Devour

by E. K. Blair

  Laney: I feel like a fool.

  Dane: What are you talking about?

  Laney: Photo shoot...me...I don’t feel pretty anymore, I feel like a jackass.

  Dane: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  Where is this coming from?

  Laney: Nvmnd, prbly overreacting. Night.

  I rip out my earbuds and turn my phone completely off. Great, now I can hear them mumbling and Bennett intermittently giggling—how bad would it hurt to just pierce out my eardrums? Probably pretty bad, so I jam a pillow over my head.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  OUT IN THE COLD

  Laney

  I ignore Dane’s calls and texts all day, and there weren’t any from Evan to ignore, so tonight’s practice is just what the doctor ordered; I have a lot to work through. Actually, I have a lot of “lack of” to get out—lack of boyfriend, Evan, lack of communication with best friend, Evan, lack of dignity about being Dane’s puppet, lack of silence from two people going at it like rabbits in my room...ya, college rocks. GO EAGLES!

  I work out until Coach makes me stop. “Hit the showers, Walker, enough for today. I’ll see you Sunday morning.”

  Sunday morning? Oh just kill me now, I’ve forgotten all about that damn hitting clinic, and it’s at UGA. What am I gonna do? Of course I’ll see Kaitlyn, who I haven’t talked to since she sent the picture. Actually, I wasn’t talking to her much before that, either. But what if I run into Evan? What if I don’t? See—since when do I question seeing Evan? And yet, here we are. AAARGH!

  Finally walking into my room after a marathon day, someone yells my name behind me. Turning, I see Zach jogging down the hall to catch me. “What’s up, stranger? You just getting in?”

  “Yeah, I went ham at ball practice tonight. How are you, Zach? Anything new?” I welcome the big hug he gives me.

  “Nothing much, big home game this weekend, can you make it?”

  “Yeah, I leave for hitting clinic early Sunday, but I can come Saturday to watch you. I’d love to see you play!”

  “Great, I’ll give you my parents’ tickets. You don’t strike me as a student section mosher,” he laughs.

  “Good call,” I chuckle back. “I’ll be there. I’ll see you before then though, right?”

  “Well, I sure hope so. You okay, Laney?” He rests one hand on my shoulder. “You seem off.”

  I am off, I’m so far off I don’t know which way’s up. “Ya, I’m good, thanks, though. All I need right now is a shower. I refuse to use the team facilities.” A shiver actually shakes me just from the thought. “I have a paper to finish, too; I’ll see ya later, Zach.”

  My room is empty, thank God. I throw all my stuff down and beeline for the shower. I stay in long after I’m clean and finally get out when the water feels like ice. I change into sweats and a tank, leaving my hair wet, and climb into bed. Bennett comes in not long after.

  “Hey, roomie, whatcha doing?”

  “Just relaxing, getting ready to go to bed. How was your day?”

  “Absolutely fabulous! I think I got the role I wanted in our play.” Her green eyes sparkle and I’m so happy for her. “You’ll come to the show, right Laney?”

  “Of course I will, congratulations!”

  “Thank You! Tate’s so proud of me; he’s on his way over. I think he got me a present!”

  She’s so excited, I don’t complain about the fact I’m in bed and would rather not have company. Nor do I want to be a third wheel spectator, so I move to go. “I’m gonna go chill at Zach’s, ya’ll have fun.” She of course tells me I don’t have to leave, but I do. They need this time. Lord knows, if I had a hottie coming over to bestow “you’re awesome” gifts to me, I wouldn’t want an audience.

  Of course Zach’s not in his room, but we’ve reviewed this...everyone here has a life but me. What the hell do I do now? I’m in sweatpants, in the middle of the hall and my keys are back in the room, along with my bed. FML.

  And once again...I find myself knocking on Room

  114. Tate and I really should just switch rooms, except that’s not happening.

  Sawyer yells “come in” so I ever so slightly open the door and peek around it. I like to see what I’m walking into before it sees me. “Hey Laney, come in, girl. Whatcha doing?” He looks up from his game and I move in and shut the door.

  “Which one’s Tate’s bed?” I ask him. “Um, that one.” He points. “Why?”

