"What's your number?" Dismissing Mrs. Wilson as she harrumphed out of the office, Deidre smiled at Jamal."We'll get your mom on the phone. She'll be here in no time, you'll see."
She opened her desk drawer, grabbed the Reese's peanut butter cup she'd been saving for a special occasion, and tossed it to Jamal. She stood and picked up the telephone. Her smile disappeared. The oozing warmth between her legs screamed, "Failure." With as much composure as she could muster, she put down the phone."I'll be right back."
Picking up her purse, she ran down the hall to the teacher's restroom. In the stall, sitting on the toilet, her worst nightmare was confirmed."Oh, God. Oh, God, no." She had done everything right. She'd used that chart religiously. She and Johnson had waited until her body temperature was at the right level. How could she not be pregnant? Banging her fist against the restroom stall, she declared, "It's my turn, God." But, no matter how much she wanted it to be, it was not her turn. Would probably never be her turn.
She put her elbows on her thighs and her hands over her face, and cried as if she'd carried a baby to full term, watched him play in the backyard, watched him grow into a young man, then held him as he slowly died in her arms.
Twenty minutes later, Jamal found her still crying. He tapped on the stall door."Mrs. Morris, what's wrong?"
"I-I g-got my period," she blurted between gasps. She clamped her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened. The superintendent had been itching to fire her. He'd certainly do it now. How could she blurt such a thing out to a seven-year-old child?
Jamal smirked."My mama always screams, 'Thank You, Jesus' when she gets her period. The only time I heard her cry was when Mr. Friendly—that's what Mama calls it—came late one month."
Although she hated to admit it, Jamal's statement caused her to be upset with God. Women who didn't want children seemed to spit them out, while she and Johnson remained childless.
She closed her eyes, blinking away the remnants of tears as she thought of her husband. The day they met, he'd overwhelmed her with his deep, dimpled smile. Scared her when he declared that he believed in destiny and she would be his wife. But the following week she was hooked, so into him that when he told her how many children he wanted, she couldn't bring herself to tell him that two doctors had pronounced her infertile.
She should have told him. But he was all she'd ever wanted. Their love was so new, she'd been terrified of losing him. After the Lord saved her soul, she'd thought that if she charted her fertile periods and prayed . . .
"Mrs. Morris?"
Sniffling, Deidre wiped the tears from her face."I-I'm sorry, Jamal. I'll be out in a second." She blew her nose, took the pad out of her purse, and lined her underwear with it. Flushing the toilet, she adjusted her clothes before opening the stall.
As if he were talking a lunatic down from a ledge, he asked, "Do you need me to get you anything?"
Washing and drying her hands, Deidre shook her head.
"When I'm sad, Mama holds my hand. That always makes me feel better." He stretched out his hand."Do you want to try it?"
Deidre's heart swelled with love for this little boy who reached out to her when she needed it most. She grabbed his hand as they walked back to her office.
He squeezed her hand."Feel better?"
A tear trickled down her cheek."Much. Thank you, Jamal."
Back in her office, Deidre put her files in her briefcase."If you don't mind, Jamal, I'd like to go home. I'll call your mom and give her my telephone number and address."
"That's fine with me. Just as long as you let her know where I'll be. I wouldn't want her to worry."
Deidre almost told him that she was sure his mother wasn't all that concerned. If she were, she wouldn't have forgotten to pick him up. That was the other beef she had with God. She and Johnson would be great parents. They'd never leave their children to fend for themselves. But alas, the babies were gifted to the unfit, while she, Deidre Clark-Morris, babysat.
2
Memories, like demons, kicked Kenisha around as she lay down on that hospital bed while this X-ray-looking machine sent radiation through the cancerous parts of her body. She felt weak and beaten as the ghosts of yesterday reclaimed her soul.
"Dynasty, girl, you ain't right."
"Ah, stop your crying," she told Kenisha as she raked the cards off the table."We won fair and square, and you know it."
