I’m about to click on another area when I see a red button pop up at the bottom of the screen. It reads, Restricted Access granted to Microbiologist Karl Waldorf. Waldorf is from Microbiology? My finger hovers over the button, about to click on it, when his voice surprises me.
“What have you found?” he asks from the opposite side of the monitor.
I look up at him wide-eyed, wondering if he can see the reflection of the red blinking Restricted Access button in my eyes. “Nothing, yet.” I force a smile, my finger shaking as it hovers over the button. Click. The logo of the Order pops up as the screen loads.
“Look what I found,” he says passing me a requisition form over the top of the monitor. “I need your signature.” He passes me a pen with his other hand. I place the paper on the monitor and sign my name as the red blinking Restricted Access warns me through the paper. I hand the form back to Waldorf over the top of the screen.
“Great! When that list comes through, add the items here.” He points to the middle of the form. I nod.
He grabs a chair, and starts to pull it next to me. I click rapidly, trying to get back to my profile.
“What do we have here?” Waldorf asks, leaning in front of me, and taking over the monitor.
“Nothing—I was just looking around—” My throat aches as I try to find words to get me out of this mess. I can hear my heartbeat banging against my ribs, as if it might give out. How much trouble will I be in for trying to access restricted information? I gaze quickly to the doors. I’d be able to outrun Waldorf, but where would I go?
“Looks like I’ve got a message from Dean Carleton,” Waldorf says surprised.
“I must have clicked it accidentally.”
“No worries. He’s send the list. Looks like he’s taking a personal interest in our project. That’s good news for us.”
“Really.” My voice squeaks out.
“Impressing the Delegates means you impress the Director. That’s how a person moves up around here. Good job.”
I exhale a shaky breath as Waldorf leaves me to transfer item numbers from the list to our form. I end up with enough to fill a box. If Dean Carleton is taking an interest, that means he wants to see the object I’m looking for, which means I need to bury it among a bunch of random objects. I even let Waldorf pick some things that he thinks will be useful for a side project he is working on. I’m happy with this, because if anything, the items Waldorf added do nothing but confuse Dean Carleton even more.
As he looks through my final list, I examine Waldorf. He never mentioned being a Microbiologist before coming here. How does he still have access to their files? I shake my head—Evan’s making me overly suspicious. I know everyone I work with had to have jobs before this, in other departments. I laugh out loud at how ridiculous I’m becoming.
“What’s so funny?” Waldorf looks up from the list.
“I know nothing about you, aside from the fact that you knew my parents. What did you do after the Expedition program shut down?”
“It was truly a sad day when the Expedition program shut down. Not only because of what happened to our team, but also because it had always been my dream to move outside the dome and be an explorer, like the first adventurers to step foot on this land, centuries ago. Before there was an Expedition program, I was a Geneticist.”
“Genetics?” I ask. “They don’t talk much about that department at the Learning Institute. Not like Microbiology, everyone talks about that.”
“Genetics is an associate department to every other floor,” Waldorf explains. “It works alongside all the others, helping them to meet their goals. I don’t know why all the glory goes to Microbiology.”
“How does Genetics help out?”
“Take the farms, for instance. Yes, there’s the Agricultural department out there in the fields with their stations. And inside the Axis we have the Botanists and the Horticulturalists all looking out for our food and plants here in the labs. But who do you think ensures the plant strains we have stay strong? Who do you think created the original strains that could grow in the dome? The Geneticists.”
“Interesting. Why don’t they put them on a lower floor, closer to the others?”
“Because they do a lot of work with the Microbiologists as well, and everyone knows how important it is to keep the antidote secure.”
“What sort of work did you do for the Microbiologists?”
“If I told you that, then I’d have to kill you,” Waldorf winks at me through his low spectacles. He’s not so bad, and now I know why he has access to Microbiology.
“Alright, everyone,” Roe calls out, “pack it up. It’s time to get back outside. We’re going for an entire day today. Let’s not waste it.”
