She shakes her head no, and though the ever constant sadness that both Carrie and Noah wear, she seems even sadder at the loss of her brother recently. “Stay positive Carrie. Sam would tell us if he wasn’t ok.” I try to reassure her and it is hard because the last time I saw Noah he looked like he was on deaths door.
“Tonight is about you and this hot date you’re set to go on.” She says and smiles. I know she is happy for me and that it is genuine so our fears for Noah are brushed to the side for the moment as we inspect my attire. I am in my tightest sexiest skinny jeans in a pale faded blue with various wear and tear holes. My top is loose fitting on the top and goes off the shoulder displaying my chest tattoos and sleeve and it synchs in tight and gathered along my waist where the belt I am fidgeting with hangs. My matching grey swede boots go above my knee and are flat so if the night ends well, I will be a good foot shorter than Cal if he hugs on me tonight.
I hope he hugs on me.
“He will. Trust me.” Cassa says from behind me and I realize I spoke that thought out loud.
“Ya know, it really sucks not knowing what I am walking into tonight.” I say and sit at the counter in the kitchen, eying Carrie as she tries deciding on the clutch.
“Give me that one.” I say and point to the deep gray one with a Swarovski crystal embossed cross on the front.
She eyes it then nods in agreement. “You’re ready!” She exclaims and Cassa and Roni both eye me looking for any possible flaw and in this instance I am fine being judged.
“I can see you’re nervous, but trust me when I say you are going to be fine.” Cassa says and hugs me close. I can only assume based on their non-stop excitement and determination to have me fabulous tonight, that Cal has some Cal version of romance lined up. It’s that his version when it stands by mine leaves much lacking. I know that sounds harsh to say, but history has proven time and time and time again that he isn’t the romance type.
I accept that, hell I hope that tonight ends with him telling me there will be no more secrets and that we are openly a couple. I don’t just accept that, I want that. I want him and all of him. I just want to be his and know, more importantly, that he wants me to be his. It is why I am terrified tonight will end in tears and heartache, because my Cal isn’t the committed type. Good hell, he didn’t even call me today like he said he would. He text me four hours ago a simple and confusing: “Meet me tonight at the entrance of the harbor boardwalk in front of the Aloha house.” And as soon as I read it I heard the doorbell ring and in walked my girls with a suitcase full of girly make-over delights.
Now I am twenty minutes from leaving and I am scared shitless of what awaits me. Beers and karaoke? Sadly, I would bet I am right and I love it, I’ll just love it more if there is a “Tay be my girl” involved.
“I’m terrified, but at this point regardless of what happens, in less than an hour I’ll know what my future holds. He’s either in it or not.”
They say nothing, totally out of character for anyone in this little group to do, and it annoys me. That and the fact they are all bailing on me.
“Just breathe Tay and be positive ok?” Carrie says as she slips on her jacket and reaches for her purse before standing in front of me. “Hear him out before you argue or cry okay?”
I roll my eyes and Cassa smacks my arm. “Seriously Tay, give him the time to sort his words out and get to his point ok. Just promise us that.” She says and hugs me, and then Carrie hugs us, then Ron.
“I promise.” I say and I trust these women and know that they are fully aware of Cal’s plan tonight and I know they’d never send me into something that would hurt me. It is my greatest comfort right now.
I walk them to the door hugging them individually before they leave. “I’ll call you guys when I get home.” I say and wave goodbye as they prance off to Carrie’s car giggling like teenagers.
The last twenty minutes move at a snail’s pace as I poke at my make-up and fidget with my hair. Before I completely second guess everything and change my entire meticulously picked outfit I hear my phone chime a text.
My heart speeds up when I read it.
Cal: It’s that time. Come to me baby.
For every choice, mistake I’ve made, it’s not my plan
To send you in the arms of another man
And if you chose to stay I’ll wait, I’ll understand
Chapter Twenty one
Tayla
I decide to park at the Aloha House assuming this is where we will be tonight. I grab my clutch and umbrella before getting out of my rover and locking it. I stuff my keys in the clutch and pop the umbrella. It’s a light sprinkle but more than enough to destroy my hair.
The Aloha Houses parking is located on both sides of the building and in the back. I am parked on the side and I make my way toward the boardwalk where the door to the Aloha House awaits. I am not prepared for the sight when I turn the corner.
Velvet ropes line the boardwalk directing the line of people outside I see Chad and Carrie first, then Cassa and Shame, Noah and Sam and Mike and Ronnie. Seven and Kevin are both there with some dingbat fangirls on their arms and I smile at seeing them as they stand at the entrance to the bar. Fans are screaming and yelling so I can barely hear Chad when I walk up. “Surprised?” He asks and smiles, holding the door for me.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask as I step inside the bar is standing room only and I am so confused. Cal hates being in a crowded bar unless its work related. I feel the onset of panic knowing that he will freak out and most likely want to leave. I don’t mind if we do at all, I just don’t want any roadblocks stopping him from whatever he has planned.
