“What do you mean? Like a phoenix, you rose from the ashes this morning. Start there.”
“It sounds so easy, doesn’t it?”
“My sister isn’t asking you to bleed onto the page. She’s only asking for you to continue to write about the data you’ve collected. Chain you to your desk? Not unless I need to.”
My guilt is running amok with his flirtatious ways—or is he flirting? Maybe I’ve been in the lab too long to know. Maybe this is simply friendly banter. Haley has made it more than clear that Sam belongs to her, and with all I owe her, it’s the least of my sacrifices. What is it about him that makes me feel so at peace? Why am I willing to forgo every rational thought that enters my head?
“I really shouldn’t be here.” I hadn’t meant to say this aloud, but there it is.
“Why not? Arvin is here. He’ll chaperone, if that’s what you’re worried about. I thought it might be nice to finish your PowerPoint presentation on the deck. You know, away from all the distractions of your crowded stateroom or that zoo of a pool. No one expects a book out of you on this cruise. Just a presentation to pave the way for the next book.”
Sam looks innocent enough when he says this, but he’s like that hot professor everyone had in college. The one who paid no attention whatsoever to his fawning students. But I can’t let my guard down and be one of his fawning students. It would be easy enough to fall for his smooth way of taking charge.
“I shouldn’t be here,” I say again. Haley, I think while looking directly into his intense gaze before focusing on the wall of windows. He was Haley’s. “Haley—”
“She’s such a good friend to you,” Sam says. “She really does nothing but sing your praises, but I didn’t bring you here because of Haley, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Why did you bring me to your room?”
Arvin is gone now, swept away by the errand of grabbing us something to eat—as if we didn’t pass free restaurants on the way to Sam’s suite. Sam’s presence commands respect without asking for it, and something about that attracts me in a way it shouldn’t. This fact alone makes him far more dangerous than my ex. He is obviously used to getting what he wants, without the manipulations of a lesser man like Jake. This is apparent by his easy way with the butler.
Sam Wellington is comfortable giving orders and unused to being told no. The sooner I figure out his strange interest in me, the better.
“The same amount of people are in this suite as in my own—well, when Arvin gets back. It’s not really quieter,” I say.
“True, but Arvin and I don’t talk as much.”
That’s the truth.
What does Sam Wellington want with me? “I should go back to the pool with my friends. I’m feeling much better, and Haley can’t have all the men on this ship,” I tell him, hoping to put in a word for her and take my mind off his fascinating, dark chocolate eyes.
“We both should go,” he says quietly.
“Just tell me why you want me here. What’s in this for you?” I cross my arms and try to look angry while I wait for his answer. I refuse to be intimidated by his commanding presence. In all my born days, no one has tried this intensely to get close to me. The researcher in me wants to know why and what on earth he’s up to.
He draws in a deep breath. “I want the chance to redeem myself.”
I exhale. “I told you, it’s no skin off my nose what you said in the lobby. It’s forgotten.”
“That’s not what I mean,” he says.
I steel myself against his charms. “Mr. Wellington, you’ll find a simpleton out there in the world, and she will be lighthearted and filled with joy. You’ll be happy alongside her and prove yourself correct in your earlier assessment that smart women cannot be happy.”
“I’m not looking for a simpleton, Dr. Maguire. I’m looking for the secret to helping smart women be happy.”
“I promise to give you my email address so you can personally tell me that your theory held true.”
“You think that’s what this is about? What I said to you coming on the ship?”
“It’s not?”
“From an outsider’s view, you’re on top of the world, no?”
“I suppose.”
“Let’s review,” Sam says. “You’ve had a bestselling book, a TED Talk success, a career at a university—”
“I know my credentials, Sam. I’ll admit, I look good on paper.”
“But you’re not content. It’s like immediately after I said that, I knew why I was here.”
“On earth or this ship? Just to clarify.”
“On this ship.” He smirks at me. “I’m not certain, but I’m going to guess that very few people find their life purpose on a cruise ship.”
“Well, obviously you missed me today zipping across the ship in a Belle costume. I definitely found my calling.”
“You’re making fun of me.”
“I don’t mean to. I’m confused. I can assure you that my life isn’t perfect and I’m well aware of it.”
He pauses. “I read your book last night.”
This both thrills and terrifies me. Nothing I love more than a personally delivered book review.
“I was fascinated by how you managed to sneak your faith into a science book on happiness.”
“I didn’t sneak it in. It’s just who I am. Maybe it’s who I was, I don’t know.”
“I was impressed. Very fact based, your book, but your heart as a scientist shines through. Your faith is admirable in a place like that.” The Bible he carried when boarding the ship is open on the table. It’s filled with highlights and notes and scraps of paper marking certain pages. Clearly he’s far more in touch with his faith than I am at the moment.
“Don’t be impressed,” I tell him. “My faith is on shaky ground.”
Case in point: I’m in a man’s room and my best friend has a crush on him.
He leans in closer. “I’m curious why a scientist would take a risk to put her faith in a science text but can’t seem to defend it in person.”
“It’s not that I can’t defend it. I grew up in an atheist household. Well, that’s not really true. My parents left the church after a traumatic experience.”
