by J. L. Drake
“Of course not, sweetheart.”
I kissed her cheek and waved at Nan, who smirked back at me. I knew she had a ton to share with me, but right now I needed to find Lexi.
Keith: Hey, dude, any idea where Lexi might be?
Clark: If she’s not hiding out in her house, she’d be at the Almas Perdidas clubhouse.
What the fuck?
Keith: Funny. Where is she?
Clark: You have a lot of catching up to do, my friend. AP clubhouse.
Sure enough, she wasn’t home, so I pulled into the clubhouse parking lot. I’d never had a problem with this gang, but I sure as shit wanted nothing to do with them.
It suddenly clicked whose voice was on the phone when Lexi called me about her parents. Juan Garcia was a punk who had seen the inside of a jail cell more than Clark had as a cop.
With a push, I opened the heavy door and stepped into the dark, nasty clubhouse, a pool table off to the left and a long bar top along the back.
There was Lexi in ripped jeans and a tank, holding a beer in her hand. She was just as I remembered. Beautiful. Juan had his arm around the back of her bar stool. My fists clenched by my sides as the need to stay calm rushed through me.
“Hey.” My voice was low and raspy.
She turned, sending her long, shiny hair over her shoulder. Her expression was stunned when she took me in.
“Hi.” A forced smile ran along her lips, and pain showed itself for a moment before she slid off the stool and wrapped her arms around my mid-section.
She flinched when I squeezed her a little too hard. She leaned back to look at me.
“You got a lot bigger.”
“And you’re in a bar drinking at ten in the morning. You remembered I was coming home today, right?”
“I thought you might like some time with your family first.” She glanced over at Juan. He was watching us carefully.
I hated this. Something was definitely off.
My hand slipped into hers. “Can we go talk somewhere?”
She grabbed her purse and followed me out to my truck.
Our ride to the lake was quiet. I held her hand for a bit, but she pulled away and just stared out the window, her shoulders tense and her mouth in a tight line. This was not how I pictured my homecoming.
Parking the truck in our spot, I turned to look at her. Everything about her body language showed she was totally closed off.
“I can’t believe how much I missed you.”
Her gaze dropped to her lap with a sniff.
“Yeah,” she said on an exhale.
Really, that was it? My hurt rose to the surface.
“So, you’re hanging out with Juan Garcia now? The Almas Perdidas are insane, Lex.”
Her brow rose when she looked over at me.
“He’s my friend.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s not your friend, Lexi. Those guys don’t have friends. They have people they use when shit goes down.”
“Well, at least he was there for me when my parents…left.”
Ouch.
Her face flinched. I was sure she didn’t mean it, but it still hurt.
“Lexi.” I squeezed her hand. “You know I would have done anything to have come back here after that happened.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I couldn’t!” I snapped back.
“I don’t think you understand the damage you’ve done here, Keith. You made two life changing decisions for me. To join the army and to not tell me you were leaving me. For more than a year, FYI.” She removed her hand from mine and ran it along her head. “You chose to leave, not me. A lot has happened since then, and I don’t know if I can or even want to do this anymore.”
“What?” No! “Lexi, please don’t cut me out because I did something for us!”
Her head shot around to me, tears threatening to fall. “Us? There was never an us when you chose to leave me with only a two day notice!”
I shook my head, not sure what to do. She was right. It was screwed up that I left so quickly, but it was something I thought would make our lives better. “So, what, you have feelings for Juan now?”
She didn’t answer me, and my stomach twisted into a painful ball.
“Have you slept with him?”
“Are you kidding me?” She undid her seatbelt and hopped down to the ground.
“Lexi!” I did the same, rounding the back of the truck.
“Screw you, Keith!”
“Hey!” I raced after her, tugging on her arm and holding her in place. “Can you honestly tell me you feel nothing for me anymore?”
She closed her eyes as if to control herself.
My voice lowered as my hope floated away.
“What the hell happened to the woman I fell in love with?”
“I wish I knew.” She broke into a sob. “Nothing has been right since you left. I’m lost and have no idea if I even want to go back!”
It was like a kick to the stomach when I realized what she was really saying.
“Are you—” I could barely say the words. For 425 days, she was what kept me going, what kept me safe, and what kept my mind sharp. Without Lexi, what was there? “Are you breaking up with me?”
Her red, glossy eyes slowly rose to meet mine. She didn’t have to say any more before I stepped back, feeling as if all the loneliness I pushed away while I was over there had come back in one whoosh to envelop me now. I was alone.
“Please, Lexi, don’t do this.”
“We are two different people now. I barely remember who I was when I was with you.” She gave me an angry “whatever” kind of look and turned away.
I grabbed her face so she’d look at me, hurt burned inside me, clawing at my stomach. “Give me time to remind you.”
“No, I’m not that girl anymore. I told you that!” She spat the words out as she pulled out her cell phone and made a call to a cab service.
We stood five feet apart, but it felt more like miles. Neither of us said a word, my heart was breaking…and hers was with someone else.
