From Hawaii to Forever

by Julie Danvers

  Kaja was sure it hadn’t taken Seth too long to work out her true heritage from the ensuing press coverage of her mother’s death, though she’d kept it from him and everyone else while living in Cambridge.

  The unspoken Why? and the hurt she’d caused were blazing so brightly in his gaze she was forced to turn away.

  ‘Thank you. I wasn’t able to help my mother but I’m hoping you can do something to save my father.’ After years of being on dialysis, her father’s kidneys had failed. They were lucky that he hadn’t had to go on a waiting list for a new organ when her brother had turned out to be a match and was willing to donate one of his kidneys. With Seth one of the UK’s most esteemed transplant surgeons, he was the first person she’d thought of when the nephrologist had told them dialysis was no longer working.

  She reminded herself that was why she had brought Seth here. Not to resolve old personal issues or pick up where they’d left off—if that were even a possibility. Which it wasn’t.

  ‘We can discuss the details later.’ The tensing in Seth’s jaw gave her chills. It would seem he hadn’t forgiven or forgotten after all and why should he? In the intervening years she’d yet to come to terms with her actions at that time and the consequential events.

  She nodded, knowing it was a conversation she couldn’t avoid. Seth had come all this way to help her family and an explanation for running out on him was the least she could give him in return.

  ‘Are you really a princess?’ A tiny voice broke through the adult tension.

  ‘I really am.’ She was second in line to the throne of this principality after her father and brother but a four-year-old wouldn’t be interested in the politics or boring small print of her position. In a little girl’s eyes, at least, she had all the trappings of a fairy-tale princess. Of course, the reality was much different and less enchanting than the bedtime stories.

  ‘Do you have a glass coach and a fairy godmother?’ Clearly, Seth had no problem in letting his daughter believe in the fantasy, regardless of his own experience and knowledge that happy-ever-afters didn’t exist.

  ‘I’m afraid not. I wish I did but this is it.’ They stepped out onto the pavement, the sun warming Kaja’s skin again after the chill of the air-conditioned airport.

  The white limousine with her chauffeur at the helm was a privilege she didn’t take for granted after her years using public transport in England. Although it likely wouldn’t impress this Cinderella-loving youngster as much as an enchanted pumpkin and mouse coachman.

  ‘I suppose this will have to do.’ Seth let out a long whistle.

  Kaja was aware this wasn’t the norm for most people and only served to highlight the differences in their worlds.

  Isak, her cheery chauffeur, got out, tipped his cap, and opened the door for them to get into the car.

  ‘If you can bear it... Alderisi Palace is a short distance from here.’ She stood back to let her guests climb onto the back seat first, seeing Amy’s eyes light up when she heard their destination. If she had been disappointed by meeting Kaja, hopefully her home for the next few weeks would better live up to expectation. At least trying to keep a small child entertained should distract her from the prospect of her brother and father’s operations. Along with the man who’d be performing them.

  Her personal security guard, Gunnar, was riding up front and Amy had chosen to sit on one of the long side seats in the rear, leaving her and Seth on the back seat. Despite the vast car interior she found the amount of secrets and ghosts wedged in around them suffocating.

  Amy was humming to herself and dancing one of the dolls she’d pulled out from her backpack along the leather upholstery, completely oblivious to the rest of the world around her.

  ‘I hope having Amy with me isn’t causing you any inconvenience.’ Seth leaned across to speak to her privately, his warm breath brushing her cheek the way his fingers used to right before he kissed her...

  ‘No. Not at all,’ she said much too loudly, and sprang back from further thoughts of his touch upon her.

  ‘I don’t have anyone else to take care of her. Gran passed away last month. Although she hadn’t been able to watch her for some time. Alzheimer’s,’ he confided, letting that one word fill in all the details he failed to give her.