I suppose the whole of my life could be summed up as BA and AA. Before Amy, I had a happy, lighthearted childhood. After Amy, the clouds seemed to cover our world and the sun never shone quite as brightly.
“Look,” I say, “I know my faith, and I can debate the hardest skeptics on why God is real. It’s just . . . my church of late has been the romance channel.”
“So I’ve heard. It appears you’re also a very devout follower of said channel. Any particular reason why?”
“I have to find a church where I can trust again. It’s stupid—I know better. People make mistakes. I’m no better than the next gal, but I can’t seem to bring myself to step foot in a church right now.”
“You mean a church where you feel safe?” Sam chuckles. “Shouldn’t that be all churches?”
“Shouldn’t it?” I exclaim. “You know how in a breakup, couple friends have to choose sides? And it’s awkward to be friends with both?”
“Not really.”
I glare at him, admiring his innocence. “Well, they do. Most of the time you take your friends and he takes his—unless your friends are paired off, then it gets more difficult.”
“Wait a minute. Is this statistically factual?”
“I don’t know,” I say with frustration in my voice. “It’s what I’ve seen over the years, so it’s factual to me. Anyway, the church I went to since I was a teenager chose my ex and his new wife.” I choke over the last word. “So I need to find a new one, but I’m feeling betrayed, so I’m not anxious to go back.”
“It’s a church. You can’t share it? How big is this church?”
“You’d think, right?” I shrug. “I have a hard time with that. It’s not that I don’t forgive, mind you. It’s that he was engaged to me in that congregation an
d attending marriage classes for our wedding, and yet the pastor didn’t have any trouble marrying him off to another woman outside of the church. I mean, was he in two marriage-preparation classes at once with both of us?”
“I’d hope not.”
“I suppose I could say that they have a lot of faith in their marriage prep courses. Only half of the new couple needs to attend.”
“Are you bitter?”
“Not bitter, disillusioned.” I clear my throat. “Look, I believe God will replace what the locusts have eaten. I’m at the point where I know that Jake did me a favor and I dodged a bullet, but I don’t get why it’s so hard for the church to do what it says it believes.”
“You’re talking to a pastor’s kid here,” Sam says. “All I can tell you is that teachers will be judged more harshly than the rest of us. It’s all seen by God. There are no secrets from him.”
“You’re right. You’re totally right.” It still felt like a betrayal. Maybe the kind of betrayal that Haley is feeling right now.
“I could tell after reading your book that something clicked in you, and I want to know what it is. Where did your passion go for the work?”
“The what?”
“I can see you’re not happy, but when I read what you believe, I’m curious as to why.”
“Christians aren’t always happy. Some of them suffer unimaginable tragedies, you know.”
“Trust me, I know.”
I remember that Haley said he’s a widower. I’m tempted to ask how, but it seems so personal and I back down before I’m given a chance.
“After reading your book, I happen to know that I’m here to show you the truth, you have every reason to be happy, and you’ll get your fire back.”
“So what, you’re like my guardian angel?”
“I’m definitely no angel. I only know from the first moment I saw you and opened my big mouth that I had something more to tell you. I’ve been around a lot of intelligent women in my life, and I blew it.”
“So tell me.” I drum my fingers on the table as though I’m in some kind of hurry. But I’m on a cruise ship. Where do I really have to be?
“You don’t feel a connection between the two of us? Familiarity. Like I know you—just a little.”
Now I’m frustrated. This is exactly the kind of game Jake played, and after I gave him a job and a title and apparently my credentials, he basically absconded with my life. It dawns on me now that I’m not mad at Jake. I’m mad at myself for having no proper boundaries in my world. Sam seems like a noble opportunity to get that issue right.
“Sam, I’m a woman of science. I’m not into this woo-woo stuff. I know Kathleen says she’s got some prophetess in her, but we don’t believe her. We nod and put up with her.” Don’t tease me.
“Not like that. As in, I’ve seen your behavior before in someone I loved—the way you work rather than deal—and it legitimately scared me. Today, after the fire, you didn’t so much as slow down. The biggest concession you made for what you’d been through is dressing up and taking a zip line ride.”
I’m intrigued by his story and what on earth he thinks it has to do with me, but it feels too dangerous to hear—to be responsible for it. “I’m not whoever she was. I’m fine, I assure you.”
“Her mother talked to her exactly the way your mother talks to you.”
“That’s all fascinating, but she has nothing to do with me. I promise you.”
Sam nodded as if he was onto me.
“Just another sticking point between the two of us, I suppose. Please, Sam, I know that you want to help. I believe you with my whole heart, but it’s not good. It’s too dangerous for me. I’m vulnerable right now. You’re everything I don’t need in my life. No offense, but—”
“Dessert. I’ll leave you alone if you have dessert with me.”
“Now you’re going to bribe me with sugar?”
“It seems to work. I’m a man of action. I do what works.”
“Promise that this will be over after dessert?”
“Cross my heart.” He makes an X over the left side of his chest and I try not to focus too hard on his pecs. “You don’t have to ever see me again if that’s what you wish.”
