"I don't know where," Finn says quietly.
"Did you send her to the Void?" I grab his throat, then realise he won't be able to answer me and loosen my hands. He's warm to touch, like someone with a fever; but that's not possible because he's less human than I am.
"No, I don't know... I had to stop her."
Aware people have arrived outside with us, I stand and brush the dirt from my jeans. Finn stands, too, and backs away slightly.
"Stop her what?" I hiss.
His look slides to the people behind then to me, and he raises both eyebrows to indicate I should be quiet.
"Oh, no, we fucking talk about this!" I grab his arm and drag him into the house.
"Get your hands off me," he growls and tears his arm away.
I bump into the dumb ghostbuster. "What's going on?" Tom's breathless but excited by events, which is sick considering someone's dying outside.
"Some guy's unconscious out there." I tip my head to the garden.
"Yeah, I know, but with you two?" His mouth parts making him look stupider than ever. "Where's Rose?"
I cross my arms and look at Finn. "Yeah, Finn. Where's Rose?"
"I don't fucking know!" he yells, and the volume and vehemence shocks me. He grabs his hair and closes his eyes. "I don't know," he says more quietly.
I don't care what Rose says, this guy wants her in the same way I do. He saved her life, of course he feels something for Rose. I bet Finn just made the half-life he gave her a hundred times fucking worse, though.
"I didn’t see her leave," says Tom.
"I did," I say in a low voice.
"Where?"
"Forget it." He's not getting involved. "Finn, I need to talk to you."
Finn stares at the wall, breathing rapidly. He's a pale guy, but I swear he's paler than usual. "I had to stop her..."
"Stop her doing what? What was she doing?" Tom perks up again and I feel like punching him. We're not a fucking science experiment.
The door opens and I step to one side as the paramedics arrive; a man and a woman push through in their green uniforms. Finn glances at me and he knows they're too late, too.
"Whose house is this?" asks one, a bald-headed guy.
"Him." I shove Tom toward the unimpressed-looking paramedic and step out of the front door before turning back. "Finn, get out here and tell me what the fuck you did to her!"
The other paramedic, a young woman with dark hair in a ponytail, watches me curiously. Finn follows me out. "Keep your voice down; the police will be here soon."
Immediately, I'm in his face. He backs against the wall as I shove him. My head and chest hurt, and the idea of never seeing Rose again terrifies me. Finally, I meet someone like me, who I can safely touch and be around and she's gone. This isn't just because I might have to wait another twenty years, but because she's Rose. The girl I'm terrified of hurting, so half the time I don't know whether to touch her; instead, I keep holding her at arm’s length, in case she steals my heart and soul the way she's stolen every other part of me.
"I'm not talking to you until you get out of my face," says Finn. He's fighting the edge to his voice. Panic? Fear?
I hold my hands up and step back. "Fine."
"The nurse...the man in the garden. He was a Dark and he was trying to get Rose to create a Between."
"So you killed her?"
"I haven't killed her!"
"Is she in the Void?" Pain twists in my stomach.
"I said I don't know! I had to stop her. With Rose’s type of energy, that Between would be powerful."
I rub my head. "Why?"
"She has my energy, Alek."
His words are a punch in the guts. "She has your energy? I know you fucked up, but I thought you just resurrected her or whatever you want to call it."
“By giving her Reaper energy, how else?”
“I don’t get what you’re saying.”
He shakes his head. "Alek, you were brought back by demons so you have some of their energy; she has mine."
"I don’t have demon energy, they just…" Shit. I am so fucking clueless.
Finn says quietly, "…resurrected you. With demon energy that you now contain."
"No! That was to bring me back! Now my energy is what I get from humans! I’m not a demon!"
Finn shakes his head. "They have done wrong by you, not explaining everything."
"Don’t talk to me in that voice; don’t pity me!" I spit.
Rose. The girl who’s the same as I am. But now Finn’s saying she’s not like me at all.
