Chico leaned back in his seat and stared at her for a moment."Well, I'll be," was all he said when he'd found his voice again.
Kenisha turned over the piece of paper that had been lying on the table. She put an ink pen on top of the paper as she looked at Chico and said, "I need to find someone to adopt the kids."
Chico scratched his head."Ah, man, Kenisha, I really wish I could do this for you, but I don't even have a place to lay my head on the regular."
Kenisha put her hand on Chico's shoulder and tried her best to empathize with him."I know you'd do it if you could, Chico. But you're not in the position right now, and Kennedy needs a mother and father who can take care of her." She pushed the paper closer to him and then asked, "Would you please sign this form relinquishing your parental rights to Kennedy so I can find her an adoptive family?"
"You want me to give up my rights to my daughter?" Chico asked in a tone that indicated he thought he should be getting the father-of-the-year award, rather than being booted out of the club.
"It's the best thing for Kennedy, Chico. She doesn't need to go into the foster care system. She needs to be with a loving family who will protect her and help her to grow into the woman she is meant to be."
"Why can't your mother take them?"
"You know why."
Chico stood up."You can't do this. I've got rights just like anybody else. You can't just take my child away from me."
Kenisha took the twenty out of her pocket and put it back on the table."Look, Chico, I really don't want to take Kennedy away from you. But if I die and Kennedy doesn't have adoptive parents waiting to take her, she'll go into the foster care system, and you know they will never let you have her. She'll be all alone, without her sister and brother, and without you, anyway. Is that what you want?"
"Well, no, but . . ." His eyes were on the twenty as he sat back down and pointed at the money."Are you trying to bribe me with that?"
"No," Kenisha said."I figured you might need a little money, so I wanted to help you out."
"If I don't sign these papers, are you still going to give me that twenty?"
Kenisha put her hands in her pocket and pulled out another twenty."Tell you what, Chico, why don't I just give you forty dollars? But that's as high as I can go, because I'm trying to save as much money as I can for my children's future."
"You want me to take that money so you can say I sold my child for forty dollars."
"No, I want you to do the right thing and give up your rights to Kennedy, and then I'm going to give you forty dollars. Two very separate things."
"How do you know I won't get myself together so that I can take care of my own kid?"
"I wish that were true, Chico. But I can't take the chance. I won't be around to take Kennedy off your hands if things become too much for you to handle. Think about your daughter, Chico. Do the unselfish thing for her."
"And you promise not to tell Kennedy about the forty bucks?"
Kenisha lifted her hand in the air as if swearing on a Bible in court."I promise."
He grabbed the paper, signed it, and then snatched the money off the table and stood up."There, are you happy? I've just given up the only thing that ever mattered to me on this earth."
"I know you care about Kennedy, Chico, but you did the right thing."
"Whatever," Chico said as he turned and stormed out of Kenisha's apartment.
Kenisha could tell that Chico was upset by what had just happened, but she couldn't afford to feel bad for him. Chico had destroyed his relationship with his child the moment he decided crack was more important. And if he would sign those papers so quickly, in order to get forty dollars, what would he do to his child when push came to shove? No, Kennedy would be better off if she forgot about Chico altogether.
Now came the hard part. Kenisha picked up the same pen Chico had used to sign his rights away and began writing a letter to James, Jamal's father. James had been Kenisha's first love. Even after Kenisha had two other children while he was locked up, James had forgiven her. He'd told her to do her thing while he was behind bars, but when he got out, they were going to be a family again. They had made so many plans for the future that Kenisha hated to write a letter that would cause him to stop dreaming of a better tomorrow. She only hoped that James wouldn't do something stupid that would add more time onto his sentence. He had eight more years to go as it was already. Please, James, please be reasonable, Kenisha spoke those words to the four winds as she put pen to paper.
Hey Baby,
I hope things are going well for you. I know you were scheduled to take your GED test a couple weeks ago. How did that go? I saw your cousin Joey a couple of weeks ago. He's been staying clean. He wanted me to let you know that he's got a job and his own place now.
Well, I wish I could tell you that I'm still counting down the days until you get released, but the truth of the matter is that I have some bad news.
I really hate to burden you with this, James. Especially since I know that you're just trying to do your time and get home. But a couple of months ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had an operation and did some chemo, but nothing worked. You see, James, I'm dying. So I won't be here when you get out. I'm real sorry about that, because I really was starting to believe some of them dreams of yours. But do me a favor, James. Please don't stop dreaming just because I won't be here to listen. I want you to accomplish everything we talked about. Do it for Jamal, okay?
But here's the thing, James. Jamal is almost nine and by the time you get out he will be sixteen. And you already know the type of trouble we were getting ourselves into at the age of fourteen, so we both know that Jamal needs guidance. Someone who can steer him in the right direction before he starts making bad decisions. I'm asking you to sign this relinquishment of parental rights form that I'm including in this envelope and mail it back to me. It's the best thing for Jamal, so please don't be stubborn about this.
