Chase lifted his head reluctantly. He didn’t want to stop kissing her, but he couldn’t very well make love to her here. “Maddy, before we go inside, I want you to be sure…”
“I’m sure.”
“Thank God,” he breathed out a sigh.
He kept his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as they walked up to the house, letting loose of her only long enough to unlock the door before hitching her close to his side again. Maddy didn’t mind. Her knees were so weak she probably would have dropped to the ground like a lead weight if he let go of her for more than a few minutes. There was a sereneness about the silence they maintained as they climbed the stairs and entered Chase’s bedroom, as if talking would somehow spoil the delicious sense of anticipation. He stopped beside the bed and turned to face her, slowly pushing her sweater off her shoulders before leaning down and kissing her.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. He ran his hand down her arm, his body instantly responding to the tremor that ran through her. “I love how sensitive you are to my touch.”
He slipped his hand beneath her shirt and helped Maddy guide it over her head, inhaling sharply at the full, lush breasts he’d revealed. Then with one practiced flick of his fingers, he unhooked the lacy bra and let it flutter to the floor. His hand was shaking as he cupped first one breast and then the other, their creamy smoothness every bit as sexually stimulating as Maddy’s wild kisses had been.
Chase dipped his head, suckling the sweetness until it beaded in his mouth, then teased her with light nips and the laving of his tongue. Soft mewling sounds hummed in the back of her throat and she arched into him, sending an unexpected and violent shudder coursing through him. He drew away from her, his control slipping another notch when she looked up at with wanton desire.
“Help me,” he urged as he shed himself of the sling.
Hindered by the cast, it seemed to take an eternity to rid Maddy of her jeans and panties and then his own clothes, but even more daunting was the task of retrieving a condom from his nightstand and sheathing himself before he was finally able to ease her back onto the mattress. Chase stretched out beside her and let his hand wander over Maddy’s stomach, down past her flat belly to the silky triangle of hair. He let out a low groan when his fingers delved between her thighs and found her hot and moist, the coiling in his loins tightening painfully when he slipped his finger inside of her and discovered how tight she was.
“Chase…”
The sound of Maddy’s uncertain voice drew his attention back to her face. Her eyes seemed enormously large and her lips were trembling, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she drew in short, ragged gasps of air. It tugged at his heart so see she was genuinely frightened, but it also gave rise to the dark thought that some man from Maddy’s past must have hurt her to make her react this way. Chase drew her closer, capturing her mouth in a slow, languid kiss, determined to erase whatever memories still haunted her.
“You don’t have to be scared,” he whispered against her lips. “I won’t hurt you, sweetheart, I promise.”
“I’m sorry, Chase. It’s just that…you make me feel things I’ve never felt before and…”
She squeezed her eyes shut. How could she explain the overwhelming fear that had risen inside of her when she’d seen how aroused he was? She’d never been with a man before, but instinctively she knew they weren’t all like Chase; sleek and powerful, and wholly male in his nudity. Even now, when she could feel the rigid length of him pressed against her thigh and her insides quivered from wanting him so bad, she couldn’t help being overwhelmed by him.
“Open your eyes and look at me,” he ordered gently, then almost wished she’d kept them closed. How could so many emotions be swirling around behind one troubled pair of eyes?
“It…it’s okay,” she started, then grew silent as a dark scowl marred his handsome features.
“Who was he?” Chase said harshly.
Maddy blinked. Who was he talking about? She shook her head, “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”
“I’m talking about the man who hurt you, the one who made you afraid to make love to me even though I know you want to.” He cupped her chin and ran his thumb lightly over her lips, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had come. “I want you, Maddy. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman in my life, but it won’t be any good for either of us if you can’t let go of the past. Let me help you forget, let me show you how wonderful it can be.”
Chapter 5
Maddy didn’t know what to say. Granted he was off the mark about why she was being so timid, but that fact that he’d even noticed when there was the very major distraction of lying in bed naked with her was nothing short of amazing. She’d been right about there being a heart of gold beneath that rough exterior he liked to portray, and she’d been right to trust her own heart to him. It would be so easy to fall in love with him, so easy.
“There is no past,” she told him. “I’ve had boyfriends, of course, but no one that I ever got close enough to…well, you know.”
Chase groaned inwardly, truly hating himself for having taken it this far without even considering the possibility she might still be a virgin, and hating himself even more for the hesitancy he felt in taking that from her. He hardly considered himself noble, but there was a certain amount of responsibility involved and he didn’t want there to be regrets for either of them. Looking at her now, knowing all he had to do was lean down and kiss her and she’d give herself to him willingly only made what he was about to do seem not just stupid but monumentally so.