Kenisha sat back and huffed."Just deal the cards." They were playing Spades. Terrell, Kenisha's boyfriend, was her partner. And Clyde was Dynasty's partner. Although the stiff way Dynasty was treating Clyde made Kenisha wonder if he was still her live-in boyfriend. She turned to Clyde."You need to stop letting your bad habits rub off on my sister. She was a nice girl before she started messing around with you."
Laughter escaped the mouth of three of the card players. But Kenisha noticed something akin to regret dancing around her sister's eyes. Dynasty's silence changed the mood.
Clyde either didn't notice that Dynasty wasn't on his team anymore, or he was playing dumb. He put his hand over Dynasty's and said, "Ain't nothing wrong with my baby. She knows how the game is played. You're the one who needs to keep up."
Dynasty pulled her hand from Clyde's as she smirked at Kenisha."That's right, baby sis, you need to keep up."
"It's like that? All right then." Kenisha turned to Terrell and said, "You heard 'em, right? So I need you to help me show these knuckleheads how the game is played for real."
Terrell kissed the deck of cards and then dealt them. He turned over the first round of cards so that everyone could see what the other player was dealt. Clyde got the three of diamonds, Kenisha got the ace of spades, Dynasty got the king of hearts, and Terrell got the little joker.
"It's on now," Kenisha said with glee. She thought for sure that she and Terrell would win this hand, but the rest of the cards didn't go in their favor and they lost that hand also.
Terrell stood and stretched his long, athletic body."Guess it's time to go. I got people to see."
Kenisha frowned as she cleared the table."Thought you said you were going to let that mess alone?"
He walked around the table, bent down, and kissed her forehead. "Girl, your man has gotta handle his business. How would it look if I let them thugs get away with creeping on my turf?"
Kenisha awkwardly pushed her big-bellied body out of her chair and stood."It would look like you had finally gotten your senses together. Like you were ready to grow up and be a father to our child."
Palming her belly, Terrell told her, "Girl, I'm gon' always take care of mine. Believe that."
Gently rubbing the side of his face, she tried again."I just don't want you to get hurt, Terrell. Every thug on them streets is not gon' back down just 'cause you're mean and mad."
He moved her hand from his face."Just have my steak ready when I get back here.come on, Clyde, let's go handle our business."
"I'll be out there in a minute," Clyde said.
Terrell walked out and got into the truck.
Clyde turned to Dynasty."Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Eyes downcast, Dynasty told him, "Nothing left to say."
"Don't be like this, Dy."
"It's over, Clyde. Just let me go, okay?"
He picked up a chair and threw it across Kenisha's living room. Dynasty jumped up and ran behind the couch.
Kenisha yelled outside, "Terrell, come get your boy!"
"You're not just gon' dismiss me like this, Dy. I've done too much for you."
With the couch between them and Terrell on his way back in the house, Dynasty let loose."Yeah, you've done a lot for me. But you've done a lot more to me. Don't you get it, Clyde? You ruined everything we had when you made me lose our baby."
"Why you gotta start with her? We've got things to do," Terrell called from the door.
"This ain't over, Dy," he told her as he walked out the door.
Dynasty came from behind the couch and yelled at Clyde as he jumped in Terrell's truc
k."Oh, it's over, all right. So stop coming over to my sister's house. I don't want to play cards with you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to know you exist. Do you hear me, Clyde?" She slammed the door, locked it, then sat down and cried.
Kenisha went to her sister and softly rubbed her back."It'll be okay, Dy."
She looked up."When? I haven't seen an okay day since your crazy mama birthed me."
"She was your crazy mama first."
They both laughed, then Dynasty asked, "You got any Kool- Aid?"
Kenisha went to the kitchen, poured two glasses of orange Kool- Aid, walked back into the living room, and handed her sister a glass. "I had no idea, Dy. You told us that you lost the baby because of some kind of accident."
Dynasty took a couple of gulps, then set the glass down."Yeah, Clyde accidentally kicked it out of me."