The lab explodes with the sound of hoots and hollers of excitement as everyone gathers their things. One thing’s missing. Where’s Evan? I look around, and Tassie waves to me from Roe’s office. I’m glad she’ll be out there with me. It won’t be easy to avoid him forever.
CHAPTER 17
I catch a glimpse of Evan as we pack up the trucks. We’re all dressed in protection suits, helmets included, but I can still find him in the crowd; the way he moves, confident but at the edge of the group, makes him stand out. I wish he’d look in my direction, but he jumps in with Roe, riding shotgun with Waldorf between them. Tassie and I ride in the back of the other truck, with Cardinal driving. Richards, another scientist with whom I have yet to have a conversation, rides shotgun; his wife, Maria, sits in the middle.
“Do you know Mr. and Mrs. Richards from before?” I ask Tassie.
“Yes, they were botanists like me. Cardinal was a geologist, Waldorf a microbiologist, and Roe was with the Order. Well, still is. I guess she’s the babysitter.”
“A little bit of everything. I guess that’s what you want to have when you explore an unknown area.”
“What did you do before?” Tassie asks me.
I realize she knows nothing about me prior to our awkward meeting my first day.
“I lived with my grandparents down in the apartment districts. We were only a few blocks from the townhouses. That’s where my friend Jak lives.”
“It’s a shame he’s so taken by you,” Tassie says. “I think he’s hot.”
“He’s just a friend.” I laugh.
“Poor Jak.” Tassie giggles. “The boy who never got the girl. I’ll make sure to be there to pick up the pieces when you crush him.”
We start giggling. It feels so nice to have a friend to laugh over silly things with like Xara and I used to do.
“What about Evan?” She motions her head in his direction. “Does Jak know?”
“There’s nothing going on with Evan and me.”
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. I just haven’t seen him around you lately. Is everything okay?”
I turn away, and watch the scenery. No, everything is not okay. Evan thinks our dome is hiding something. My once dead uncle, has returned. Add that to both Jak and Evan ignoring me, my future at the Axis is looking more and more like a life-sentence every day.
I reply in the only way Tassie seems to understand. “Boys.”
She nods.
Once we reach the hills, I take off my helmet, and let the wind whip around my hair. Tassie does the same. Her excitement makes up for Evan’s absence.
“I love it!” she squeals. “Where was the meadow?”
“Just over that hill.” I point as we drive past. The look on Tassie’s face falls; I know how much she wanted to see that meadow. Where are we going?
I recall the maps that Roe and Evan had sprawled out on her desk. I have one hidden under my mattress, but I can’t recall what was on the other maps. We can’t be going too far; we only have the day.
The hills are steep, forcing Tassie and I into the cabs of the trucks. I immediately volunteer to climb in with the Richards so I can avoid Evan, but I notice Evan doesn’t hesitate in sliding ove
r to make room for Tassie right next to him. His gaze meets mine. I purse my lips and throw him the nastiest glare I can muster.
Before I can dwell on my jealousy, we reach the top of the hills. It is worth it. At the peak the forest trails down the other side, stretching out farther than I can see. It’s surrounded by grasslands, as lush as the meadow, and to the far left something sparkles in the sunlight. My heart jumps—it’s the river!
The drive down the hill takes longer, and I resist an overwhelming urge to jump out of the truck and run. Something about the freedom I felt in the meadow still teases the edges of my psyche. But Cardinal would freak at the sight of me jumping out. I stifle a laugh at the thought of her serious façade changing to utter horror.
We pull up next to the river. Its rushing waters remind me of a dark version of the public pool in the dome. Unlike the pool, you can’t see the bottom of the river. The water also moves faster here, and the edges are rocky, and slippery, covered in moss. If vegetation is thriving out here again, maybe there is hope for an Outer Colony.
“There’s a shallow end down that way if you’re interested,” Evan says from behind me.
I turn toward him, shrug my shoulders, and turn away to help unload the rest of the truck.
