He shook his head. “Nope. It centered around a pretty saloon gal.”
“I don’t believe that for an instant. I’ve never seen you go into the saloon.”
“What can I say?” He shrugged. “I got curious, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
Garrett slung his arm around Mark’s shoulders. Mark fought back the tears that stung his eyes. He loved his brother and knew Garrett loved him, but they rarely showed their affection other than teasing one another. He cleared his throat, dreading to see his brother’s face. “I killed a man.”
Garrett stiffened for a moment but quickly relaxed. “I’m sure you had a good reason for doing such a thing.”
“I didn’t mean to kill that cowboy. He was roughhousing the woman I thought I was in love with. I told him to stop, and he just shoved Annabelle away and pulled his gun.” Mark lifted his hat and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I just reacted. I pulled my gun and fired back. I didn’t even think I’d hit him, much less killed him. It was just a gut reaction.”
“Why were you wearing a gun? You don’t normally.”
“I don’t know. Pretty much everyone in Abilene wore one, so I guess I had to. Just to fit in.”
“Did Mr. Conrad?”
He nodded. “Actually, he did. He had a shoulder holster and wore it under his suit coat. You couldn’t see it, but he had his weapon in case he needed it.”
“It must have been a fair fight since you weren’t thrown in jail and didn’t stand trial.” Garrett stared at him. “You didn’t, did you?”
Mark shook his head. “Plenty of folks in the saloon spoke up for me, and that cowboy had a reputation for causing trouble. The marshal actually told me he was glad not to have to deal with the man anymore. But that didn’t make me feel any better. I took a life.” He hung his head in his hands and stared at the dirty wagon floorboards.
“Have you asked God to forgive you for killing that man? Knowing how tenderhearted you are, that must have been eating away at you all these years.”
“Yeah, I’ve asked the good Lord to forgive me a thousand times, but the ache never goes away. I took a man’s life, and there’s no way to make restitution for that.”
“No, but God has forgiven you. It sounds like you haven’t accepted that.”
Mark stared out at the rolling hills. In the distance, three deer munched on the tender grass just outside of a clump of oaks. All he had to do was raise his rifle, and they’d have venison for dinner. But he’d had enough killing to last him forever.
“I think the problem is that you need to forgive yourself. Whoa…” Garrett pulled the wagon to a stop. The horses snorted and shook their heads as if they knew home was close by and they wanted to keep going. His brother turned in the seat to face him. “It was an accident, Mark. You’ve got to let go of this and believe that God has forgiven you. If He has, don’t you think it displeases Him for you to keep hanging on to your misery? Let it go.”
Mark leaned his elbows on his knees. “How?”
“Just do it. Repent, once and for all, and believe God loves you and forgives you. You’re God’s child. If you were a father, and say your child accidentally killed a squirrel or even a dog, would you hate that little one?”
“No, of course not.”
“Well, you’re God’s child, and He doesn’t hate you, either. He wants you to get past this. Turn loose of it, brother.”
Mark nodded. It was time. No amount of feeling sorry could change a thing. He bowed his head. “Father God, I’m so sorry for killing that man. You alone know how much, but please forgive me. And help me to forgive myself and put this behind me. Help me to move forward from this day on.”
“Amen, Lord. Show Mark how much You love him—how much I do, too.” Garrett cleared his throat and swiped at his eyes.
Mark sat up and blew out a breath that puffed up his cheeks. “I do feel better.”
Garrett slapped him on the shoulder and grinned. “That’s great. Now let’s talk about the other thing that’s bothering you.”
“You mean about me quitting the business and leaving you in the lurch?”
“No, I’ve been expecting you to change careers for a long time. I’ll manage just fine—not that I won’t miss working with you. I mean Shannon.”
“What about her?” He’d just confessed the worst thing he’d ever done to his brother, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about the woman he loved.
He blinked, as reality set in.
He did love her.
“Are you just going to let her marry that Kessler guy without a fight?”