“So you’ve never…?”
“No, never.” Seeing the regret in his eyes, Maddy curled her arm around his neck and pulled him closer. “It doesn’t matter, Chase. I know I was scared at first, but I’m not any more. I want you to make love to me. Please,” she whispered.
Even as he allowed her to draw his mouth down to hers, Chase cursed himself for being so weak. It was like touching a live wire every time he kissed her; the first initial jolt came when their lips met, followed by a tingling electrical current that grew stronger and stronger until he was so hot for her he could barely breathe. There was no room for logical thought, only raw emotion and the carnal need to bury himself in the warmth of her body. He knew he was in trouble even before Maddy tilted her hips into him and wound one silky leg around the back of his thigh, but it was the throaty moan that damn near did him in.
Chase tore his mouth away from hers, almost as surprised by his own actions as Maddy was. Gently pulling her arm from around his neck, he pressed a breathless kiss to her palm and attempted a smile. “My self control is very precarious right now so I think it’s best if I don’t touch you until after we talk.”
“Talk? You want to talk now?”
She gaped in disbelief as Chase disentangled himself then sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Suddenly she felt extremely foolish just lying there without a scrap of clothing on since he’d apparently changed his mind about making love to her. Maddy sat up slowly, glancing around for something to cover herself with and grabbed the only thing within reach; the t-shirt Chase had been wearing. Yanking it numbly over her head, she stared at his broad shoulders, her heart plummeting at the rueful shake of his head.
“Oh God, it’s my fault, isn’t it?” She turned her head away when he looked back at her, too ashamed to face him. “I should have told you. I should have considered that you wouldn’t want someone so inexperienced, but I just wanted you so bad and…” She choked back a sob. “It’s no excuse,” Maddy said as she climbed off the bed. “I embarrassed you and I embarrassed myself, and I’m so sorry for putting us both in this position.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Maddy please,” he grabbed her wrist as she leaned down to pick up her jeans, “sit for a minute so we can talk.”
“What is there to talk about? I made a complete fool of myself, something I’ve become very adept at since meeting you, and if you don’t let go of me
I’m going to make an even bigger fool of myself by doing something stupid like crying or begging you to tell me why you don’t want me.”
“Don’t want…?” Chase yanked her down onto his lap and propped his cast over her thighs hoping she’d be too afraid to hurt his arm to try and squiggle free. “Wanting you is not the problem.” He shifted her weight, chuckling at the gasp of surprise she let out when she realized just what is was that was prodding the back of her thighs.
“Listen, honey, I know you think you’re ready for this, but it’s not something you should rush into without giving it some serious thought. You’re first time should be special, and it should be shared with someone you care about and who cares about you.” Chase could have kicked himself when she flinched. “Damn it, Maddy, I’m not trying to hurt you, I just don’t want you to look back on this and regret it.”
“Thank you for saving me from making such a horrible mistake,” she said coldly. She forced up an impenetrable wall around her heart, one that would keep Chase Malone from ever touching it again, and primly removed herself from his lap.
“Maddy…”
“No, you were right.” She started gathering up her clothes. “We hardly know each other so it’s obvious there couldn’t be any real emotion. I guess I just mistook good old fashioned lust for genuine feelings, but don’t worry, it won’t happen again.” Maddy held her head up with as much dignity as she could muster and looked him straight in the eyes. She wasn’t a coward in spite of her timid nature and she wouldn’t allow him to think otherwise. “I propose that we maintain a business-like arrangement from here on out just to spare us both from any further uncomfortable situations.” Her eyes swept over his magnificent body. “Do you require my help in getting dressed?”
Chase gritted his teeth at the formal tone she was using. “No, I’ll manage.” She nodded stiffly then turned and headed towards the door. “Maddy, wait. I don’t…” But it was too late, she was already gone.
****
Of all the asinine, poorly thought out, utterly stupid things he’d ever done in his life, rejecting Maddy took the grand prize. Yes, it was insane to think he actually felt something more than sexual attraction when he’d only known her for a few days, but the dull ache in his chest told him it was true weather it seemed rational or not. And as hard as she’d tried to mask it, he’d caught the wounded look in her eyes just before she turned around so there was no denying it was a two way street as far as their feelings for each other went. Yet he hadn’t gone after her. Why?
Chase paced restlessly back and forth, searching for an answer. His usual aversion to commitment had gone by the wayside the moment he’d laid eyes on her so what was the problem? He glanced back at the bed, thoroughly disgusted with himself for letting her go. She could by lying there right now, her soft skin moist and still heated from making love with him, her lips swollen from his kisses and those beautiful blue eyes of hers would be gazing at him with love. Chase stopped abruptly. Love? Was that what he wanted?
