay.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . let’s get some sleep.”

  It was only nine o’clock. Jackson was a night owl, so nine o’clock to him was like five o’clock to others. We’d never gone to bed this early, which showed me just how much he wanted to avoid any sort of conversation.

  “Fine.” I settled back into my pillow.

  I didn’t feel like staying, but I also didn’t want to go home. It felt like once I left here, that would be the beginning of our end.

  I burrowed under the covers, bringing them all the way up to my ears. Then I turned my back on Jackson, curling into a little ball so I’d stay warm. Without his arms around me, I’d be cold tonight.

  Then with tears prickling my eyes, I drifted off to sleep.

  Hours later, in the dead of night, I woke up cold and alone.

  “Jackson?” I sat up in bed, swinging the covers off my legs.

  He wasn’t in bed or in the bathroom, so I got up and pulled on a sweatshirt to go searching. His hushed voice came from the living room and it sounded like he was on the phone, but I hadn’t heard it ring.

  By the time I made it to the bedroom door, the front door opened and closed. I hurried down the hallway toward the living room but was too late. I walked to the front window just in time to see Jackson’s truck pulling out of his driveway. It had started snowing and his headlights illuminated the flakes as he backed onto the road and drove away.

  Was something wrong? Was it Thea or Hazel? Rushing back to the bedroom, I swiped my phone from the nightstand. My finger hovered over his name, ready to call, but I stopped.

  If he’d wanted to share, he would have told me. He would have woken me up before he disappeared in the middle of the night.

  His silence was just another rejection. It was another dagger to my heart.

  I clutched my phone to my chest and crawled back in bed, hoping he’d call.

  He didn’t.

  Three hours and seven minutes later, I heard his truck pull back into the drive. Then a few moments later, the front door opened and closed. He stomped his boots and thudded down the hallway.

  I kept my eyes closed and stayed curled into my little ball, pretending to be asleep. My body was perfectly still as I listened to him strip off his clothes. The entire time I wished he’d say something and explain where he’d been.

  He didn’t.

  He finished undressing, crawled into bed and passed out.

  When he began snoring, I rolled over to study his face. As I leaned closer, a heartbreaking smell filled my nose.

  My boyfriend had left me alone in his bed only to come back hours later smelling like tequila and women’s perfume.

  “Ryder, what would you like to drink?” Betty asked as she opened the refrigerator in her kitchen. “I’ve got apple juice, milk, water, lemonade and SunnyD. That was Willa’s favorite when she was your age. Oh, and Nate bought a case of Sprite because he is trying to give up Coke. Don’t ask me how trading one soda for another will help him quit the former because his reasoning makes no sense.”

  “It makes perfect sense,” Nate said, walking into the kitchen. “I don’t like Sprite.”

  “See?” Betty winked at my brother. “No sense.”

  Ryder laughed. “I’ll try the SunnyD.”

  “You got it. Jackson, what would you like?”

  “Water, please.”

  Betty nodded. “You guys make yourselves at home. I’ll get your drinks and come find you.”

  “Can I help cook?” Ryder asked her. “Willa’s been teaching me.”

  “A young chef. I like it.” Betty smiled as she filled a glass with ice. “Yes, you can help. You can help Willa peel the sweet potatoes.”

  I glanced over at Willa at the sink. The moment we’d walked into the house, she’d gone right for the kitchen, practically ripping the potato peeler out of her mom’s hand to take over.

  She looked over her shoulder at me, then turned her eyes down. She’d barely made eye contact with me over the last week. And whenever she did look at me, the pain in her eyes nearly broke me apart.

  It was Thanksgiving and we were spending it with her family. Two months ago, I would have looked forward to a day at Nate and Betty’s place, eating a big meal. Maybe watching some football.

  But now, I was coming out of my skin.

  The last place I wanted to be was with Willa’s family. I didn’t want Ryder bonding with them. I didn’t want Nate and Betty to think this would be a new tradition.

  This would be the one and only holiday he or I spent with the Doons.

  The time for my inevitable split with Willa was here.

  I sh
ould have cut her free sooner, but I’d been a coward. A big dumb coward. I hadn’t been able to walk away from her, because I wanted her too much. I needed her too much.

