Morning Grass looked back at Russo, ashamed and confused by her violent show of temper. All she could say was, “It’s okay now. I’m alright. I’ll be fine.”
Chapter 22
“I don’t know if I can convince her to undergo hypnosis, Major,” Teacher said as he and Russo waited for Morning Grass to arrive for her first physical therapy session. “I have some influence over her, but she is headstrong. I can’t generally make her do anything she isn’t predisposed to do.”
“I need you to try and convince her it’s in her best interest,” Russo pleaded. “Her attack on Corporal Lowell has put her status on this ship in question. The command is treating this as an inter-planetary incident. In this political climate they want to avoid prosecuting her, but, Lowell has been assigned legal counsel and his family has been demanding some sort of punishment. It’s likely the Forward Command won’t be able to sweep this under the rug.”
“What does that mean for Morning Grass,” Teacher asked. He felt the blood rush from his face.
“If we can’t get Morning Grass re-classed as a friendly, she will be tried before a war tribunal,” Russo said. “The best we could hope for at that point would be for them to deport her to the surface. But, if it goes that far, I’d expect her to get some serious time in the brig.”
Teacher couldn’t hide his distress. Morning Grass meant everything to him. He had always assumed they would be mated for life. The thought of being separated from her by a lengthy prison sentence devastated him. He missed her terribly while she underwent the ten weeks of regeneration therapy.
“Does she know it is this serious,” he asked. “What can we do for her?”
Russo looked sympathetically at the distressed feline who was half again as tall as she.
“I believe that everyone who was in the recovery room that morning has no doubt that Morning Grass was not herself when she attacked Lowell,” Russo said. “None of them will have any problem testifying to the fact. Proving the attack was the result of a hidden trauma will require hypnotic regression, however.”
Teacher and Russo turned toward the door to the gym at the sound of the guards escorting Morning Grass in. They rolled her in sitting up on a gurney because she didn’t fit comfortably in a wheel chair. She burst into tears at the sight of Teacher and reached for him. He went to her and embraced her tightly.
“What are you wearing,” she asked him.
“This is the uniform of the Combined Earth Forces Marine Corps,” he answered, not knowing if he should sound proud or ashamed. He still didn’t know how Morning Grass would react to the news he had essentially become a citizen of the planet Earth.
“It looks… good on you,” Morning Grass said. “But, I don’t understand. Is there no more feline army?”
“There is,” Teacher replied. “But things on Terra Nova are much more complicated now than before.”
“How so,” Morning Grass asked.
“Earth and the Zunnuki are in the process of negotiating a treaty and establishing diplomatic ties,” Teacher answered. “Our people are also represented, but since we were created by Earth humans, we are being given the choice to stay on Terra Nova and remain citizens here, or join with the CEF and become citizens of Earth.”
“I see you’ve made your choice,” Morning Grass said. She was having trouble hiding her displeasure with Teacher.
“You should consider your future, too,” Teacher responded. He didn’t enjoy being assertive with Morning Grass because she had a way of twisting things to suit her and she was quite adept at using his own anger against him.
“What is that supposed to mean,” she asked.
“It means exactly what it sounded like,” Teacher said. “It was nothing more or less than me giving you some helpful advice.”
Russo interrupted the pair before their discussion could become any more heated.
“We need to start on your therapy, Morning Grass,” she said.
Russo turned to Teacher.
“Would you mind helping Morning Grass from the table,” she asked him. “Please help her sit in the middle of the mat.”
After helping Morning Grass to the mat, Teacher stood in silence, as Russo taught Morning Grass exercises to train the muscles in her left hand and strengthen her grip. Russo shouted encouragements and affirmations, but Teacher said nothing.
He was angry at Morning Grass for disparaging his decision to join the CEF and dismissing the mental anguish he went through to make it. At that moment he wanted to be anywhere else but there. “Major Russo,” he asked. “May I be excused?”
