“That’s not fair. I can’t help my situation is different from yours and all I need is for you to just be you and to be here for me and let me be there for you. I don’t need a freaking fairytale.”
“I’m not blaming you because your family cares, hell I wish I had that but you don’t want me to be me Ky. You’re always trying to fix me and I can’t be fixed. My life is kind of screwed up and I get that, but bottom line is I am who I am. There are going to be times when I drink too much, or disappear and don’t call but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care I just need that sometimes. I know I do a lot of stupid stuff and make bad decisions when it comes to us so I’m not going to pretend like I have it all figured out because I don’t and I probably won’t for a while if I ever do figure it out.”
“You make it sound like I expect too much?”
“It’s not about what you expect. It’s more about what I know you deserve and honestly I know that’s not me. You know it, your parents damn sure know it, and I know it.”
“I didn't know that I made you feel like that.” She whispered.
“Feel like what.”
“Like I was trying to fix you.”
“This is why I didn't want to have this conversation with you. I didn't want you to feel like the things that I do or don't do are your fault.
“I don't feel like that. I just feel like you think I expect too much from you.”
“That’s on me, not on you. I just know I've got a lot of work to do.”
“It’s just hard. It makes me feel like you don't care.”
“I care. I promise.” I kissed her neck which made her sink into my body even more. “Can we go to sleep now, my head is killing me.”
“Good.” She said and smiled.
“Now who doesn't care?” I teased.
We both walked into my room and I pulled off my shirt while Ky stripped down to her bra and panties before she picked up the t-shirt that I had tossed on the bed and put it on. If this were any other time I would have stopped her and neither of us would have been going to sleep but my head was pounding and all I wanted to do was close my eyes. I turned on my ceiling fan and laid on top of my comforter while Ky climbed under it and got as close to me as she could. I laid my arm across her waist and closed my eyes hoping to stop my head pounding but I knew it was going to be a long night. At least I finally was up front with Ky about a few things that had been on my mind lately so hopefully we'll be in a good place for a while until my next mess up.
Chapter 21
Kya Renee
It was Saturday and I hadn't seen Xavier since Tuesday morning when I left his dorm to head off to class so I was actually excited about going to his game tonight. Basketball and I sort of had a mutual love hate type relationship. I loved watching Xavier play the way he moved on the court was definitely worth the time spent watching, however the hate part of our relationship kicked in because of how much of his time basketball consumed. For as long as I can remember I have had to share him with his love and commitment to basketball. High school games, travel teams, all American elite games, summer camps, all-star games, practices and now college games. A commitment that he lived and died for sometimes causing me to internalize jealous feelings that I wouldn’t ever get that type of commitment from him but it made him happy so I struggled through it.
There was nothing like the high I felt when the game ended and I was his very first thought. He would seek me out no matter what the outcome, after a win to celebrate his victory while after a loss to help him forget about it. Either way he needed me, he wanted me to share that part of his life in a way that made me feel like the experience wasn't complete without me. That was a part of his life belonged solely to me or at least that's what I told myself.
I checked the time again, four hours until game time and I had run out of distractions to keep me occupied so I decided to go bother Toni for a while. She had threatened my life if I interrupted her nap but I figured that it was worth the danger if she could keep me occupied for the next few hours. I pushed Toni's door open and decided that it would be best if I skipped turning on her light so instead I just hopped on her bed which caused her to shoot me an evil glance before she covered her head with her pillow.
“Go away Ky.” She mumbled.
“I'm bored, wake up. You've been sleep all.”
“I snatched the pillow off of her head and pressed my face against hers.”
“You know I hate you right?”
“You love me.”
“Or not.” Toni said and then pulled away from me before she crawled to the edge of her bed and then hopped down. She went into her bathroom and shut the door.
I scooted to the head of her bed propped a pillow behind my back and crossed my legs to sit Indian style. “Are you staying with Ethan tonight?” I yelled.
I heard the toilet flush with the sound of water running and shortly after the door opened and Toni stepped out. Her short jet black hair was held back off of her face with a bright pink head band. She frowned at me before hopping back on her bed and then crawling next to me snatching the pillow that I had positioned behind my back away from me, folding it under her head.
“Are you?”
“Am I what?” she asked.
“Staying with Ethan tonight?”
“Probably.”
I could tell that she wasn’t in the best mood. “Are you really going to be mad at me?”
“Yes, I am.” I knew that she wasn’t serious so I ignored her and continued to talk. “So we can ride together tonight. Do you want me to drive?”
“Yeah, that’s cool, hand me my phone please.”
I turned and picked up her phone off the table next to her bed, handed it to her and she rolled over onto her back and unlocked the screen.
“Seriously?” she said sounding extremely annoyed.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Ant sent me like ten messages, I swear he is getting on my last nerve.”
“Aye, that’s on you. I told you to leave him alone.”
“Preciate the support boo.”
“Hey, I’m just saying, I told you that you were playing with fire.”
