My song fills the awkwardness of Violet’s screaming.
‘It needs out,’ I tell her. ‘That anger needs gone.’ I hold her back as she thumps the wall with the ball of her fist. ‘I can heal most things but not dying. It doesn’t need “healed” as the light takes us home.’
Jane talks on in the kitchen when we all make a circle around the table. ‘Why is it that words are not enough at these times?’ Her chat is full of questions about why and what and how, and the tea she makes gives us strength.
‘You find the words at the right time,’ I tell her, ‘and we don’t need food. Sit with us.’
‘The doctor loved his cream buns. I have some made specially. Let’s eat them.’
* * *
A lot of commotion starts about whether I should be about for the funeral. I intend to stay. The shadows tell me it is safe but no-one mortal believes me until word filters to Sligo about the fall of Peggy Sheeran – or Bowden, as I knew her. The woman who went missing from number 34 has not been found. However, according to the papers, witnesses have come forward to say that it is Peggy who knows of what happened and much more besides.
This helps me, but I’m still stared at and whispered about.
In the large crowds that come to pay their respects to Dr Brady there is no sign of Aunt Bredagh or my own father. The whole place is in mourning. Violet clings to me and Jude, as if we are her own blood. It makes us both glad.
‘He is close by,’ I tell Violet as I fix on her hat and tilt it the way she likes it to sit. The little lace trim folds down over her face a little and hides the odd tear that escapes.
‘It seems that Vincent got what was coming to him,’ someone says to Jane as we see the last of the mourners out the door after the tea following the service. Violet has already taken to her bed and Jude is stuffing in the biscuits off the plate into his mouth. ‘That poor lass and her with a baby in tow? Poor Violet must be at her wits end.’
‘Molly is married now in London,’ I can hear Jane lie. ‘To a fine Italian.’
‘I am not! It is not my fault that Fionn has no father. But having no daddy at all is better than being lumbered with a bad one.’
‘You are right there,’ the woman says and leaves a red-faced Jane and me on the doorstep.
‘I was saving face,’ Jane admits. ‘Trying to make it all better. You didn’t have to make a liar out of me.’
‘I’m sorry. But, there will be no more lies. I’m tired of not speaking up.’
The newspapers start arriving again after a few days of mourning. The whole place has been full of talk about the Peggy woman who took on the city of Dublin and lost. It is all there about Peggy, in black and white if I could read it, but Jude, Jane and Violet all take turns in reading me the articles and each are in the horrors about it all.
‘Babies abandoned, murders, disappearances, shootings in graveyards!’ Violet gasps. ‘Sweet Lord divine, what were you caught up in, Molly?’
Fionn passes no heed to the happenings as usual. Jude plays with him and his toy train, on the carpet, in the parlour.
‘Peggy is not as bad as it seems.’
‘That’s true enough. A paper doesn’t refuse ink,’ Jane says. ‘It seems she has been committed.’
Violet tuts. ‘I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. That’s worse than death, that is. Locked in with the lunatics.’
‘They thought I should be locked away. I was too young when Mammy tried it. Luckily, the nuns were scared of my gifts and the asylum said I was just odd and that I looked okay too. What if I had a squint or something?’
‘Didn’t you tell me they thought you were possessed?’ Violet asks.
‘Maybe I was.’
‘Divil the bit,’ Jane says with a chuckle.
‘I’ve the healing too,’ Jude admits and I try to silence him with a look. ‘I do. It is safe now to say that I’m like my sister.’
Violet goes white.
‘You will always be my mammy,’ Jude says to no-one in particular. ‘I know where I’m from. Daddy told me before he died.’
Jane wipes her nose with the back of her hand and the silence stretches around us.
‘It needed said into the air,’ Jude goes on. ‘It doesn’t change anything. I saw Michael McCarthy in the village and at the train, a few times. Dr Brady is my father. And Violet Cottage is my home.’
Jane blows her nose and we all listen as the birds chirp in the garden.