“It might be a little cold for you, Greyes,” he shouts after me. “But then again, maybe you’d like that.”
Tassie shushes him, but not before I can feel the heat rush to my face. Cold? He hasn’t spoken to me all week, and now this? First, he tells me I use people. Now he insinuates in front of everyone that I’m cold. No matter how I try to ignore him, he finds a way to hurt me. I drop what I’m doing, and storm past the truck into the field of wild grass that runs away from the shore.
Tassie catches up to me, which isn’t difficult; I’m not really trying to run away. I just want distance from Evan. Why do I still care what he thinks?
We walk in silence along the tall grasses. When I finally look over, I notice she has her backpack with her. At least now I have an excuse to be away from the river. I can help Tassie gather samples.
“You know…” she clears her throat, “he does it to get under your skin. I can tell. Every time you dismiss him, he does something to get your attention. That’s all it is.”
“You’re wrong. He doesn’t like me.”
“No, Nat. You’re wrong. It’s the opposite. He does like you.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well,” Tassie says taking a deep breath, “he’s always keeping tabs on you, wondering where you are, asking questions and stuff. When you’re around, he’s always watching you, stealing glances when you’re not looking. And when you don’t respond the way he wants, he reacts. It’s totally Boy likes Girl 101.”
If Tassie knew the real reason Evan pays attention to me is because he promised my uncle he would watch out for me, she’d see things my way. But she doesn’t, and I can’t tell her. Instead, she’s left thinking we need relationship advice. Ugh.
“Sounds more like he’s some crazy stalker.” I nudge Tassie with my elbow and she stumbles to the side for a moment. She laughs and nudges me back. We break out into a run, chasing one another, leaving thoughts of Evan behind, where they belong.
I have no idea how long we’re gone, all I know is that, as more time passes, I feel better. Ahead of us are the sparse beginnings of the forest. The trees are almost as tall as the Outer Forest in the dome. I wonder how long it took them to start growing again after the war? I walk up to one and touch its rough bark; it reminds me of Evan’s skin, touched by both the sun and the wind as it grew, unlike those of us—trees included—inside the dome. I lean forward and take a deep inhale of the tree. It smells like outside, earthy and free. Tassie laughs from behind me.
“If you start kissing it, I’m going to have to intervene.”
I burst into laughter. I must look ridiculous smelling the trees. She has become a good friend this last bit. I decide to share something personal with her.
“When I was nine, the Order came to my grandparents’ home where I was staying while my parents were on an expedition. The Order came to advise us my parents died while outside the dome.”
“Right. Your parents are the Greyes Scientists. They pushed for the Expedition program to start up, you know. You should be proud.”
“I didn’t know that. There was so much I didn’t know. I was only nine. I was devastated when I heard the news. I ran as far as I could and as long as my legs would carry me. When I stopped I found myself at the edges of the Outer Forest in a little clearing. For the last nine years I’ve visited that clearing nearly every day.”
“You never got caught?” Tassie’s eyes widen in awe.
“I was lucky. I miss that clearing. These trees, this forest, they’re all a reminder of that first taste of freedom I found inside the dome.”
“You sound like a true adventurer.”
“Like those in the stories they used to let us read when we were kids. Imagine, the entire generation after us will never get to read fiction. Why does the Order have to take away everything that’s good?”
“Be careful,” Tassie smiles, “you’re starting to sound like a rebel.”
I pull a leaf from the tree and toss it at Tassie. It flutters limp in the air and lands between us.
“Hey, be careful!” she shouts. “That’s a perfectly good specimen!”
We spend the next bit collecting samples of grass, bark, moss, and soil, which Tassie tells me also carries vegetation. I am so consumed by finding new things that I don’t notice a group of worms attached to the roots of a plant until one reaches out and grazes my wrist.
“Ah!” I scream and drop the plant. “It’s alive!”