“I just need him to stop blowing up my phone before Ethan finds out.”
“You might want to leave your phone off if you’re staying with him. I tried to tell you that you.”
“I need him to fall off, he's starting to get on my last nerve.”
“That's your fault.”
“Thanks you’re really helping.”
“I try, I try.” I said and laughed
“Well you're doing a horrible job.”
“Why because I'm calling you out on your trifling behavior.”
Toni balled up her fist and nailed me in the thigh before she jumped up and quickly moved off of her bed.
“Okay, I see how you wanna be. See if I help you lie your way out of this when Ant blows up your phone tonight when you’re with Ethan.
“I’m not worried about that, you love me so I know you got me.”
“Don't be so sure.” I said and the shot her an evil smirk.
Toni threw up her hand and then disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a soda. She and I spent the next few hours laughing and talking about everything under the sun but our main focus was our relationships with Xavier and Ethan. Toni hand finally come to the realization that she only wanted to be with him so she was panicked about Ant messing things up. While I on the other hand was worried about Xavier shutting down on me again. I always got worried when things were going well with us for too long because inevitably something would happen to snatch me out of my blissful existence back in to the dysfunctional world that Xavier and I seemed to live in ninety nine percent of the time.
“So what's the deal with his father?” Toni asked. We had migrated to my room so that I could figure out what to wear to the game and she was currently laying on my bed while I sat in my rolling computer chair.
“I'm not really sure but
I know he hasn't really talked to him much.”
“I wonder why? He seemed kinda nice.”
“Yeah I know but I think Zay is stuck on the fact that he wasn't there and then on top of that his dad kind of blamed his mom for part of the reason why he wasn't around and that pissed Zay off.”
“Blamed her how?”
“Jackson’s story was that he did leave but he tried to make it right by being a father for Zay and she refused to let him so he stopped trying.”
“I wonder why?”
“If that's even the case. I think that's part of the problem, he doesn't want to believe that his mom would do that. If it's true it’s like she stole the chance for him to have a real father and I'm sure that bothers him.
“I can see how that would be a problem but what if it's true and he wasn't there because she wouldn't let him be. That's technically not his fault and Zay is missing out on a chance to get to know him now.”
“I know but I feel like I have to just support whatever decision he makes so I’m not challenging him on it. He's all over the place right now so I'm trying to stay out of it. Oh dang!”
I pulled my phone off the charger. I hadn’t sent his game day text yet.
“Oh dang what?” Toni said.
“I forget to send Zay a text.”
“I swear you be doing the most with that.” Toni said with a grin I’m sure remembering my history with sending him text on game days.
“You should try it. I’m sure it would be greatly appreciated.”
“Exactly and also greatly expected. You know my mind is bad and the first time I forget it will be the end of the world so I have a philosophy never start something you can’t finish.” She said with a smirk.
“Wow, I can’t with you.”
I began composing my message:
Good luck tonight but you don’t need it. You got this. You always do. Win for me! Love you!
I sat my phone down because I wasn’t expecting a reply. He was usually with the team and he wasn’t the type to always have his phone so when my phone vibrated I almost ignored it.
Feel like crap but I’ll do what I can. Love you too
What’s wrong are you sick?
Not sure but something’s going on, you’re taking care of me tonight (sad face)
Always! I sorry you feel bad
I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you after the game. Wait in the floor seats
I will (kissing face)
“Zay is sick.” I said when I returned my phone to its charger.
“Is he still going to play, wait forget I asked. That boy wouldn’t miss a game even if he had organs hanging out of his body.”
“You know it.” I smiled.
“I’m about to get dressed. 6:15?”
“That works.”
Toni left my room to get dressed and I finished packing my bag and did the same. I was hoping that Xavier wasn’t feeling too bad because one thing I learned about him over the years was that he was a horrible sick person. The 6’4’, well sculpted, man transformed into a whiny, impossible irritant with the personality of a five year old. Lord help me. I think my night was officially ruined.
Xavier Lee
When the buzzer sounded for halftime I took off towards the locker room praying that I would make it. I could feel my stomach tighten and the swell in my throat. I had already thrown up twice before the game and couldn’t imagine what was left inside of me to come out but sure enough the second I reached the stall and leaned over it a flow of clear liquid shot out of me. When I felt like my insides would follow because there was nothing else left I stood up and joined my team. Trey, threw me a bottle of water and I laid on the carpeted floor with my head propped up on flooded arms.
“Adams, I think you need to sit this half out. You look terrible.” I could hear coach talking to me but I kept my face buried in my arms.
“I’m good coach. I think that was the last of it and I actually feel better now.”
“You better make sure because if you hurl out there on the court we’re going to have some real problems.”
I lifted my head and held a thumb up. Coach finished his speech which basically consisted of a lot of keep doing what you’re doing, tighten up on defense, press the ball more and take more outside shots before we got ushered back out into the arena. I sat in one of the chairs with my head low propped up on my arms while the rest of the team took a few last minute shots before the buzzer sounded to start the second half.
