I didn’t bother fixing my hair or dressing up. I yanked my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head and wore my threadbare, hole-riddled jeans with my favorite worn out shirt. If my style choice wasn’t enough to scare everyone away, my scowl was sure to do it.
Downstairs, I could hear Jay moving around in the kitchen. I wanted food. I needed coffee. I had to go in there, but the image of him and Anna doing the nasty on the kitchen island was too much. I wasn’t ready to talk about what they’d done and what I’d seen.
The Flamingo Grannies started filing in bright and early with curlers and bathrobes and a list of demands. It went from me avoiding Jay to me not having a chance to speak to him, other than calling out orders to him. I ran back and forth to the kitchen, consuming myself with the duties of the bed and breakfast until everything died down. When the last of the Grannies left, I was still on fast mode, but with nothing left to do.
“You going to avoid us all day?” Jay’s voice was sheepish, with a tinge of worry in it.
I turned to face him and found Anna at his side, gripping his arm tightly. She had her lip tucked between her teeth and was chewing the hell out of it. I held up my hands and tried to think of what to say to calm their nerves. They were my employees, but also my friends. I wanted them to know that we were okay.
“It’s fine, guys. Maybe just not on the places where we make food, okay?”
Anna covered her face and groaned. “I’m so sorry, Muddy. It won’t happen again.”
“It might happen again.” Jay shrugged. “We’re mates.”
My stomach sank to my toes. “Seriously?”
Anna nodded. “We’ve been trying to take it slow. It just happened. We’ll be more considerate of the spaces around us from now on.”
As painful as it was to lose yet another two friends to the ‘mate club’, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Just don’t skimp on the disinfectant when you clean.”
She smacked Jay’s arm and hurried to the back of the house. He stood there grinning, looking proud of himself. “She’s amazing.”
I had to agree. I nodded and wrung out the towel I was holding. “I’m happy for you two.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I heard you had your own little rendezvous yesterday. I’d ask if I should be returning the sentiment, but you look like hell and you’re about as skittish as the stray cat that lives behind Anna’s house.”
I scowled. Hatter wasn’t skittish. He just wasn’t a people-cat. “I’ve got work to finish.”
He laughed. “No, you don’t. You’ve done everything you could this morning to avoid me. So, you have no work left to do. You could sit and talk with me about what’s wrong.”
“Or I could go and play in traffic.”
“Or that.” He looked behind me and nodded. “Or you could answer to the firing squad. By the way, not everyone is lucky enough to have friends who care about them like yours do.”
I looked behind me and sure enough Charlie and Sonnie were headed in with Carter and Denny close behind. They spread out a little and all looked like they were bracing for me to run. I almost felt like I was being approached by animal control.
Jay laughed. “I’ve got a kitchen to clean up.”
“Scrub the island twice.” I called to him over my shoulder before facing my friends head on. “Y’all look like you’re marching to a funeral.”
Charlie groaned and then closed the gap between us. She pulled me into her arms and held me tightly. “We’re so sorry. We should’ve just come out with it instead of worrying and fussing behind your back.”
“I’m sorry, Muddy. I didn’t mean to tell them. I didn’t mean to tell your secret.”
Carter put her hand on Sonnie’s shoulder and gave me a light smile. “We love you. None of us meant to hurt you.”
Denny nodded. “We would never intentionally hurt you. You’re our best friend, Muddy. You mean the world to us.”
I sighed, but it turned into a laugh as they all circled me and hugged me. When they pulled back, Sonnie was crying. I cupped her face in my hands and smiled. “Sonnie, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I was, but I never thought that any of you would intentionally do anything to hurt me. Now, stop crying.”
Charlie dabbed at her own eyes. “Carter’s got something to say.”
“I was getting to it. Jeez.” Carter rolled her eyes and then looked at me. “My house tonight. I’m baking. You’re coming. You’re the guest of honor and I’m going to stuff you so full of pastry and cake that you forget that you were ever mad at us.”
