Long Time Coming

by Vanessa Miller

  "That's why you shouldn't have brought him here. Chico only cares about his crack habit."

  "I'm sorry, Kenisha," Aisha said again as if that should settle everything.

  But no matter how many times Aisha said she was sorry, Kenisha wouldn't be able to forgive her for this. There had to be some reason Aisha did this, and Kenisha would bet money that it had nothing to do with what Chico wanted. But she could badger Aisha on the subject from now until doomsday and she'd never get the truth, so she just told her, "There's only one person that you could bring to see me that I would appreciate seeing."

  "I know you want to see Kevin, but I haven't heard from him, and I don't know where he is," Aisha said.

  "Well, then, I'll tell you what, since you're all about helping the downtrodden—"

  "Martha told me to bring Chico over here. I didn't want to do it," Aisha admitted.

  Kenisha ignored her and kept on talking, "You go find my brother. Tell him that I want to see him before I die. But if you can't find him, then don't you come back, either. Okay?"

  "Mama?" Jamal said, with an eyebrow lifted.

  "Kenisha, how can you be so mean to your sister?" Deidre asked.

  "As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a sister anymore. She's always thought that my kids were too spoiled. For all I know, she brought Chico over here to scare you and Johnson. She's hoping that my children won't have anyplace to go after I'm gone." Kenisha turned back to Aisha and said, "That'll teach my kids, won't it, Aisha? If they have to live in the projects with your kids, they won't think they're so much, then. Right?"

  "I wasn't trying to scare Deidre and Johnson. Martha and I thought Chico really wanted to see Kennedy."

  "Get out of my face, Aisha. Don't come back here anymore."

  "Is that the way it is, Kenisha? First you disown Martha, and now you disown me too?"

  "You brought Chico here, knowing that he steals to pay for his habit. What if he comes back here with some of his boys and robs Deidre and Johnson? What if one of my kids gets hurt because of what you did? No, I can't forgive what you did, and I don't ever want to see you again."

  Aisha turned and fled out the door while everyone else remained stunned at how harsh Kenisha could be. She turned her back on them as she lay back down and went to sleep.

  25

  After the confrontation with Chico and Aisha, Deidre went back upstairs and prayed for Kenisha. It seemed that the more Deidre prayed for God to soften Kenisha's heart, the harder it got. But Deidre wasn't going to give up. If Kenisha was going to enter eternity, then Deidre wanted her to live it out in heaven. And there was no way that Kenisha was going anywhere near heaven with all the hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness she carried around."God, please mend Kenisha's heart. She's been through so much in her young life, and to tell you the truth, I understand why she's so angry all the time, but could You please help me show her kindness like she's never known?"

  Johnson walked into their bedroom as Deidre was getting off the floor."Were you praying?"

  She wiped away the tears that were flowing down her face."Yeah. I'm so worried about how bitter Kenisha is. I'm praying that God heals her heart before it's too late."

  "I've been praying for her too, babe. So stop worrying; things will turn out for the good."

  "I hope you're right, because I want Kenisha to live out eternity in heaven—whether she goes soon or much later."

  "Since we're both off today, do you want to take the kids shopping?"

  "We both can't take the kids shopping because Aisha isn't here, and somebody needs to stay here with Kenisha." Deidre then had a second thought and said, "Why don't you take the kids shopping, and I'll stay here with Kenisha? Pick up a tree. Decorating a Christmas tree should bring some joy into this house."

  Johnson smiled."Good idea, babe, I'll do it."

  "And while you're off having fun with the kids, I'll go keep the dragon lady company." Deidre laughed at her own joke as she walked out of the bedroom and went downstairs to fix breakfast.

  After everyone had eaten, Johnson and the kids left the house. Deidre sat in the recliner reading her Bible while Kenisha channel surfed. When Kenisha couldn't find anything on TV, she turned to Deidre and asked, "What's so interesting in that book?"

