I’m completely paralyzed. I can’t move, can’t breathe. All I can do is watch Hudson in the middle of the stage. Just him and his guitar. One solitary light shining on him. Illuminating him in a way that almost makes him look other worldly.
He closes his eyes as he starts to sing and I swear it’s like he’s singing just for me.
“It’s easy to lose yourself in a tequila haze. To let the music carry you away. The feel of your hands warm on my chest. The way I felt by the press of your lips. But when the fog cleared and you were gone the urge to feel the burn was still too strong. I’m addicted to your taste, your touch, your smell, and this bottle of tequila reminds me too well.”
Tears pour down my face. The emotion – the pure rawness of his performance is enough to bring anyone to tears. Knowing that I did this. That I put that pain there. That I’m the reason he’s hurting rips the hole in my chest wide open and I swear everything I’ve been holding inside pours out of me.
I’m sobbing by the time the song ends, the sound of the audience fresh in my ears as I shove the laptop aside and head for the door. When I pull it open Starr is standing on the other side with a knowing look on her face.
“He’s at the beach house,” she’s says, dangling a set of keys in front of me.
“How do you know that?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
“I saw the Chevelle there this afternoon.” She shoves the car keys into my hand. “Now do us all a favor and go get your man back.”
“Starr,” I start to object.
“Don’t.” She holds her hand up to silence me. “You saw the same thing I did on that video. A man does not write a song like that about a woman he’s not still insanely in love with. He’s hurting, Lenny. You’re hurting, no matter how much you try to pretend you’re not. Stop fighting this and accept that you made a mistake. You thought things would be easier without him and you were wrong.”
“What if he doesn’t want me back?” I voice my real concern, knowing everything she said is true a billion times over. I knew I made a mistake the instant he drove away and I’ve spent weeks trying to convince myself otherwise.
“Did you watch the video?” she asks me like the question couldn’t be stupider. “Now go.” She pulls me from the bedroom and shoves me down the hallway.
“I need to change,” I object, having thrown on black athletic shorts and a racer back tank when I got home from work. My hair is up in a messy knot looking a complete hot mess.
“You look fine.” She gives me a quick once over. “Now put these on.” She tosses a pair of flip flops at me.
“Okay. Okay,” I say, quickly slipping them on.
“And Lenny.” She stops me as I turn toward the front door. “Good luck.” She gives me an encouraging smile.
“Thank you.” I force a smile despite the fact that I feel like an entire family of butterflies has invaded my stomach and are flapping around wildly.
—-
It takes me less than fifteen minutes to reach the beach house. As Starr said, the Chevelle is parked in the driveway which means Hudson must be here. Pulling up next to his car, I park and quickly climb out. I don’t think – I simply act, knowing if I do I’ll surely talk myself out of this.
Knocking on the front door feels so completely out of place. It seems like only yesterday this was my home. In a way it will always feel that way no matter what happens tonight.
I wait rather impatiently for a full two minutes, knocking several times over that course, but I hear nothing. Following the path that leads around the side of the house, I enter the gate code before stepping around back.
I spot Hudson before my feet even hit the sand. He’s sitting a few feet back from the water, his knees pulled up to his chest. His gaze is locked on the waves as they roll in, one after the other.
I slip off my flip flops and slide them onto the deck before quietly crossing the beach toward him. My heart is hammering so loudly in my chest I swear there’s no way he can’t hear it as I approach.
When I finally reach him, I spot the bottle of tequila dangling in his hand. I expect him to look up, acknowledge my presence, but it’s like he’s so lost in himself that he doesn’t realize I’m here.
Pulling in a shaky breath, I step next to him and without a word, slide down onto the sand beside him. Crossing my legs, I reach for the bottle of tequila, sliding it from his hand right as his gaze comes to mine.
I take a long pull from the bottle, feeling Hudson’s eyes on the side of my face the entire time. I take a second swig, feeling like a little liquid courage might do me some good right about now, before handing the bottle back to Hudson.
When I finally meet his gaze his expression is guarded, his eyes unsure, and the coil in the pit of my stomach tightens.
He stares at me for a long moment – the space between us zapping with energy – but he doesn’t say a word. I start to wonder if I misread the video; the song he wrote. Maybe that was his way of letting me go, not hanging onto me.
Eventually he breaks the connection, turning his gaze back out to the gulf just as he lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a pull.
“I...” I start, feeling like I might suffocate under the heavy silence.
“Every time I drink Tequila I think of you,” he says, his voice hoarse as he looks down at the bottle in his hand. “I remember you. How you taste. How you smell. How you feel. How you look when you’re lying beneath me. I remember it all, Lennon. And fuck me, but no matter how much it fucking hurts I never want to forget a single moment of it.” His voice breaks slightly at the end and it’s all I can do to not burst into tears right on the spot.
How did I ever think I could give him up? In what crazy reality did I believe a life without him would be better than a life with him? I felt so sure at the time and now I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.