“What kind of cake?”
She grinned. “Your choice. I haven’t made it yet.”
I hesitated for a moment. “Fine. I want the triple death by chocolate. Chocolate ice cream, too.”
Charlie wrapped her arm around me. “Things are that bad, huh?”
I held up my hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“What about tonight? You could tell us your version of things. We met Lang last night.” Sonnie shook her head. “He’s quite full of himself.”
If I, as a human, had fur, my hackles would’ve stood straight up. I didn’t want to talk about Lang. At least, I didn’t think so. I wanted to go back to living in a world where I was just single, instead of single, rejected, alone, and pitied by my friends.
Carter read my look correctly. “Okay, no more questions about that. We’ll get there tonight, maybe. Or, maybe not. Whatever you want, Muddy.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. “What I want is chocolate in every form. I want to overdose on it.”
Denny reached into her pocket and brought out a small plastic bag with shredded green leaves in it. “I thought you might need this little peace offering.”
A prouder cat would’ve passed, but I was weak. I took the bag from her and slipped it into my pocket. It would come in handy later. Later, as in as soon as they left.
Charlie snorted and tried to hide her laughter behind a cough. When I glared at her, she shrugged. “How anyone keeps a straight face while Denny slips you catnip is beyond me. It’s catnip. You’re a badass fucking lion shifter. C’mon, it’s a little funny.”
I pointed to the door. “Out.”
“You’ll come tonight?”
I nodded and squeezed the bag of catnip. “I’ll be there.”
12
Muddy
Sitting in Carter’s living room with my ooey, gooey chocolate cake covered in chocolate ganache and bucket of chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream with chocolate syrup, I felt somewhat better. All the chocolate was dulling my senses and although I was in for a massive sugar crash later, the journey there would be oh-so-sweet.
Everyone sat around eating and talking. I’d knocked on Luna’s door on the way over and selfishly dragged her along, too. My hope was that the girls would want to focus on Luna’s love life and be too distracted to pry into mine. Hey, a girl could dream, right?
Seeing as how I’d been set up with my own personal cake and chair at the head of the table, I had a feeling nothing short of an earthquake was going to cause sufficient distraction, though.
Everyone made idle chit-chat while I stuffed my face. Charlie and Denny both commented on the latest small business tax cuts. Carter discussed Jellybean’s latest accomplishment—riding her two-wheeler without training wheels. I’d gotten into the catnip after they’d left the house earlier in the day and it always left me with the munchies. There was also a pitcher of chocolate martinis. I was getting loose quickly.
“So.” Sonnie raised her eyebrows and looked over at me. “Want to tell us more about your mate?”
I frowned around a large bite of chocolate cake. Shaking my head, I made a face. I didn’t want to talk about him. I’d managed to not think about him while devouring the chocolate heaven in front of me. It had been a whole twelve seconds now since my thoughts had strayed to Lang. I was on a roll and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Then, thinking about not thinking about him made me think about him. Dammit.
<
br /> “Just talk to us, Muddy. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
“And maybe a sledge hammer to the skull would feel good, too.” I garbled around a mouth of chocolate.
The room was silent. All eyes were on me. I shook my head. Hard. No one moved. No one spoke.
I finally gave in. “Fine.”
But, I wasn’t sure where to begin, how to phrase it or how much to tell them. They sat there, staring.
Finally, Carter snapped. “Oh, my god, woman! Talk!”
I downed my martini and grinned. “Fine, fine.”
When another thirty seconds passed and I hadn’t said anything, Denny wiggled around in her chair like she was going to lose her mind. Just before she got to full-on convulsions, I shrugged and decided to talk. I was drunk enough that it maybe wouldn’t hurt quite so bad.