  Finding out he had a daughter when she’d contacted him had come as a shock. She hadn’t expected him to be frozen in time in their semi-detached house, waiting for her call, but having it confirmed he’d led another life after her still hurt. Especially when he had the one thing she could never have. A child.

  Kaja hadn’t had time to mope around after her lost love due to her mother’s passing. Then she’d been determined to atone for the neglect of her family by throwing herself into the royal duties she’d avoided until then. She’d met Benedikt at a fundraiser for the public hospital where she worked in the emergency department once a week; a position she’d had to fight to keep hold of as some measure of independence. Although her brief working week meant she’d never really fitted into the hospital team as well as the one she’d worked with in England.

  Benedikt had been older than her and from one of Belle Crepuscolo’s wealthiest families. She’d believed marriage to him, becoming a power couple on the world’s stage, would please her father, to whom family and tradition meant everything. That somehow a prestigious match would fill the void left by her mother and make up for the years she’d abandoned her post in her home country. Having a baby was part of that duty, to secure the family line and make her husband and father happy. Her failure to get pregnant and her spouse’s philandering shattered that dream. Benedikt’s affair and subsequent filing for divorce to marry his pregnant mistress had played out for the world to see and gossip about. Whereas Seth’s life was a closed book to her. One she suddenly wanted to binge-read.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know you were close.’

  ‘Yeah. Her and Gramps raised me as their own. Now they’ve both gone I’m a bit lost, to be honest. I think the trip out here will do Amy some good to get away from my moping around.’ His sad smile was one she could relate to, having lost her own mother and still having to function for other people’s sake.

  At a time when a person simply wanted to wallow and wail over the loss of someone important in their life, one had to plaster on a happy face for appearances’ sake and pray it would stop everyone else falling apart too.

  ‘I assume your wife couldn’t get away to join you here?’ She didn’t imagine the child’s mother would let her come out here unless she had other serious commitments preventing her from being with her daughter.

  ‘Paula and I...er...aren’t together any more. Haven’t been for some time.’

  ‘Sorry. I didn’t know.’ Once she’d heard he’d married so quickly after their separation she hadn’t wanted to know any more. She’d simply accepted he’d moved on without her and taken steps to do the same. Something she’d later come to regret.

  ‘Yes, well, Amy was the best thing to come out of that relationship.’ His steely set jaw and change in his tone conveyed there were bad feelings lingering about the situation.

  ‘You share custody?’

  ‘No. Her mother left and never looked back. It’s just the two of us now. That’s the way we like it, isn’t it, Ames?’ The little girl nodded, though she couldn’t have heard the nature of their conversation.

  Kaja got the impression this was a mantra he repeated often so they’d both believe it.

  ‘You certainly seem as though fatherhood is agreeing with you and she’s gorgeous. A real credit to you.’ She could see Seth as a single dad, braiding his daughter’s hair and organising playdates. He’d always wanted children even though they’d both been busy with their careers. It was a topic she’d tried to avoid. She could see now that it was because she knew they would never have been able to settle down as a family. Not when she hadn’
t been honest with him about her background.

  Ironic, when she probably couldn’t have given him a baby anyway. Irregular periods and her failure to get pregnant with Benedikt had led to a diagnosis of polycystic ovaries and the end of her marriage. Not even the invasive laser treatment she’d undertaken to try and fix the problem could prevent her husband from straying.

  Now Seth was a father she was certain Amy was top priority in his life. Despite his dedication to his profession and his patients, Seth always put his loved ones first. Unlike her. In looking out for her own interests Kaja had managed to hurt the man she’d loved and her family.

  He’d looked after his grandparents in their old age and he’d been committed to her during their relationship. To the point of proposing marriage.

  Now she’d invited Seth back into her life she was reminded of everything she’d lost when she came home.

  ‘Thanks. It’s not exactly how I saw my life panning out but I wouldn’t be without her for the world.’ The proud father confirmed what Kaja had already seen for herself in the short time since their arrival.

