The whole episode bothered me more than it should have. We ended up going to bed earlier than usual and I was extra glad for Aidans presence in my bed that night.
I awoke suddenly with the acrid smell of smoke still 108
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
in my nostrils. I pushed myself into a sitting position and felt a sticky wetness on my hands. I looked down to see they were covered in blood. Whose? Mine? A knife lay on my pillow, glinting in the semi-darkness. I looked for Aidan but he wasnt next to me in the bed. I was alone. Suddenly fire was all around my bed, jumping and leaping closer and closer like a living thing. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. The flames crept closer and I squeezed my eyes closed so I wouldnt have to watch my skin burn away like the edges of the paper.
Will! Will! It was Aidans voice. My eyes flew open to see his face, wide-eyed and frightened above me. It was just a bad dream, Will. Youre okay. Im right here.
My heart felt like it would beat right out of my chest and my breathing came in ragged gasps. Could it have been just a dream? But it must have been; there was no fire, no smoke, no blood. I was in my bed and Aidan was holding me, but the terror still clung to me like stubborn fog in weak sunlight.
Its okay, Will, Aidan whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt my body slowly begin to relax into his and I snuggled closer. I hadnt felt so comforted since I was a little kid being held by my parents after a bad dream. I slowly drifted off to sleep.
The nightmare stayed away for the rest of the night and I awoke the next morning with Aidans arm still around me. I sat up suddenly, waking him in the process.
Mornin , he mumbled sleepily.
I looked around the room for signs of a fire. It was silly I knew, but the nightmare images were still so vivid in my mind.
109
JOSH ATEROVIS
Whatcha lookin for? Aidan asked.
I lay back down without answering. Aidan raised himself up on one elbow to look into my face. Are you okay? he asked. Before I could answer, the phone began to ring. Aidan looked around for it. It was on my side and since I hadnt made any move to answer it, he leaned over me to grab it up. His face was just a frac-tion of an inch from mine, so close I could feel his breath on my lips. Our eyes locked and he froze, the ringing phone momentarily forgotten. It stopped abruptly and the sudden silence brought us back to ourselves. Aidan quickly rolled back to his side of the bed. We carefully avoided looking at each other for an awkward moment before the phone began to ring again.
Ill get it, I said quickly. Hello?
Will! Just who I was looking for! Did I wake you up? It was Nikki.
No, I was awake.
Oh, because I just called and the phone rang and rang and no one answered so I thoughtwell anyway, Ive got some good news. How soon can you get to the gallery?
Umhow soon can I get to the gallery? I repeated to Aidan.
An hour? Aidan suggested with a shrug.
An hour, I relayed.
Perfect! See you then! Ciao!
See you then, I said to a dead line. Nikki wants me to come to the gallery; she said she has good news.
Have you ever noticed how you can hear the exclamation points when she talks?
Aidan laughed as he sat up. Do you think she sold one of your paintings?
110
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
That would be so cool! I exclaimed as I jumped up out of the bed. For the first time since my depression had set in I felt really excited.
Aidan got up and started out of the room. You take your shower first. Ill cook us breakfast. This calls for a celebration!
We dont even know what were celebrating, I called after him.
Who cares? Im just glad weve got some good news for a change.
After we had both showered and enjoyed a delicious omelet that Aidan had whipped up, we arrived at Avant Guard slightly ahead of schedule. Today, the Dixie Chicks were serenading walkers-by on the plaza from the open door of the gallery. They were belting out a good-bye to Earl as we walked into the seemingly empty showroom. As we were standing there trying to decide what to do next, Derrick pulled his appearing trick. I made a mental note to ask Nikki how he did that. When he saw who we were, he dropped his poise and yelled over his shoulder, Nikolia, its your latest find, the next big thing.
Nikki swept past him with a wide grin on her face,
Guess what?
I sold a painting? I guessed.
Nikki frowned. No, Im sorry Will; you didnt sell a painting I felt my face drop before she went on,
you sold all three!
What? Aidan and I chorused, then I added, Youre kidding!
Nikki laughed. I stirred things up a bit, called a few people to come see them, told them you were a newly discovered talent and boomthey sold themselves.
111
JOSH ATEROVIS
I cant believe this! I said.
I can! Aidan laughed.
Now before you get your hopes up, I priced them on the low side since you are an unknown at this point, but now we have a benchmark. They only go up from here. We never really discussed prices so I hope you arent disappointed.
I was surprised to realize I hadnt even thought about money. Just the fact that someone thought my art was good enough that they wanted it was enough for me at the moment. How much? I asked.
Three hundred.
I blinked. Dollars?
No, pesos. Of course dollars.
For all three? But thats great!
No, not for all three; each.
Th-th-three hundred dollarseach?
Thats nine hundred dollars, Aidan said helpfully in a somewhat awed voice.