  "I'm reading about Joseph this morning. He was a dreamer who became a very important man in the land of Egypt."

  "I know the story," Kenisha said.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah, I'm not as ignorant as you think I am."

  "I never said you were ignorant, Kenisha. You're putting words in my mouth. I was just a bit surprised that you were familiar with the story because you don't attend church."

  "I used to sneak to this little church around the corner from my mom's apartment. The Sunday school teacher taught us about Joseph, the dreamer."

  "What other lessons did you learn at that church?"

  "Not too many. I started going to that church so I could pray for Jimmy to stop touching me. I had only been going a couple of weeks when my mother finally caught that perv and put him out."

  "So you just stopped going?" Deidre asked, trying not to seem shocked about this new revelation.

  "I guess I just lost interest. And maybe I was a little mad at God too. Right after I learned about Joseph and how he dreamed about stuff that later happened, I started dreaming that I was a butterfly. And that I was able to fly real high—so high that nothing could touch me. But every time I woke up, I'd still feel like this ugly little caterpillar, so I stopped going to that Sunday school class."

  "But you are a human, Kenisha. There's no way you are going to turn into a butterfly."

  "Yeah? Then why do I still feel like I'm getting stepped on like a caterpillar or any other common bug?" Shaking her head at the unfairness of it all, Kenisha continued, "Back then I thought God could do anything. But I guess he was schooling me so that I wouldn't be so disappointed later in life when He didn't do a thing for me."

  Deidre silently prayed, Lord, please give me the words to say to this girl. I don't know how to help her believe in You. Then, just as if God was planting an idea in her head, Deidre said, "Have you ever told God that you're angry with Him?"

  "Why would I want to waste time doing something stupid like that?"

  "For one, it might make you feel better. There have been times when I was upset with God myself, but I prayed about it. I find that whenever I take the time to be completely honest with God about how I'm feeling, He always finds a way to help me get over whatever I might be going through."

  "If I started telling God the things that have ticked me off about Him, I'd probably be dead before I finished, so like I said, why bother?"

  Deidre didn't push. She picked up her Bible and finished reading the planned chapters, then she made lunch for herself and Kenisha."Are you in any pain?"

  "Yes, but I want to watch the kids put up the Christmas tree when they get back, so I'm trying to wait."

  "Kenisha, can I ask you something?"

  "I'm stuck on your couch, can't go anywhere unless I use that wheelchair, so I guess you can ask me all the questions you want."

  "I don't mean to pry, but sometimes your behavior confuses me." Deidre hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. She didn't want to offend Kenisha, but she knew she couldn't let her continue on in this manner."You are so good with your children, and it is obvious that you love them, but when it comes to your mother and your sister, it almost seems as if you hate them. Don't you think you owe your mother and sister an apology?"

  "Nope," Kenisha said without giving the matter a second thought.

  Deidre found it hard to believe that anyone could be that clueless about their behavior. So she tried again."I have been in the room when you've had conversations with your mother, and I heard the way you talked to your sister this morning. Nobody should be treated the way you've treated them."

  Sighing, Kenisha said, "I'm dying, Deidre. I just don't feel like holding my tongue anymor
e. Martha has never been a mother to me, and Aisha is going to be just like her. I feel sorry for my nieces and nephews."

  "What about forgiveness, Kenisha?"

  She huffed."Out of all the things people have done to me, ain't nobody never asked me to forgive them for none of it. And if they did, I'm not sure I would let them off the hook that easily."

  "People think that forgiveness is for the person who wronged you, but it's not. Because when we allow things to bottle up inside of us and we don't release it, or forgive the people who may have caused hurt to come in our lives, we just become bitter. And God can't use bitter people."

  "Well, it doesn't look like He's going to use me anyway. I'm dying, remember?"

  "What about your children, Kenisha? Do you want them to treat people with respect?"

  "They already do."

  "That's not a given. The Bible tells us that we must raise our children in the way we want them to go when they grow up."