‘Is this “home”? Nothing is the same here any more.’ Violet gazes out the window above the sink and pulls at the net curtain. ‘Do you have to leave, Molly? If Fionn is settled here again? You’ll have all of us. Is there a need for you to leave now?’
‘That Peggy must have come clean about it all by now,’ Jane adds. ‘If there’s any God at all, she will have told the truth and told them all you are innocent.’
I’m not so sure that Peggy will have sorted things but I bite my lip. ‘I still cut Tommy,’ I whisper at Jane.
‘Do you think he’ll be looking for punishment after all this time?’ she asks me. ‘Didn’t he care for you?’
‘I dunno.’
‘I hope you’ll stay,’ Violet says.
‘I wish I could go with you, Molly. I should be away from here after…’ Jude stops and looks around at us.
‘This place isn’t the same without Richard,’ Violet says to Jude. ‘I understand.’
‘The doctor won’t be able to protect you now that he’s gone. I’ll try, but I’m only a boy.’
Jude is right and the angels want me to consider moving on too.
‘Fionn could stay?’ Violet tries but her voice trails off. ‘Nothing feels right without Richard.’
‘He’s not far away. Isn’t that what you say, Molly?’ Jane asks. ‘It is like when my husband passed away. I felt him watching over me when I needed him. I haven’t felt it for a while.’
‘Will we ask the guards what’s happening once and for all?’ Jude asks. ‘I could ask them? There’s little they can do to me. I’m only a boy, asking about my sister. I can explain I want to know what is being held over you. What do you think?’
‘For a child you are a rock of sense,’ Violet says, putting on her coat. ‘Let’s go and ask them.’
‘But, what if they come looking to arrest her?’ Jane gets to her feet.
‘They will know she is here already with the funeral but there is no way those boys down in the village would cause us any more heartache this week. You are safe enough at the minute.’ Violet’s off out the door and Jude after her.
‘You aren’t saying much,’ Jane adds as she clears the table.
‘I still want to see the ocean.’
‘Off to Dunmoran Strand with ya,’ Jane says, clapping me on the back. ‘There’s nowhere nicer than there. If it’s the ocean you are after there is the whole Atlantic around Sligo. And, sure, there are no beaches in London.’
As always Jane makes me laugh. All she says is true. True indeed. Where am I to go now? What will become of us?
56
‘There are no wanted posters out for you.’ Jude’s smile will make his face crack. ‘They say the Dublin Peggy is all they need, for any crimes.’
Violet has her coat off to hang by the back door. Her face is flushed from the walking. She does drive, but daren’t do it often. The doctor always had the car out and her practising was when he could take her or escape on her own. No-one sits comfortably in a car with a driving Violet Brady.
‘They seem happy that all is sorted in Dublin. That Peggy Bowden is the one they want. There is no word of Tommy.’
‘What had he to do with anything?’ Jude asks.
‘I lost my temper,’ I admit. ‘I lashed out at him and hurt him.’
‘What kind of a man makes a woman do that?’
‘Sometimes life isn’t that simple. All can be fickle,’ I tell Jude as he sups on the cup of milk Violet has given him. ‘It changes on a whim. On gossip. On the needs of a person. One minute, I’
m a criminal, on the run. Next I’m not! Tommy…’
‘This means you can stay safe and sound in Sligo.’
I can’t tell Violet that my angels are jumping around madly insisting that I move on again. How do I tell her? Why must I go? I don’t even see a reason. Here we have a family and nice walls. London is all very well, but with the doctor gone, I can do my healing here. I can ignore the new ‘upstart’ in the surgery, as Jane calls him, and do my own thing. Why must I go away?
The only draw to leave is that I do miss Luca.
As if he hears me across the Irish Sea, a letter comes from Booky Mary. It’s from her, but is mostly Luca’s words. Oddly, Jane recognises the handwriting, calling, ‘It’s for you, from Mary.’ When Jane starts to read, I realise that it’s true that an Italian has no shame, or at least Luca doesn’t.
