by Amy Miles
“Did you give me something for the pain?”
Nox frowns and leans in closer. When he does, I realize that the thrumming beat in my ear gets louder. I am hearing his heartbeat but it sounds like a bass drum now.
“Other than some water when you woke up earlier you haven’t had anything. Why?”
“You are kinda glowing.”
“Come again.”
Pushing against the mattress, I ease myself into a sitting position. “Something is different. The sunlight is way more intense than it was before and I think I’m seeing things. Things that I shouldn’t even care to notice, but it’s right there front and center and I can’t stop seeing it.”
“It’s going to be okay.” He places a soothing hand over mine.
Another sparkle of color falls in front of his eyes and as I zero in on it I realize that what I am really seeing are tiny particles of dust on the air that catch in the light.
“Is it?” I blink rapidly as I struggle to focus. “I just watched a speck of dust land on your nose. Tell me how that is okay!”
Nox takes hold of my hand and waits for me to look at him again. “Do you have any idea how long you’ve been out?”
I can tell from the slant of the sun that it has to be at least mid-morning. “A couple of hours?”
Nox’s lips thin out and he glances back over his shoulder toward the door where I find Fletcher and Cyrus standing guard. They have their guns lowered but their fingers close enough to the trigger for me to know that their casual stance is anything but.
Nox sighs and I feel his hand squeeze mine. “You have been unconscious for two days straight, Avery.”
“What?” I bolt upright and instantly feel my stomach twist in protest. The sudden movement makes the room spin and I collapse back onto the pillows in a slouched position. “Oh, that was a terrible idea.”
“Easy,” Nox places a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t make any sudden movements. We are safe for now. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Safe? There were Flesh Bags out there before I... Before I...” I frown when I try to remember what happened to me and I place my hand over my shoulder. “I was bitten, wasn’t I?”
“Yes.” I can tell by the tension that Nox holds in his jaw that something isn’t right. “It was touch and go for quite some time. I thought by the time I got you back here that you were going to bleed out, but you made it somehow. My team had cleaned out most of the area of roaming Flesh Bags by the time I found you, but I sent a few deep into the woods to set a new fire to draw the others away.
“Fletcher and I spent several hours trying to stitch you up, but you were in bad shape and we had no way of giving you any blood to replace what you had lost. Once we were done, all we could do was wait.”
The pain in his voice is still raw and I see moisture in the corner of his eye.
“I’m still here,” I offer him a weak smile.
He nods but I can feel a trembling in his hand. “Other than your strange vision, do you feel anything else different?”
I frown and try to think. “I don’t really know. I guess maybe I can hear better too. Why?”
Fletcher shifts in the doorway and I look up to see him wiping his hand across his face before he shakes his head but remains silent.
“Nox, what is going on?”
He leans back and clears his throat. “You seem to have acquired a few new abilities since suffering that second bite.”
My eyes pop open. “What new abilities?”
“You’re freaking Wolverine, but in a girl form, of course.”
I look over to see Cyrus grinning from ear to ear after his outburst but his smile falters when Nox turns to glare at his soldier. The brilliant white of Cyrus’s teeth against his warm dark chocolate skin forces me to look away.
“Care to tell me what he means by that? I’m not going to suddenly sprout claws out of my hands, am I?”
Nox’s smile is strained but at least it feels mildly genuine. “As beneficial as that would be, I think what Cyrus is referring to is a tad more practical.”
Gently taking hold of my hand, Nox begins to unwind the bandaging around my wrists. I tense, waiting for the inevitable pinch of pain as the gauze tugs at my torn flesh but it never comes. In fact, the pressure Nox applies to my hand should have already made me grit my teeth in pain.
When he draws the cloth away, I inhale sharply. The skin of my arm looks new, perfect and unblemished by the rope burns. There is not a speck of blood or even a hint of pain. I lift my hands and search for other scratch marks and the areas where skin was ripped away during my fight with the Withered but there is not a wound in sight.
“The teeth mark in your shoulder healed over within a couple hours of you being bitten as well,” Nox says as he drops the cloth onto the bed. “Your other wounds have somehow vanished, though we didn’t notice it until the following morning. The hole in your leg has sealed over completely. Apart from your disorientation upon waking you appear to be in perfect health.”
I look to the two men standing in the doorway and then back at Nox. “I don’t understand how this is even possible.”
“Neither do we,” Fletcher says as he fingers the trigger on his gun once more. “We were hoping you would know what’s happening.”
I run my hands through my hair and then draw my knees up into my chest as I press back into the pillow. Nox is right. Although I feel tired and a bit sore there is not a single part of my body that is hurting.
“I can only assume that the second dose of the virus that was transmitted through the bite wound has forced my body to mutate even further, creating a chain reaction that has somehow stimulated a miraculous ability to self-heal.”
“That would be my guess as well,” Nox agrees but looks rather uncomfortable with the assessment.