  "That's not my job anymore, is it?" Kenisha said with a frown as she looked away. She pulled the covers up over her shoulders.

  "Kenisha—"

  "I'm tired, Deidre. I don't want to talk right now. Wake me when the kids get back."

  Deidre had so much more she wanted to say. She desperately wanted to tell Kenisha about eternity. Because if she didn't make it, and every sign pointed to that fact, Deidre wanted to help Kenisha make her journey to heaven. But Kenisha wasn't ready to hear about all that. So Deidre backed off. She left the family room and began straightening up around the house.

  When Johnson returned with the kids, the atmosphere was once again filled with excitement. Deidre grabbed the ornaments out of the garage as Johnson put the tree up in the family room. Deidre popped popcorn, and Kenisha helped Diamond and Kennedy string the popcorn so that it could be hung on the tree. Jamal helped Deidre pick out the ornaments to be hung on the tree. All was going well in the Morris house, but Deidre worried that she was feeling too content with her new found family. Something was bound to happen that would turn things upside down.

  Kenisha and Deidre received approval for a special visit with James on Monday morning. Deidre had to call in at work again, but she did it without blinking an eye. Kenisha was grateful for that, and she now knew that Deidre would be the type of mother who would place her kids before her career.

  They were seated in the visitor's area of Lebanon Correctional Institution waiting for James to take his seat and join them. Deidre was so nervous that her knees were knocking. Kenisha was just happy that she felt strong enough to walk into the prison and didn't have to be in that wheelchair. She spotted James's chiseled, chocolate form as he entered the room. The guard pointed in her direction, and she wanted to jump up and scream, "That's my man!" But she held her peace as she watched him walk toward her.

  He smiled at her, and it felt like heaven opened up. The man was like a Greek god, all muscles and chocolaty goodness. He put you in mind of Morris Chestnut. Even the way he walked was smooth and rhythmic. James should have been making movies rather than doing time.

  "Hey, baby," he said as he stood in front of her.

  Kenisha stood up and put all her strength into hugging James. She kissed his cheek and then sat back down."Look at you. You're shining like Mr. Universe or something."

  "I'm not that big. I've just been lifting some weights and eating my carbs, that's all."

  "Well, you're looking beautiful to me," she said and then touched her hair and turned away from him."I'm sorry I don't look better, but I can't do nothing about all this weight I've been losing and how brittle my hair is."

  "You still look good to me," James told her as his eyes danced over her hair and her face with all the hunger of a lovesick teen.

  Kenisha turned to Deidre as if she'd just remembered that the room didn't only belong to her and James."Deidre, this is James, Jamal's daddy."

  Deidre stretched out her hand."Nice to meet you. I'm Deidre Morris."

  James shook her hand."Nice to meet you too. I'm James Moore. You know, like my son is Jamal Moore."

  Kenisha shoved James."Don't start, we just got here."

  "I'm not starting nothing, Ke-Ke. I just want everybody to understand that Jamal is my son."

  "And we don't want to change that," Deidre said quickly."My husband and I just want to do what Kenisha has asked us to do."

  "What did you ask them to do?" James asked Kenisha.

  "Baby, Deidre and Johnson are good people. They live in the suburbs in a nice house. Both of them have college degrees and got good jobs. Jamal can learn a lot from them. That's why I want the Morrises to adopt my children."

  "Well, one of your children belongs to me. And Martha already told me that she would keep Jamal until I get out, so that he don't have to be adopted by nobody."

  Martha was constantly messing with her. Deidre thought she was too mean to that woman, but every time Kenisha turned around, Martha was either doing something to her or one of her children."James, you know my mother isn't fit to watch a dog, let alone Jamal. Our son is smart. He deserves a chance in life. Please help me give him that chance."

  James pointed at Deidre while still talking to Kenisha."You think that she's so much better than Martha just because she don't live in the projects. You need to check yourself, Kenisha, because we both grew up in the projects."