“You’ll see.” Chad says, and I feel a little less panicked because he is excited and that tells me Cal doesn’t give a shit it is crowded
The guy’s security team walk us in once everyone is inside and they lead us to a table in the front but to the side of the small stage. A lone barstool sits empty upon it and there are no lights.
I take off my jacket and before we can even sit, there are two servers there to get our drink orders. We all go around ordering our drinks and the guys all order various appetizers, and they all seem so normal and it’s freaking me out. I lean into Sam. “What is going on Sully?”
He smiles and before he can answer I see the lights appear on the stage and the spotlight falls on the barstool that is now occupied by the love of my life.
The bar erupts in applause and screams and I am completely dumbfounded and frozen in shock. No way is this Calvin Dorian. No way is the man I love on a stage alone exposed without TAT being his reason.
He is smiling and laughing and getting the crowd to an ear piercing roar before he finally takes his seat at the stool and starts using hand motions to quiet the crows and like me they obey to his every request.
“You guys are the baddest mother fuckers alive you know that right?” He says into the microphone and there they go again. I cannot hide the smile on my face. These fans mean the absolute world to him and the smile they put on his face is priceless. Confused or not, I enjoy this moment basking in his happiness.
“So listen, I’m gonna talk for a minute. I can see you all follow us close on Twitter and Facebook and got the message loud and clear that I needed you guys here for me tonight." I immediately go for my iPhone 6 to see what he is talking about when Chad takes it from me and shakes his head no. I am about to protest when he softly tells me to listen.
I turn my stare back to Cal, alone on that stage and I am entranced. His whiskey brown gaze is trained on me. “Tayla Livingston, I am here tonight to not just tell you that I love you and that I am that somebody you are looking for, but I am here to show you in the only way I know how.”
Oh. My. Fucking. Fuck! Like a bullet point checklist I have to organize my thoughts and process what he has done and what he just said. Publicly no less and that is the most shocking part of it all. Cal only goes public when TAT is involved and he certainly doesn’t use his
fame to gain personal attention. He avoids it at all costs.
“Now I have never been a man of eloquently scripted love notes, poems, songs or speeches so not just you Tay, but everyone bear with me as I confess my undying and unwavering love to this woman.”
I feel tears form in my eyes but I won’t blink them away, I can’t blink for fear he will disappear and this is some awful dream.
“Now, I am not the songwriter of our band. I can hear the tune but I can’t find the words. That has always been Noah and Chad and Shame. I can barely find the words to express anything emotional and it usually comes out wrong and I look like a dumbass. Tonight though,” he pauses to look at me, vulnerable and with so much hope that I blink because his face shatters me. That is how deep I love him. It’s shattering.
“Tonight I found the words that tell my story to you Tayla. I couldn’t ask the guys to write what I feel for you and had I tried I would have murdered it. So I was lying in bed last night thinking my brain down the drain when one particular thing I feel brought it all to the surface and it formulated this plan.”
He looks to Chad, who in turn stands and is followed by Shame and Noah. I know in that instant he is dedicating a song to me and it’s like my entire body has the butterflies.
Chad walks out on the stage and hands Cal his acoustic guitar, and then leaves the stage.
“That single thought, was that night you told me what you deserve in a man, and all the things you listed, are so simple and easy and they are all things I feel for you but haven’t been able to show you, or say the right thing. That is my fault Tay; I drove you into another man’s arms because you had finally given up on me.”
He places the strap over his neck and situates the guitar. Then he looks at me, with determination and promise. “I am about to rectify your thinking like that right now.” He says and starts strumming his guitar. I can’t place the tune just yet but I wait knowing that Chad will sing his heart out on it, for Cal tonight.
While he strums his guitar, I can see Noah behind him as he and Shamus push a large piano onto the stage. Noah sits behind it, unmoving, as Chad and Shamus both sit on the opposite side of the stage on stools of their own, guitars in hand.
I watch Cal close his eyes, and it is my favorite part when he plays, His eyes are closed and he is calm and confident knowing with perfection where his fingers should be and he plays a beautiful tune.
I know the minute that Noah follows him in on the piano and Shame and Chad strum lightly. He is playing ‘Sirens’ by Pearl Jam and I know it word for word and it’s painfully fitting, perfect and so beautiful. And then I hear his voice with absolute clarity and my tears splash on my cheeks.
His voice is so beautiful, and such a comparable beauty to Eddie Vedar and I have melted. I sit in awe of his beauty, for the first time I am content to be in his shadow and let him bask in our love, because I feel it. I feel his love for me, coming over me in waves as he sings to me in a bar full of fans.
It isn’t just this beautiful rendition of this beautiful song, but the recognition he is giving me with this display. He reaches the point in the song that he addressed to the crowd. He belts the lyrics with a profound tune as he tells me that every mistake he made wasn’t his plan... to send me to the arms of another man.
I cover my mouth as I cry listening to him confesses his undying love to me and I am blissfully content. This is my forever, he is giving me my forever in a way he can and that is through music.
He opens his eyes and looks at me as he sings his promise desperate for me to believe him.
