‘I know, but I should be happy now and Nik is pissing me off.’
‘Gosh.’ Sophie didn’t get cross.
‘Anyway, I’m not sure what I should do about it. Perhaps it will blow over.’
‘When’s the audition?’
‘Two weeks’ time. Ru, I think this may be the break I’ve been waiting for.’
I hugged her. ‘Fingers crossed.’
Sarah joined us, and as we had worked so hard, we were allowed an early glass of wine. It was five and Jess was due back at half past six. We’d done well.
‘Sarah, what time’s Thomas coming?’
‘About half past seven.’
‘What about the Thesp?’
‘Same time.’
‘Jerry?’
‘Search me.’
‘I wonder what he’s bought her.’
‘I bet it’s really nice. Jerry would only buy nice presents,’ I said, and the phone rang. I dived for it. Old habits are hard to break.
‘Hello.’
‘Hi, who’s that?’
‘Ruth, who’s that?’
‘Ruth, hi, it’s Jerry.’
‘Hi, Jerry, Jess isn’t back yet.’
‘Oh.’
‘She’ll be back at about half six.’
‘Oh, shit, can you give her a message?’
‘OK.’
‘Well, I’ve been called to the paper. There’s been an emergency of some sort, an accident, and they need me to cover the office tonight. I can’t make dinner.’
‘God, Jerry, I’m not telling Jess that. You tell her.’
‘Ruth, I don’t know if I’ll be able to use the phone, or when – God, I feel so bad. Look, tell her I’m sorry and I’ll call her as soon as I can.’
‘All right, but try to call.’
‘I will, ’bye.’
‘’Bye.’ I walked back to the kitchen. ‘That was Jerry. He can’t make it tonight.’
‘No,’ Sophie said.
‘Shit,’ Sarah said.
‘Who’s going to tell Jess?’ I asked. We drew straws. Sarah lost and I briefed her on the whole conversation, then carried on cooking. A silence enveloped us, each one worried and trying to predict Jess’s reaction. I thought she’d go mad, but Jess had changed a lot since she’d been with Jerry. She’d mellowed a little.
We didn’t have to wait long to find out.
‘Hi, guys.’
‘Happy birthday,’ we chorused, with a little too much’ enthusiasm.
‘Thanks.’
‘How were your parents? Have a glass of wine.’
‘Fine, thanks.’ Jess sat.
‘There’s something I have to tell you,’ Sarah said.
I didn’t think this was the best time. ‘Oh, Sarah, present first.’
Sarah looked relieved, Sophie went off to get it. ‘Here, darling, happy birthday.’
Jess opened it. ‘Oh, my God, how cool! This is just the coolest make-up in the world! Thanks, you guys.’ She hugged us all in turn.
The nice time over, Sarah now had work to do. ‘Sarah, you said you had something to tell Jess.’
Sarah gave me a dirty look.
‘What?’ Jess asked impatiently.
‘Jerry called. There’s been an emergency at work and he has to stay in the office all night,’ Sarah blurted out.
‘What? He’s not coming?’
‘No.’
‘I don’t sodding believe it’ Jess looked upset, not angry. Upset. This was the new Jess.
‘He’s really sorry and he’ll try to call later, but you know how it is with his job’ Sarah pleaded.
Jess burst into tears. ‘Yes, I do know, because I’m always the one on the receiving end. I don’t mind that he cancels the odd date, but this is my birthday and I want him here.’
‘I know, Jess, it stinks, and Jerry sounded miserable,’ I said.
‘Yeah, well, I thought I was married to my job, but Jerry really is. It’s always going to be like this, I can tell, always.’ She stopped crying.
‘But you still like him,’ Sophie offered.
‘Yes, I do,’ was Jess’s quiet reply as she went into her bedroom. As exchanges with Jess went, that was weird: she had seemed to accept a situation she didn’t like, which she’d never done before – she’d fight and kick and scream, she would have gone down to the newspaper office and dragged him out, she would have made him be here. Maybe Jess really had been taken over by aliens, or maybe she had just grown up.
