“Alright, let’s go,” I said. She grabbed her purse and both lunches out of the fridge, then she followed me out the door. Her lunch she slipped into her purse on the way to the bike. Mine she put into one of the saddle bags for me to take out later.
We rode along to the shelter, and I was glad for the silence. It was hard to talk at all when we were on the bike, but that worked to my advantage now. Her hands were wrapped around my body, holding on as we rode easily along. Just her touch alone was enough to get me aroused, but I refused to let my brain go there.
I refused to think of anything remotely sexual toward her at all, though time after time I caught myself doing that very thing. It was impossible to be around her without the desire to fuck her coming up. I wanted even more than that. I wanted all of her. I wanted her in my life. I never wanted her to go back to Barstow, and I really didn’t want her to go back to her brother.
Hell, I couldn’t even think of the two of us being friends after this. It would be far too painful to see her move on with her life when I wanted her so desperately. But, the thought of saying goodbye to her was also one that killed me. The entire situation was growing so painful, I almost wondered if it would be better to ask one of my men to take her in for a while.
But that would only serve to make matters worse. She’d see it for the sorry excuse it was and know that I was trying to deny feelings I had for her. Short of me actually skipping town for a while, she’d see right through it.
Not to mention, if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on her. Though I trusted my brothers with my life, I didn’t want anyone else responsible for Megan. It was also the deal I’d made with Cutter and I was a man of my word. I would not go back on it now just because I’d caught feelings. I’d have to learn to live with it until the bullshit was over and she was safe to go home. Then I could go about the painful business of putting it, and her, behind me.
I shook my head slightly, not even enough for her to detect behind me. The whole thing really had become a shit show. A shit show of my own making. Now what? Now I was going to have to fix it, even though I knew I’d break her heart in the process.
Fuck, I was going to break my own heart in the process.
We pulled up in front of the shelter, and she slid off the back of the bike, handing me my helmet.
“Thanks for the ride, I hope you have a good day,” she said sweetly.
“Thanks, you too,” I added the second part as an afterthought. She looked at me, and I could see she knew there was something wrong, but she didn’t know how to bring it up.
That makes two of us.
Without another word, I turned the bike in the street and sped off, leaving her standing in front of the shelter. I had been waiting for her to go inside before I left, but now, I just drove off. She could do it herself. She was an adult. Hell, there was a time not too long ago when she would have preferred to walk rather than get a ride from me.
You’re such an asshole. This needs to stop before it even starts. Don’t be a coward and run from her. Man up and tell her the truth. She knows how it goes, and so do you.
But I knew it would be the hardest thing I’d ever done.
20
Megan
I walked back and forth in the apartment. My mind was spinning, and there was a knot in the pit of my stomach. It was getting close to the time when Trip would get back from work, but right now, the minutes were dragging, and I was going crazy waiting for him. If he hadn’t made it clear I was to stay here unless I was with someone, I would have gone to the shop myself to talk to him.
Amanda didn’t need me down at the shelter that day, and Trip hadn’t even asked me if I wanted to come down to the shop with him. He always asked when I wasn’t at the shelter, but today, he’d just gotten ready and slipped out while I was in the shower.
It had hurt my feelings at first, but I calmed myself down, telling myself that something was wrong, and it probably had nothing to do with me. But then, there was that part of me that had to admit something was off the past several days.
Trip had been acting so strange since the dinner I made, and I wasn’t sure what had happened. He had seemed so happy with the food, and the sex that we’d had right after was better than anything I could hope to describe. But he said he was going to be right back when we’d finished, and he never came out from his bedroom.
Of course, I brushed it off. He was tired. It was the end of a long week, and he needed rest. I didn’t blame him for all the things that he did in a week. Then again, I had to admit that it was a little hurtful that he didn’t even say goodnight.
But I wasn’t going to let it get to me. He had a good dinner, good sex, and a long week, why not let him go to his room and chill out for a while? God knew he was going through a lot for me, and I wasn’t going to be the needy one asking for his attention all the time.
Hell no, if he’d dealt with that in the past, I’d make sure I was different.
Then, things got worse. He wasn’t nearly as outgoing and flirty with me as he had been. It seemed like he’d done a complete one-eighty from where we had been, and now he didn’t want much to do with me at all. For as abrasive as I had been in the beginning, and how much he showed me he cared, we suddenly seemed to have switched roles.
Sure, he was still giving me a ride to the shelter every day, and he was there to pick me up when I left after my shift, but he was different. It was hard for me to put a finger on exactly how, because we hadn’t really been close before.
Maybe I was simply overthinking things. I needed to chill. I was turning into someone I didn’t really like much on the inside. I was feeling needy and insecure and I hated it.
It was no secret that I sucked at dating. I was often too demanding and put too many restrictions on how and who I would date. I wasn’t a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I just knew what I wanted. Or at least I thought I did. I had some pretty high expectations and I’d never really thought there was anything wrong with it.