Kenisha flopped down on the couch next to her sister."I didn't know, Dy. Dawg. What made him do it?"
Sniffling and wiping the tears from her face, Dynasty asked, "Besides being crazy?"
Trying not to laugh, Kenisha nudged her sister."What happened?"
"We were at MJ's drinking and having a good time when Carlton walked in."
"Your ex-boyfriend Carlton?"
"Exactly. Well, Carlton spoke to me, and I stupidly spoke back. Clyde snatched me out of that club, took me home, and proceeded to beat me from one room to the next. He said that my baby probably belonged to Carlton. That's when he kicked me. Over and over again."
"If I'd known, Dynasty, there's no way I would have let Terrell bring that dog in here."
"Don't worry about it. The sad part is, I think I still love him."
"How you gon' love somebody that did some mess like that to you?"
"I never said I wanted to love him, Kenisha. I'm all messed up, torn up inside. I just can't stop my heart from loving his no-good behind."
They sat there in silence for a while, both recognizing the irrational desires of the heart, the longings that just couldn't be denied, even when danger signs glared in their faces. Kenisha was still in love with James, her first love, but he was in prison, so she was trying to make things work with Terrell."Well, if you really love him, have you thought about giving him a second chance?"
Why, why, why did she think Clyde could change? Not a day went by that Kenisha didn't long to talk to her sister, her best friend, again. But her sister was dead, and she had sent her back into the arms of the man who had murdered her— this was her greatest sin. Cancer was her atonement.
A nurse stepped into the room, causing Kenisha to lock her memory back into the past.
"All right, we're done for today. You can put your clothes back on, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Same time, same place," Kenisha said with false cheer.
The nurse walked over to her bed and put a hand on her shoulder. With sympathetic eyes, the older woman said, "I know this isn't easy for you, but I'm going to try to make you as comfortable as possible every day you have to come to radiation. Okay?"
Compassion wasn't something Kenisha was used to receiving. It made her uncomfortable. She cleared her throat and asked, "Do you know how much longer I need to come here? I have kids. I can't keep dropping everything to be at the hospital."
"You don't have any other options. You need this radiation so we can get that tumor small enough to operate."
"What's your name?"
"I'm sorry, I thought I told you my name. It's Lori Myers."
"Well, Lori, do you have kids?" The woman looked to be in her thirties and so thin that Kenisha doubted she had ever carried any children.
"I'm not married yet," Lori said.
Why did these professional types always think you had to be married before having kids? Kenisha didn't understand them at all."Well, I'm not married, and I have three." She stood up and put her clothes on, then turned back to Lori and said, "I don't have a reliable babysitter, so I don't know how I'm going to be able to come here every day."
"One thing I've learned in life is that if you've got the will, you'll find a way."
Easy for her to say, Kenisha thought. This middle-class woman was probably living in the suburbs. She had no clue about Kenisha's life. But Kenisha didn't try to enlighten her. She just grabbed her purse and left the room. Before leaving the hospital, she found a pay phone and called Aisha."Hey, I'm on my way home. Can you bring the kids to me?"
"Well, it took you long enough. My God, Kenisha, it's almost six o'clock."
"I know, I know. It couldn't be helped. Did Jamal have any homework?"
"How would I know? I thought Jamal was with you."
Screaming into the phone, Kenisha asked, "Are you telling me you didn't pick my son up? I called you this morning and asked you to get him for me."
Snapping her fingers."My bad, Kenisha. I forgot."
Still screaming, Kenisha told her, "You better borrow John's car and bring yourself to Good Samaritan Hospital and pick me up so I can find my son."
"What are you doing at the hospital?"
"Don't waste time asking me stupid questions. Get yourself over here now."
"All right, Kenisha, calm down. I'll be there in a few minutes. Sorry."
"Well, that just makes it all better, doesn't it?" Kenisha slammed the phone down without waiting for a reply.
