by E. K. Blair
“How does it feel?” asked Dan, relieved a topic had been put forward.
“Good. Kind of scary, but a good kind of scary.” I felt Dalton squeeze my knee under the table. I put my hand on top of his and smiled at him, tensing as his hand wandered further up my thigh. My body tingled, his touch arousing me even in the presence of my family. I shot him a look. He winked at me, hiding a smile.
“So Boston University here you come, huh?” Dalton grinned at me, his hand still stroking my thigh.
“And how about you, Dalton? What are your plans now that the school year is over?” Dan asked pointedly.
Dalton glanced at me. “Well, Wrenn doesn’t know this yet, but I’ve applied and been accepted into study elementary teaching at BU.”
I turned to him and gaped. What? He would be at BU with me?
“Really?” I squealed. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, throwing my arms around him. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, flashing me a smile. “I know we haven’t talked much about the future, and I wouldn’t accept the offer without talking to you first, but this is something I really want to do.”
“I think it sounds perfect for you. And we would be in college together,” I laughed. “How freaking weird would that be?”
“We would almost be a normal couple,” he chuckled.
Layna sat down as Dan carved the roast. She smiled at Dalton, and I could tell she was genuinely happy for him. “That’s great news, Dalton.”
The rest of dinner went okay. It wasn’t a completely natural, easy meal, but it was much less painful than I’d been anticipating. I couldn’t expect for them to be comfortable with the idea of us being together right away, but the fact that they were trying meant the world to me.
***
“That didn’t go too badly,” Dalton chuckled, sitting down on my bed. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay in your room?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, it’s fine. I’m eighteen, remember? Hell, I’m not even in high school anymore,” I joked. I walked over to the bed and joined him, lying on my side, my hand propped up against my head.
“And I’m glad,” he grunted, shaking his head. “Believe it or not, you being my student wasn’t a big turn-on—more like something I had to push out of my head.”
I giggled. “Oh really? I thought that was every guy’s fantasy. That and a three-way.”
“The three-way, maybe,” he laughed. “But seriously, I feel so much more comfortable about us now that school is finished. Though I think to everyone, I’m always going to be that creepy History teacher who took advantage of his student.”
I smiled, rolling over so I sat on top of him.
“See, the way I remember it, I hit on you. In fact, I made every advance. You were the poor innocent teacher who was led astray by his pretty, irresistible student.” I leaned down to kiss him.
He laughed and pushed me away. “No, I can’t kiss you when you’re talking like that,” he chuckled. “But you are right about one thing: you are very irresistible.”
We lay in bed with the TV on, watching horror movies for half the night. A few times I dozed off, only to wake up to him stroking my hair and smiling down at me.
“You’ve slept through most of this,” he chuckled, kissing my nose.
“Big day,” I mumbled, rolling over and falling back asleep.
Chapter Thirty-One
Wrenn
I’d never been to Los Angeles before.
It was pretty much as I’d expected: lots of traffic, people, and noise. Dalton snuck glances at me as we drove down the M1 heading toward Lanyard, where his mother lived.
We’d be staying with her for a few weeks, and then moving on to Boston where we planned to get a place together, ready for the start of university.
I was nervous about meeting his mom. She would’ve known my mom, and that connection gave me some relief. It was like we were all intertwined in each other’s lives, and it was inevitable that we would one day meet.
Dalton’s mom lived in a huge two-story brick house that overlooked Potter’s Lake. The gardens were perfectly manicured, and the place was nicely kept. My heart was pounding as he pulled into the driveway.
What if she didn’t like me? What if she thought I wasn’t good enough for her son? As if sensing my concerns, Dalton gave me a smile, putting his hand on my thigh.
“She will love you, just like I do.”
I turned to him. Though he had made his feelings clear, that was the first time he had told me he loved me. I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed his fingers. “I love you too. So fucking much,” I said, my eyes brimming with unwanted tears.
He chuckled and reached over to me, wiping them away. “Don’t cry. This is a happy moment. Enjoy it.” He smiled at me again. “I love you, Wrenn.” He kissed me tenderly, his fingers brushing wisps of hair away from my face.
He was right. I deserved to enjoy this. Him. Everything. This was my happy ending. No matter what the future held.
***
Mary, Dalton’s mother, turned out to be a lovely woman who I instantly liked. She hugged me as if we were old friends and ushered us inside. She took us through to the kitchen and demanded we sit down while she made coffee.
“It’s lovely to finally meet you, Wrenn. I’ve been hearing such wonderful things about you.”
I smiled. Who had been talking about me—Dalton or Layna?
“It’s great to meet you too,” I said earnestly.
She set a mug of hot coffee in front of me, and then Dalton. When she looked at him, I could feel the love. It almost took over the room. He was her baby and she would do anything to protect him. Only there were some things he couldn’t be sheltered against.
“Did you make the appointment?” he asked her, fingering the handle of his mug. He looked up and waited for her to answer.