Mark looked off to the right, avoiding his brother’s stare. “It’s too late to do anything about that.”
“It’s not too late until she’s married the guy. I’ve seen how you look at her. Don’t tell me you don’t love her.”
Mark shook his head. “It took me a while to figure that out, but I couldn’t ask her to marry me after what I did.”
Garrett looked at him with a blank expression. “What did you do?”
He gazed at his brother as if he’d gone crazy. “I just told you. I killed a man.”
“Really? You killed a man?”
Mark crossed his arms and leaned back against the seat. “Not funny.”
“I’m serious. God not only forgives our sins, but He forgets about them—at least that’s what the reverend says. God makes us pure, white as snow, after we confess and ask His forgiveness. It’s as if we’d never committed the sin.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were studying to be a minister.”
“Ha, ha, now who’s joking? I’m serious. Guess I’ve just been paying more attention in church. I see no reason at all that you can’t marry Shannon if you love her, other than your own stubborn pride.”
Hope swirled through Mark like a flash flood. Was it actually possible?
He did love her with all his heart. But would it be fair to steal her back from Rand, even if she agreed, at this late moment?
“Would it be better for her to marry a man she doesn’t love, when the one she does wants her so badly?”
He stared up at the blue sky. Had that thought come from God or from his own desires?
“I made her for you.”
Mark sat up straight. God had made Shannon for him? Was it really possible?
His chest warmed. Suddenly, he grabbed the reins and slapped them down hard on the horses’ backs. “Heyah!”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Garrett stared at him wide-eyed and grabbed hold of the bench as the wagon lurched forward. “I’ve got to get to town and stop a wedding.”
Shannon walked around the kitchen in Rand’s home. The big room boasted a large stove, plenty of work area and cabinets for storage, and even a huge pantry. Tall windows allowed in plenty of light and a cooling breeze during hot weather. A table that seated six was shoved against the far wall. “’Tis far grander than I expected.”
“There’s a door to the cellar under this rug.” Rand kicked the braided mat out of the way and lifted a door.
“Why, I’ve never seen the likes of it. How grand ’tis to have the entry inside the house. ’Twill be very handy, especially in cold weather.”
“Yeah, my ma liked that a lot, too.” Rand looked proudly around the room as if seeing his mum working there. “I’d like you to make a list of whatever you need. Food, sewing stuff, cloth, anything, and I’ll have Mrs. Morgan order it for us.”
“That’s very kind of you, Rand.”
He shook his head. “No, it isn’t. I want you to be happy here.”
Did he think buying her things would make her happy? In fact, coming to his ranch did the opposite and made her question if she was making the right decision. The Kessler ranch was much farther from town than she’d expected. They’d left at first light and hadn’t arrived until noon. After she toured the house, they’d be heading back. She ran her hand down the doorjamb. She loved this house, but the problem was, she didn’t love
Rand. Could she truly be happy here? Would he be happy?
“The parlor’s this way.” She followed him into another large room with logs and chinking on the walls. A dark blue settee faced a large window revealing a beautiful view of rolling hills dotted with cattle. ’twas a serene scene that did nothing to calm the stormy sea roiling within. What was wrong with her?
“The other room at the front of the house has a number of uses.” Rand opened double doors and stepped inside. “As you can see, that wall serves as a library of sorts. ’Course we don’t have anywhere near the books that the boardinghouse has. That old Mrs. Hamilton—James’s ma—collected them like most folks do children. I reckon Mrs. Davis would loan you some of hers if you don’t find what you need here.”
“I’m sure this will do just fine.” She studied the rest of the room. A desk rested on one side as well as several comfortable wingback chairs for reading, she supposed.
Rand grinned and pointed up. She lifted her gaze, contemplating the fact that his smile, friendly as it was, did nothing to excite her. A large, wooden frame hung from hooks affixed to the ceiling. Ropes were attached that she assumed would lower the rack down. “What is that?”