“So does this mean if she gets bit a third time she will change again?” Cyrus speaks up and I can hear a hint of intrigue in his voice at the prospect of me becoming a superhero in front of his eyes.
The only problem is that I have no doubt these additional “benefits” will prove to come with some rather strong consequences.
Nox hangs his head. “I honestly don’t know. Avery is walking in uncharted areas and none of us can predict what will happen.”
When Fletcher snorts and rolls his eyes, Nox and I look over at him at the same time. “You have something on your mind, soldier?”
He scratches at his slightly overgrown beard. “I’m not saying anything the guys out there aren’t thinking, sir. We all saw what that front room looked like when we arrived. The men are worried and I, for one, think they have every right to be. I know you care about her, but she’s unpredictable. Until we know more I would suggest that we keep her under guard at all times.”
A muscle in Nox’s jaw flinches but I place a hand on him to stop him from speaking. “He’s right.”
“Like hell he is. I know you. You had nothing to do with that freak show in the living room!”
I reach out and grasp Nox’s hand but look to Cyrus and Fletcher. “Can you guys give us a minute?”
Cyrus bows out first, hefting his weapon onto his shoulder before stomping back down the hall in a heavy limp, but Fletcher lingers. He casts a suspicious gaze in my direction before assuming an at-the-ready stance. “I would like my protest for this idea to be noted, sir.”
I wish that I could say that I am offended by his protest. A normal person would be, but I am no longer normal. I know the risks far better than anyone else. Fletcher is right not to trust me, especially now.
“I will be fine, Fletcher. You’re dismissed.”
“Of course, sir.” With that he turns and closes the door behind him but not being sending me an “I’ll kill you if you hurt him” glare. Nox waits until he hears Cyrus call out to him before he turns to me and laces his fingers through m
ine.
“I’m sorry about all of that. The men are just being overprotective.”
“They have every right to be—”
“I was so worried about you,” he cuts me off before I can say anything more. “I don’t know what happened here, Avery, but I don’t care. I’m not going to lose you again.”
“I know, but you shouldn’t have come.” I lower my eyes, unable to look at him without seeing the pain that I caused him. “I just don’t want you to think that I left because of you. It was the only way I knew how to keep you safe.”
“And what about me keeping you safe? Isn’t that supposed to be my job?”
“Is it?” I can feel each groove of his fingerprint as he traces his thumb across the back of my hand. It is distracting and wonderful at the same time. “I don’t think we ever really decided anything about us.”
“You left before we could.” He leans in closer and smiles. The scent of him is deliciously overpowering and I wish that I could just close my eyes, breathe him in, and never leave this moment.
“My reasons for leaving have not changed, Nox Being near me puts your life and everyone with you in grave danger. I can’t let you die because of me.”
“I won’t.”
“Yes, you will. Before Cyrus and I got separated, he told me that Cable was on his way with a horde of Flesh Bags. We can’t fight that. You have to leave while you still can.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“You have to. It’s the only way.”
When I look away his grip on my fingers tighten. “What aren’t you telling me?”
The answer to that could fit so many different things. I haven’t told him that I think I have fallen in love with him and that it terrifies me to admit that I need him in my life. Or that I can’t sleep at night because of the nightmares of Cable tearing him limb from limb just to make me suffer. I can’t tell him that seeing him again makes me question everything I believe in but at the same moment seems to confirm it.
“Avery,” he whispers and draws my hand up to press it against his cheek. “Talk to me.”
“It’s complicated, Nox. I can’t... I don’t...” I sigh and slump heavily against the pillows before slowly pulling my fingers out of his grip. “I want to be with you, far more than I should, but I’m afraid.”
“Of me?”
“No!” I shake my head and tug at the covers until they are tucked under my armpits. “Don’t you get it? I’m afraid of me. I’m not... I’m different, Nox. Even more than you realize.”
Rising from his seat, he shifts over onto the edge of the bed and sinks down beside me. He gently brushes back a stray curl that tickles the edge of my nose and tucks it behind my ear.
“There is nothing that you can say that will make me want to be with you less.”
“Want to bet?”
“Yes.” He plants his hands on either side of my legs and leans in close enough that I can taste the sweet hint of grass on his breath. He must have been chewing on a hay earlier.
I look long and hard into his eyes. There is no condemnation or fear. Only a yearning for the truth, but can he handle it? I guess there’s only one way to find out.
“The day I left, I shot a boy in the head without blinking and carved a message into his chest so that Cable would follow me. Later, I shoved a Raider’s nose up into his brain because he annoyed me and then tortured Ryker for information before leaving him to be eaten by a Flesh Bag after promising him a quick death. And all of that blood your men saw in the living room...” I point toward the door. “That was me, Nox. I spent hours carving that bastard up because he hurt that boy and girl. That is who I am now.”
Though his color wanes with each sin that I confess the resolve I see in his face to believe in me never waivers. “All of us do terrible things in the face of life and death situations.”
“I might agree with that if there wasn’t more that I haven’t told you. Ever since I woke up in that lab beneath the hotel I have been experiencing strong urges.”