When the cab showed up, she looked at me for a second as if she wanted to say something but stopped herself. With that, she was gone. My whole world crumbled around me as she climbed into a cab and left me on the day I returned home from war.
I punched the side of my truck before I headed back home. How did we get here?
***
“Here.” Clark handed me a beer as he took a seat next to me on the porch. It had been two months since I’d come home, since Lexi broke up with me. I tried many times to get her back, but she wasn’t having any of it.
“You okay, man?”
“No,” I sighed into my beer. Clark was the one friend I could be honest and open with.
“Lexi still keeping you shut out?”
“Yeah.”
“Give her time.”
“I have, but she hates me. She doesn’t want what I want anymore.”
Clark sank into a chair. “She just doesn’t want to be happy. She’s angry with you for leaving, and she blames herself for her parents’ death. It’s easier to hate right now because it makes the guilt a little more tolerable.”
“That’s ridiculous. Her parents’ death had nothing to do with her.”
“Like the bombing that killed some of your men wasn’t your fault,” he countered. He had a point. I did struggle with my own guilt over the loss of the men in my unit, but I knew it wasn’t my fault. I just didn’t understand why I was spared and they weren’t. But I didn’t let it consume me or ruin my life.
“Is she with Juan?” I needed to know the truth.
He gave me a look I knew all too well. “I honestly don’t know, but if I was to guess, I would say yes.”
“Sweetheart?” My mother stood in the door way holding the cordless. “Phone call.”
I knew who it was. I had to call a lot of people in the chain of command to get to him.
Before I left, I turned around. “Clark, promise me s
omething?
“Sure.”
“If I’m not around, please watch out for her.”
His eyes narrowed, but he gave me a small nod. “You know I will.”
Setting my beer down, I took the call.
“Hello.”
“Private Keith, this is General Logan, returning your call.”
“Nice to hear from you, sir.” I glanced at my father, who was reading in the room across from me. “If the offer still stands, I’ll take it.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Present Day
Keith
I studied her, watched her mannerisms, tried to learn what her next move would be so I could beat her at her own game. I ducked left before she dove right. Her eyes squinted, and I thought I had her figured, but before I knew it, green fingers poked my nose.
“Oh, you got me!” I fell off my chair and rolled dramatically around on the floor. She giggled and shrieked for me to do it again. “Poisoned by something so cute. When will I learn?” Tongue clucking behind me caused me to freeze. I cocked my head to the side and waited.
“Really, Keith?” Savannah stood over me, clearly unimpressed. “More finger painting? You know she makes a huge mess, then tries to eat it.”
Oliva reached out and swiped at her mother’s arm, covering her sweater in green goo.
I couldn’t hold back a smile at her expression. Savannah didn’t get mad. She pretended to, but she didn’t. Not that we’d ever tell her that. She liked to think she had an edge, when really she was just adorable. She reminded me so much of my sister, Two. Savannah grounded me, especially when I was homesick. We’d been close for a long time. I had always felt protective of her since she arrived here. I watched her relationship with Cole grow and develop into the deep bond they had now. She let me be the older brother I needed to be, and I let her be my little sister. It all worked, and this pint-sized devil covered in paint was a delightful product of all that.
“You think that’s funny, Keith?” She unscrewed a bottle of blue paint and held it over my head.
“You wouldn’t.”
Her eyes moved to the two available escape routes. Oh, shit, she was actually considering it.
“You better run like the damn wind if you—”
The cold goo hit my neck, and in a split second she dropped the container and flew out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Of course she ran in Cole’s direction for help. I grabbed Olivia and tucked her football style under my arm as I chased Savannah, her shrieks of delight adding to the pandemonium.
“Cole!” She laughed as she ran, ducking around Mark, who tried to intervene. I shoved Olivia into his arms as I raced by him. Savannah burst into Cole’s office, only to find him on the phone. We both came to an abrupt halt when he gave us a strange look.
“Sorry, baby,” she whispered and started to back up.
I bent down and code-45ed her out of the office, while she pounded uselessly at my back from her inverted position over my shoulder. Cole gave me a smirk before he went back to his call. He loved that we had fun. Our job could be serious most of the time, and Savannah was a much needed outlet for all of us here at Shadows.
“You are gonna get it now, Savi.”
“Mark!” she yelped, but Mark just waved as he jammed a cookie into his mouth and pressed a tiny bit into Olivia’s as well.
“We’re near outta the peanut butter cookies, Savi.” Crumbs sprayed as he laughed at her middle finger. “Always a lady. Don’t you learn bad things from Mommy, sweetheart.” He pretended to cover Liv’s eyes before she wiggled to get free and raced off.
“Don’t you know it,” she said as she hung over my shoulder, still hitting my back for me to put her down. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I held up my hand to her as I pulled it free.
Shit.
Another tap to my shoulder brought me back momentarily.
“Seconds thoughts on the payback?”
I lowered Savannah to the floor, and when I did, my phone dropped. Before I could grab it, Savannah nabbed it and glanced at the screen.
Her eyebrows pinched together like the bold woman she was, she started scrolling through my texts.