Before I let you go, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much I have loved you. I haven't always done the right thing by our love, but you were the first guy I ever loved, and you will be the last. My heart will break for what could have been from now, until . . .
All My Love,
Kenisha
Kenisha folded the letter and the request form into an envelope, sealed it, and then she put her head on her kitchen table and cried for the things that might have been but never would be. Deidre kept telling her to have faith in God and to pray for healing, but Kenisha was living in this body that was deteriorating more and more each day. She had lived in her body for twenty-three years, and now she was dying in it. The only difference between the two was, instead of all the mental pain she had endured, she was now enduring physical pain. The sad thing was, she'd take all the pain this world had to give if she didn't have to say good-bye to James and her children.
16
Within three days, Kenisha received a collect call from James. He was frantic with worry over her, but Kenisha tried to calm him."I'm okay, James. I've come to terms with this dying thing. There's nothing I can do about it anyway, so I might as well accept it."
"Have you told the kids?"
"No, I wanted to wait until I found the right adoptive parents for them."
"How much longer do you have?"
"I don't know. Dr. Lawson told me two months ago that I had less than six months. But to tell you the truth, I've been in constant pain since last week, and I'm starting to feel a little weak."
She heard a banging sound as if James' fist had hit something metal. He said, "I don't want to hear this, Kenisha. This isn't what we planned."
She held the phone tighter against her cheek as if the sound of his voice could caress her."I know, James. If I could change it, I would stay here and wait for you to get out, and then the five of us could be a family. But it just doesn't seem like that is going to happen. So we've got to do what's right for Jamal."
"What's right, Kenisha? You think giving up rights to
my son is the right thing to do when you don't even know who would raise him yet?"
"I'm working on that, James."
"Yeah, well you let me know when you've got things all figured out. Because I'm not letting my son go to just anybody. If the people you pick want Jamal bad enough, then they'll come out here and meet me face-to-face."
Kenisha knew this wasn't going to be easy. James was no Chico. Even though both men loved their children, James loved Jamal more than he loved himself."Baby, I know this is hard. But we have to face facts. If I'm gone with no one to take care of Jamal and the girls, my mother will get them or they will go into foster care, and I honestly don't know which one is worse."
"How do you know that some miracle cure won't be found before you die? Anything can happen, and you're acting like it's already over."
Kenisha fought back tears, because the truth was, she wished she had the luxury of hoping and dreaming."If it wasn't for my kids, I would be right with you, James. You think I don't want to hope that a cure is found for me just in the nick of time? But if I don't make plans for my kids, and I should leave this earth, I don't think I would be able to go in peace."
"Let me speak to my son," James demanded.
"All right." Kenisha laid the phone down and hollered upstairs for Jamal to come downstairs and get the phone. When Jamal picked up the phone and started talking to his dad, Kenisha opened the front door and took the mail out of the mailbox. She sat down on the couch and sorted through all the junk mail. A look of disappointment spread across her face until she looked at the last envelope in her stack. It was from one of the adoption agencies she had signed up with. She was holding her breath as she opened the envelope and searched through the papers for what she had been desperately hoping for. And then she saw it. Jamal's name was on the paperwork. Someone was interested in adopting Jamal.
"Johnson, I need to go over to Kenisha's. I'll be back in a little while."
Johnson came out of the kitchen drying his hands on a towel."I'm almost finished with dinner. Can't you go over there after we eat?"
"Aisha just picked the kids up. Kenisha and I have to go over the new paperwork she received from those adoption agencies before they get back. Just eat a snack so you can wait for me. We can eat together when I get back. Okay?"
"Okay, we can eat dinner later. But before you go, I need to know something."
"What's up?"
"Were you serious the other night when you asked if I wanted to adopt Kenisha's children?"
"I know, I know. You want a newborn. But Johnson, those kids deserve a chance. Kenisha wants us to take them and that touches my heart because I know how protective she is about those kids."
"Just a couple of weeks ago, you were worried that I might get deployed and leave you to take care of one kid, but now you think you can handle three?"
"I don't know. It's a lot to take in. I'm still trying to process it myself," Deidre admitted.
"I really had my heart set on a newborn."
Deidre put her hand on Johnson's cheek. He had captured her heart from the first moment she saw him. All she had known back then was that she wanted Johnson Morris to be hers. She wished that she could give him his heart's desire, but sometimes she just had to let her heart change with the times."I wanted a newborn too, baby. But will you pray about this? Let's see what God thinks."
"Okay, De, you go and help Kenisha and I promise that I'll pray about this."
Deidre grabbed her coat out of the closet."All right, we'll talk about this some more when I get home. Okay?"
"Go see about your friend. I'll be here when you get home."
Deidre hadn't wanted to pressure Johnson into adopting three children rather than the baby he had in mind. As far as she was concerned, she had kept Johnson in the dark about issues important to both of them, so she was in no position to throw stones about him for wanting a newborn baby. But the truth of the matter was, Deidre had become attached to the children, especially Jamal. She wanted those kids and could do nothing but pray that God would help Johnson want them also.