"Why did you save Rose and then do this to her?"
"Alek, I'm not talking to you about my history. And I want to know what's happened to her as much as you do."
I wipe a palm down my face and take a few deep breaths. "Finn. Where do you think she is?"
"I don't know," he repeats.
"Where do people go when you normally do that?"
"I don't even know what I did! I just held her for a few moments so she couldn't help the Dark." Finn straightens. "Where'd he go?"
"I don’t fucking know! Only you, Rose, and the dead guy were outside. Everyone else was in the house – I thought that was weird.” I stiffen. “Do you think he did something to make them stay away?"
"Crap. Dead guy. We have to leave, Alek."
"We?" I look at him incredulously, but now the one thing that links me and Finn needs us to communicate. He's the only way I can find out what happened to Rose, and until he tells me, I'm not letting him out of my sight.
***
People stayed away from me at the party, and I know why. My energy is low. I needed my shift at the bar tonight, but my fear about what could happen to Rose meant I cancelled to come here with her. My fears were justified. Now I'm left with no Rose and a growing hunger, plus a Reaper who looks as shocked and pissed off as I am.
I don't fully understand what the deal is with these Reapers. Have I spent years lying to myself? Did I know the demon lived inside but was in denial? Whatever, as far as I'm concerned, Reapers are all as bad as each other. They take the people you love. Whether Finn is killing people, or Dark are, or both, I don't care. In fact, I really don't give a fuck, or I didn’t until Rose got dragged into it. Staying at Tom's is not a bright idea for Finn and me. Someone died. They didn't need to call the paramedics to tell us that, and I’m not getting dragged in as a witness.
My head hurts with the depleting energy and with attempting to control what I know is coming. What would a Reaper do if I started ‘accidentally’ killing humans around him?
"I need to feed," I mutter to him as we walk away from the party.
"I know. We'll find a pub."
"Awesome. Beer and human energy, my favourite combination." Finn pulls a sour face at me and I mutter 'fuck you' under my breath.
The lounge area of the large pub is packed with students and there’re no vacant tables. This is good. I can soak up what I need, maybe accidentally bump a few people at the bar. By the time Finn hands me a pint, the hunger fades and the constriction around my chest lessens, until I think about Rose again and the painful band around my insides tightens.
We find a quiet corner to stand and Finn rests his glass on the windowsill covered in sticky beer.
"Well, I hated you before tonight, and now, I want to fucking kill you," I inform him in a low voice.
"Understandable."
I gulp back the beer. Even if I could kill him, I wouldn’t. He's the one link I have left to finding Rose again. "Has she gone? Did you send her Over?"
"She can't go Over; you know that."
The beer swirls around my stomach. "You think she's in the Void?" The anger is taken over by panic. I've been there. I got out, but I'm not sure Rose would cope.
"Possibly." Finn is back to neutral. Indifferent tone, expressionless face. Does he give a fuck?
"Send me after her then!"
"What if she isn’t there? And I can't, can I? Only Darks can help you."
; Fuck. No. I've run from them for years, refused to do what they ask. I broke my promise to them. Or would they be happy to send me to the Void - or worse? The world around fades as I play through the options in my head. Could I get Rose out even if I went?
"I know what you did for your sister." Finn's voice filters through my thoughts about Dark and the Void; the thoughts my sister, Laura, was on the edge of. Flashes of the night they took her assault me and I rub my eyes as if that could wipe them away.
"I'm not talking to you about that."
"I know you owe them your soul, Alek," he says softly, "that they'll take it to Hell if you don't do what they want."
"I'm still here, aren't I?" I retort.
"Twenty years isn't long to the Dark. They can wait, and I think that's what's happened here. They waited until there was something you needed their help with."
I drink heavily until all that's left is the white foam spreading down the glass. Finn knows and understands more than I realise, but this isn’t his business.
"Why exactly are you here, in this world?" I ask.