‘Dear Molly and Fionn, Luca is here as I write and is asking me to tell you that he loves you. Before all else, I am to tell you that. I tried to explain that there is a formula to letter writing, but he is not listening. I am to write in large letters. LUCA LOVES YOU MOLLY.
‘Word has reached us of the death of your dear friend, Dr Brady. We all send you our sympathies and prayers. God grant him peace and may he rest in the bosom of the angels. We hope Fionn is enjoying being back in Ireland and I am sure even in this few short weeks he has grown.
‘We miss you in Cricklewood. The whole place is waiting for you to return. The grocer is annoying us all with his moans and pains and aches. Of course, my teeth are in agony since you left. The barber here says he will pull them all for me. I’m not sure I can face that until you are about to stop the bleeding and the pain of it. When might you return? Luca is asking me to ask you that as well. The dance hall is as dead as anything. They call for you to sing, I’m told, of a Saturday evening. They miss your voice.’
‘Isn’t this Mary the nicest woman?’ Jane adds. ‘Her letters have always been…’
‘Always?’ I ask. ‘Did Dr Brady have her to spy for him?’
Jane nods, ‘Don’t be cross,’ and she reads on. ‘Luca wishes for me to tell you that a big film producer from his work heard you sing the last time you were on stage. He has asked Luca to bring you to meet him when you come back to London. Luca is very excited about this. He is jumping about the room, as I write. Does he do this all the time? His hands flying and his words are all in Italian. It is a good job that you are a quiet woman.
‘He misses you terribly and tells me all the time about his deep love for you and about how he is waiting every second until you come back. I know he has not got enough saved for a wedding but he mentioned his family sending money to him. Italy is still recovering after the war, but he is trying to make a good life for you and little Fionn. There are tears in his eyes, Molly. These Italians are emotional men, aren’t they? He means every word. How I wish I had a man like him who cared so much. Maybe when I get my teeth out, someone will come along? I wish you could see him now pacing the floor and wringing his hands, asking me what I am saying over and over. He tells me that he is not going to sing again without you and that he may not live or breathe properly until you come back. Lord bless us and save us all, Molly. He has it bad for you. He sure does.’
‘Oh my goodness,’ Jane looks up from the page. ‘How romantic.’
‘Is that all it says?’ I’m scarlet red.
‘Luca asks me to say that he will wait forever for you to marry him. That he is a good man and that you are in his soul. Also, that he will find a way to show you what love means.’
‘This Italian does have it bad,’ Jane chuckles and nudges me when she sees the colour of me. ‘You always had a way with the men.’ The laughs of her are making me more embarrassed and I hope Mary and Luca stop writing soon.
‘Don’t tease me,’ I beg. ‘It’s his way. He is just being himself and he forgets that two others are reading this.’
‘I don’t think he cares!’ Jane goes back to the page.
‘We both would love to know when you are coming back. We can meet you off the truck and have things all nice here for your return. Give our regards to all in Violet Cottage. I send a kiss and cuddle to young Fionn and Luca sends all his love to you (and lust if his antics here are anything to go by).
‘Lots of good wishes, Booky Mary and Luca Giovanni Romano.
‘PS. This film producer is looking forward to your return too. It sounds exciting.’
‘Well blow me down with the feather,’ Jane breathes out and fans her face with the paper. ‘I’ll need to read that again, it was so much fun to read it. Better than any book.’
‘Stop your teasing!’
‘Wait until Violet hears that there is a man waiting on you back in London. That’s one good reason for you to leave.’
‘For a long time that’s all I wanted. To be married and have a nice father for Fionn. I thought it would be a way to escape.’
‘Ha! Marriage is an institution. It controls us. As good as my fellow was, God rest his soul, I had fuck-all freedom.’
‘I know what you mean. Women come to me and when I touch them, I see their lives.’
‘This Italian has it bad. Is he a bit mad in the head?’
‘He just says what he thinks and feels.’
‘That he does. Mary must’ve been dying to laugh at him.’
‘She’s getting used to him.’
‘You do need wed. It looks bad for Fionn.’