Later she emerged with new mascara and a smile – a sad smile. We poured her more wine. The plan was to get her drunk – it was the only one we could come up with. By the time Thomas turned up, she was on her way. ‘Thomas, I’m so glad you could make it, lovely, lovely,’ she gushed.
‘Happy birthday, Jess.’ Thomas looked confused.
Then the Thesp arrived.
‘Oh, God, Nik with a K, how are you?’ Jess gushed.
‘Fine.’ The Thesp looked terrified. We sat down to eat.
‘Where’s Jerry?’ the Thesp asked, not knowing Jess as well as Thomas did.
We all took cover under the table.
‘Oh, the poor lamb. There’s been some kind of national emergency and being a pivotal part of the paper Jerry has to cover it and it will probably last all night, but someone has to give the public the news, don’t they? It’s such an important profession.’
‘Right. What sort of emergency?’ the Thesp continued.
‘Oh, God, that’s a secret. Well, it is until it’s reported – journalists never tell before they break a story. They have very high morals and codes and that sort of thing.’ Jess was being quite dreamy. ‘Jerry is wonderful. Don’t you think he’s wonderful, Thomas?’
‘Um, yeah.’ Thomas gave me an odd look.
‘Ruth, do you think he’s wonderful?’
‘Of course.’
‘Sophie?’
‘Yes, Jess.’
‘Sarah?’
‘Yes, he’s really wonderful.’
‘Nik with a K?’
He looked at Sophie, who nodded. ‘Absolutely,’ he said, much to everyone’s relief. Jess started on another bottle of wine. She was drunk, but at least she wasn’t throwing things.
We finished the main course, the phone rang. I dived, expecting to get it, but Jess had dived too and Jess won. We couldn’t hear but we all deduced it was Jerry, and although I stood as close to the lounge door as I could, I still couldn’t hear properly. I heard her say, ‘Why?’ a lot, but that was about it. I wouldn’t have made a good spy. Jess returned and I served dessert. We all looked at her, hardly daring to speak. Jess burst into tears. Jess hardly ever cries and she never cries in front of people – well, people who aren’t us.
Sophie noticed the look of amazement on the Thesp’s face. ‘Nik, you have to leave,’ she whispered, knowing that this would save Jess embarrassment.
‘I don’t want to,’ he whispered back.
‘You have no choice, just go. I’ll call you tomorrow,’ she hissed at him.
He looked most put out but then he left. Jess was with her inner sanctum. She could cry with us.
‘He’s such a bastard,’ she said.
‘Is he?’ I asked.
‘No, he’s lovely,’ she said.
‘Jess, what happened on the phone?’ Thomas asked.
‘He said happy birthday, he said he was sorry he couldn’t be with me, he said he’s thinking of me and he’ll see me tomorrow evening to make up for it.’
‘Well, that’s all right, isn’t it?’ Sarah asked.
‘Yes, but I want him here now. I need him. And it’s not as if Jerry really is important. He has to answer the phone in case anyone from the paper calls, that’s all.’
‘Well, they obviously need him.’
‘Yes, but if he was there and he wrote the story, it wouldn’t be so bad that he missed my birthday, but he’s not. He’s answering the phones.’
‘Jess, he’s sorry and he misses you. You’re so lucky,’ I sa
id.
Jess looked at me through tears. ‘Ru, it’s not meant to be easy, is it? I can’t control it. You told me and I didn’t believe you, but I really can’t control this.’ She looked frightened, distraught and, well, my heart went out to her. It was difficult enough having a relationship, but finding out that you’re out of control is worse, especially if you’re Jess.
‘Jess, you can’t control your feelings, but this is a good thing, it really is.’
‘Then why am I so unhappy?’
I looked at the others. We didn’t know. None of us was in love at the moment, and none of us was in love with Jerry. But love had caused me plenty of unhappiness in the past. Perhaps that was what it did.
‘I don’t know, hon,’ was my feeble offering.