Minus my commission of course, Nikki said with a wink. I felt like I needed to sit down, but there was nowhere to sit. I swayed a bit as Nikki went on, How do you feel about doing a one-man show? Id like to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. These people that bought your paintings are the types who like to brag about their latest acquisitions to all their rich friends, so you can be sure your name will be circulating right now. Id rather not wait more than, say, a month or so.
I was still reeling from the last blow so it took me a while to catch up with her and realize what she was saying. Things always seemed to happen faster than I could keep up with when Nikki was around. One-man show? Are you serious? When? I finally managed.
112
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
Very serious. As for when, well, its the beginning of October now and Id really like to get it in before Thanksgiving, so lets say mid-November. That would give you about a month. You wouldnt have to do anything but paint; Ill take care of everything else. Think you can pull it off?
Do I have a choice? I said. I suspect that this is the kind of thing that doesnt happen twice. Ill manage somehow. Its not like I have a job to worry about.
Speaking of that, just tell me if its none of my business, but Aidan mentioned the other day that youd quit your job, and I talked it over with Derrick and we could use some extra help here at the gallery. We cant pay a lot but its better than nothing, and we could work around your painting schedule. Interested?
Id say! What would I be doing?
Some office work, watching the floor for us if one of us cant do it, helping with sales, manual labor, you know, the usual.
And Derrick was okay with this?
He wasnt at first, but I can be pretty persuasive when I need to be, and anything that means less work for him will usually win out in the end.
Will you teach me that trick of Derricks?
You mean his poof-here-I-am trick?
Yeah, that one.
Nikki laughed. Sorry, thats top-secret, but I ca
n tell you that he practiced it for hours when we were kids.
I did not! yelled Derrick from somewhere unseen.
So does this mean you want the job?
Hell, yeah!
Great! Youre hired! You can start next Monday.
We shook hands and Aidan and I left. We talked ex-113
JOSH ATEROVIS
citedly about selling the paintings and my new job all the way home. I started right to work on planning out what I wanted to do for the one-man show and even started on a sketch. Nothing more was mentioned for the rest of the day about that strange moment that morning in bed.
Aidan returned to his own bed that night, saying that he thought I was okay now by myself. I lay awake that night wondering what it would have been like if he had kissed me that morning. I knew that was what had been going through his mind when our eyes had locked. Suddenly it seemed of the utmost importance to know what Aidans lips felt like against mine. Almost without even thinking, I got up and walked across the hall to Aidans door. I rapped lightly.
Come in, he answered right away, so I knew he was having as much trouble sleeping as I was.
I opened the door and then just stood there stupidly, suddenly unsure of what exactly I was doing. What was I hoping would happen?
Aidan was sitting up in his bed, his bare chest glowing in the moonlight which poured in from his window.
He was looking at me with a confused expression. Is something wrong? he asked.
No, I justI missed you, I said awkwardly in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
For what seemed like an eternity, he just stared back at me. I could see his mind turning my words every which way, seeking out every implication of my appearing in his bedroom after midnight. I felt like a little kid waking up his daddy after hes had a bad dream. Just as I turned to go back to my room with a mumbled apol-ogy, he called my name. I turned back to see him toss 114
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
the sheets aside and pat the bed next to him. I slowly shut the door and walked to the side of the bed before hesitating again. My heart was racing and I couldnt keep my hands from shaking. In the near darkness, I could see Aidan searching my face, his eyes seeking mine out. Then he reached out and tentatively took my hand, pulling me gently onto the bed.
The kiss was so soft, so quick that I almost thought I was still imagining it. The second one, though, was much more decisive, as if we both now knew what we wanted. He pulled back and searched my eyes once more. I reached around his neck and pulled him back to me for another kiss, this one much longer and more passionate.
I dont know how long we stayed like that, kissing as if our lives depended on it. I was lost in the moment. It was like my first kiss all over again, but so much better.
I remember the first time I kissed Beth I had wondered where all the fireworks were. Now I knew.
I felt his hand slide over my shoulder, across my chest and down my stomach as his kisses moved down my neck. He left a trail of angel kisses down my chest and stomach where his hand had passed just moments before. His mouth lingered over my navel and he tickled it with his tongue. I felt my breath rush out as my stomach did somersaults. His mouth moved back up to meet mine but his hand slid under my boxers. I almost jumped out of the bed when he found his target. Then, in a blur of motion, he broke away and before I could even think our boxers were off and he was on top of me, kissing me once again with a passion that caught me off guard. Our bodies began to move in synchronicity as the fireworks turned into an all out 115
JOSH ATEROVIS
explosion.
Afterwards, as I lay wrapped tightly in his arms listening to his regular breathing, I began to question what had just happened. Did I love Aidan or had I just gone to him because I missed the security of having someone next to me? I didnt have the energy to pursue that line of thinking right then. I pushed the thoughts from my head and fell into a deep sleep.