“Lang led me on. He fed me all the mate bullshit and I was young enough, and stupid enough, I bought all of it. Hook line and sinker. I thought we were going to be together forever. His parents had arranged a marriage for him, one of convenience. Their convenience. He was older, twenty-three, and I was just seventeen when we met. We wanted to wait until I was eighteen to make love, so we waited. I knew all about his parents arranging a marriage. I just...I didn’t think…well, anyway, I turned eighteen the day before his wedding day. That was the day I lost my virginity.”
“Oh my god.” Denny clamped her hand over her mouth.
Charlie shook her head. “And he went through with it, didn’t he? You gave him your virginity and then he married someone else the very next day?”
I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Worse. I was so naïve, I thought that he would skip the wedding. Call it off, something. I just assumed. We made love and I hoped he would mark me, but he didn’t. I fell asleep and when I woke up alone…I don’t know what I was thinking—I wasn’t thinking—I just ran into the church to try to stop it. People were still being seated, but it was right before the ceremony was about to begin. Lang’s mother stood and ridiculed me in front of everyone. In front of everyone.
“The whole who’s who of Chattington, Virginia and surrounding areas, watched me play the rejected loser. She hurled insults at me. Called me a poor, stupid, half-breed who would never be good enough to mix with her son. His family and guests sat snickering and laughing. No one stuck up for me. I stood there, frozen, for so long, the wedding march started playing and an usher had to come and shoo me towards the exit.”
Charlie growled. “Let’s kill him.”
Denny, not one for confrontation, surprised me. “Killing’s too quick and easy. Not nearly painful enough.”
Sonnie cracked her knuckles. “We could break all of his fingers and toes first, then tie him up in the middle of town and let everyone throw rotten tomatoes and eggs at him.”
“Or shit. Maybe we could throw literal shit at him.” Everyone turned their heads to stare at Luna. It was her first contribution to the conversation. Odd as it was. Finally, she just shrugged and mumbled, “I don’t know.” Carter patted Luna’s hand encouragingly.
I groaned. “Guys, come on. No one’s going to do anything to him because he probably already left town. I’m not looking for revenge, just peace. I just want to forget about him.”
“But he hurt you, Muddy.”
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Not in the grand scheme of things. He’s probably long gone. He got what he wanted. I was an easy lay, yet again. Now, he can go back to his wife, and maybe his kids, too.”
As hard as I tried to hide it, they must’ve seen the pain on my face. Charlie moved closer and wrapped her arm around me. “Fuck him. Mates aren’t supposed to be that terrible.”
“And you hadn’t heard anything from him since that day at the church?” Sonnie shook her head. “Then, he just shows up here?”
“Well, I didn’t actually see him at the church. The last time I saw him was the night we made love. Fucked, I mean.” I reached for my glass and found it empty. That was a real shame. Instead, I ate more cake. “When I got home, mom knew right away something was wrong. That’s why we left. We landed in Helen’s Corner a couple days after my eighteenth birthday and my one and only sexual experience…until the night before last, that is.”
I hesitated and swallowed my food around the huge lump forming in my throat. Getting it out was supposed to help. How come it hurt worse? “Lang is spoiled.” I slammed my fist on the table. “And selfish, and doesn’t care how badly he hurts people. I though he was different from his family—the prestigious Millinghams. But, he had no problem tossing me aside for a woman with the right connections and the right bloodline.” I was slurring a little from the martinis, but I didn’t care. “I, Muddy Hilton, trailer park trash, half-breed shifter, was rejected by my mate for the great, blue-blooded, purebred Michelle Elizabeth East. Who is now Michelle Elizabeth East-Millingham.”
At that moment, I realized that the liquor had dulled my senses and the women had all gone quiet. I followed their gazes and found Alec standing next to Lang, both of them staring open-mouthed at me.
I jumped to my feet and looked around the room, livid. “Did you set this up?”
Carter vigorously shook her head. “No! Of course, not, Muddy. Alec, what are you doing with him?”