"I came here for Rose, but I can't do what they want. I hoped I could fix her soul, but it’s impossible. All that happens is every time I touch her, I take back the energy I gave her." Finn's mouth tips down, and he stares over my shoulder so he doesn't meet my eyes. "I think I just took the rest; I can’t believe it happened so quickly."
"So you did kill her!" I say, too loudly, because the girls standing close by giggle. I look over and a pretty girl with dark hair smiles coyly at me. Oh, no way, sweetheart, you don't want me touching you. I look back to Finn, who still refuses to meet my eyes. "Will you stop talking in fucking riddles and tell me what happened."
Finn's expression is hard. "She could be one of two places. With the Dark or in the Void. Allowing her to cross Over was never an option."
"Why? She's a good person, Finn!"
"For fuck's sake, Alek, her soul is tainted."
I stare at the TV screen on the wall playing music video clips but I don't see anything, only images of the Void from my memories. The new energy filling my system from being amongst the humans gives me strength; the strength to put my hands around the Reaper’s neck and strangle the life from him. He can't help. If only killing him was the answer.
***
The cool of the empty house alerts me as I arrive home. I hover between the kitchen and stairs, eyes closed in an attempt to detect Shades. Nothing. I call Lizzie. Nobody. I'm alone, more alone than I have been for years.
I drank too much tonight. My head is woozy; the walk home, when I stormed away from Finn, has done nothing to sober me up. Sinking onto the threadbare sofa, I stare at the wall, at the familiar places where the cracks make patterns in the wall.
If the Shades were around, I could allow one to attack me and go into the Void; but there's no guarantee I'll come out again and Rose might not even be there. I pull out my phone and check the time. Eleven pm. This is early for me; my shifts at the club sometimes stretch into the early hours, but I'm exhausted.
Where is she?
Chapter Twenty-three
ROSE
I snap my eyes open. Did I faint again? My head feels as if someone stomped on it, the same as always when I regain consciousness after blacking out, so I must have. The rush of recollection tells me I should be lying on pavers outside a house, but my face is on a cool, tiled floor. From the angle I'm at, I can see a row of black plastic and metal chairs lining the wall. The room is small; a bright fluorescent light above with empty white walls intensifies the brightness. I pull myself into a sitting position and listen. No sound.
There's a door, smooth and white, blending into the walls. Am I in the hospital? Do I have a gap in memory? On wobbly legs, I move over to one of the black seats and then sit, considering my next move. Do I wait? Leave? The bare room doesn’t have a hospital odour which adds to my confusion. I'm wearing the clothes I went to Tom's party in, but I don't have my coat. The coat I left my purse and phone in. Great.
I don't know how long I sit and wait but eventually, I get numb from sitting. I pace a while, looking at the door, at the shiny metal handle, and debate what to do. Irritation mounts because nobody comes to see me and explain, so I try the door. I expected it to be locked, but it isn’t.
The door opens onto a stark, white corridor. A long hallway spreads in either direction, uniform doors lined along each wall, identical strip-lights in spaced along the ceiling.
I'm dreaming. Everything is a dream. I relapsed and I'm in a coma. Alek, Finn, deranged thoughts about being half-dead are all figments of my imagination. I repeat these thoughts while looking at my shoes. Black flats I never owned before the accident. I pull off my cardigan and examine my arms. Scars. Please, let me wake up. I don't want to be trapped in my subconscious, in a terrifying faceless world with nothing but doors.
"You're not." I turn to the voice. A man dressed in a nurse’s uniform smiles kindly at me. "Dreaming, I mean."
He's nondescript; the sort of person you're introduced to but wouldn’t recognise their face next time you see them. Brown hair and eyes, average build, but I get the feeling average isn't what he is.
"What's happening?" I ask. "Did I die?"
"No. Can you come with me, please?" He gestures toward the nearest door but I don't move.
"Am I alive?"
"Again, no." The man opens the door and I recognise what's on the other side.