They were back with a vengeance as soon as I opened my eyes the next morning though. My first coherent thought was, Oh my God! What did we do? But of course, I had all the evidence I needed spooned into my back. My mind raced. Did I love Aidan? I wasnt sure. I was hurting from Joeys and my familys rejections; maybe I just needed to feel loved for one night. But that would make me one hell of a horrible person, using Aidan like that. Of course, I hadnt gone expecting all that to happenhad I? Aidan was without a doubt the most caring guy I had ever met. I knew I could love him, but I also knew I still had a lot of unresolved feelings for Joey.
I felt Aidan stir behind me. His lips brushed my shoulder, then my ear. I love you, Will, he whispered.
I sat up with a jolt.
Will?
Aidan, last night
Was incredible. You cant imagine how long Ive wanted to do that, to hold you in my arms. It was so hard lying next to you all those nights, so close and yet
Aidan
Ive wanted so badly to tell you that I loved you, but I knew I had to wait; that you had to make the first move.
116
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
Aidan, last night was a mistake.
Punching him in the stomach wouldnt have created the effect those words had on him. He seemed to cave in as his face fell. What? he whispered.
We shouldnt have done what we did.
Make love? Say it, Will. We shouldnt have made love? Why? What do you mean? You came to me. I thought you wanted me.
I dont know what I wanted. Thats the problem. I still love Joey and right now I cant separate what I feel for him and what happened last night. Maybe I did want you, but what if I really only went to you because I need to feel loved, because I couldnt have Joey?
I dont understand this. Aidan ran his hands through his hair. Do you love me?
II dont know.
Aidan stood up abruptly, realized he was still naked, and grabbed the sheet to cover himself, clutching it like a security blanket.
Aidan, I do love you, I said hurriedly. Youve become my best friend these past few weeks. I dont know anyone else who would have done what youve done for me. Im just so confused right now. I dont know if I love you the way you want me to love you.
You didnt seem confused last night.
Iits justI still have all these feelings for Joey.
Joeys straight. No, hes not just straight; hes ho-mophobic. Im here, right now. And Im telling you I love you with everything I am. Isnt that enough for you? Arent I enough for you?
Its not that youre not enough. These feelings I have for Joey, Ive had them for years. I cant just make them go away. I dont have an on-and-off switch. I wish I 117
JOSH ATEROVIS
did. And maybemaybe once he gets used to the idea, maybe hell be okay with it. Maybe hell even realize he loves me too.
Oh God! Wake up, Will! Its not going to happen.
The guys an asshole. I hadnt told you because I didnt want to hurt you and I thought you had enough to deal with, but ever since you broke the big news to your old pal Joey, hes been hell-bent on proving his heterosexual masculinity. Shelley dumped him weeks ago when she found out he was cheating on her, and hes been screw-ing everything with tits ever since. Hes become the campus sleaze over night.
Not Joey. He wouldnt do that.
Guess what? He is. Hes also managed to maintain an almost constant state of stone-assed drunkenness at every party thats been held since school began, whether he was invited or not. His trademark phrase is Can you believe I used to be friends with a fag?
The last statement hit me like a blow. Aidan saw it written all over my face. Oh God, Will, Im sorry.
I stood up and staggered to the door.
Will, please, Im sorry.
I walked across the hall to my room and shut the door behind me.
Immediately, Aidan was knocking and talking through the door. I quickly turned the lock.
Will, please open the door. Talk to me. Dont shut me out.
I walked to the window and threw it up with a bang.
Will! I shouldnt have said that; it was wrong. I was hurt. Please open the door.
I climbed out the window and onto the fire escape with a strange sense of detachment. It would all be over soon. Aidan sounded like he was crying now; hed 118
REAP THE WHIRLWIND
stopped banging on the door. Will, please forgive me , he sobbed.
I didnt feel anything anymore, but I felt I owed him at least that much so I turned back to the window. I forgive you, I tried to say but it came out as a kind of croak, so I cleared my throat and said it again only louder. Then I turned and climbed onto the rail. I stood for a second balancing precariously on the top rung.
The ground looked so far away. I heard a key fumbling in the lock of my door and I thought it was strange that I didnt know he had a key to my room.
WillNO!
I jumped.
For a brief moment I felt like I was flying, all my troubles were gone. Then the ground started rushing toward me.
Noooooo!
Blackness.
119
JOSH ATEROVIS
CHAPTER EIGHT
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep
Ive always been especially sensitive to repetitive noises. They annoy me in a way that very few things do. The first thing I remember thinking is how much I wanted that damn noise to stop.
Beep Beep Beep
I had to make it stop. But that meant I had to wake up.Beep Beep Beep
Oh, but I didnt want to wake up. It was so nice just floating in this darkness, not having to deal with lifes problems.
aterovis_bm_reapthewhirlwind.p65 Page 10