“Ah, my phone, please.”
She held up a finger for me to wait. I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the chair.
“So.” Her mouth twisted. “All this time, all those texts you were getting, and this is who it was?”
“Sometimes, yes.”
“Sometimes?”
“None of your business, thank you very much.”
“Umm.” She looked back to the screen. “So when do you leave?”
“Tomorrow. Flight leaves at one p.m.”
She came and sat down next to me. “Who is Clark?”
I leaned forward and tried to grab my phone, but she moved it out of my reach.
“He’s a friend from back home. We grew up together.”
“Oh.” Her eyes lit up. “Will I meet him at the wedding?”
“Maybe, if you give me back my phone.”
“Will he tell me stories about you?”
“I’m sure Clark will come up with all kinds of lies for you to hear.” Her face fell, and I was curious what she found now.
“Who is this?”
All the heartache that came with that picture came roaring back.
“You have a lot of her. Damn, Keith, she’s gorgeous.”
I know.
“Someone I once knew.”
“Someone, like an ex?” Her eyes widened. “Holy shit, look how young you were here. Oh, you two look so cute. You must like her, because you would have had to send those to your phone. They’re older.”
I rolled my eyes and snatched the phone away. I didn’t want to talk about Lexi. No reason to rub salt on an old wound.
“She must be important for you to still keep her photos.”
“Savi,” Mark called out, holding Olivia like she might bite him. “Your child smells like old beans, and frankly, I can’t handle it. Cole and I voted, and you won. Here.” He brought the little lady over to her mommy, who scooped her up and kissed her chubby cheeks. “When will she be potty trained?”
“She’s just walking, Mark. How about we don’t rush my daughter through her childhood?”
He laughed. “Just give me a date, and I’ll mark the calendar.”
“Daddy owes Mommy big time.” Savannah’s face scrunched at the smell. “I know; why don’t we leave your diaper in his office so he can have a little taste of what you make after he feeds you from his plate?”
“Oh, please, let me tape it.” Mark smirked.
“If you play dumb when it happens, I’ll let you show the world.”
Mark high fived her, and then sprawled out on the couch across from me. There was a small part of me that envied Mark. He had no problem showing the world how he felt, and he got the girl of his dreams. He had a rough go as a child, at least with his family, but he sure lucked out after meeting the Logans.
“How’s Mia feeling, Mark?”
He rubbed his face, but he couldn’t hide the fact he was extremely excited. “Like she’s having twins.”
“How long until you find out the sex? A few more weeks, right?”
“Next month.” He yawned. “Are you looking forward to going home?”
Warmth covered me like a blanket. “Yeah, I am.”
“How long has it been?”
“Four years.” Four years since I’d been home, but only a year since I’d seen my parents and my sister, Two. They came and visited with me in Florida thirteen months ago. It was a short holiday, but a much needed one. Thankfully, my friends at Shadows had become my family. I loved it here.
He whistled with a shake of his head. “Savi tells me you have a big family.”
“I do. Four sisters, two parents, and a grandmother who has them all fooled.”
“I like her already.”
“Oh, yeah, you two would hit it off just fine.”
Mark sat up and his expression ch
anged. “How have we worked together this long and I really know nothing about you?”
I leaned back with a noncommittal shrug. He was right. I kept my private life private.
“I’m not like you, Mark. I don’t express myself very well.”
“You do to Savi.”
“Yeah, I do. I guess it’s because she reminds me of Two.”
“Two?” He chuckled.
“Living with four sisters, well, names didn’t happen, so we all used numbers. No, seriously, it started as a joke, but it stuck.”
“So is Two the second oldest sister?”
“Yup. After all four girls were born, we started calling them by numbers. The firstborn is one then we counted up as they came. Don’t ask me why, but my family is big on nicknames.”
Mark laughed. I could tell he was happy I was sharing with him. I really needed to do this more.
“So, what is it about Savi that reminds you of Two?”
I took a moment to think about it. “I guess that they’re both kind of like one of the guys, and they’ll call you on your bullshit when it needs to be said. They’re easy going but sassy at the same time. They’re both full of it.”
“Now I need to meet Two.” Mark nodded at Cole, who was standing behind me. “Have a safe trip, man.” He extended his hand. “See you at the wedding.”
“Keith.” Cole nodded for me to follow. “I think I found the perfect place.”
“Oh, great.” I followed him to the stairs, but something caught my eye. I raised an eyebrow at Abigail and Doc Roberts enjoying a kiss in the kitchen.
“Hey, Mark?” I couldn’t help myself. He looked up from his phone. “Savannah made cookies.”
“What?” He jumped to his feet and headed over as I pointed and waited. “The woman never told me. I’ll have to—” He rounded the corner and flinched, turning his head dramatically. “Really, Abby? This is a place for food!”
“Oh, grow up, sweetheart.” Abigail scowled at Mark, then beamed up at Doc Roberts, who was fixing his tie. “Did Mia get pregnant by a stork?”
“Haven’t you left yet?” Mark hissed at me as he stomped toward the stairs.