Tassie runs over and grabs the plant without fear. She holds it between us and shakes the worms from the roots. “Unbelievable! I mean, I knew life had to survive, right? Otherwise how would we have all this?” She waves her arms around. “The worms make the soil rich for the vegetation to grow. And you know the meadow you told me about, well there has to be bees that survived as well, otherwise how would it get pollenated.”
“I can’t believe it,” I say. “I thought nothing lived out here.”
“What do you two call me, then?” Evan’s voice comes from behind us. We both scream in surprise and Tassie drops the plant. I bend over to pick it up and notice the worms have already half buried themselves back in the soil.
“There are more, you know,” Evan explains. “I’ve seen some other birds, some gophers, and even a rabbit.”
“Good for you.” I turn away.
“How did they survive?” Tassie ignores me.
Evan shakes his head. “They didn’t. Some domes took them in. They’ve been released over the last decade with the hope of repopulating the world.”
“Wow, isn’t that cool, Nat?” I don’t reply. Tassie clears her throat. “I think I’ve gotten enough samples. I’m going to head back to the river. You two need to fix whatever it is that’s going on.” She turns and heads back toward the river.
“I’m coming back with you.” I start to follow her.
“Wait.” Evan grabs my wrist. “I think Tassie’s right. We need to clear the air.”
His touch is so faint yet distinct. It sends a flutter to my stomach, which makes me nervous. Nervous, but still angry. I watch Tassie walk away, wishing I could leave with her. When she’s out of earshot, I turn toward Evan.
“Why do you have to say terrible things about me?” I ask. “It’s one thing to tell me I use people, when it was just you and me. But to call me cold in front of everyone, what are you trying to prove? Do you need everyone to know you hate me?”
“Hate you?” Hurt crosses Evan’s eyes. “Is that what you think?”
“I get it.” I pull my hand out of his. I look longingly toward Tassie but she’s already halfway across the field. “People have felt responsible for me ever since my parents died. I’m used to it, okay? I
let my childish feelings get in the way and I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I understand you’re here to do a job, but I don’t need you to make me feel like an idiot in the process. I won’t get in your way, I promise. Just leave me alone.”
I ramble on and on, unable to stop. Evan looks at me with a half-smirk, which makes me more furious. He grabs for my hand, taking a step toward me, and I stumble back until I push up against the rough bark of the tree behind me. I stare at him, waiting for an explanation, fighting the urge to run as my heart beats so fast it burns in my chest. The warmth of his hand holding mine spreads up my arm to my face, stinging my cheeks.
“I don’t hate you, Greyes.”
“Why did you say those things, then?”
“I do stupid things when I’m confused.”
“Why are you confused?”
He stares at me, looking from my eyes down to my lips and up again. He is inches from my face, and I can’t stop myself. I lean toward him.
“I can’t.” He turns away from me, his face scrunching up as if in pain.
I look away. Tears fill my eyes. I step away from the tree, letting go of his hand, severing the last of our connection. Rejection cuts like a knife in my chest.
He steps after me, then stops and throws his hands up in the air. “I want to, but—I’m sorry. It’s so hard not to kiss you. I wish—I didn’t have to—what I’m trying to say is—” He stumbles over his words but all I hear is sorry and I wish I didn’t have to. Yet again, I’ve made myself look like a fool. I leave the tree and start walking away.
“Nat, wait.”
But it’s too late to save my pride. I break into a run. I cannot bear to look at him. My feelings erupt. I feel like a child again, sitting in the movie theater being hushed by my friends, or being stared at by the adults on the street as we giggle and laugh. I can’t even read other people’s feelings for me. Jak wants me, but I don’t want him. Evan doesn’t want me, yet I keep pursuing him, and I don’t even know if I want that.
When I reach the river, I see I’m a little off in my direction. I can’t see the trucks or the rest of the group, but I do see Cardinal a few yards away. I need some time to regain my composure before she sees me like this, a crying mess. She’s downstream, wading where the shore slopes up to the bank. It reminds me that I am out here to work, too. There’s no time for foolish feelings or playing around. I wipe my face and make my way over to see what she’s doing.
There Once Were Stars Page 13