She nodded, biting her lip, her face giving away her anxiety.
“Thanks, Mom. It’ll be fine,” he assured her. “I’ll be fine. No matter what, I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
She laughed, tears welling in her eyes. “Honey, I’m your mom. I’ll always worry about you. It’s my job.”
***
It was after dinner, and Dalton had gone out to meet up with some friends. He had wanted me to go, but I’d claimed I had a headache. At first he’d wanted to stay, but after five minutes of me insisting he go out and enjoy himself, he relented. After he’d gone, I crept out of the guestroom, making my way to the living area, where Mary was reading. She smiled at me as I entered, putting down her book.
“How’s your headache, honey?” she asked, her brow creased with concern.
“Better,” I said, a wave of guilt washing over me. There had been no headache. I just needed an excuse to spend time with Mary. There was so much I wanted to know.
“Can I get you anything? A soda? A tea?”
I shook my head, curling up in one of the armchairs, my legs under me. I had no idea of how to broach the subject of the disease.
“Would you like to chat?” she asked gently.
I smiled and nodded.
She sat down in the chair next to me. “You’re a strong girl, Wrenn. I know this feels overwhelming, but cherish the time you do have with him.”
“What was it like? Watching your husband suffer?” That was the thing most on my mind, and something only she could answer.
“Awful. It was hard. And as bad as it was for me, I know it was worse for him.” She took a deep breath, and then sighed. “Losing Derek was horrible, but I am thankful for the wonderful years we had together.”
“Did he suffer?” I asked softly.
“The last few months were hard for him. I’m sure he was suffering, but by then he had trouble communicating...” Her voice trailed off as tears filled her eyes. I felt bad for bringing it up. “You can’t control who you love, Wrenn and I think you know that better than anyone. If I’d known about Derek’s illness, it wouldn�
�t have changed anything. My love for him wouldn’t have disappeared. The only thing that might have changed was that we wouldn’t have had Dalton.”
The power of her words hit me. Out of the tragedy of her husband’s disease Dalton was born, and had she known about it, they wouldn’t have risked having him. You can’t live life waiting for things to go wrong, because then you’re not really living. Everyone is going to die. That is part of the journey of living. What matters most is living each day you do have like it might be your last.
I stood up and hugged Mary, glad for her support, and knowledge. Whatever tomorrow bought, I was determined to be there for him. Because even just one day with him would be worth it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dalton
The test was a simple DNA blood test. My blood was sent to a lab where it was analyzed to determine whether I carried the disease. If I did carry it, then there was no doubt that I would develop it.
“What does this even mean?” Wrenn muttered, throwing the brochure back onto the side table. We were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. I leaned forward and picked it up, sensing her frustration. She was nervous. We both were. I was shitting myself.
“The genetics of the disease are pretty complicated. Basically the disease is a genetic malfunction in the brain. It’s the same message getting repeated over and over and not getting through to the parts of the body that need it. See here?” I pointed to the reference of the CAG genetic mutation. She nodded. “So if this repeats less than thirty-five times, then it’s all good. If it repeats more than forty times, then not so good. The higher the number of repeats, the earlier the disease will develop.”
“And it’s usually worse with each generation?” she asked.
I nodded. “Not always, but usually.”
Wrenn studied the brochure. “What if this gene repeats, say thirty-six times?” she asked suddenly.
“If it’s less than thirty-nine, but higher than thirty-four, it’s likely the disease will develop. I think its something like a seventy percent chance I’ll show symptoms by the time I’m seventy.”
“So even after all of this, there is a chance you won’t have a conclusive answer?” she demanded.
I nodded.
“Then what’s the point? Why are you doing all this if there is a chance it won’t give you the answers you want?”
“Because no matter how small, if there is a chance I don’t have this, that I’ll never have this, I want to know about it. I want you to know about it.” I sighed. This was so fucking hard. I struggled to think of what to say to her. How could I make her understand?
How could I put into words what I was feeling?
“Not knowing might as well be the same as knowing that I have this. It’s always there, Wrenn. All these what ifs in the back of my mind, they don’t go away. I don’t want you to have to live that life too. If you’re in this, then great, but you’re at least going to know what it is exactly you’re in for.”
“I’ve already told you I’m in,” she said with a frown, reaching for my hand.
“And I’ve told you that any decision you make before we know for sure, I won’t accept,” I said pointedly.
She rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s a big decision, Wrenn. If I have this, I can’t change that. But you have a choice. I never want you to feel like you don’t have a choice.”
“Dalton Reid?”
I looked up. The doctor stood in the hallway outside his consulting room. I nodded and stood, Wrenn rising with me. She clutched my hand tightly. She was shaking. I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it came out more like a grimace.
We followed him into his office. I studied his face, looking for answers but he was giving nothing away. He would make an awesome poker player.