“What sorts of urges?”
I clench my fists against the blanket. “Hunger.”
“Well, that’s perfectly normal. Your metabolism must be working at an accelerated rate, especially with your new ability to heal. I’m sure that it’s perfectly normal...” he trails off when I shoot him a hard look and his lips form a large O. “You weren’t talking about regular food, were you?”
I wish that I could drop my head into my hands and curl in on myself, to hide from the truth, but instead I stare back at him without blinking. He deserves the entire bloody truth. “I have become a monster.”
“No, you haven’t.” When he tries to lay a hand on my arm I pull back.
“I knew shooting that boy was the merciful thing to do but I did it for me. And those other men? I liked killing them. There was this...this feeling of ecstasy that sent me riding on a high that I’ve never felt before and I finally understood that Cable was right about me all along. I tried to run from it, to save you from seeing what I have become, but I can’t run for what’s inside of me.
“If I was like that before, what will I be like after this new bite? When I am around human blood or become enraged it’s like something takes over my body and I’m helpless to stop it. No, that’s not true. I just don’t want to anymore.”
“I don’t believe that.” He leans in toward me but makes no move to touch me again. “You saved those two kids when you could have just walked away. And what you did to that man wasn’t just fun for you, Avery. It was justice. I know you did it for them, not for yourself and that means there is a part of you that is still in there somewhere.”
“Maybe.”
“While you’ve been unconscious, I’ve spent some time getting to know Liam. He’s a good kid and he sure seems to trust you. I don’t blame him after what you did for him and Hope.”
Despite the tightness in my chest, I smile. “So the little turd finally came clean with his name, did he? He must have decided that he likes you to spill. I couldn’t pull that information out of him for anything.”
“Trust me it had nothing to do with my winning personality. I just happen to know his dad.”
“Really? So he is alive?”
“And kicking. Steven has been hell bent on going on every patrol mission he could get since he arrived so that he could search for Liam. What are the chances that I’d find him in this place?”
The momentary happiness that I feel for Liam locating his only remaining family is quickly soured when I realize what Nox is attempting to do. “I’m happy for him, I really am, but it changes nothing.”
“Doesn’t it? It proves that you did something good, Avery.” Nox thinks for a moment before trying a new angle. “Did those men deserve to die? The Raider and...and Ryker?” His voice catches when he mentions his former soldier’s name but he keeps his gaze steady on me.
“The Raider wanted to kill me and Ryker had information that I needed. He wasn’t exactly the sharing sort.”
“Then their deaths were justified.” He tentatively places a hand on my knee. When I don’t pull away this time he leaves it there. “You know that I have done my fair share of killing too and I can tell you that some of their faces haunt my dreams at night, but do you know what gets me through? Knowing that I did what I had to for the sake of the people I care about. You did the same thing.
“That boy you left for Cable saved the people at the hotel. The Raider was killed in order to save your life, and Ryker...am I right in assuming that he knows where Wiemann is?”
I nod slowly. “I was tracking him when they got pinned down by the Raiders and a group of Flesh Bags. I tried to get to them but I got overrun and had to hide. But the time I caught back up, Jax found a way to escape and they got away.”
Nox rubs at the back of his neck as he rises to his feet and begins
to pace beside the bed. Once he reaches the closed door, he turns back to begin walking again. I that know my killing a fellow soldier can’t sit well with him, but Nox shared no love for the man or those he was traveling with. Cap’s betrayal and that horrific cleansing they unleashed on the people trapped in that laboratory was inhumane.
“You did what you had to. No one would fault you for that.”
“You should.” I look away.
“No. I get it, Avery. I may not know exactly what you are feeling or what you are going through, but I can see how you are suffering. I know you well enough to know that you would do whatever it takes to save someone else from this fate. Let me help you.”
He falls still as he searches my face. “You’re not going to do this on your own. There’s no way I will allow that.”
“It’s not your decision to make,” I whisper.
“Like hell it’s not. I care about you, Avery. We are in this together, for better or worse, and you need to start accepting that.”
The simplicity with which he makes such a profound statement is a complete mystery to me. How can he so easily profess his feelings and desires to protect me after I’ve just revealed the worst possible things about myself?
“The people back at your base need you, Nox. You are their leader.”
He leans in and crushes his lips against mine before I have a chance to react. It intensifies as he holds my head in place, tasting my lips as I mold against him. Finally, breathless and with his heart racing in his chest, he pulls back to whisper in my ear, “And you’re my girl. I’d go to the ends of this world to be with you with. No one and nothing is going to keep me from doing that if you will have me. Please say that you will, Avery.”
I close my eyes, savoring each melodic tone that resonates in his voice. Never before has it sounded so beautiful to my ears. This newfound gift has enabled me to appreciate the simplest things in life and for that I am grateful, but as I place my hand over his beating heart, I know that I would sacrifice anything to make sure that it keeps on beating, even if that means sacrificing my own heart.