  “Well, Romeo and Juliet are having private time, and I’m tired. If he’s gonna take up my room, I’m taking his bed.”

  “Cool with me, you want a drink or something?” “Like you’d get up from that game to get me one,” I laugh. “No, Sawyer, I’m good, thanks.”

  I try to get comfortable enough to possibly fall asleep in Tate’s bed with Sawyer in the room, basically as anti-me as it gets, when the door flies open. Ah, and just when I didn’t believe in happy endings, in walk, or stumble rather, Dane and songbird bitch Whitley. She’s laughing like he’s the funniest guy on the planet, and of course she couldn’t possibly stand without both paws clinging to him, poor girl.

  Dane takes notice of me and his face goes pale as his eyes bore into mine. “What are you doing here...in my brother’s bed?” He croaks out.

  “Your brother’s in my room and Zach’s not home, so I came here and Sawyer wore me plum out.”

  Sawyer whips his head around to me and laughs. “Don’t tease me like that! I’m trying to concentrate on world domination here.” He nonchalantly turns back to his game. Liking Sawyer better and better all the time, he’s so chill.

  “What are you doing here, Dane? Oh, my bad, do you two need this bed?” Now why did I just say that? I’m hurt and embarrassed about the studio thing, but that’s now what that was just about. Am I jealous? Yes, yes I am. Not good.

  “Really?” the canary bites out.

  I like the word really, it’s very fitting in many a situation, but she’s gotta change it up a bit. It was her signature phrase the last time I had the pleasure of an encounter with her, too. If there’s one brain cell in that pretty lil head of hers, she’ll pick up on my vibes and not push me right now.

  “See ya, Sawyer, thanks for letting me hang. I’m out.” I jump out of the bed like it’s on fire and practically run out of the room. I don’t stop until I’m crashing through the lobby doors into the brisk night air. I have on no shoes, no coat...and no fucks given.

  I just start jogging, sucking huge gulps of air into my lungs. The burn of it actually feels good, therapeutic even. Maybe I’ll go to the campus park and sleep on a bench. Maybe I’ll climb a tree, find a nice bridge; I don’t even care right now.

  Tears gush down my face and I refuse to wipe them. All I feel is the anger pushing me to run and run. Why am I doing this to myself? Just go back to your room, Laney...NO! Why am I here? College degrees are almost useless in today’s market, not that I even know what degree I want or that it matters, since I’m having a complete nervous breakdown! Like mother, like daughter, right? I’m going crazy AND I’m running, literally.

  The night temperature, which only I would think has a chill to it, wet hair and the running barefoot thing finally win out so I’m forced to stop and sit on a picnic table. My feet aren’t cut or bleeding but they hurt. I just start to catch my breath when I see headlights slowly approaching. I really hope the panic attack taking over finishes me off before the possible murderer in the car gets out. The vehicle stops, and it’s then that I realize how irresponsible I’m being.

  Chest constricting, it’s difficult to breathe and true fear begins to ring in my ears. No smartass comments come to mind; shit just got real. I don’t do stupid stuff like this. I don’t throw myself into unsafe situations. I’m head over ass in petrified shock...until I see Dane step out of the car.

  “Disney, is that you?!” He’s barreling towards me, hands fisted and swinging with his pace.

  “No habla.”

  He’s right in front of me now, glar
ing down, and it’s obvious he’s not happy. Well, too damn bad, neither am I.

  “Laney, it’s dangerous, you alone out here. What the hell are you doing?” His face is inches from mine as he screams.

  “Walk away, Dane, leave me be,” I say in a cold, stoic voice. “It’s official, I’m just like her, and you’re practically a stranger so there’s still time for you to run away unscathed.”

  “Just like who? Laney, speak English, literally. If you’re gonna spout shit off, at least make it real.” He crosses his arms against his chest and it raises my defenses.

  “You don’t want me to be real, Dane. I don’t know you like that. You don’t need my sob story. Seriously, go back to your meadowlark and I’ll just go home.”

  “Good, let’s get you home. It’s late and you’re upset.” He moves gently now, his arms about to embrace and guide me to his car, but I push him away.