The tea I’m drinking is cold now. Jane looks at the words. ‘Film producer, eh? Cricklewood has the studios, all right. Maybe he’ll make you into a movie star?’
‘Will Luca let me work? Will I be able to be at the healing? Will I be able to be myself?’
‘Probably not,’ Jane says, rising off her seat. ‘But it sounds like he’ll do almost anything to keep you. I’d chance asking him. Hang on until I get my fancy pen. This is going to be an enjoyable reply.’
57
I have sworn Jane to secrecy about the reply. But Violet asked to read Mary’s letter and she took it with her out of the kitchen. She called to me from the door of the parlour, ‘Molly, come sit with me.’
That usually means she wants company, rather than a talk, but once I go in she’s poured a sherry and is off at full pelt.
‘Richard, before he died, did many things. He was such a thoughtful man and everyone loved him. You know that, Molly, but he also had contacts all over Ireland. People who trained with him and who set up practices and consultancies in hospitals and institutions. He felt drawn to the stories in the newspapers about that woman Peggy. When he learned that you were “fond” of her, he made enquiries.’ She breathes, sips and looks at me.
I’m sitting in Richard’s chair rubbing the arms and listening to every word.
‘I got a letter recently from the doctor in charge of the place holding Peggy. She is in a whole heap of trouble, but the man in charge believes she is not as guilty as the authorities make out. I’m not so sure myself, but these men must know their business, I suppose. He has given permission for you to visit her, if we donate to some fund they have. I said to Jane just there now that I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell you. But Jane said that it might keep you here with us. If you could see this woman, you might stay and visit her. As awful as this Peggy is, Richard was led to find her for you. I should not get in the way of his wishes and plans.’ Her sherry gets another sip.
I’m supposed to speak now. ‘Violet, you are good at hiding the truth. I never saw this or felt it. At all! Jude gets his strength from you. He has learned how to hide from me too.’ I’m not angry, but I sound a little cross. ‘I’m surprised I didn’t see this coming.’
‘I felt that this part of your life was over and that Richard should leave well enough alone. But he wouldn’t listen, of course. As usual! He wanted you to at least know where she was. I feel that she was put away for a very good reason, or for many good reasons. But sure, no-one listens to me. You had to slit your wrists to escape this woman and her hell-hole.
I can’t see why you’d want to visit her. But Richard thought that she wasn’t what you were running from at all. Sure, that is just silly. Who else were you cutting yourself to escape from? He said that he felt you were like a daughter to her. Like me, this woman needed a second chance to… care for you properly. He said that we all make mistakes and need a second go at things. He did make me feel bad with that. Richard was good at making me feel guilty and although he never lost his temper, he had ways of telling me off.’
Her sherry is finished. The thin frame of her rises and pours two small glasses for us both. She hands one to me.
‘Where is she? When can I go?’
‘Do you want to?’ Violet’s mouth is all twisted. ‘You don’t have to go. Will it open a can of worms?’
‘Peggy needs me.’
‘Ha! When you needed Peggy, what did she do?’ Her mouth relaxes. She looks into the empty fire grate. ‘Yes, I see. We’ve all let you down at some point and need a second go at things. I see what Richard meant.’
‘I let people down too.’
Violet smiles and fixes the tight bun in her hair. She has aged since Richard’s death, but I wouldn’t tell her that. Violet doesn’t want to grow old.
‘You don’t let us down very often, Molly. You are so loyal.’
‘Peggy is strong like you are. When I had nobody, Peggy cared for me. I don’t forget that.’
‘Thank you, Molly.’
‘Like you, Peggy tried to better things for her family. She needed me to help her. I wasn’t willing to do that. Same as with you, I was stubborn and selfish sometimes.’
‘I expected you to give up your life. Your healing. That wasn’t fair.’
‘Peggy expected me to do things. Awful things. But we had very few choices. I understand now, looking back, what she was trying to do, but I couldn’t talk much then. I couldn’t tell her how I felt.’
‘What things?’
‘I thought my only way out was marriage. No-one was going to marry me. I was silly.’
The Healer Page 19