I thought about all the times Kate tried to get me to hook up with a guy, and all the times she got mad at me because I wouldn’t. But I just had no interest in random hookups, and I had yet to meet a guy who caught my attention.
I wanted someone who was fierce, wild, untamed, good, kind, loved me – a guy I didn’t think existed before I met Trip. Hell, he had been all those things and more. And I let myself fall for him.
And I could have sworn that he’d felt something for me too. But had I seen only what I wanted to? I knew the whole situation was fucked up. My brother hated him, and the feeling was mutual. Their clubs had had battle after bloody battle in the past few years and it had been ingrained in me to think the worst of him and his crew. Maybe it was the same for Trip. Maybe he just sat back for a minute and realized who I was.
But that didn’t sound like the man I’d come to know. He gave people a chance, despite their circumstances. He’d never have agreed to protect his sworn enemy’s sister if not. And he’d treated me with nothing but decency, care, and concern. We’d started building a friendship and then more. But suddenly it had all gone to shit.
I needed to know why. For no other reason than simply that. To know. I hated being kept in the dark and the not knowing was driving me bat shit crazy. I needed to talk to him, to ask. I needed answers if I were going to be able to let it go.
I thought long and hard about what I was going to say to Trip about it when he got home. I didn’t want to ambush or attack him, but at the same time, I was going to let him know how I felt. Then again, I was the one who had come onto him both times that we’d fucked. He hadn’t asked for it. Sure, he hadn’t said no, but I couldn’t blame him for that. If he wanted it and I was offering, then why not sleep with me when he had the chance?
It wasn’t fair for me to offer, then to wonder why that was all he wanted.
I sighed. I wished something in my brain would make sense, and it took me a long time to come up with what I wanted to tell him.
Then, there was a knock at the door.
Trip had given me explicit direction not to answer the door when he wasn’t there. He didn’t care if it was a pizza deliveryman or someone trying to drop off a package. If he wasn’t there, then I was to keep the door closed.
When the knock didn’t repeat, however, I couldn’t contain my curiosity. Even with the doubts I was experiencing, I was still me, my same stubborn self. The knocker was gone, and even if it wasn’t safe to leave the apartment, there was no harm in simply peeking out.
I crept over, listening. I hadn’t heard anyone in the hall walking to the door in the first place, so it seemed strange that there was a knock. Then, I didn’t hear anyone leaving. I worried whoever it was might be waiting for me to look through, or to grab me as soon as the door was unlocked.
But, when I peered through the small peep hole, I didn’t see anyone. I turned to look both up and down the hall as much as I could, then I stood as tall as possible to glance down.
But the hall was empty.
For a few moments, I stood debating by the door. There wasn’t any noise coming from outside. So, at last, I decided it was safe to just open it a little. My heart pounded in my throat as I slowly slid the lock out of place, then I unlocked the doorknob.
A thousand different scenarios flooded through my brain. I thought of a man grabbing me as I peeked out into the hall. I thought about someone barging into the room with guns or knives. I thought about someone kidnapping me and leaving a note for Trip.
There were so many things that could go wrong, but there was that small voice inside me that told me to check. So slowly, cautiously, I did.
I pulled open the door slightly and waited.
Nothing happened.
I pulled it open a little further, still being careful. I was ready to slam it closed in a heartbeat, but still, nothing happened. Finally, I worked up the courage to poke my head into the hall. On the count of three, I just did it.
And there was no one there.
Confused, I was about to close the door when I looked down. There, on the floor, was a white envelope. There wasn’t an address on it, and there were no stamps. All that was on it was a name scrawled in handwriting I didn’t recognize and clearly hurried.
My name.
My heart raced as I quickly picked it up and pulled myself back inside, closing the door and locking it behind me. I hurried to the kitchen and pulled out a knife, sliding it through the envelope and opening it as quickly as I could. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find, but I already instinctively knew it wasn’t anything good.
Did something happen to my brother? Did something happen to one of my students? Was this a threat from someone who was in connection to Trip? Was I putting Trip in danger by being here?
With all the thoughts and fears running through my brain, I skimmed the contents of the letter.
Miss Ward –
I hope you’re enjoying your little vacation up in Ridgecrest. It must be so nice up there away from the fighting and the fear that’s here. But we all must do what is best for ourselves, so we understand your reasons for leaving.
However, since you have given so much of your time to the students at Barstow High, we only felt it would be a courtesy to let you know of our plans for it. You see, school will be in session on Monday, but none of the students will alive by the end of the day.
Rest easy in knowing that you couldn’t have done anything to prevent this. We hope you don’t lose too much sleep over it.
Your brother should have stayed far away. Think of him when you see smoke in high in the sky.
Immediately I felt sick to my stomach. I knew the cartel had done some terrible things in the past, and to think of them burning down the school – especially with the students trapped inside – was enough to make me go berserk. I had to find a way to save them.
Goddamn you Cutter. Goddamn you. This is all your fault.