3
Oreo ice cream and pepperoni-and-ham pizza was a combination for pregnant women. But Deidre sat defiantly on her family-room sectional, with no baby in her stomach, wolfing down ice cream and pizza anyway. She pointed at a video on the coffee table."Put that in the DVD player," she told Jamal.
Jamal read the movie title as he picked it up."You like this old stuff?"
"Old stuff? You mean classic, right?"
He popped the movie in and then punched play."Call it whatever you like. All I'm saying is, if it's a black and white, it's old."
In between a mouthful of ice cream and pizza, Deidre laughed. The sound was almost foreign to her. Laughter had been missing in her life since guilt about not being able to produce Johnson's child took hold of her and her "good" job became an evil nightmare.
Since she could do nothing about the child issue, Deidre tried desperately to push Johnson out of her mind. She knew she should have emailed him back at work, or telephoned him so he would know that she wasn't pregnant. But it was too hard to let the words slip out of her mouth. Too hard to hear Johnson's not-again sigh. So, as she sat back and pretended to watch It's a Wonderful Life with Jamal, Deidre thought about the problems at work.
Frank Thomas was the superintendent over the City of Dayton schools. He'd given Deidre a hard time ever since he took the position two years ago. His lack of trust in her ability to run her school effectively was taking its toll on her performance, which was another blow to Deidre's self-esteem and her faith in God. As a Christian, performing well was important to Deidre. She felt that she worked not only for Frank Thomas, but also for God. And when Frank belittled her efforts, she pictured God looking down on her and shaking his finger.
Deidre put her bucket of ice cream on the coffee table as a thought ran through her mind. Maybe she couldn't get pregnant because of all the stress on her job.
"Do you think this getting your wings stuff is for real?"
Remembering that she had company, Deidre turned to Jamal."What?"
"The angel in this movie. Do you think that's true?"
"Do I think what's true?"
Jamal rolled his eyes and pointed at the TV. Clarence the angel was telling a bartender that he needed to help someone in order to get his wings."Do you think that's true?"
She turned her face toward the TV."Oh. I'm not sure."
"What about angels? Do you think they're real?"
Sometimes I wonder. "Yes, of course angels are real."
"Turn left here." When Aisha missed the turn, Kenisha jumped up and down in the front seat of the car."Where are you going? I told you to turn left back there."
"I was going too
fast to turn. Calm down, Kenisha, I'm turning around."
"I'll calm down when I get to my son. How could you forget about him, Aisha? You ain't right."
Making a U-turn in the street, Aisha said, "I already said I was sorry about that. You told me that he's over at his principal's house, right? So he's safe."
Kenisha rolled her eyes as she sat back in her seat and glared at her sister. She just didn't get it. It's a wonder that Children's Services didn't visit her more than once a year. The annual check-up, Aisha jokingly referred to the visits she received from social workers. Kenisha would be mortified if some social worker came to her house accusing her of being an unfit mother.
While waiting for her sister to pick her up, Kenisha called the school but only got the voicemail. She called her mother to see if Jamal had called, but her mother was drunk and couldn't remember. Then Kenisha tried her home voicemail, hoping that Jamal had left her a message. That's when relief swept over her as she wrote down the address that Jamal's principal had left for her.
"You might be mad at me right now, but I have something to tell you and since you're in my car, you're stuck listening."
"What is it, Aisha?"
"I turned in my video to the For the Love of Ray J show."
Kenisha rolled her eyes again. Her sister was a reality show diva wannabe. Aisha had no talent whatsoever and four kids, so there was no way she was getting on one of those shows. But then again, most of the women on those shows didn't have any talent either. They just brought the drama, and people with nothing better to do tuned in."What makes you think Ray J wants to become an instant daddy to four kids?"
Aisha shook her head."Kenisha, you just don't get it. It doesn't matter if Ray J picks me or not. It's the exposure that I'm after. What if I get on that show and some producers see how talented I am . . . maybe I'll get a recording contract or something."
"Didn't they already boo you off of American Idol?"
"My sinuses had been acting up that day, and you know it."
Long Time Coming Page 2