Morning Grass stopped what she was doing.
“Since when do you need permission to leave the room,” she asked snidely.
“Since I was ordered to be here by my superiors,” Teacher responded.
He became instantly upset at himself for allowing Morning Grass to get to him. He was even more upset with himself that, in his anger, he had just insinuated to Morning Grass he was not there because he wanted to be.
“Dismissed, Sergeant,” Russo said. The feline saluted and left the gym.
Russo looked sternly at Morning Grass.
“Just what the Hell do you think you accomplished there,” she asked, not hiding her consternation with the feline. “Is this how you treat everyone who cares about you? If so, I have no problem with letting you sit in the brig for a few years.”
“I almost killed someone,” Morning Grass replied. “Maybe you should just let them put me in the brig and be done with it. Teacher has certainly given up on me.”
“What the Hell is that supposed to mean,” Russo asked the feline. “Do you have any idea just how much Teacher cares for you? Do you even have one hint of the anguish he experienced over his decision to do what he felt was best for the both of you, even though he knew you would disapprove?”
“Best for both of us,” Morning Grass asked. She was getting loud and pouty. “Don’t you mean, best for him?”
Russo had been through a lot on Morning Grass’ behalf and didn’t have the patience to endure another of her immature outbursts.
“Morning Grass, quit acting like a spoiled little princess and listen,” she shouted. “That man came to visit you when you were in that goddamned tank every goddamned day. He sat and talked to you for hours. He told you, over and over, how he hoped to make a better life for you than the one you had in the settlements, raising under-nourished cattle and struggling to grow crops in that salty ground. He sat there for hours every day and poured his heart out to you.”
“Every day,” Morning Grass asked, her attitude turning much more humble. “Why would he do that? Didn’t he realize I couldn’t hear him?”
“But, you could,” Russo snapped. “You could hear him just as well as you could those damned Sino language lessons or the daily briefings. He showed up every day to talk to you because I told him that once you were out of the tank and the post-hypnotic suggestions had taken, you’d be able to remember.”
“But, I don’t remember,” Morning Grass said. Her eyes were wet and red.
“I know that, Morning Grass,” Russo explained. “So just imagine what Teacher is going through, having to explain all of this to you again. It isn’t the same universe it was when you went into the tank. Things have changed drastically. We all have to adapt or get out of everyone else’s way. Life goes on.”
“I have to apologize,” Morning Grass cried. “I have to let him know how sorry I am.”
“I don’t know if I can convince him to come back,” Russo replied. “He isn’t being ordered to be here. I don’t know why he said that. He was probably really pissed off at you. I don’t blame him. I’m not all that happy with you at the moment, myself.”
Morning Grass laid herself back down on the mat and stared up at the ceiling of the gym.
“Major,” she asked meekly. “Why am I so angry all the time? I don’t want to be. And, why is it I’m always the most angry when those who care for me try to do something to help me? I don’t underst
and.”
Russo reached out and patted Morning Grass on the shoulder. She wanted to cry, also. She couldn’t tell if it was sympathy for Morning Grass’ situation or empathy due to some of her own recent experiences. She only knew that she genuinely felt for Morning Grass at that moment and wanted to help her desperately.
“Sometimes, we push people away because we’re afraid that they will disappoint us or, worse yet, we will disappoint them,” Russo explained. “It’s also possible we don’t feel we deserve their love or affection for whatever reason and we try to make them leave. Usually it’s because we are afraid we might be holding them back.”
“But, I don’t try to push Teacher away,” Morning Grass said. “I don’t want him to ever leave me.”
“I don’t think you do it consciously,” Russo replied. “It appears something that happened to you in your childhood has made you afraid to trust anyone. I don’t think that you even trust Teacher, completely.”
“I trust you,” Morning Grass said without hesitation. “Please help me, Major,” she pleaded. “I don’t want to hurt Teacher anymore.”
