by Brooke May
“I am now. I wasn’t feeling too hot, but I’m better now.” I yawn the end of the sentence and stretch as I sit up. Fiona has a tray with a bowl of soup and crackers in her hands. “How long was I out for?”
“All day.” Her lips purse, her face etched in concern.
“What?” In a panic, I reach over and grab my phone off my nightstand. There are four missed calls and three texts, all from Chamberlain.
Chamberlain: Made it to Worchester.
Chamberlain: I hope you are feeling okay.
Chamberlain: Katie, answer your phone. I’m worried.
“Shoot.” Fiona places the tray on my lap as I look at my phone.
The back of her hand presses to my forehead. “You aren’t hot anymore. Eat up and get some more rest.” Her command is soft before she leaves the room.
“Thank you, Fiona.”
“Anything for you, baby doll.”
As I stir my soup, I dial Chamberlain. The phone barely rings when he picks up. “Thank God, you’re all right.”
“Sorry, I must have really needed some sleep. I just woke up.” I take a sip of soup. “Ouch!”
“Katie? What’s the matter? Are you okay?” He rushes out questions in his own panicked state.
“I’m fine. Just eating some hot soup.” I blow on the next spoon full. “What are you doing?”
“Missing you.” He sighs, and my heart melts. I want to be there in his arms, but I need to get better. “Scott kept trying to get me to go out, but I’d rather sit here and talk with you.”
“I wish I was there.” My reply is a whisper.
“Me too. This bed is too big and too cold without your little body wrapped around me.” His voice is deep and low, sending a shiver of delight through me at just the thought of him in a big bed.
“Maybe I’ll be there Saturday night with you to celebrate your win.” I have complete confidence in both. I know he will win. It is something he has worked hard on and has wanted for a long time. And if I’m sick for a few more days, I’ll get lucky, and my parents will quarantine my part of the house.
“Damn straight.” He barks a laugh. “Think you will get out of the charity?”
“Pretty sure.” I nod even though he can’t see me. “As long as this bug lasts a few more days.” I drink more soup.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better. Just really hungry now.” I wedge the phone between my ear and shoulder so I can pick up the bowl to down the rest of my soup.
“Take it easy. I don’t want you getting sick again like you did this morning.”
“I won’t. I’ll stick to light stuff until this passes. Fiona will make sure of it.” I yawn.
I’m tired again already?
“You should get some sleep. If this bug passes, pretend you’re still sick and sneak over here to me. Please?”
“I will, Chamberlain. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, Katie.”
“Good night.”
“Dream of me, baby.” We hang up, and I hold my phone to my chest and curl back up under my covers.
XOXO
I HATE THIS absolutely, completely hate this. For the last six mornings in a row, I have thrown up, and then, by that night, I’m starving. Fiona had her eyes on me with concern and suspicion every time she fed me.
I gorge myself and then throw it all up. I’ve dragged myself through my daily routine every day because I needed to do something.
I miss Chamberlain. I even miss Scott in our class. The one nice thing is that Lizzy and Amber now leave me alone. Since I went nuts on Lizzy at Scott’s party, they have steered clear of me.
I talk to Chamberlain every chance he gets to call me. During the day, he is busy with meetings, interviews, and other things along with his training. At night is his only down time, so that is when we talk until I’m ready for bed.
Thankfully, Zoey and my parents have stayed clear of me. The downside is that Fiona had to leave for a few days. I’m not sure when she is coming back. She has a sister in New Hampshire who fell ill and had no one else to help her and take care of her. Fiona was reluctant to leave, but I told her I would be fine.
It’s a little lonely, though. It’s Thursday night, my classes are over, and my dance class is done. I hurried home, but I’m not sure why. I have the kitchen to myself.
I’m not as tired as I was with the first few days of this bug, and I’m starting to think it is finally passing. Now, if the queasy feeling in the morning would pass, I would be great and back on top of my game.
It did work to keep my mother and sister away. On day three, my mother decided they would stay on their end of the house and told Fiona not to let me in the kitchen. She also told her to deliver their food to their end of the house; they refuse to come over here.
Score!
I heat up some lasagna that Fiona made for me before she left and eat quietly in the kitchen. I look around the room and finally settle on my purse, which I just started carrying around. I realize it tipped over on the floor and the contents spilled out.
“Crud.” I put my food aside and get down on my hands and knees to pick everything up. My wallet, sunglasses, ChapStick, keys, and …
I fall back, my bottom hitting my heels as I stare at the object in my hand.
“Tampon,” I say aloud to myself. Something isn’t sitting right with me. I try to recall when I last had my period. I’m not on any birth control. Stupid, I know. I never got around to it, and since Chamberlain and I are always using protection, I put it off.
“Hmm?” Shrugging, I put the tampon back into my purse and return to my meal. But my body is telling me something is off as I try to eat.
“Throwing up.” For the past few weeks, I have been throwing up every morning.
“Insatiable hunger.” I’m eating as much as Chamberlain and Scott do.