“I don’t either,” I respond, my chin quivering as I watch him stare out at the water which is perfectly illuminated by the moon.
“I can’t do this without you, Lennon.” When he turns back to me there are tears in his eyes. Like a sledgehammer straight to my chest, all the air leaves my lungs in an instant and I struggle to pull in another breath. “I know this is what you wanted, but it was never what I wanted. All I want is you. I meant what I said. I’ll give it all up. I thought being a musician was the only thing that could ever make me happy. But then I met you and I realized it’s not about the music, it’s about what inspires the music. And you, Lennon, you are what inspires the music. What inspires me. You are what matters. None of it means a single thing without you.”
“Hudson.” I lay my hand on his forearm and I swear a shock runs all the way up my arm. “You...” I start, but he cuts in like he can’t get the words out fast enough.
“I didn’t sleep with Annabelle. I never touched her, Lennon. I swear. You have to believe me.”
“I do,” I admit.
“What can I do? What do I have to do? I’ll do anything.” The desperation in his voice, the fear in his eyes – it’s truly more than I can bear.
“You don’t have to do anything,” I say. “I’m yours. I never stopped being yours.”
“What are you saying?” He seems hesitant to believe it could possibly be that easy.
“I’m saying I love you. I’m saying that I’m lost without you. I’m saying that I want our life back. I want you back. I want it all. Everything has felt so empty, so wrong, since you left. There’s been this constant weight on my chest making it almost impossible to breathe.”
“I know the feeling,” he murmurs, capturing my chin between his thumb and index finger as his dark eyes bore into mine. “I meant what I said. I’m prepared to walk away from music if that’s what it takes. I can’t lose you.”
“You aren’t going to lose me. Not again. And you’re not giving up music. Music is who you are and I love who you are.”
“But I already lost you once to it.”
“It’s not the music or the fame that drove me
away. It was the fear that I was being left behind.”
“It’s not possible for you to be left behind when you’re always right in front of me. You are my number one, Lennon. Even when I was too stupid to see I wasn’t putting you first like I should have been, you’ve always been my top priority.”
“I separated myself from your world. No matter how many times you tried to bring me into the game, I insisted on staying on the sidelines. I was afraid. Afraid that if I let myself into your world I’d have nothing left of myself to come back to when it all fell apart. I punished you for what Gage did to me in my past. I had convinced myself that nothing this good ever lasts and I think I was waiting for the other shoe to drop all along. I had a really hard time believing that I could hold your interest forever. You’re Hudson James. A man who can have any woman he wants. How could I possibly compete with that?”
“By being the only woman I see. Because that’s what you are. You’re it for me, Lennon Claire. I think I knew it the moment you slid up next to me at that bar nearly six years ago.”
“You just felt indebted to me for not letting you die of thirst,” I tease, feeling the heaviness evaporate into the warm summer breeze that dances around us.
“Well that was appreciated too.” He smiles for the first time since I sat down and I swear the action sends a whoosh through my stomach that mirrors the waves crashing against the sand.
“I need to be a part of your world, Hudson.”
“You are my world.”
“But I mean I need to be in it. Not standing off to the side. I want you to get to live your dream every day for the rest of your life. I want you to share your magic with the world. Record records, tour every inch of this earth. I want you to do it all. And I want to be right there by your side as you do.”
“Are you saying...”
“Where you go I go. My home isn’t here. It’s with you. I don’t care where we are or what we’re doing, as long as we’re together. You’ve given us a hundred percent from day one. It’s about time I do the same.”
“What about your job? I know how much it means to you.”
“It doesn’t mean as much to me as you do. I have enough money saved to get me through for a while and I can always come back if I need to.”
“You won’t need to come back to it.”
“Who knows, maybe one day when things settle down I’ll be able to work for myself.”
“You’re sure about this?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life. I love—”
His lips are on mine before I get out another word. His hand snakes around the back of my neck as he kisses me hard and deep, his tongue sliding against mine sends my entire body swirling in an inferno.
“I’ve missed you so much.” He shifts, leaving the bottle of tequila abandoned on the sand as he presses into me.
I take his weight, relishing how good it feels when he’s settled over me, the powdery sand soft against my back.
“I’ve missed you,” I gasp, instantly reaching for his shirt which comes off seconds later.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much.” His mouth against my neck, his lips dancing around my pulse, up my jaw, and along the sensitive skin below my ear.
“I love you.”
He grinds his already rock hard length against me.
It’s been so long. Too long. My body aches to feel him buried inside of me.
“Make love to me, Hudson.” I pull his face back to mine, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.
His head shoots up, doing a quick sweep of the beach.
“Wrap your arms around my neck,” he instructs, waiting until I’ve done so before sliding an arm underneath my back and lifting me from the sand.
He straightens, securing me against his chest as he turns and heads toward the house. My legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, my lips sliding across his as he carries me effortlessly through the sand.
We’re on the deck and through the back door in next to no time at all. The second the door latches closed behind us he presses me against it.