“If you trust me,” Russo said. “You will also have to trust my colleagues here on the Armstrong. They’re just as concerned about you as I am, and they want to see you through this. Colonel Stiles told me she will assist you in any way possible, but she has to get you through that memory block first.”
“Is hypnosis the only way,” Morning Grass asked. She became tense.
Russo looked at Morning Grass. She thought to herself that the feline might fly apart at any moment from the stress her muscles seemed to be putting on her skeleton.
“It isn’t the only way,” Russo replied. “But, it is the quickest and safest way. If you are asking my advice, I recommend you allow Colonel Stiles to regress you as soon as she is able to.”
“Will you be there,” the feline asked.
“I’m sorry,” Russo responded. “I can’t be there, even if you ask. It’s important for your doctor-patient bond with Colonel Stiles to be mutually exclusive. It will be stronger that way and help you to work out your trust issues. I can’t emphasize that enough.”
“Is it alright if I talk with you about things I don’t feel I can share with the colonel,” Morning Grass asked meekly.
Russo was becoming uncomfortable. She could see that Morning Grass was reaching out and she wanted to respond. She remembered her discussion with Stiles that morning.
“As long as it has direct bearing on your physical therapy,” Russo said. “But, talking about your regression will be grounds for removing me from your case, immediately.”
“That hardly seems fair,” Morning Grass said, pouting.
“It is what it is, Morning Grass,” Russo expounded. “As of now, I’m your physical therapist and nothing more.”
Morning Grass gruffly agreed to the terms.
“We’re losing time,” Russo told her. “Let’s get back to it.”
Chapter 23
“I only want you to try and remember what you experienced in the tank,” Stiles told Morning Grass. “Let’s go back to the day you were put in.”
Morning Grass had turned out to be an excellent subject for hypnosis, but it concerned Stiles that she had fallen under so quickly.
To Stiles, a psychiatric specialist who was an authority on hypnotherapy, it was concrete evidence that Morning Grass had been hypnotized before. She now suspected, more than ever, the feline’s memory had been tampered with. Stiles would have to be careful where she took Morning Grass during the regressions.
“I understand,” Morning Grass replied. She was lying comfortably, although she was in heavy restraints. Stiles didn’t like using the restraints, but the Forward Command required it and Morning Grass didn’t object.
Morning Grass was much calmer after spending a few weeks on mild sedatives and participating in the more traditional psychotherapy sessions that were a pre-requisite to the hypnotic regression. Her mood was also helped by the fact her physical therapy was coming along better than expected.
“What do you remember, Morning Grass,” Stiles asked. “Please tell me what is going on as you are being placed in the regeneration tank.”
“They just opened the isolation chamber,” Morning Grass said. “Ah. Fresh air. It’s so cool and dry. I’m hungry. Can I have something to eat before I have to go into the tank? I’m sleepy. Where is Teacher? He said he would be here… Oh. There he is.”
“Who else is there,” Stiles asked, trying to focus Morning Grass’ attention.
“Major Russo is here,” the feline responded “There are some other people I don’t know. I’m really drowsy.”
“What is happening,” Stiles inquired. “Please tell me what everyone is doing.”
“Major Russo is talking to Teacher,” Morning Grass said. “He looks worried. He is so over-protective of me. It’s adorable, but annoying at times. The two humans I don’t know are putting wires on me and inserting needles in my arm and leg. And, one in my neck. It’s big. That is going to hurt.”
“You won’t feel it,” Stiles reassured the feline. “You won’t feel anything. You are an observer. You are experiencing it over again, but not in the first person. You are stepping outside of yourself and looking on. Nothing can hurt you.”
“Oh,” Morning Grass said. “That needle is so big. Please. Don’t let them put that needle into my neck.”
“Move on past the needle, Morning Grass. Don’t look at it,” Stiles demanded. “It’s now a minute after the needle was put in and you got through it fine. Tell me what you remember next.”