Deidre tried to rein in her emotions. Kenisha had enough to worry about; she didn't need to be bothered with Deidre's problems. But the minute she walked into the apartment, Kenisha sensed her mood and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it. Let's just get down to business before the kids get back."
Kenisha pulled out the papers concerning potential parents for her children. She pointed at the packet on top and said, "This is the one that came for Jamal."
Deidre wanted to scream, "No." She didn't want anyone else to adopt Jamal. She wanted Johnson to want him just as much as she did. But she tried to be supportive."That's great, Kenisha. Did his father release his parental rights?"
Kenisha picked up a towel and wiped the sweat from her brow as she shook her head."James wants to meet the people I pick before he decides whether or not he'll sign the papers."
"You can't blame him for that. He just wants to make sure that Jamal ends up with the right people," Deidre said as she took the packet out of Kenisha's hand.
"I know. But I don't have time for James to go all stubborn on me. Chico signed Kennedy's papers with no hassle."
"Didn't you tell me that Chico was on drugs?" Deidre scanned the papers while she and Kenisha talked.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he don't love his child. I can tell that he does; he's just got that monkey on his back. I'm just glad I don't have to go through this with Diamond's dad. Not that I'm glad he's dead. I just know that he probably would have refused to sign just to irritate me. It wouldn't have been about what's best for Diamond. I really don't know why I ever started seeing that cat. Maybe Dynasty would still be alive if I hadn't fooled around with Terrell."
"You don't know that, and it's best not to even speculate on the matter." Deidre turned to the paper she was reading. She'd gotten halfway down the page when she looked back up at Kenisha."It says here that the potential parent is a single man, in his late forties."
"I know." Kenisha's tone displayed the disappointment she felt."The man had been married for fifteen years to a woman who couldn't have children. She died in a car accident last year, and now I guess he wants an instant family."
Sweat beads were now on Kenisha's neck and running down the front of her shirt. She picked her towel back up and dried herself off.
"Are you okay?" Deidre asked with a look of concern.
"Yeah, it's just hot in here."
"It feels good in here to me."
Kenisha laughed."On top of everything else, don't tell me I'm going through menopause too."
Deidre laughed at that.
"Next, the doctor will tell me I've got crow's feet or I'm growing two heads or something."
"No, no," Deidre said, still laughing."You're going to go to the doctor, and he's going to say, 'Good news, Ms. Smalls. We've found a cure for cancer. ' "
"And what would that be?" Kenisha asked with a grin on her face.
"Sweating."
The two women broke out in laughter again. And then, as Kenisha wiped some more sweat from her face, she said, "I need to bottle this stuff. I can probably cure the nation."
At that moment, Deidre truly admired her friend. Kenisha had been stricken with an incurable disease but still found a way to laugh about it. Most people in Kenisha's position would be having a pity party, but not Deidre's friend. She was steadfast and determined to do right by her children until she took her last breath.
Getting them back on track, Kenisha asked, "Okay, so what do you think of this guy?"
Deidre shook her head."My biggest problem is that he's single. I mean, what's his motive for suddenly wanting to adopt a son?"
"Yeah, my first thought when I read that he was single, was that the guy was some type of pervert, trying to get a defenseless little boy to call him Daddy by day and who knows what by night. But then, when I read the part about his wife not being able to have children, that made me think of you and
your husband. What if something happened to you and then Johnson wanted to adopt a child as a single guy? Would you want him to be turned down?"
Deidre hoped and prayed that nothing would happen to her anytime soon. She wanted to experience the joy of parenthood with Johnson. But if for some unfortunate reason she died before they adopted or had a child, Deidre wouldn't want Johnson to be denied the opportunity to become a father just because he was single."I guess you're right. You should at least talk to this man to get a better impression of him."
"Hey, is something wrong? You look sad," Kenisha said.
"No, I was just thinking about Johnson and some of our issues. But I didn't come over here to burden you with my problems, so let's just get back to these packets."
"Is he cheating on you?"
Deidre thought about the day she had irrationally accused Johnson of fathering the child of his co-worker. When her sanity had returned, she had felt bad because she knew the kind of man Johnson was. He had made vows to her, and he would honor them until the day he died."No, Johnson isn't a cheater."
"Good, because I know people. We could have his arm or leg broken, couple black eyes. You name it."
Laughing, Deidre nudged Kenisha."Keep your thugs away from my husband."
"All right, all right," Kenisha put her hands in the air as if surrendering."But he better stop making you so sad, or else I might have to deal with him myself."
Deidre turned back to the packets."Do you still have the information on those two couples who were interested in taking Diamond and Kennedy?"
"I threw the ones that only wanted one or the other away, but I kept the two who wanted both girls. I hoped I wouldn't need them, because I really want someone who is willing to take all three of them."
"Keep hope alive," Deidre said in her best Jesse Jackson imitation."You don't know what God has planned."
"Can I ask you something?" Kenisha asked as she pulled the two packets of the potential parents out of the paperwork and set them on the coffee table.
Long Time Coming Page 12