“Ma’s quilting rack. She refused to have it down and in the way all the time, so my pa rigged up this system so she could lower it when she wanted to quilt and raise it up when she wanted it out of the way.”
Shannon had never seen such a device. “’Tis very practical.”
Rand chuckled. “I guess, but the problem Ma had was that she had to go round up three other people each time she wanted to raise or lower it.”
She nodded. “Aye, I can see ’twould be a problem, for sure.”
“If you prefer to leave it down, doesn’t bother me. ’Course, you might not want to once we have children running around and messin’ with things.” Rand’s ears grew bright red at the mention of children.
Shannon hurried to the window, not wanting him to see her flaming cheeks. How could she maintain this facade? Living with a man she didn’t love was one thing, but being intimate was something she hadn’t considered. I can’t do it.
“There’s one bedroom downstairs, but it’s small, so I use the large one upstairs at the front of the house. You can go up and look at it and the other two if you want. I’ll…uh, stay down here, for propriety’s sake.”
Shannon’s cheeks warmed again. “That’s all right. I don’t need to see them. I suppose we should start back soon so we’ll be in town well before dark.”
He nodded. “I just need to run upstairs and get some things. Look around some more or have a seat if you’d like. I won’t be long.”
He took the stairs two at a time, like an eager schoolboy on the last day of class. Shannon dropped into one of the chairs and looked out the window. She would love living in this house. Never had she resided in one so fine, except for places she’d worked or the boardinghouse. But she was fooling herself. She might be delighted with the house, but marrying Rand was a mistake she would quickly regret.
She once promised herself that she’d never wed unless she married a man she dearly loved. Maybe she couldn’t have Mark, but she realized now that she couldn’t marry Rand. It simply wasn’t fair to him. He was a good, kindhearted man who deserved to marry a woman who loved him deeply. A woman who’d be happy to bear his children.
How could she tell him, though? He’d be so disappointed, and she dreadfully hated disappointing him.
He didn’t love her, but he thought her pretty and liked her accent, so he said. He probably could have fallen in love with her, but alas, her heart belonged to another.
CHAPTER 31
Shannon leaned against the boardinghouse post, watching Rand drive the buggy out of town. With the wedding called off, he’d decided to return to his ranch instead of spending the night in town. Her heart ached. He was such a good man—a lonely man. “Father, send him a woman who will love and cherish him.”
Not quite ready to go inside and tell everyone her news, she sat down in a rocker and stared down Main Street. What could she do now?
She didn’t want to work for the Corbetts and had pretty much nailed that coffin shut. She had enough money to travel to another town and maybe stay a week. Would that be enough time to find a job?
And what if she didn’t, and her money ran out?
She blinked back the tears stinging her eyes and stared up at the sky. “What do I do now, Lord? I feel like I’m right back where I was when I first came to Lookout, only I no longer have a prospective husband.”
She sat there for a long while, rocking. Numb. What was to become of her?
A couple walking arm-in-arm rounded the corner by the Fosters’ vacant lot. With the arrival of their niece to tend the store, Mr. and Mrs. Foster had left town. Shannon suddenly realized the couple was Dan and Leah. She smiled, so happy to see they’d come to their senses and were back together, and yet the reunion only made her own circumstances more bitter to swallow.
She rose as they approached, but lost in each other’s eyes, they didn’t notice her at first. “Shall I be going inside so you two can be saying your good nights?”
“Oh, Shannon.”
Leah’s cheeks were bright red from embarrassment, or the heat of passion—Shannon wasn’t sure.
“Uh, no, that’s all right. We need to talk to Rachel. Dan and I are getting married tomorrow, right after you and Rand.” Leah beamed.
Shannon couldn’t toss water on her friend’s delight, so she kept her news to herself for now. At least the food Rachel had already prepared for Shannon’s wedding wouldn’t be wasted. That would ease her guilt. “I’m so happy for you both.”