  She kept me calm and collected. She’d been the one to keep me sane as I’d tried to fit Ryder into my life. Being the selfish asshole that I was, I’d clung to her because I needed her, and in the process, I’d let her get in too deep.

  She was in love with me.

  Somehow, I’d fooled her into thinking I was the kind of man she should love.

  The night she’d asked me if I loved her, I should have ended it. I should have climbed out of her bed and walked away. But did I do the right thing? No, I’d just kept holding on, and in the process, I was hurting her. I told myself it would be just one more night. One more kiss on her hair. One more time to hold her in my arms.

  One more time, then I’d let her go.

  Except I still hadn’t worked up the nerve to say good-bye. I’d held on too long and now I was here with her family, getting ready to eat a turkey dinner that I sure as fuck didn’t deserve.

  “So what do you normally do for Thanksgiving, Jackson?” Betty asked as she handed me my water.

  “Thank you.” I forced a smile. “Normally I spend it with Hazel and Thea at the cottage.”

  “Ahh. And where are they this year?”

  “At Thea and Logan’s new place.”

  They’d invited Ryder and me to come over, but Nate and Betty had already planned on having us here. Besides that, I couldn’t be around Thea and Logan right now. They were too happy.

  Thea had announced this week that she was pregnant. She and Logan were over the moon to be having a baby and Charlie was thrilled to be a big sister.

  I was glad for them, but it was more change. I suspected Thea would eventually quit the bar—her husband was a billionaire so she didn’t need to work. They’d have more kids and get on with their lives. I wouldn’t be surprised if they moved to New York one day.

  Sooner or later, everyone leaves.

  I watched Willa as she worked on the potatoes. Her long, beautiful hair was streaming down her back. She’d spent time curling it this morning, something she didn’t do that often, but I loved it when she did. She’d tamed the natural waves into these perfect swirls and the tips swished delicately at her waist.

  I wanted to walk over, pull her into my arms and take a deep breath of that hair. I wanted to pull in the smell, just one more time. Instead, I shied toward the back wall of the kitchen, getting as far away from her as the room would allow.

  Willa hadn’t stayed a night at my house for the last week, not since I’d gotten that late-night phone call to come down to the bar. Not since I’d made one of the biggest fucking mistakes of my life.

  I missed her in my bed. It wouldn’t be the same without her.

  Ryder said something to Willa as they peeled potatoes side by side and it made her smile.

  That smile was sheer agony.

  I was going to miss her so damn much, and I knew nothing would ever fill that void.

  I’d never forget the musical sound of her laugh. I’d never forget those silly words she’d make up or the breakfasts she’d cooked me in her apartment.

  I’d never forget the way it felt to have her in my arms as she drifted off to sleep.

  “Well, I’d better go out and check my fryer,” Nate said, popping the top on a can of Sprite. He took a sip and grimaced. “Jackson, feel like some fresh air?”

  “Sure.” Fresh air and some distance from Willa sounded like a great idea. I pushed off the wall and followed him to the back deck.

  “Have you ever deep-fried a turkey?” Nate stepped through the sliding door and into the cold.

  “I haven’t. Thea always makes them in the oven.”

  “We normally do too, but I’ve been wanting to try this for years now. Betty made us do a test run a couple of weeks ago just to make sure I knew what I was doing. Dang, it’s good. This will be the best bird you’ve ever had in your life.”

  “I believe it.” I took a long breath of the cool air as he turned on his fryer.

  I let my eyes wander over their backyard and across the school’s playground.

  I’d never be able to look at those swing sets again. I’d never be able to walk across a wide lawn and not think of climbing Willa’s staircase.

  I rubbed my face, knowing the hollow feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away anytime soon. What was I going to do when she did find someone new? How was I going to stay in Lark Cove? I guess watching from a distance as she found the love she was supposed to have would be my punishment for hurting her.

  And my reward.

  Once Ryder graduated, maybe I’d leave Montana. I’d always come back to see Hazel, but for the first time, the idea of escaping Lark Cove didn’t seem all that bad.

  Do you love me?

  I wished she hadn’t asked. I wished I could have said yes. But I’d never told another person that I loved them before. Not Hazel or Thea or Charlie.

  No one.

  I didn’t know shit about love and Willa deserved someone who did. She deserved to have her dreams come true.

  I was no dream maker.