Chapter Seventeen
London’s latest tourist attraction was a most unusual sight. It was a bus that drove round and round and couldn’t stop. The funny thing was that this was not a magic bus but an ordinary everyday number-seventeen bus that had started out as usual on its journey one day and someone or something had put a spell on it. Everyone was puzzled. The bus, which was full of passengers, just drove round and round, twenty-four hours a day and three hundred and sixty-five days a year. It really could not stop. People gathered on the streets for a glimpse of it, photographers took pictures, and journalists tried to interview the driver and the passengers.
After a month of standing on the same street corner as the bus went by, one journalist had managed to put together a story. The driver just said he was very scared and tired. The passengers on the bottom deck said they were used to their lives: nothing changed, they saw nothing anymore; they just sat in their seats and, thank God, it hadn’t been rush-hour when all this happened, they weren’t having a good time, but then they weren’t having a bad time either. All in all it was fine. The passengers on the top deck said they were having a wonderful time. Their spokesperson summed it up: ‘On this bus, day in, day out, we never know what’s going to happen. We see the same sights, but they’re different every day. We see the same people who do something different every day, and we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.’ They all agreed it was a wonderful adventure.
***
Jerry did take Jess out on Sunday evening and Jess had gone back to having a smile permanently on her face. Anyone who underestimates the power of love, witness this: Jess did talk about dumping him, she was scared by the way he made her feel, but when it came down to it she couldn’t. Jess had fallen hard, although she would never admit it I was thinking hard. So hard my head hurt sometimes, but as Katie hadn’t made any decisions, I was determined I would. I was trying to find my future and her future, but these things take time. The world was going on around me; I was waiting for something to happen. But when something did happen, it didn’t happen to me. It happened to Jess.
Jess came home from work looking triumphant. She was smiling so hard I thought her lips would split her face and she hugged us all. ‘I’m in love,’ she declared. ‘I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love.’ Then as we all stared at her she did a little dance around the room, I had had my suspicions that she was in love, but never, in a million years, had I thought she’d admit it.
Sarah took it badly. ‘How? Who?’ Sarah said.
‘Jerry, of course. Sarah, you know that.’ Jess did another dance then hugged us all again.
‘Where is he? Isn’t he here?’ I asked, confused with the sudden outburst.
‘I don’t know, haven’t seen him. I’ve been at work, but I did speak to him today.’
‘Jess, I’m so happy for you,’ Sophie said.
‘Oh, Sophie, I’m so happy too.’ Jess was behaving strangely; she was behaving like me.
‘Jess, how come you’ve suddenly decided you’re in love?’ Sarah demanded.
‘I just am.’ New pink Jess sat down.
‘But, how?’
‘I don’t know. It just happened. I just know.’ She went pinker. She was glowing.
‘Jess, you belong to the school of thought where love doesn’t just happen, you can control it.’ Sarah was visibly upset.
‘Oh, Sarah, when you fall in love, all those things don’t matter. You realise that all that does matter is love.’ She left the room, and she left us all unable to speak.
Sarah was upset. Her faith in control had been shaken, because Jess, the most sensible of girls next to Sarah, had gone silly. Sarah couldn’t cope with that, or with the thought that, despite all her protestations, this might happen to her. ‘I can’t believe it.’
‘I just can’t believe it.’ Sophie was also pink She was happy because Jess was happy. The best thing in the whole world about Sophie is her joy in the happiness of others. She is at her happiest when her friends are at their happiest. She’s lovely. ‘I think it’s wonderful,’ she said.
‘So do I,’ I replied, and I did. Of course I was a little bit green-eyed, but I was also genuinely happy for my friend. You see, I knew now that I’d find my answers. I just had to keep looking.
I told my friends, but not in my usual my-life’s-crap-what-can-I-do way, but in a new way: I made sure that they knew I really was trying now and I was being positive. This meant I escaped lectures about careers and that they treated me with new respect. I liked the position in which I had finally put myself. Sophie however still felt that I needed help.
‘Ruth, I know what to do. It worked for me,’ Sophie said.
‘What did?’
‘Nik brought me a book on assertiveness.’
‘Kinky.’
‘No, it wasn’t like that. It was for a part I’m auditioning for – the costume drama I told you about. I play a woman ahead of my times. Nik just thought I might need some help.’