“Fatigue.” I’ve been insanely tired, not for the last two mornings, but I have.
“And …” I look down at my chest. This morning while I was in the shower, I went to wash my chest and pulled back with a hiss at the pain that came from the simple, daily touch.
For the second time in a matter of minutes, I fall back. This time my back hits the chair with a thud. “Could I be?”
I stare down at my food, not feeling hungry in the least now. A ball of nerves forms in the pit of my stomach. I don’t even feel like I’m touching anything; I’m floating in a space of uncertainty.
I’m on complete autopilot mode as I take care of the rest of my food for later and travel up to my room. I instantly go to my desk and pull out my planner. Since I’m not on anything, I’ve always kept track of my periods to be on the safe side. I didn’t want to be without something just in case it came during an event or whatever my parents may drag me to.
“Twenty-five. Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-eight. Oh.” The day I was supposed to start was nearly two weeks ago. “I’m late.”
This can’t be happening.
I fall onto my bed and stare blankly up at the ceiling. “Pregnant?” I utter the question in complete disbelief.
How is it possible?
Chamberlain and I always made sure we used a condom. I put myself at risk for not getting on something. I bury my face in my ice-cold hands and shake. Pulling back, I lift my head to gaze down at my flat stomach and place a trembling hand on the lower part.
I could possibly have a baby growing in there.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. I want a family, but I’m too young. And then Chamberlain …
God, Chamberlain! What is he going to say? We haven’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other yet. I sit up and start rocking back and forth on the edge of my bed to settle my shot nerves.
Chamberlain’s ringtone startles me when it starts to ring. My shaking is uncontrollable as I grab it and answer. “Hey,” I say softly, proud that I can actually form syllables.
“God, I miss you.” He moans into the phone. “Come here now. I need my girl.” Normally, h
is pouting would make me smile, but I can’t form one.
“I need you, too.”
More than you know.
I can’t tell him yet; it would throw him off, and I’m not one-hundred-percent certain yet.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a lot on my mind right now. I’m pretty sure I’m out of the charity event. I’m trying to get through my schoolwork and the recital. And I’m missing you like crazy.”
“I know, but you don’t sound like yourself,” he explains.
“I still don’t feel the greatest,” I mutter, picking at my duvet.
“If you don’t feel better by tomorrow morning, will you please go to the doctor?”
I love that he is caring. “I will …”
“I’ll be right there, Gwen.”
I bristle; the ease he was just creating is gone. “Gwen’s there?”
“Yeah, she came to help Tuesday and is staying for the fight. Katie, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I sag.
Great.
“Yeah, good …” The call cuts. “… night.” I toss the phone next to me and get ready for bed. On top of this whole possible pregnancy, now I have to worry about Gwen being there by his side instead of me.
After doing my nightly routine, I put my phone on the charger next to my bed and pull Chamberlain’s hoodie on before crawling into bed. I lie on my side and drape a hand over my stomach. I smile weakly as it wobbles on my face.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I MANAGED TO get up, dressed, make my breakfast, eat it, and get out the door without any nausea. It was far too quiet this morning. Diana made breakfast for the others and left me to do my own thing as she rushed out the door. She never came back. I look like I’m still sick.
My breakfast went down with ease, and I am halfway to the center when the nausea and gurgling began. I manage to make it to the parking lot before my breakfast of oatmeal comes back up with some of last night’s dinner. It isn’t as bad as it has been, but it is still horrible.
I’m not as weak as I have been either. When I’m sure that I’m done, I wipe my mouth and grab a piece of gum before heading into the center to do my workout and my class.
As I run, I wonder if I’ll be able to continue to work out if I am pregnant. I’m sure the running is no problem because I see pregnant women running all the time. And then there is the lifting - I’ll probably have to cut back on it to make sure I don’t put too much stress on my body. I don’t want to give it up completely because I want to keep my body in motion, but I wonder if it is safe for a baby.
I work through everything in silence with no music. I need to figure everything out. My parents will completely lose it once they find out, but nothing they can do or say will change my mind.
Chamberlain has already asked me, several times, to move in with him and Scott. I’m still a little hesitant about telling him. I kept our texts short and simple first thing this morning. He knows I’m still not feeling the greatest. And I’m still not one-hundred-percent sure I am pregnant. I need to get some tests after I’m done today.
Once I’m done with my workout, I grab my bag and down my bottle of water as I walk to the dance room. I have some fun music picked out for the girls today. They need a break after all the hard work they have put in this week and dealing with me not being on the top of my game. I have the soundtrack to Disney’s Tangled, so the girls should have a lot of fun with it.
The girls are lively and full of excitement through our lesson. My cheeks ache from laughing and smiling at their silliness. I love these little girls. My sickness fades away as we get lost in our various dances, and before I know it, we are done for the week. Parents come in to collect their daughters, and I get my things packed away.
“Remember to think of Chamberlain tomorrow night, girls,” I announce before they leave. They all love Chamberlain and Scott. The two of them have become common figures around here, especially if I want to show the girls some moves that can be done with a strong partner. I think some of the older girls in my evening class are going to try to talk some boys into joining so they can have the same fun.