We sat down, waiting for him to take his place behind his desk. He nodded at me, raising his eyebrows at Wrenn. It had been years—about ten to be exact—since I had seen Dr. Martin. He hadn’t changed much. His hair was grayer, and he looked older, but that was it.
“Dalton. It’s been, what, ten years? You’ve certainly grown into a fine young man. I presume this pretty thing is your girlfriend?”
I nodded and chuckled as Wrenn’s eyebrow shot up at being referred to as a ‘pretty young thing.’
“This is my girlfriend, Wrenn.” Girlfriend. Wow, that sounds good.
“Well it’s lovely to meet you, Wrenn. I only wish it were under better circumstances.”
My whole body tensed as he turned back to me. I studied his face. His eyes wouldn’t quite meet mine and he kept wetting his lips, as though the air was sucking the moisture out of them.
This was bad. Oh God, I’m not ready to hear this.
“I’m sorry, Dalton. There is no easy way to tell you this, so I’m not going to beat around the bush. You tested positive. Forty-two repeats. You have Huntington’s Disease.”
That single moment I will remember forever.
My beating heart, the sound of my breathing, the ticking of the clock that hung on the wall. I was aware of Wrenn’s stare, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.
Positive.
Positive.
No matter how much you prepare yourself for hearing those words, there is always the tiniest part of you clinging to the hope that it won’t be positive. All the times I had considered the disease, I’d never really believed that I would have it too.
I had Huntington’s.
The disease that killed my father was going to kill me too. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; dad had died from pneumonia, a complication of the disease, but this was my future. I felt frozen, unable to react. God knows what was going though Wrenn’s mind. Maybe it would be best if she moved on without me. I had no idea what was next. What kind of life could I offer her?
“So, what now?” I asked, clearing my throat.
“Now, we monitor you. At the moment, every few years, we will follow up. Once symptoms develop, we will track the progression. This doesn’t have to be a death sentence, Dalton. You probably have a good fifteen to twenty years before you develop symptoms. The CAG repeats are on the lower side of positive, and this is a good thing.”
I wanted to laugh. Not a death sentence?
Says the guy who was not suffering from an incurable terminal disease that would slowly rob him of his independence, and eventually his life. I stood up, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on me.
I need to get out of here. I felt sick. I headed for the door, knocking over my chair, with getting out of there the only thing on my mind. I made it outside, with no recollection of going through the waiting room area to get there.
Breathing in the freezing air, I gripped my hands behind my head, terrified and unsure of what to do next. Crouching down against the brick wall of the office, I slid down until I was sitting on the ground, my head in my hands.
“Dalton.”
I felt her arms around me. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand to see her face. I didn’t want to know what she was thinking. I didn’t want to imagine living without her, or dying and leaving her.
“I can’t do this, Wrenn. I can’t just wait to die,” I said, my voice breaking.
“Then don’t. Live because you can. Live because you have twenty—maybe more—years before you show symptoms, then maybe another twenty. Live because you love me, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you yet.” She was crying, her dark hair enveloping my face, her soft hands warm against my neck.
God, I can’t stand the thought of losing you either.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Wrenn
“I just want you to be sure.”
I shook my head and laughed. How many times did I have to tell him that he was what I wanted? Many, it seemed.
“It’s been a month, Dalton. Trust me, I’ve had time to settle. I’ve had more than enough time to think about things, and I have no doubt in the world that I want to be
with you.”
“Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard all month.” He smiled and cupped my chin, smothering me with sweet kisses. I closed my eyes and relished in the attention, loving every minute of it.
For the last few weeks we’d been staying with his mom. Dan and Layna had been down a few times, especially in the early days of his diagnosis. Those first few days were hell: everyone was acting like he’d died, mourning for the loss that might still be thirty years away. Things had settled down now, and were almost back to a normal routine.
The next week, we were moving to Boston. We had finalized the lease agreement on a little two-bedroom apartment not far from the university. I couldn’t wait. Dalton was looking forward to his course, and because mine wouldn’t start until next year I was going to look for a job. It was exciting planning a future with the man I loved.
I tried not to think about the diagnosis, because I was determined not to spend my time grieving. I’d done enough of that already.
***
I looked up from the jobs section of the Boston Local and saw Dalton’s smiling face.
“For God’s sake, Wrenn, enjoy your time off. Worry about work when we get there.” He slid into the seat beside me, reaching for an apple from the fruit bowl in the center of the table.
I made a face at him. “Excuse me, but I want a job. I’m excited about getting out there and working.”
“That’ll last about a week,” he chuckled.
I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Just because you have a poor work ethic doesn’t mean we all have to,” I said lightly, standing up and slapping him with the newspaper.
He caught my arm as I went to walk past and twirled me around until I fell into his lap. “You’re lucky you’re so beautiful,” he murmured, kissing my neck.
I giggled as he worked his way to my lips. I would never tire of kissing him.
“You’re fucking amazing, Wrenn, you know that? Not a moment goes by where I don’t appreciate how lucky I am to have found you.”