He stood there for several minutes staring blankly at the wall as a strange sensation began to invade his entire body. He couldn’t recall if he’d ever even looked into a woman’s eyes after having sex, and he’d certainly never hoped to find any deep emotions there if he had. But he wanted that from Maddy. He wanted her to fall madly, irrevocably, insanely in love with him so that when they finally did share the intimacy of their bodies he’d see it shining through her eyes and know that she was completely his. But he couldn’t very well tell her that, especially not now when she believed he’d been turned off by her inexperience.
Chase raked his fingers through his hair. Hell, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more turned on. But he didn’t just want to be Maddy’s first lover, he wanted to be her only lover, but these were thoughts and feelings better kept to himself for the moment. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off, assuming he hadn’t done that already. Chase strode purposefully towards the door, the very idea that she might be packing her things or was contemplating leaving him chilled him to the bone. Good God, he had it bad!
“Maddy,” he hollered out as he flung the door open and crossed the hall. “Maddy, come out here, I need…” the air left his lungs in a whoosh when she suddenly came flying out of her room and barreled right into him.
There was a howl of pain from both of them; one from Chase because she’d rammed the cast into his ribs, and one from Maddy because she felt as if she’d just collided with a brick wall. The impact left them both nursing wounds and glaring heatedly at each other, and though she felt a twinge of guilt for once again battering his broken arm, she thought there was a good shot he’d dislocated her shoulder which put sympathy on the back burner at the moment.
Chase rubbed his side, wincing when his fingers hit a particularly tender spot. “You’re determined to cause as much bodily injury as possible while you’re here, aren’t you?”
“Me! How was I to know you were blocking my doorway?”
“Maybe if you’d exit your room like a normal person instead charging through like your tail was on fire…”
Maddy shot him a scathing glance. “I wouldn’t have been rushing to get to you at all if you hadn’t been yelling for me. I thought you’d fallen down the stairs or something and it scared me to death.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Really? You were worried about me?”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” she said dryly, “I’d have done the same for any injured animal.”
Chase couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up in his throat, and though Maddy didn’t seem to find as much humor in it as he did, she lightened up enough to give him a tentative smile. What it was about her that stole his breath he couldn’t really say, all he knew was that she stirred something deep in his heart and he didn’t ever want that feeling to go away.
There wasn’t more than a foot of distance between them, but it might as well have been a canyon as far as he was concerned because even an inch apart at that moment was too much. He needed to touch her, taste her lips, breath in her scent, but when he reached out to pull her into his arms, Maddy backed away from him.
****
“I meant what I said, Chase. I won’t have you playing with my emotions.”
His arm dropped back to his side. “That wasn’t what I was doing, you must know that.”
“You think taking me to your room and letting me crawl into your bed naked when you had no intention of making love to me wasn’t playing with my emotions? Do you have any idea how humiliating that was for me?”
“You know damn well I wanted you just as much as you wanted me.”
“Oh really? Is that why you made up that ridiculous story about waiting for the right person?” Maddy crossed her arms, her anger beginning to pick up steam. “Let’s be honest, Chase. The truth is you were afraid I’d become a clinging vine if I gave up my virginity to you. That’s why you hook up with women like Angela, so you don’t have to worry about them falling in love with you for who you are and the only thing you have to worry about protecting is your pocketbook.”
“You don’t understand…”
“You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how a man who obviously had the passion to build a successful business and acquire a home like this would stop short of having it all. The big house and fancy cars and all the money in the world won’t make you happy in here,” she tapped her chest, “not when you have a different woman on your arm every Saturday night.”
“Maddy…”
“No, I’m not finished. Look, Chase, I’m not saying I’m the one for you, I’m just saying I might have been. But you won't ever know that because you’re so afraid to open up your heart to anyone you’d rather pass up the chance at something truly wonderful than admit it terrifies you.”
“It does terrify me.” He stepped closer, but this time he was ready for her evasive action and caught Maddy around the waist before she could get away. “You’re
right about the other women and about something missing in my life, but you’re dead wrong if you think the reason I didn’t make love to you was because I was afraid something real would develop between us.”
“Then why?” Maddy’s heart fluttered when he drew her into him and lowered his mouth to hers. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss so agonizingly slow and tender it made her want to cry.
“That’s why,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I want more than just a physical relationship with you and I was afraid that making love to you now would cloud that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I don’t want to ruin it before it’s even had a chance to begin.”
A MATTER OF TRUST Page 6