“Get him out of here before we kill him.” Sonnie stood up and glared. “You get him out of here, Alec, or I’m going to go postal on his butt.”
“What the hell is going on here? I ran into an old friend. What do y’all have against Lang?”
“Lang is my mate and he’s the bane of my very existence.” I shrugged into my jacket. “No worries, though. I’m not staying. Thanks for the cake and martinis.”
13
Lang
The shame and horror was real. I rubbed my knuckles over the ache in my chest even as I turned to reach for Muddy. We had to talk. I’d heard what she’d said about me rejecting her and I needed to clear the air. Hearing her talk about our past like that was not only dismaying, it left me with a deep sense of shame and guilt.
I’d always thought I was the one bearing the burden of the pain, that it was my lot in life, and it had been torture. I’d sacrificed a life with my mate in order to stabilize my family and live up to my responsibilities. I’d never wanted to hurt Muddy. I didn’t know I had. I thought she was happy. She’d run right out of my arms and into Deacon Allred’s. I never faulted her for that.
“Don’t you dare fucking touch her.” The little dark-haired human came closer to me, practically spitting her fury at me.
Alec growled. “What the fuck, man? I thought you wanted to come over and meet my mate.”
“I did—I had no idea—” I didn’t get to finish explaining.
“How do you know him Alec?” The woman who I’d scented at the B&B as a bear shifter, and who must have been his mate, wedged herself next to Alec and scowled at the both of us. “You hang out with shifters who reject their mates?”
“No, cupcake. He’s an old friend and business associate. I didn’t know he knew Muddy.”
“You’re an asshole. Muddy told us what you did to her. What’s wrong with you?” The tall blonde was glaring daggers.
“And now you’re all organizing a mob to run me out of town?” I said it as lightly as I could to try and alleviate the tension of the situation.
The human one’s glare turned down right scary. “Don’t give us any ideas. Stay away from our friend. She deserves better than you.”
I wouldn’t deny that Muddy deserved better than me. I couldn’t. Especially not after hearing how she’d described our past. I needed to talk to her, though. Comfort her, explain, try to make it better…anything.
All these years I’d been thinking that I’d been acting selflessly. Finding out that the one person I cared most about, the woman who meant more to me than anything in the world, had been suffering at my hands, that she thought I’d carelessly tossed her aside was devastating.
Muddy had held my heart since the day I laid eyes
on her, and always would. I reached for her. “Muddy—”
Snarls came from behind me. The four other women were ready to rip my head off. Even Alec backed away and had his hands raised like he wasn’t going to dare to interfere. Some friend.
Muddy looked back at me and something in her eyes went soft for a moment. She sighed and looked back at her friends. “Leave him alone. He’s not worth bloodstains on the carpet.”
Ouch. Still, it was a save. She’d chosen to have mercy on me. I watched as she slipped out of the house and I hurried after her. I desperately wanted to talk to her, but I wasn’t convinced her friends felt the same way about the bloodstains.
“Muddy, wait.” I grabbed for her arm again, but she snatched it away before I made contact. “We need to talk.”
She continued walking. “There’s nothing for us to talk about, Langdon.”
I growled. “You don’t call me Langdon. You never have. Don’t start now.”
That made her stop in her tracks. She turned and faced me head on. Her eyes weren’t completely focused, probably due to alcohol. I could smell it on her. “There is no starting. There is no calling you anything. There is just you leaving and going back to…wherever you came from. Probably home to your wife and kids.”
I wrapped my hands around her upper arms and held her still as she swayed. “No wife. No kids.”
“There was a wife.”
I sighed. “Yes. There’s not a wife anymore, Sunshine. There’s just me.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “You got divorced?”
For a second, I felt hopeful. “Yeah, I did. She wasn’t you. It was a ridiculous farce. I knew it. She knew it. The whole thing was stupid.”
She yanked out of my grip and started walking again. “You divorced the woman you left me for. How long ago was that?”
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