A shadow world of mute greys; a replica of my world, devoid of colour and filled with shadows, exists through the door. This is the place the Shade almost sent me to when she attacked me outside the pub, the night Alek saved me. I back against the wall and taste pineapple as the contents of my stomach attempt to fight their way into my mouth. I’m not dreaming.
"No... where is that?"
"Where you belong. I can give you another option, but I suspect you’ll find this place more palatable." He smiles in the encouraging, calm way the nurses in the hospital did when I was a patient.
I run.
My shoes squeak on the tiled floor, chest constricting as I travel down the hallway. There's no end to this corridor; the sterile brightness stretching ahead. I expect to be grabbed and dragged through the door but no footsteps follow. After a few minutes, I slow to a walk and glance back over my shoulder. The hallway extends behind, void of life.
The row of doors stretch to a seeming infinity. Rubbing my hands together, squeezing reality into my fingers, I debate which one to open. The doors must be the only way out. I choose the one opposite. Unlocked. I yank down the handle and pull open the door.
A room identical to the one I woke in. Slamming the door, I move to the next. The same. Door after door holds room after room, each indistinguishable from the next. I slump to the floor and wrap my arms around my head.
I must be dreaming.
I want to wake up.
Chapter Twenty-four
ALEK
The TV plays quietly and I doze, fighting images of Rose trapped in the Void - or worse. Something shifts in the energy of the room as if someone else is with me. I pull myself back to full consciousness.
A girl sits in the chair opposite and I’m on alert in case this person attacks me. The room temperature hasn't changed and she's not taking advantage of my sleeping state by jamming her hands into my chest, so she can't be a Shade. Her long, black hair falls across her shoulders, shining against her pale skin. Dressed simply in a black dress and high boots, she has her hands folded in her lap, smiling serenely.
"Is it time yet, Alek?" she asks.
"Time for what? Who are you?"
"To stop hiding." The girl's form shimmers the way the TV does when auto-tuning channels, and Lizzie appears. Then she shimmers back again.
I stumble to my feet. "Oh, no... oh, fuck... Lizzie?"
"Raven. Did you really think you were hidden?" The small laugh she gives would annoy me if I wasn’t in shock.
I glance at the door and stumble to m
y feet.
"I hope you're not thinking of leaving, Alek. Where can you go? It's time to keep your part of the bargain."
"No."
"What about Rose?"
"What about her?" I attempt nonchalance.
"Oh, come on, Alek, we know how... attached you are. Do you feel like a piece of you is missing?" I widen my eyes. "In a metaphorical sense, of course; she's not a piece of you. She’s more like that stupid angel than you. I wonder what he’ll do now, this could prove interesting."
Okay, my head has taken too much for one night. "What angel?"
Raven rolls her eyes. "You're a lot of things, Alek, with your human failings, but I didn’t think stupidity was one of them. Finn. He's not an ordinary Reaper."
What the fuck? Things get worse by the hour.
Raven continues. "We didn't ever expect a Reaper to interrupt us taking someone; normally they don't because they know the outcome. Broken soul, life in the Void, blah, blah. We weren't interested in making her a Between; she'd be too difficult to control, I think. But here she is."
"What do you mean?"
"We were going to take her soul to the Dark, but Finn interrupted. Then, as you know, he filled her with his power, thinking he could save his poor, little Rose and send her Over. Oops!" She puts a hand over her mouth, eyes shining with amusement. "Now he's created his own Between and he needs to get rid of it. Her."
Her words knock the breath from my lungs. Rose is more angel than demon. Between are inherently evil, created by the Dark. Rose never told me her story, but I doubt she remembers in the way that I remember mine. How can we connect as we do if I’m demon? I rub my eyes. Finn’s words about him and Rose confuse me further. Finn and Rose. No wonder Finn is so possessive of her. He's responsible for everything about Rose.
"Are you Lizzie?" I ask.
"Usually. Recently. You've been very annoying to live with, by the way; the attitude on you..."
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