  “No, Dane!” I run my hands through my wet hair. “I mean home home. I’m done. I’m going back home.”

  “Laney, don’t be crazy, just calm down. We can fix this.” He comes toward me again and this time I jump from the table and move away. I’m even more pissed now. His choice of words wasn’t good, and he’d know that if he knew me—he doesn’t. No matter how he’d instantly drawn me in and coaxed me out—he doesn’t know me.

  “That’s right, I’m crazy; the whole ‘rational girl who talks about things calmly’ is all an act. I can’t handle all of this. My first challenge and I screw it up just barely in, and now—I’m gonna run. And we aren’t gonna fix anything.” I’m yelling now. It’s not what I do, or so I thought.

  “Damnit, Laney, stop it! You don’t have to prove shit to me, just talk to me, for Christ’s sake. Let me take you in and we’ll talk.” His voice is firm but his deep brown eyes are pleading with me and I want so badly to believe he’ll listen and not judge me. No, he’ll use it to hurt me, just like all the other lines he’s thrown me before.

  “I can’t go in there. My room’s been taken over by two happy people who remind me my heart is bleeding every time they speak. Zach isn’t home, you invaded Sawyer’s room with your Barbie, and the person who knows me best in the whole wide world apparently lost my number! That or the skank he’s banging, which I basically told him was okay, keeps sending me straight to his voicemail.” Stop, you’re scaring him with verbal vomit! My mind is reeling but I keep going. “Maybe I’ll ask him when I’m at his school this weekend with the softball team I shouldn’t even be on because I’ve sucked at it for a while now. Maybe there’s time before my stalker sends me a head in a box! But, if you take me to ‘the studio’ again,” I ramble, throwing in snarky air quotes, “cause you know, ‘I’m special,’ I’ll feel all beautiful again and forget that I’ve turned into a complete whack job who gives up and runs, just like her mother! Sound fixable Dane?”

  And now he knows it all and can walk away, and quickly. I’ve just screamed, cried, and regurgitated onto him like a blubbering psycho. I’m officially as exposed and as vulnerable as I’ve ever been, and too damn numb to care. Maybe he’ll tell everyone and the whole school can whisper about me, again...gotta love the limelight.

  “Why are you still standing there?!” I yell. “Are you a glutton for punishment?”

  All at once he moves and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me to his car.

  “Put me down!” I scream, banging on his back. “If your parakeet’s in that car laughing at me, I’m gonna kick her ass!”

  I feel him laugh under me, but I don’t see what’s so funny. He throws me across the seat from his side, banging my butt against the console, and locks the doors before I can scramble out. Well, at least there’s no one else in the car; a small consolation.

  “Are you kidnapping me? You’re crazier than I am.” He doesn’t answer me, just removes his jacket and dresses me in it, like a child...like I’m acting. Car finally moving, Dane just stares straight ahead and drives in the opposite direction of the dorm. The longer we ride, the more I realize I have no idea where we’re going, but I refuse to break the uncomfortable silence to ask. I lean my head against the window and close my eyes, trying to sleep off this EPIC DAY.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  EXPOSED

  Laney

  I wake up when Dane opens my door, causing my head to fall forward. It takes a minute to get my bearings; we appear to be in a garage. Dane reaches in and picks me up, then shuts the door with his foot.

  “Where are we?” I ask groggily.

  “My house,” he answers as he comes to an interior door. “Open that.” His hands are full of me, so I lean over and do so. We walk into a kitchen, obviously made for Rachel Ray, as Dane kicks the door closed behind him. Just this room is bigger than my childhood home, well almost, miles of beautiful dark granite and cherry wood cabinets. All the appliances are shiny stainless steel and the massive fridge could hold everything I own.

  “Dane, why did you bring me here? I don’t want your parents to see me like this,” I sputter, looking up at him desperately from the cradle hold he still has me in.

  “They’re not here, no one is.” He sets me down on my feet.

  “I-I need to call Bennett.” I realize I don’t even have my phone with me; it’s back in my room...along with my shoes.