She hugged Leah and smiled up at Dan. “You’ll both be very happy together. I’m sure of it.”
Leah all but bounced on her toes. “Thank you. We’re going inside to tell Luke and Rachel now. See you in a bit.”
Dan nodded, his eyes burning bright. He opened the door for Leah, and they both went inside. Shannon wandered to the end of the porch, her heart heavy. How could she endure tomorrow? Instead of getting married, she’d have to watch her friend’s ceremony. The ache of her loss was almost too much to bear.
Footsteps sounded behind her, but she didn’t turn around. She couldn’t face anyone just now. Suddenly, she realized she hadn’t heard the front door open, so who could be behind her? She started to turn, and a sack flew over her face, blocking out the light. She flailed her arms, hitting someone hard. The oof she heard was decidedly masculine, and then the man hauled her up in his arms.
She opened her mouth to scream and sucked in dust. A round of coughing kept her from calling for help. And then she was tossed up and landed on top of a horse. The man climbed on behind her and kicked the horse into a run.
Save me, Lord. Protect me.
All manner of thoughts attacked her mind. Why would someone make off with her? Had the outlaw who’d kidnapped Rachel that summer returned? Why did he want her? Could he be one of the men who’d proposed to her?
She shivered, and the man tightened his arms around her, not in a cruel manner but as if he were trying to protect her.
But a man who wanted to keep her safe wouldn’t kidnap her. “Let me go.”
She broke her arm free and elbowed the man in the stomach. Getting away from him while they were still close to town was imperative. If he took her miles from town, she’d never find her way back, and she’d be completely at his mercy. She leaned forward, prepared to rear back and butt him in the head, but something poked her in the side. A gun?
Her breath grew ragged, but she forced herself to relax. Maybe he didn’t have nefarious purposes. Maybe he was a widower and just needed a woman to care for his children. But then why would he put a gun to her side?
Long before she expected, the horse’s steps slowed, and then stopped. Over the pounding in her ears, she could hear water. Had he just taken her to the river?
He slid down, and she felt him gently lift her off the horse an
d set her on the ground, keeping his hands lightly on her sides until she gained her balance. The sack flew off, and Mark stood in front of her.
She blinked hard and sneezed, then socked him in the gut. He doubled over, grabbing his stomach. “What was that for?” She stomped her foot and glared at him. What kind of shenanigans was he up to? “’Twas for scaring half my life off of me. And you shoved a gun in my side? Just what do you think you’re doing?”
He looked chagrined and toed the dirt. “I wanted to talk to you. And that wasn’t a gun, it was just my finger.”
“Ach!” She threw her hands in the air and stormed toward the edge of the river. “Why didn’t you just ask to speak with me?”
He was silent for a moment, then finally spoke. “Because I didn’t think you would.”
He was probably right. In her state of mind, she hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone, least of all him.
“Shannon, please listen to me. You can’t marry Rand Kessler.”
She spun around, her curiosity and ire stirred. “I can marry anyone I want to.”
He yanked off his hat and forked his fingers through his hair. She watched, longing to do the same. She swallowed hard and returned to watching the water bubble over the rocks. The sound soothed her inner turmoil. “What is it you’re wanting?”
“I…uh…want you to marry me instead.”
She whirled around again. “Don’t you be teasin’ me, Mark Corbett.”
His blue eyes held the truth. Her heart felt as if it were a bird on the edge of a steep precipice, ready to take wing and soar. “Why would you want that? You, who doesn’t want to marry anyone?”
“Because you stole my heart, you little Irish thief.” He grinned, almost apologetically. “You whisked into my life and made me want things I didn’t think I deserved, and when you were gone, I was nothing but a miserable wretch.”
“Me thinks you still are one.”
He grinned wide. “You’re probably right. But do you think you could forgive this wretch and at least put him out of his misery?”
She held her trembling hands in front of her and cocked her head. How could this be happening? Fifteen minutes ago she’d been a huddled ball of misery, but now…
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