When the second half started, I took the floor with my team feeling a little better. I guess whatever was in my system that had been fighting to come out had made its final escape but I still felt a little dehydrated. The second the ball was in my hands it all faded away. It was like my body found the strength it needed to perform and I zoned out and went with it. It was game time once again and I was ready, even if I had to force it I was going to finish strong.
When the final buzzer sounded I took a seat in one of the chairs. It was like my body finally gave out on me and I needed a minute before I could head to the locker room. We had pulled out a win by five so coach was happy and the fans were in rare form as usual. Saturday games were always packed and hype. I sat up and lifted my head when I heard a few of regular’s calling my name. “Good game Zay, way to go two, two-two, you pulled of another win for us.” Their shoulder pats, handshakes and congrats all ran together. I searched for Ky, she was the only touch I wanted to feel right now and the only voice I wanted to hear but I couldn’t see her past the crowed that was filling the floor.
“Adams lets go.” Coach yelled without even looking back at me. He was in route to the locker room along with the rest of the team. The cops had surrounded the refs and were escorting them off the court while the floor began to fill with fans. I still couldn’t find Ky so I stood and slowly made my way to the locker room. About forty-five minutes later I emerged showered, changed and feeling better, still not one hundred percent but I was on the mend. The second I reentered the arena I immediately found Ky, she was sitting in one of the floor seats near the entrance with Toni standing in front of her and when she saw me she stood up and smiled.
“You okay.” She said and wrapped her arms around me.
“I am now.” I said and kissed her on the forehead.
“You two are doing the most.” Toni said and frowned “Where’s Ethan?”
I looked back over my shoulder towards the corridor that I had just emerged from. “He was right behind me. He must have stopped to talk to somebody.”
Toni raised her eyebrow, “A somebody like who?” she asked. I know that she knew girls stood outside the locker room door waiting for players hoping to get lucky and escape out the back without judging eyes spotting them.
“Hell I don’t know.” I said defensively not wanting to get into a twenty questions war with her.
“Mmhmm, I bet.” She said and then a few seconds later Ethan appeared alongside Davis and Trey. He gave each of them a pound said a few words before he joined us where he stood behind Toni and leaned to her side and planted a kiss on her cheek.
I guess she didn’t want to spoil the mood because she didn’t mention anything about him stopping too talk to someone.
“Bruh, I don’t see how you’re still standing after all that.” Ethan said looking at me.
“After all what?” Kya asked.
“Your boy damn near threw up the entire game, before, during and after.”
“What? Did you really?” Ky spun around to look at me with a frown, since I was standing behind her now.
“Yeah but I’m good now, I think it was something I ate.”
“You sure.” She said with a smile and then stepped away from me but I caught her arm and pulled her back. “Nope, we’re a team, what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.”
“That applies to everything except germs. I draw the line there.” She said and wiggled free.
“No love. I swear.”
“I’m guessing that me
ans you’re not down to go eat.” Ethan said.
“Oh hell no, at least not today.”
Ethan laughed, “Straight up fast for the next 24.”
“Bruh you have no idea. I hate throwing up. I think I’d take a bullet better than I can take throwing up.”
“You’re such a baby.” Kya said.
“Whatever man, I just know my limits.”
“Wimp.” She said and smiled.
“So I’m agreeing to take a bullet but you’re calling me a wimp because I hate being sick.”
“Yup.”
“I’ll show you a wimp in about.” he looked at his wrist to check the time, “thirty minutes.”
“And with that we’re out.” Ethan said.
“You drove right?” I looked down at Kya
“Yep but I don’t know if I want your germs all up in my car.”
“Whatever man lets go.”
Ethan and Toni left trough the bottom side of the arena while Ky and I climbed the stairs to leave from the front. I had to admit that after climbing what seemed like a thousand stairs to reach the top, my body was beginning to slowly shut down on me again. I was tried, soar and dehydrated, definitely not a good combination for climbing stairs.
“You okay?” Ky could tell that I was struggling.
“I’m good.”
“Liar.” She said and smiled before she placed her arm around my waist.
“We won, I’m with you. I’m good.”
When we reached Kya’s Jetta she opened the doors and got in the driver’s seat. I threw my bag in the back and then sat in the passenger seat and leaned the seat all the way back.
“What happened to I’m good?” she said and laughed.
“I am, just tired.”
She pulled into the parking lot of my dorm and we both got out. I grabbed my bag and hers before the two of us made our way to the front entrance towards the elevator. The second we got near the door I could hear loud voices inside and I immediately got pissed. I wasn’t in the mood for a bunch of noise and people in my room. Ky sensed my irritation because she placed her hand on my back when I reached for the door handle. As soon as we stepped inside I felt a surge of fire run through my veins, there were four guys that I didn’t know and no Chaz sitting on my sofa and floor. There were beer bottles all over the place and empty pizza boxes.
Kya & Xavier: It's Always Been You (Life As We Know It Book 1) Page 26