“Do you remember the first time we made love in this house?” His lips slide across the base of my throat as he slowly slides the hem of my shirt upward.
“Yes.” My skins burning hot despite the cool air that washes over me as Hudson pulls my tank over my head and drops it to the floor.
“Do you remember how I pressed you against the glass?” He bucks upward, rubbing his erection against the thin material of my shorts. I whimper, the friction only intensifying my need.
“Yes.” My lips find his again and I kiss him hard, grinding against him, desperate for him.
“Do you want me to fuck you like that again, Lennon?” He smiles against my lips, clearly enjoying how crazy he’s making me.
“God yes.”
His hand slides between us, his finger grazing the crease of my leg along the seam of my panties causing me to cry out.
Hudson moves so fast I’ve barely processed my feet hitting the ground before I’m facing the other way, my bare torso pressed flatly against the glass. Luckily the lights are off so it’s unlikely anyone can see us, not that I care at the present moment. I’m too focused on Hudson’s touch. On how his hot breath dances across my bare back as he slowly slides my shorts and panties to my ankles. On the way his hand tightens against my hip as he pulls my back end out further. On the sound of his zipper going down. On the feel of him lining his hard length at my entrance. On the groan that leaves his lips as he pushes forward.
Chapter Thirty-one
“I heard your new single,” I tell Hudson as we lay in bed. He’s curled around me from behind, his arm tight around my waist, his face pressed into the back of my neck, one leg hitched over mine.
It’s the middle of the night and despite how tired I feel, a part of me is afraid to close my eyes. Afraid that if I go to sleep I’m going to wake and realize this was all just some crazy dream.
“Oh yeah?” I feel his lips curl into a smile against my neck.
“I saw a video of you playing it a few days ago in Ohio. It’s amazing, Hudson.”
“I never want to relive what I went through to write that song but I think it’s one of the best I’ve ever written.”
“I think so too,” I admit. “I’m sorry...” I start, feeling the need to apologize again for everything I put him through these past couple of months.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lennon. I’d suffer through it a million times over if it meant I’d end up exactly where I am.”
“I love you.” I turn my face just as he lifts his head, our lips finding each other in the darkness of the room.
“I love you too,” he murmurs against my mouth as I shift in his arms, rolling to face him.
“Tell me about your new album,” I say, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck as his arm tightens around me.
“I’ve got about seventeen songs written to choose from. Tequila Burn will be the first single. Although the label isn’t happy about it.”
“Why not?”
“They wanted something more main stream, more upbeat for the first single. I forced their hand by going rogue and announcing that it will be my first single to thousands of fans.” He chuckles, his chest vibrating against me.
“You rebel.” I pull back and look up. Even though I can’t really see him, I can still make out the contours of his face.
“I’m done being their puppet. They got their say with the first record, the first tour, and the narrative they set. Now it’s my turn to tell my own story. I told a room full of execs just that yesterday.”
“How did that go over?”
“Better than expected. Then again, I didn’t give them much of a choice.” His lips press against my forehead as I shift my head to his bicep.
“So then studio next?”
“Studio next. It will take a few weeks to get the tracks down, maybe longer. We’re shooting for an early release next year
.”
“Really? That seems like a long ways off.”
“When you consider everything that goes into it, six months isn’t really that long. Besides, it means I get a break from touring until the album drops.”
“Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I prop up on my elbow.
“We will be in Nashville for a few weeks while I’m recording, but other than that we should be able to spend a good portion of the next six months right here.” He chuckles when I practically squeal in excitement, knowing how much we really need this time together right now.
“You have no idea how happy you’ve just made me,” I announce, tossing my leg over his hip. He rolls to his back, pulling me on top of him as he does.
The instant my bare heat settles over him he begins to harden and I swear my body ignites like it’s been years since I’ve felt him inside of me instead of a couple of hours.
“We’re going to do things right this time, Lennon.” His hand comes up to tangle in my hair before guiding my face to his. “I won’t lose you again.” He kisses me deep, thrusting upward so his erection slides against me.
“You won’t,” I reassure him, sliding my hand between us to wrap my fingers around his thick heat.
Lining him at my entrance, I push down, both of us groaning as we come together as one.
“Ever.” He tightens his fist in my hair, holding my face to his as he begins to move beneath me.
“Not ever,” I promise, meaning it to the deepest depths of my soul.
—-
When I wake the next morning I’m alone. The bed feels empty without Hudson next to me and a lot less inviting then it did last night.
Rolling to the side, I slide out from under the covers and pad across the room to the dresser, pulling out a clean pair of panties before snagging my shorts and tank from last night off the chair in the corner where Hudson must have put them this morning.
I make quick work of dressing, washing my face, and brushing my teeth, not bothering to fix my hair that’s falling around my shoulders in messy waves. I’m too anxious to find Hudson to care all that much.
Tequila Burn (The Tequila Duet Book 2) Page 20