  ‘You’re lucky to have each other.’ Seth was currently having a dolls’ tea party in Amy’s honour on the back seat of the limousine. Anyone could see they had a special bond. One she was quite envious of when she’d never get to have that close relationship with her own child. Even if continued treatment meant she could conceive some day, it was a lot to go through without a guarantee of success. To her, love, marriage and children were all inextricably linked and Benedikt had proved that without one of those links everything else fell apart.

  ‘You never thought of having kids yourself?’ It was the sort of question adults asked each other all the time, catching up on each other’s news after losing touch. Yet it touched a still exposed and very raw nerve.

  ‘I thought about it. It just didn’t work out for me.’ Even saying that, reducing what she’d gone through to a vague disappointment brought forth a swell of sadness from the pit of her stomach threatening to swamp her. It was the ensuing anger that had accompanied that period that had prevented her from drowning in her sorrow altogether.

  ‘I know you’ve had a rough time too.’

  There. Her humiliation was complete to find Seth hadn’t missed the spotlight shone on her own disastrous marriage, even if he wasn’t party to the devastating details of her infertility problems.

  ‘I never was very good at making those big life decisions.’ She’d wondered how differently her life would’ve turned out if she’d accepted his proposal and settled in England for good. Although, it wouldn’t have solved the problem that had caused the end of her marriage. She’d loved him too much to ever force him into a future without the family he was born to have.

  ‘We all make mistakes. What’s important is that we learn to forgive ourselves, as well as each other.’ He fixed her under his gaze, warm like melted chocolate. She hoped it was his way of telling her he’d forgiven her for her past mistakes. If they’d been somewhere more private, perhaps in better circumstances, she would’ve asked him for clarification and taken that as a cue to apologise. There’d be plenty of opportunity to do so over the course of the next few days when they’d be living under the same roof.

  ‘That can be hard to do when you know you’re the facilitator of your own downfall.’ No one had forced her to leave Seth, marry someone she hardly knew or to stay in a country where she no longer garnered any respect. She’d managed that all by herself. It was no wonder she’d been given the dubious nickname of ‘The Unlovable Princess’ when it was such an accurate description.

  ‘I don’t think you have it as bad as you make out, Princess. You might take all this for granted but look around you. This is priceless.’ Seth wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t know or showing her things she hadn’t seen before. Although, as he leaned across her to direct her gaze out of the window, she wasn’t inclined to tell him so. It was an age since she’d been this close to a man, this man, and she revelled in the warmth of his body and the masculine scent of sweat and cologne clinging to his skin.

  Belle Crepuscolo, as the name suggested, was a beautiful country. Landlocked by Switzerland, Italy and Austria, it had an enviable climate and a culture influenced by all the surrounding countries.

  While Seth watched the blur of blue skies and sprawling whitewashed villas flash by the window, Kaja was more interested in the view she had. Seth was more a sense of home to her than the vista outside and she realised everything she’d truly left behind in England that fateful day.

  ‘There’s more to life than money and sunshine. That old adage holds true. None of it can buy you happiness.’ To her, privilege had become a prison. It kept her trapped in a life she was desperate to break free from.

  Her happiest time had been during those rain-drenched, barely-time-to-sit-down working days in Cambridge. At least then she’d had Seth to come home to. They’d cooked dinner, curled up together in front of the telly and made love in their own bed. Nothing out of the ordinary and yet it had been everything. Being so close to him now reminded her of those cosy nights in when she’d been pretending she could lead a normal life. Before reality crashed in and reminded her it wasn’t possible.

  ‘That’s easy to say when you have this on your doorstep. What else could you possibly want?’ He turned his brilliant smile on her and she was powerless to hold her tongue or tell him anything but the truth.

  ‘Love.’

  She saw that spike of pain on his face before he composed himself and returned to his own side of the car. They both knew she’d had that once in her life and thrown it away. The Unlovable Princess deserved everything that had come to her since then.