‘Want you to know
That should I go
I always loved you
Held you high above true
I study your face
And the fear goes away’
All I can do is nod, when really what I want is to tell him I know it now. But I don’t have to, because as the song ends he stands’, letting his guitar hang and comes to me.
I am out of my seat and I step upon the table to get to him faster and it is there he meets me and pulls me into his arms and off the table. His lips are on mine and the crowd has gone insane with applause and there isn’t a dry eye in the bar.
This kiss solidifies it all. And then I hug him as tight as I can telling him I love him as I bury my face in his neck and sob with happiness. He slowly lowers me to the ground, and he towers above me. We just look at one another because there really are no words and it is all in how we feel.
“I love you so much Tay.” He says and cups my face in his trembling hands and kisses me.
It is the kiss I have waited forever for.
Cal
I did it. Holy fuck I did it is all I can say to myself as I kiss her and hold her. I am lost in her and this moment not giving a rat’s ass that every fan in here is you tubing this. They can watch it and hear me sing to her and the world over can give their opinion, but this moment where she is mine and I am at peace, that moment is ours.
Chad, Noah and Shame all come off the stage followed by six body guards and they hug Tay and me because I am not letting her go. Within seconds everyone is hugging us and security is getting nervous and we need to calm the crowd. I didn’t want to leave her but we had to get the Aloha in order. “I need to go give a free concert now because I promised I would.” I say to her and swoop in for a soft little kiss. I will be playing in front of this crowd with a massive boner so it’s a night of firsts all around. “But this night is just starting. Now sit down have a drink and watch your man do his thing.” I smack her ass and head up to the stage that is now set with our equipment.
We jam a light hearted fans choice show of six songs and it was by far the best show we ever played. By the time we wrapped up Party to the Dawn I was ready to go shock my girl some more. I lean into the microphone and thank everyone. “I could play all night with the energy in here, but I need to take my girl on our first date.”
The crowd went nuts in support as we left the stage. Our group was backstage and I went to Tayla immediately taking her into my arms and kissing her because I had to. “I love you so much babe.” I say and it doesn’t feel like enough, it never will but I’ll spend forever showing her.
“I love you Cal. So much.” She says and wraps her arms around me. “Now, tell me about this first date.” She is laughing and I know exactly what is coming next and there is no hiding my smile.
I look to Chad and Carrie who are at the back door and see its pouring rain now. “Let’s go babe.” I say and we all head out the back door. Just as we step outside she goes to open her umbrella but I stop her. “Let’s get wet.” I say and take her hand and pull her to me as we splash in puddles in the parking lot. Now I got strategic with this and parked my Jeep right up underneath a street lamp and had the Aloha house put orange cones out to block the surrounding spots. We are now right up alongside the boardwalk, the beauty of Gig beside us under that Washington sky and it was there I stop her.
“Look at me baby.” I say and she turns to see me go down on my knee. Behind me are our friends who are family to us and Carrie has her mini recorder out catching the whole thing.
“Cal...” She says amazed and shocked and immediately cups her hands over her mouth.
“I am that somebody Tayla. I am that somebody who aches to be near you when I am not. I am that somebody who can’t stop thinking about you. I am the somebody who wants you round and glowing with my baby, because I know you are the mother to my children and you will definitely get that way because I will never ever be able to not touch you and have you every single chance I get.”
I feel the tears wet my eyes as I open the box carrying the single solitaire round and flawless three carrot engagement ring. I hear her gasp before she falls to her knees before me, crying as she looks to the ring, then me, then the peanut gallery behind us, then back to me.
“I am that somebody who is on his knees in the rain under the orange glow of a street lamp, begging you to be my somebody because there is no one else f
or me Tayla. We are meant to be babe.” I hear her sob and, yeah I admit it, I am a pussy because I am bawling too. “Will you marry me Tayla Livingston, and be my somebody forever?”
It is not even a full second before I hear her scream “Yes!”
I grab her and pull her to me and stand with her wrapped around me legs and all. “Yes Cal. I am your somebody baby.” She says and kisses me. It is rain and tears and hope and love and forever and it tastes like perfection.
I set this beautiful woman, this pixie who owns me heart and soul, to the ground because I am getting this fucking rock on her finger. I take her rose covered hand in mine and slip her ring on, it’s a perfect fit of course because that is how meant to be works.
But my dreams they aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free
Epilogue
Noah
“Hey.” I say and hold the door open for her. My anxiety decreases in waves at seeing her before me.
“Hey!” She says in a bright chipper voice. “Are you ready to get back?” She sets her keys on my counter and sits beside me as I roll the label on my Aquafina.
“I guess as ready as I’ll ever be.” I say and stand placing my hands in my pockets.
She rubs her hand gently down my arm in a gesture of support. I am so thankful that I found this friendship and that I did when I least expected it, but I wish I could call Carrie and tell her I needed her beside me tonight.
She knew what I was thinking; it’s kind of creepy the way she reads me. I don’t know how or why, but she understands in a way that no one does. It’s given me strength to do what I am about to do. “You need to do this on your own remember?”
Release Me Page 17