There had to be something I could do. I had to call Trip and let him know about the letter. He would know what to do. He would come back to Barstow with me and we would deal with the cartel together.
I wasn’t afraid of them when I had Trip around, I was only afraid of what they might do to my kids. But, with Trip there, I had faith that we could save the school and everyone in it.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter that he had been so distant anymore. I knew that he wouldn’t just let the cartel hurt innocent people, especially kids. I was so furious with my brother for getting involved with the shit he was into and bringing it all to my doorstep. Blood or not, I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him for the betrayal.
I picked up my phone and called Trip. He sent me to voicemail almost immediately and I yelled in frustration. I continued to hit ‘redial’ until he finally picked up, sounding exasperated.
“What Megan, I’m busy here.”
“I don’t care, you need to come home. NOW!”
21
Trip
“What do you make of that?” Megan asked as she pointed to the paper she’d handed me. She had practically pounced on me from the moment I walked through the door, shoving the piece of paper in my hand and telling me that someone had knocked, leaving it on the floor.
At first, I had been upset with her for opening the door when I made it clear to her that I didn’t want that thing unlocked unless she was with someone. On the days when I hadn’t been able to give her a ride and Amanda picked her up, I’d given her a building key so Amanda could walk into the complex and right up to the door to get her before they left.
Never did I want Meg to be alone unless she was in the safety of an approved building. But then, I could also see her curiosity. Not to mention, she never did strike me as the kind of girl who would listen to what I had to say to her anyway. She would take most of my advice, but at the end of the day, she was going to bend it to do what she thought was best, too.
I had to admit that on one hand, I loved that fierce defiance she had. On the other hand, it made me sick to think that they clearly knew where she was. This was clearly something that was written by the cartel, and it had been delivered right to my door with her name on it. How in the ever-loving fuck had they gotten into the building? I shivered at the knowledge that there had only been a piece of cheap wood and a few locks between them and her.
Why they hadn’t simply busted the door down and grabbed her, I had no idea, but that didn’t change the facts. Megan hadn’t seemed to realize how close she’d come to real danger, so I didn’t see the need to tell her. But it made me sick to my stomach to think that she’d been in that kind of danger even in my space.
“Really,” she said, bringing my attention back to the moment. “What do you think?”
“I think that it’s a pile of shit,” I said as I crumbled the paper and threw it in the garbage.
“What are you talking about? You know the kinds of people we’re dealing with, and they’re threatening to hurt kids!” I snapped. “My kids!”
“Do you really think they are going to burn down a high school? There is no reason for them to do that other than to get you out of hiding. They’re baiting you,” I said.
“If they know I’m here, then how am I in hiding?” she spat.
I didn’t have an answer, but there was something not right about it. Our points were both valid. The note was definitely intended to bait her, but she was correct in her assumptions as well. If they knew where she was, why not just come in and get her? I had a feeling there was something else going on. Something I was missing.
“I don’t know, but I know this is a pile of shit,” I pointed to the garbage.
“We have to do something,” she replied. “We have to go!”
“You aren’t going anywhere!” I snapped.
“Come with me! We can work together, and we can get rid of them once and for all, then we can”- she started, but I interrupted her. I couldn’t keep hearing her say ‘we’ all the time. It was all I wanted in life, and I knew
it was never going to happen. Hearing her say the word over and over was driving me insane.
Not to mention the fact that I really didn’t want her to go anywhere near Barstow. There was clearly something in the works, and whatever it was, they wanted her down there for when it happened. Perhaps it had something to do with Cutter, I didn’t know, but I hadn’t been able to get a hold of him for a while, either.
No matter what the reason, I knew that the only way to really keep her safe now was to make sure she stayed in the apartment as much as possible. And, with a guard. Starting the next day, I was going to start posting one of me men with her when I was at the shop.
That was the only way I’d be able to get any work done. Otherwise, I’d have to be there with her myself all the time, just making sure no one came through the doors and took her, or worse, when I was at work.
“Stop it!” I snapped. “There is no we!”
She looked at me as though I’d just driven a dagger through her heart, but now that it was out in the open, I couldn’t stop myself.
“You are here because I’m trying to keep you safe. I made a deal with your brother, okay? Your safety for no guns or drugs in my town. There is no we in any of this. It’s me and it’s you, and when this is over, you are going to go home, and I’m going to go back to my life here,” I said.
My own heart was breaking with each word that came out of my mouth, and by the look on her face, I could tell that I had crushed her as well. I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet, and I knew I had handled it in the worst way possible.
But there was no turning back now, and I had to stand by what I said. It was how things had to be, and there was no changing that.
I wanted to disappear into the ground with the look Meg was giving me, but I couldn’t. I hesitated a moment, then I sighed. “You are going to stay in this apartment at all times unless there is someone with you. I’m going to arrange for you to have someone here tomorrow, and we’ll go from there.”
Men in Charge: A Contemporary Romance Box Set Page 56