“I’m being lifted by two humans,” Morning Grass continued. “A man and a woman. They’re putting me on a small table… There seems to be some sort of winch over me… The humans have a harness around me and are hooking me to the winch.”
When Stiles was comfortable with how Morning Grass was reacting to the regression, she decided to move her ahead. “What is the first thing you remember after being placed in the tank,” she asked. “You aren’t in the tank. You are just recalling what happened.”
“I’m chilly,” Morning Grass said. “I feel like I’m standing naked outside at night. Major Russo told me I might feel as if I were smothering when they first put me in the tank and I might choke on the fluid…”
“But you won’t, Morning Grass,” Stiles interjected. “You aren’t really in the tank. You are just remembering that day.”
“Oh. Alright, Colonel,” the feline replied. She seemed relieved. “Thank you.”
Stiles wanted to move Morning Grass along to the end of her regeneration and have her remember her briefings and language lessons.
“We’re going to remember something else now, Morning Grass,” Stiles said. “I want you to go forward to the day you were removed from the tank, and the exact moment you regained consciousness. Once you are there, you will remember all of your briefings, language lessons and anything that anyone said to you while you were in the tank. You will think that you dreamed some of what you remember, but that is normal. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Colonel Stiles,” Morning Grass replied. “You want me to remember everything I experienced while I was regenerating.”
“That’s correct,” Stiles said. She then asked Morning Grass in Sino, “What is your name and where do you come from?”
The feline answered, also in perfect Sino, “My name is She Who Stalks the Yearling Fawn While the Dew is on the Morning Grass, and I come from the feline settlements just outside the human colony called New Phoenix on the planet Terra Nova.”
“That’s excellent, Morning Grass,” Stiles said.
Morning Grass became agitated. She was breathing heavily and acted as if she was going to break into tears.
“Tell me what you are thinking about, Morning Grass,” Stiles requested. “What is going on?”
“Where is my mother,” Morning Grass asked. “She is usually here when I wake up. I see Teacher… What is he doing here? Where’s
Mom? Wait. There she is.”
Stiles was unnerved by the apparent hallucination.
“When I count to three, I want you to wake up, Morning Grass,” she ordered. “You will remember everything you are seeing, hearing and thinking at this moment so we can discuss it when you are awake.”
Morning Grass breathed hard and clenched her fists. She strained at the straps that held her down.
“I can’t,” she replied, almost shouting. Before Stiles could start counting and bring her out of the trance, Morning Grass said, “I’m not supposed to remember. I’m better off not remembering. If I try to remember, I’ll die.”
“No. No, you won’t, Morning Grass,” Stiles reassured her. “You won’t die. And remembering will help you.”
“Please don’t make me remember,” the feline cried. “It hurts to remember. I’m burning up.”
“Listen to me, Corporal,” Stiles said. “This is an order. I am ordering you to only remember the events from the time you went into the regen tank until the time you were removed. You do not have to remember anything else, but you do have to remember those events. I will make sure that nothing happens to you at all. You are completely safe here. You are only observing the events, not reliving them. Do you understand?”
“Yes I do,” Morning Grass said as she spontaneously came out of her trance.
“You’re wide awake,” Stiles exclaimed. “What the Hell?”
Morning Grass was shaking.
“I remember something,” she said. “It’s something I’m not supposed to remember, but I don’t know why I’m not supposed to remember it.”
“What is it you remember,” Stiles asked.
“I remember lying on a table,” Morning Grass cried. “It was horrible. She told me she wouldn’t ever let them do that to me again.”
The feline was straining at her straps again and seemed disoriented.
“Do you know where you are,” Stiles asked, trying to calm Morning Grass down enough to get something coherent out of her. “You are safe, now. You are here with me. Nobody can hurt you. I won’t let them. Anybody who ever hurt you is now gone.”
Chamberlain's Folly (The Terra Nova Chronicles) Page 20