  “I called Tate on the way. She knows you’re safe and with me.” He moves to the fridge and starts pulling things out, placing them on the large island. “Sit down, let’s get you fed.”

  I take a seat on the large barstool at the island and put my face into my arms on the counter. “Why’d you bring me here? Won’t your girlfriend be wondering why you just ditched her?”

  He turns back to me and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Let’s get that cleared up right now. Whitley is not, nor has she ever been, my girlfriend. And before you ask, no, I have never slept with her. You want ham or turkey?”

  “Ham, please, mustard only.” Wait...what? We’re just gonna move right on to sandwich talk? Um no, we’re not. “Sure didn’t look that way tonight, Casanova, she was all over you. How’d she do on her photo shoot?” WHY, again WHY, do I care? And why do I keep opening my mouth like a jealous, insecure idiot? One minute I’m screaming at him to walk away because he doesn’t even know me, the next minute I’m asking him to explain himself.

  I truly don’t like myself right now.

  “I saw her outside the building and she walked up, shitfaced. Her friend lives in the building but didn’t answer her door. I’ve never taken her to the studio, much like any other girl, and if you’re gonna keep saying it, you could at least enlighten me why you think it.” He slides my sandwich over to me, staring at me like I have two heads. “No games, Laney, remember? Tell me what it is you think you know.” His eyes and tone are glacial and I feel the chill.

  “When Tate saw the picture you printed me, he smirked that you had taken me to the studio,” I say with venom. “I got the impression it was a regular thing.” My head drops and I let my now-dry hair fall in front of my face. I want to hide from the vulnerability that consumes me.

  He dips his head to meet my eyes, pushing my hair behind my ear. “Look at me, lovely.” He tilts my quivering chin to him. “That’s not what he meant, and I’m sorry you were made to feel bad. You’re the only girl I have ever taken to a personal photo shoot. I know it’s important to girls to know this kind of thing, and yes, you’re the first and the only; it was special for you.” He taps the end of my nose lightly with his index finger. “There, one problem solved. Now eat something.”

  He takes a big bite of his own sandwich and turns to get us both a bottle of water out of the fridge. Sliding mine across to me, he says, “I gotta tell ya though, Laney, for someone with a boyfriend, you sure like calling me out on my supposed female shit.”

  OUCH. Memo to self, be ready to take it if you’re gonna dish it out with Dane.

  He’s obviously assumed Evan is my boyfriend based on whatever it is he and Bennett have discussed behind my back, b
ut I’ve had enough humiliation tonight, so I’ll let him stew on that misconception a little longer.

  “You’re absolutely right. It’s none of my business and I’m out of line. I just...I haven’t felt special since I got to college, and you made me feel that way. It hurt to think it wasn’t, I’m sorry.” I was wrong before, this is what a fool feels like.

  “Doesn’t Evan do things to make you feel special?” His voice has softened.

  “Oh, God yes, all the time. That’s probably why I miss it so bad.”

  “And now he’s banging skanks? Big leap.” So he’d caught every word I’d ranted earlier and was going to call me out on them one by one. Normally I’d kibosh this, but I’d put it all out there and I’ll be leaving soon anyway, never to see him again, so I might as well get it off my chest.

  “I don’t know what he’s doing. We haven’t talked in a while.” I get up to put my plate by the sink; I’ve had all I can stomach. “I feel a lot better; can you take me back now?”

  “Why don’t you stay here and relax? There’s plenty of room and I’ll get you back in the morning.” He waits for me to say something, I guess, but I don’t. “You’re safe here, Disney.”

  I’m back to Disney now, he must not be mad at me anymore.

  “I don’t want to impose, really, I feel better. And I’m sorry, Dane, I really am pretty low maintenance most of the time,” I sigh. “I just lost it.”

  “I know, and you wouldn’t be imposing. It’s lonely in this huge house, Laney. Why do you think I’m at the dorms all the time? Come on, I’ll give you a tour.” He comes over and takes my hand, pulling me to a new part of the mansion.

  Right out of the kitchen is a large living room with a huge stone fireplace as the focal point. The furniture is beige leather, all oversized, and the couch faces a wall completely taken up by the largest flat screen TV made, I’m sure of it.