  "Exactly, and look at us. You're in prison, and I never did nothing with my life but raise my children. I didn't even finish high school. But Jamal has a chance to do something with his life, but if you give him to Martha, he might end up in a cell with you. Now, is that what you want?"

  James didn't say anything.

  Kenisha stood up."Well, I haven't got much time left, James, so I'm not going to fight with you. But Deidre is a praying woman, and she is going to make sure that God hears about how stubborn you are."

  "You ain't right, Ke-Ke. Now you want to put God on me?"

  "I don't want to. But you're not being reasonable. I love you, James, and Jamal does too. But you ought to love him enough to let him go."

  "He's my son. He's all I have," James said with pain in his voice.

  "You're in prison, James, and we can't wait on you anymore. I don't have much time. Please do the right thing."

  James turned to Deidre and asked, "Why can't you just keep him for me until I get out of here? Why do you have to take my son away from me like this?"

  "I didn't do this to you, James. All we want to do is give Jamal a home, and love and care for him just as you would have done if you weren't in here," Deidre said.

  Kenisha plopped back in her seat and said, "I think I'm going to need the wheelchair to get back to the car. My body feels like it's locking up on me."

  James jumped up and waved his arm for one of the guards."What's wrong, Ke-Ke?"

  "I'm just tired, James, that's all. Sit back down. I don't want you to get shot in here," she said with a smile.

  "What's going on, Moore?" The guard asked as he walked over to them.

  "She needs help," James answered while pointing at Kenisha.

  "We need a wheelchair," Deidre said.

  "We don't have one in here. We can carry her out if she can't walk. Hold on. Let me get a couple of guards to help you." The guard walked away.

  Kenisha turned to James. She gently put her hand on his face."I've got to go. Please mail the release form to the address I sent to you."

  Tears glistened in James's eyes as he held onto Kenisha's hand."I don't want to lose you, Ke-Ke."

  "I'm sorry, baby."

  The guard came back with a wheelchair."I found one," he said, then asked."Do you need help getting into it?"

  "Yes," Kenisha admitted.

  "I'll help her into the chair," James said, and he stood up and lifted Kenisha out of her chair.

  Kenisha put her arms around James and imagined that he was carrying her over the threshold of the house they had said they would get when he got out. She wanted to stay in James's arms forever, but once he put h
er in the chair, the guard made him move away.

  This was the last time she would ever see James. His last memory of her would be of the day he picked her up and put her in a wheelchair. Something just wasn't right about that.

  26

  Deidre knew that Kenisha would be upset after their meeting with James, so she scheduled appointments at a local day spa. She'd made sure to inform them of Kenisha's condition ahead of time. Deidre was glad that she had done so, because each technician treated them like royalty. Kenisha received a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, and a massage. Deidre only had enough money to pay for Kenisha's procedures, but the owner said that they were doing a two-for-one special that day.

  Kenisha had to be wheeled from one room to the next, but even that didn't dampen her spirits."This is great," Kenisha said with a genuine smile on her face.

  "Isn't it? I get the works at least once a year."

  "Wow. I never would have thought about doing something like this."

  "A girl's got to treat herself every now and then," Deidre said as they walked into the massage room.

  Kenisha lay on the table with Deidre on a table next to her. Instrumental music was playing softly throughout the room. The massage therapist pushed on Kenisha's back and began massaging the knots out of her back."Mmm, this is nice," Kenisha said as she drifted off to sleep.

  Deidre was thrilled at Kenisha's response to the day spa. She had hoped that an afternoon of pampering would help ease some of her pain, but later that night while she was in the kitchen stirring her chocolate, she heard sounds coming from the family room. Thinking that Kenisha might be moaning out of pain, she stepped closer to the room to assist her. But then she heard Kenisha talking, and she sounded like she was mad at the world, or better yet, from what Deidre could make out, Kenisha was mad at God.