  * * *

  Seth hadn’t been as prepared to face Kaja as he’d thought. For some reason he’d thought he’d fly out here, do the job he was required to do and, once he’d seen her, all that past hurt and betrayal would melt away. He’d got it into his head that facing her would make him realise everything had turned out for the best. After all, if Kaja hadn’t run out on him he wouldn’t have slept with someone else on the rebound or had Amy as a consequence. While he regretted the hasty marriage, he’d never be sorry for his daughter’s existence. She was his everything.

  He’d known the minute he’d set eyes on Kaja again closure wasn’t going to be achieved so easily. It didn’t matter that five years had passed, that they’d both married, and divorced, since, or that he’d become a father. In that moment, seeing her again had transported him back to the day he’d proposed. When she’d rejected him, packed her bags in the middle of the night and disappeared without a trace. All the confusion and fear of that time was tied up in the memory. Along with the anger and sense of betrayal he’d felt when he’d seen her on the news as word of her mother’s death had spread. A princess. He’d had no inkling of her heritage, couldn’t imagine Kaja as anything other than his busy surgeon girlfriend. Until now.

  She’d swapped her green scrubs and sneakers for pink silk and diamonds but she was as beautiful as ever. As though her fairy godmother had waved a magic wand and enhanced her natural beauty for the oblivious prince who’d needed it spelled out to him what an amazing woman she was. It was unfortunate her real Prince Charming had turned out to be anything but, according to the papers. Seth took no pleasure in reading about her heartache but perhaps there was something to be said for the commoner she’d snubbed after all. Seth had loved her for who she was, or, at least, who he’d believed she was, with no need for a substitute.

  He knew what it was to be hurt and to think you were inadequate. After all, he’d been abandoned by a teenage mother who’d thought having a baby would ruin her life and a wife who’d pretty much thought the same about him and their daughter. Kaja hadn’t even bothered to give him a reason why his love wasn’t enough for her.

  Despite their personal history, Kaja had deserved better than being cheated on. Just a
s he’d deserved better than being ghosted.

  ‘I mean, when it comes down to health matters we’re no better off than the average person. We can fly the best renal surgeon out here to perform the transplant but there’s no guarantees my father and brother will survive. If anything happens to them I’ll have no one left in my life.’ Her voice broke. It was at odds with the cool composure she’d shown at the airport. He’d known in that instant she hadn’t regretted her actions when she’d seemed so personally unmoved by seeing him again. Meanwhile his insides had been churning as though he’d hit turbulence even after he’d stepped off the plane.

  For a split second he’d wondered if she’d missed him or what they’d had together. She’d quickly shut down that idea, letting him know it was her family she was getting emotional over. He should’ve known better. Kaja’s family was all she’d cared about in the end. It was a pity he hadn’t known about their existence until it had been too late to do anything.

  ‘Hey, have a little faith in your transplant surgeon. Nothing’s going to take them away from you. Besides, don’t you have a whole country to keep you company?’ Since his gran had passed he’d been more aware than ever of his limited social circle. With his time no longer eaten up talking to carers or visiting the home, outside work Amy was his whole world. While he was content with that, he knew it wasn’t healthy for a four-year-old. Before that cruel disease had robbed her of cognitive thought, Gran herself had made him swear to get a life of his own after she’d gone. To take Amy to see the world and have adventures.

  Kaja’s call for help had been a well-timed gift, an easier way out than forging new friendships in a place where he’d happily existed on the periphery of society. His busy life as a renal transplant and general surgeon made it challenging to balance work and home life. As a result any thoughts of another romantic relationship had gone on the back burner in favour of spending time with his daughter and grandmother when he could. Now he’d packed up and fled the country with his daughter so he didn’t have to face life without the woman who’d been the only constant in his life. This trip had been the cowardly way out of his grief and he knew that sense of loss would be waiting for him on his return.