  “How are you?” Nate asked, coming to stand at my side.

  Fucking miserable. “Good. You?”

  “Oh, just fine. How are things at the bar?”

  “Good. Slow this time of year.”

  “I bet.”

  We stood there, surveying his yard. It had snowed an inch last night so the grass was mostly covered in white. It looked peaceful, the exact opposite of the torment plaguing my heart.

  Nate had to know things between Willa and me were ending. Yet he hadn’t turned us away. He’d welcomed me and my brother into his home to share a meal his wife was cooking.

  Nate Doon was a good man, the best really. He’d be there for Willa after I broke her heart, helping her put it back together.

  He clapped a hand on my shoulder, then gave it a squeeze. I looked at him, but neither of us spoke. Nate just gave me a nod, dropped his hand and went back inside. A few moments after he disappeared inside, the sliding door opened again.

  “Hey.” Ryder appeared at my side. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Nothing,” I told him. “Just getting some air.”

  “Are you, uh . . .” He kicked some snow off the porch. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m good,” I lied. “What about you? You doing okay?”

  “You ask me that a lot.”

  I chuckled. “Yep.” At least once a day.

  I had no clue how to act like a parent to this kid, so I’d told him early on that he had to tell me if something was wrong. Still, I checked on him constantly, just so he’d know I cared. I could count on two fingers the number of people who’d had asked me if I was doing okay when I was a kid.

  “I’m good,” he promised.

  “You sure?”

  He shrugged. “Do you think Willa can help me get caught up at school?”

  “She’ll try.”

  Ryder wanted so badly not to fall behind it was all he talked about. That, and if Willa could be his tutor. I hated to burst his bubble, but I didn’t want his hopes to get too high. Willa would tutor Ryder, even after we broke up, but I wouldn’t put her in that position.

  “Listen, kid.” I turned away from the yard to face him. “If Willa can’t tutor you, then I will. So will Hazel and Thea. We’ll do whatever we can to help.”

  His eyebrows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t Willa be able to help? Doesn’t she want to?”

  “No, she does. But she’s got other stuff going on. It just . . . it just might not work out.”

  “Oh.” He hung his head. “I get it. You guys are breaking up, aren’t you? I saw Willa crying the other morning in the kitchen. I don’t think she saw me, but I saw her. And then she hasn’t been back.”

  Fuck. That must have been the morning after I’d gotten drunk at the bar. The same night I’d gotten a phone call I never shou
ld have answered.

  “Is it because of me?” Ryder asked.

  “No.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “It has nothing to do with you.”

  It is all on me.

  “I don’t want you to worry about it, okay? Just have fun today. And eat a lot of turkey.”

  He smiled. “I can do that. I’m hungry.”

  “We just had breakfast an hour ago.”

  “Yeah, but I only ate two bowls of cereal because I didn’t want to get too full before lunch. I normally have three.”

  I grinned. “I’m sure Betty won’t let you starve.”

  The sliding door opened again and we turned to see Willa. She folded her arms over her chest as she stepped out into the cold air.

  “Mom has a snack for you,” she told Ryder.

  He immediately bolted for the door, leaving Willa and me alone.

  “Good timing,” I said. “He just told me he was hungry.”

  “I think he’s grown an inch since he moved here.” She watched Ryder as he disappeared inside.

  “I think you’re right.” Now that he was getting all the food he could eat, Ryder had sprouted. There was no question he would be tall like me. And if my hunch was right, he’d fill out and have the frame of a linebacker. He just needed groceries.

  “Are you going to stay out here?” Willa dropped her eyes, looking anywhere but at me as she spoke. Meanwhile, I stared at her, soaking her in while I still could.

  “For a while.”

  She pursed her lips, then went back to the door. But before she opened it, she paused and turned around. “Do you even want to be here?”

  Tell her the truth. “Not really.”

  Pain flashed across her face as she stood there, staring at her feet. After a few seconds, she squared her shoulders, and when she looked up, her beautiful blue eyes were filled with angry tears.

  “Are you ever going to tell me why? Or are you just waiting until I’ve finally had enough and end this for you?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  “Isn’t it? Then why? I might be new to this, but I’m not stupid. You don’t want to be together, so tell me why.”

  The pleading in her voice was killing me. “Let’s talk about it later, okay?”