“We will,” they all say in unison.
When I leave, I head to a small convenient store by Chamberlain’s house. It’s safer to go there. There is no way anyone would recognize me or see me who know my parents. I’m dazzled and confused at all the different pregnancy tests looking back at me when I locate them. Some advertise to be the best, but there are still so many.
“Do you need some help, miss?” I dart to the left to find a woman with two little ones in a stroller.
“There are so many.”
“There are.” She laughs. “First time?”
“Yes,” I say shyly.
“I took this one with these two.” She grabs a blue box and hands it to me. “And this.” She grabs a book. “It helps explain so much for your first child. Any morning sickness?”
“Yes?” I repeat, but this time in a question.
“Ginger crackers should help. They are over there.” She points across the store just as one of her kids starts to scream.
“Thank you.” I offer her a warm smile.
“You’re welcome. Good luck and congratulations.” She returns my smile with one of her own before walking away to tend to her child.
I find the crackers and pay for my purchases to head home. On my way, my phone rings, but it isn’t Chamberlain as I hoped. It’s Fiona.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better.” I try to sound happy. I’m nervous about all of this. I don’t want to tell anyone until I know for sure.
“You sound better. Did you go out today?”
“Yes, I’ve done pretty well this week.”
“Oh, good. I’ve been so worried about you. Are you eating everything that I made for you?”
“Yes.”
She’s the best.
“What would I do without you?”
“I don’t even want to think about that, K.C.,” she scolds. “I should be home in a couple of days. My sister is doing much better.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” I pull into my parents’ long driveway. “Tell her I say hi and that I’m glad she is okay.”
“I will. Are they leaving you alone?”
“Yes. I haven’t seen them since before you left.” I park my car. “I’m home now. I don’t want them to hear me talking, so I’ll talk to you later, Fiona.”
“Okay, baby doll. Have a good evening.”
“You too. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
I managed to get into the house and up to my room without running into anyone. I put the test on my bed and the crackers and book on my nightstand. I open the box and pull out the instructions. It says that it is best to take the test first thing in the morning. My hormone levels will be at their highest with my first pee. It also says the blood tests work better, but these are good for home and then to call my OB/GYN.
After I’ve made sure I know what I need to do, I sneak down to the kitchen and quickly throw something together for dinner. I panic when I hear the clacking of heels on the floor downstairs when I’m halfway up to my room.
I settle on top of my bed with my meal and at book that I start to read. For the rest of the night, I stay tucked away in my room. It’s best to stay put until my parents and sister leave early tomorrow afternoon to get ready for the charity. I have never been so grateful for the fact that they never get ready at home.
A half an hour later, Chamberlain’s ringtone fills my quieted room. His excitement is contagious, making my unease about my secret easier to deal with. I’m getting to him tomorrow; I will be there for his fight, and I have a surprise.
“Damn Katie, I’m so fucking ready for this fight!” he roars.
I pull the phone away and giggle. “I know you are. Did you meet your opponent today?” They had to weigh in this afternoon.
“Yes. He is pretty cocky.” He la
ughs. I can imagine him sitting back and running a hand through his hair, which makes me wonder.
“You didn’t shave your head, did you?”
“No, baby, I didn’t.” He growls. “I’m keeping it long enough for you to grab hold of when I pound into your tight little body.”
I shift to try to ease the ache that he causes in me. “I miss you,” I whisper. I want nothing more than what he promises, but I want to be in his presence more.
“I miss you too. How are you feeling?”
“Better …” I trail off; I don’t want to say anything else.
“But? I hear a but in there.”
“But I’m still not …”
Oh, what do I say?
“Just get better, panda. When I get home Sunday, I will want my girl.”
“I will, I promise. It will pass.” And from what I’ve read so far, it should pass in a couple of months. “You be safe tomorrow. Don’t try to prove yourself too much.”
“I’ve got this.” He sounds so certain.
I know he does.
“I’ll be thinking of you when I get into that ring. See if you can find it on TV, okay?”
“Okay.” Even though I plan to drive as quickly as I can to get to Worchester tomorrow as soon as I know it is clear to leave the house. I hear Scott and Gwen in the background, putting a damper on my mood.
“I’ll have Gwen record it on my phone for you, too, all right?”
“All right.” I try my best not to groan at the thought of Gwen in his corner.
“I’ve got to get to this late meeting, Katie. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay. Have a good night. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby.” He breathes sadly into the phone. “Good night. Dream of me.”
“Always.”
XOXO
I PACE THE length of my bedroom as I wait for the test sitting across from me in my bathroom to finish up.
Am I ready to be a parent?
I take a deep breath as I stop in front of the door to my bathroom and wait for my timer to go off. I really don’t want to worry Chamberlain about any of this. With his fight tonight, I don’t want his head to be off his game and lose the focus he has spent so much time working on. But I’m nervous that if I don’t tell him right away he will be mad. I don’t want to do this alone, but I will if I have to.