‘I can see that.’
‘Anyway, I’m reading it and it’s changing my life. When I’ve finished, you should read it too.’
‘Fine. Will you go and get me some cigarettes?’
‘No, go yourself.’ I looked at her. Sophie would have gone for me; Sophie wouldn’t say that. The second thing happened to Sophie. She changed.
A few days later, Jess asked if Sophie would cook her roast beef when Jerry came to dinner.
‘No, I’m not your sodding slave,’ was Sophie’s answer. Jess was puzzled, so I told her about the book. She must have nearly finished it and I wasn’t sure I liked what it was doing to her. Then Sarah asked Sophie if she could help her with turning up a pair of trousers, Sophie being the only one who can sew. Sarah asked nicely, but Sophie got really mad. ‘Look, I’m fed up with you guys taking me for granted. Sarah, take your trousers to a tailor and the rest of you can bugger off. I’ve changed.’ I agreed to cook for Jerry and help Sarah with her trousers, which annoyed Sophie even more. She had finished the book. ‘Don’t you see, Ru? There are two types of people, those who get others to do everything and those who do everything, like me and you versus Jess and Sarah. I would always do what other people wanted, even if I didn’t want to, and that’s why I became a victim and fell for James. According to the book, I have the makings of a battered wife and so have you. I have decided to change before it’s too late, and I want you to do the same. Grab life, Ru, take control.’
‘I’m not going to become a battered wife.’ Sophie had gone mad.
‘Well, tell me that in ten years’ time when you call me with loads of black eyes.’
‘Soph.’
‘Don’t Soph me. You need help and I have the help for you. Read this and you’ll be better, I promise. Ru, you need this, you need to become independent, empowered, better. I promise you’ll benefit,’ She gave me the book.
I promised to read it. Although Sophie was scary now, what she had said made sense, but I hated saying no and I didn’t want to be like Jess or Sarah. In fact, the idea of becoming assertive didn’t appeal to me at all. I read the book: it was hilarious. I was supposed to stand in front of the mirror telling myself, ‘I can make decisions,’
‘I can be strong,’ ‘I can say no,’ over and over. Of course I didn’t. It encouraged me to free myself from slavery and, well, it was all a bit much. I had a good laugh, but it didn’t change my life.
I think the only reason it changed Sophie so much was because she wanted to become stronger. She came into my room one day to see how I was going with the book. I told her it was interesting, but not really me. She sat on my bed and sighed. ‘Well, it’s certainly changed my life. Guess what I did?’ I dreaded to think. Had she killed someone? Decided to shave off her hair? Decided to become like Jess?
‘What?’ I asked.
‘I gave up modelling.’ She looked pleased with herself.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Well, I’ve got the chance of this costume drama and I was only modelling for the money. I’ve decided to become more confident of my talent so I told the agency to remove me from their books.’ She looked triumphant.
‘Wow, Soph, that’s great, but what about money?’ I knew I sounded like Sarah but Sophie was sounding like that damn book.
‘Oh, I thought of that. I went to the job centre to sign on.’
I nearly fell off the bed. ‘Really?’ I asked. Who was this new girl?
‘Yes, really. I mean, I know you’re not supposed to give up voluntarily but I wanted to do it. I really hate modelling and I need to concentrate on acting.’
‘So, what happened?’
‘Well, I was so shocked. All those people waiting to see the smug bastards that the job centre employs. When I eventually got to my appointment an hour later than when I turned up, some smug spotty youth told me I had to try to find a job. I explained about being an actress and he laughed at me and told me they didn’t have much call for Nicole Kidman there. So I told him not to be so rude and he told me if I wanted to get any of the money that I had previously paid in taxes I had to take any work they threw my way.’
‘What did they throw your way?’
‘He offered selling cheese in a supermarket, jelly-wrestling, and then he asked me if I’d ever thought about modelling.’ We laughed. ‘So I guess that me and my savings get to do the impoverished-actor thing without any help from our government.’
Rubber Gloves or Jimmy Choos? Page 30