“First, tell me what you do for a living,” I say, as if it’s some kind of test. “If you want me to trust you, the least you can do is provide me with some basic information.”
Perhaps Sam inherited handler duties from Haley so the role would be less obvious, and I might be more inclined to listen to him than Kathleen. I’ve decided not to fight the handler. For now. Maybe I need one. At least this one is easy on the eyes and allows ice cream on his watch.
17
Passion is essential to one’s happiness. What makes an individual passionate? That drive holds the key to their happiness.
The Science of Bliss by Dr. Margaret K. Maguire
I’M A VENTURE CAPITALIST. I discover raw talent and invest in it.” Sam lifts one rounded, muscular shoulder, and my eyes are captured by the movement. He might give Kathleen a run for her money in the gym.
“A venture capitalist? I’ve never met one before. So this is what they look like.”
“You should come to Menlo Park in California. We’re a dime a dozen.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
“Creating drama over what I did for a living was a giant letdown, huh? I know you were hoping for something bigger, more fantastical—but there it is. I invest money in other people’s ideas.” He takes my empty water glass. “So tell me, Dr. Maguire, now that you know my career path, what category would that sort me into in your black book of data?”
“It’s questionable. A venture capitalist. You could be in it for the money, and I’m sure most of them are. Big gambles, big payouts.” I give him a once-over. “But I don’t think so. Money is not your motivating factor. Or you’d dress better.”
“Excuse me?” He puts his hands to his chest. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?”
“Nothing. I only meant that you dress for the job, but not beyond.” My hand glides up and down in front of him. “You could wear Armani, but you’re happy with J.Crew. So that tells me money isn’t your motivator.”
“How do you know I could wear Armani? Maybe I strive for J.Crew and I’m in debt to wear it. Did you ever think of that?”
“No one goes into debt for J.Crew. If they do, they’re ridiculous. Target has perfectly good knock-offs, and you’re too reasonable to live outside your means.”
“Maybe that’s just what I want you to believe.”
“Living beyond your means would be irresponsible, and you don’t strike me as the irresponsible type. Those broad shoulders of yours like responsibility.”
“Do they now? Well, you happen to be right about that aspect, but it’s all a lucky shot at this point. What else do you have in your bag of cheap party tricks?”
“The data didn’t lie. I have no party tricks. If I did, maybe I’d get invited to more parties.”
“Maybe if you didn’t leave dinner parties in the midst of ordering, you’d get more invitations.”
“Do you think so?” I laugh. “Here I thought it made me all the more desirable.”
“This is precisely why I didn’t tell you what I do for a living. Do you analyze everyone you meet? You know, treat them like a cadaver and you’re the coroner?”
“What a disgusting analogy!”
“But it seems appropriate here. Why do I do what I do, Dr. Maguire, queen of all algorithms?” He sits back in his chair and pulls his ankle up over his knee.
I study him further. “You might do it because you’re really into technology and want to be a part of what’s next out there in the industry.”
“That’s true. A very admirable reason to be in venture capital.”
“But I don’t think that’s your motivation either.”
He raises his brow, obviously impressed. “You’re correct. I’m lucky to get a password changed when I need it. Still . . .�
� He pauses and looks me over. “You could be just lucky. Or some of Kathleen’s prophetess abilities have rubbed off on you. Jury’s still out.”
“Definitely not prophetic. It’s all in the data. You’ve got money or you wouldn’t have a suite with a butler. It doesn’t take any kind of scientist to figure that much out, and I’m embarrassed by how easy a giveaway that is.”
“Maybe I won the trip. A local radio show might have had a call-in contest and I was the right caller, so I won this all-inclusive trip to Mexico, complete with a famous author at my table.”
“Have you ever called in to a radio station?”
“Well, no.”
“The money is yours. You’re too comfortable bossing people around. If you won the trip, the butler would make you uncomfortable and you’d be asking for his permission. But you felt perfectly at ease sending him off to do an errand.”
“Very perceptive. So, Dr. Maguire, why do I do what I do? Why do I invest in young talent?”
“I’m getting to that.” I stare at him, drinking in his kind but powerful nature. He would make a good man for Haley. The longer I gape at him, the more I’m convinced of their compatibility. After an uncomfortable amount of time spent looking in his eyes, I admit the truth. “I have no idea why you do what you do, Mr. Wellington.”
“Passion.”
“Passion?” It was such a foreign word from his mouth.
“If there are two inventors in front of me, I always choose the one with passion over intellect. They can both get the job done, I have no doubt of that. But the one who is passionate will finish the job no matter what. He sees instances as stepping-stones and jumps over them. Passion makes what he does matter to him, and he has to get it done. So I invest in passion.”
“How very romantic of you.”
“Meaning, if I were my sister, I wouldn’t invest in your next book.”
“What if you already did?”
“I’d try to find a way for you to get your passion back.”
“What exactly do you think I’ve been doing for two months?”
“Passion is a double-edged sword, Dr. Maguire. It’s very easy to become a victim to your passions if they’re not kept in check.”
The Theory of Happily Ever After Page 18