"You gotta ask yourselves—again—why? Why take the time to dispose of the weapon and the tarp, but not the very incriminating body. Because, let's consider, if the body is never discovered, the world assumes James Wells has fled and is in hiding. It becomes the great mystery that will be revisited for generations. What happened to James Wells? After kidnapping his daughter-in-law, killing three men, and avoiding capture, where did he go? What did he do? Can you see it? The investigative reports hypothesizing the life of James Wells. It will be like D.B. Cooper, Amelia Earhart, or JonBenet Ramsey. Every few years, some new evidence surfaces, and the question would be thrust back into the spotlight. Can you see it happening?" I nod. "I can, too. But, instead of getting rid of the victim's body—Alex takes it home. To dispose of another day. Because, according to Mr. Gaines, the warehouse was not a safe place to hide a body for an extended period of time, but the boathouse on Alex's property was.
"It makes no sense. It is a leap no frog can make." I take out my laser pointer, and start circling the lines between my lily pads. "See all this space between the lily pads, the inability to make these leaps the prosecution is asking you to make, that ladies and gentlemen, is called reasonable doubt. And it means you must find Alex Stone not guilty."
I give a final smile to the jury. "Thank you." The two women quickly look away when I meet their eyes. What is up with them? They haven't looked at me for more than a few seconds for the entire trial. I'm used to getting dirty looks from women who are jealous I'm with Alex, but this is something totally different. I haven't seen them look at him, either.
The hair at the nape of my neck stands on end, sending a warning flare up and down my spine.
I shake it off. It's my imagination. There is no way the jury will find Alex guilty. The evidence is just not there.
Judge Franklin charges the jury with the rules of deliberating the case, and then calls for a recess until the jury returns with a decision.
Alex is beaming when I face him. "That was amazing, baby. I'm pretty sure they were ready to say not guilty right then and there."
I chuckle. "Well, that would take some of the stress off waiting."
Alex's family, along with Paul and Ryan, stand behind us. The mood is joyful—optimistic—and I know that I struck the right cord with the jury. I can feel it. I've never felt as if I have won a case before. There's always a lingering bit of doubt.
But this—I nailed it.
Alex shakes hands with Paul. "You guys should come to the house and stay. There's no reason for you to be at the hotel now that the trial is over."
Paul and Ryan look at me, and I smile and nod. "Paul and Kyle are the perfect distractions. We need you guys." I glance at Ryan, and he gives me a little nod. He knows me so well. I will need to talk to someone about how I'm feeling—and there is no way I am putting any of this on Alex. Seeing him so happy and confident is like a drug I can never get enough of, and I don't want to do or say anything that will take that away.
Thirty-Two
Watching Paul play with his son in the family room of our house, I can hardly remember a time he wasn't a father. He is a natural, which is a bit surprising. I expected Ryan to be a great dad, and he is, but Paul never took to kids much. Even his own nieces and nephews really didn't make an impression on him until they could walk straight and talk coherently.
That all changed the minute Kyle was placed in his arms. Paul's demeanor changed from all business to warm and fuzzy. As if all the colors around him were muted until Kyle came into his life. The vibrant colors are almost blinding now—in a good way. In the best way.
Alex leans closer to me as we watch Paul play with Kyle on a blanket on the floor. "Having a change of heart?"
"On what?" I ask, confusion causing my eyebrows to scrunch together.
"Adopting a child," he says, smiling, but with a wariness to his gaze. "You just have a look on your face of pure contentment."
A snort escapes, and I shake my head. "Yes, I am very content that I can enjoy a happy baby—and turn him back over to his parents when he is no longer cute and stinks." I glance at Alex out of the corner of my eye. "Why? Are you changing your mind?"
"No." His answer nearly cuts off the end of my question.
I can't help laughing. The baby discussion had been an awkward one a few months earlier. After seeing Alex for months, and our relationship was clearly moving toward forever, I had to tell him that I had a full hysterectomy in my early twenties, and had no desire to ever be a mom. It was a tense minute or two as the information sunk in, and Alex finally said he was not interested in having children, either.
Now, we are firmly on the same page. The closest I plan on getting to motherhood is being godmother to Kyle. And that is fine with me.
I can't deny that the past four days, having Kyle and Ryan and Paul around, has lessened the stress of waiting for the jury to return a verdict in Alex's case. We have done our best to avoid talking too much about the trial, or speculating on how deliberations are going.
Yesterday, Alex and I showered together after our workout. "Jury's taking some time," he said, lathering up my back with soap.
"Mm hm."
"What do you think that means?"
I turned to face him, and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I don't know, but I'm encouraged that they seem to be taking their time to weigh all the evidence, and not just take the prosecutions theories on their face."
Alex gazes at me for a long moment, and then smiles. "I think you're right."
And that is where the conversation ended, and we have not brought the subject up again. I can't help, however, feeling cautiously optimistic. There is no way to predict how a jury will decide, but I feel good about how I tried the case, and the strength of my closing argument.
My cell phone rings and I glance at the screen. "Kylie Stone," I say. "Thank you." I end the call and look at Alex. "Jury's back. We have an hour to get to the courthouse."
Ryan picks up Kyle and hands him to Maggie, who snuggles the baby close to her body like only a grandmother can. "We'll get changed," Ryan says, and heads down the hall to their bedroom.
Alex and I change into suits in silence. The mood is surreal. I want to say so much to him, but voicing my thoughts feels like a betrayal—as if I am conceding defeat. Once we are dressed, Alex takes my hand and leads me out of our bedroom.
"I'll take you and Kylie," Jake says to Alex as when we get to the foyer. "Thomas will drive Paul and Ryan."
Alex steps toward the door, but stops to shake Jake's hand. Jake nods his head, and Alex continues out the door.
And a lump forms in my throat and lodges there.
Thirty-Three
"Has the jury reached a decision?" Judge Franklin asks the jury foreman.
"We have, Your Honor."
Alex stands between Jack and me, his fingers intertwining with mine. My heart pounds. My breathing is rapid, and I'm one step away from a full blown anxiety attack. The bailiff hands the jury form to the court clerk to be read. I swear time has slowed to a near stop, the seconds taking minutes to tick by.
The court clerk stands and clears her throat. The silence in the courtroom is eerie, the air still, as if everyone in the room is holding their breaths.
"The jury finds the defendant, Alexander Stone, guilty of first degree murder."
My heart stops. A loud whoosh of everyone releasing the air held in their lungs fills my ears, and muffles the sounds of all the chatter around me. My heart beats in my ears, the only sound I can hear anymore. My body sways slightly.
This can't be real. That can't be the decision.
I'm in a nightmare and I can't figure out how to wake up.
Jack is mumbling something to Alex next to me, but I can't wrap my head around the words to make sense of them. Two officers move behind Alex.
Glancing at the jury, my heart still a fast, steady drumbeat in my ears, I watch each one mouth one word.
Guilty.
Jack must have requested
the jury be polled. Thank God he was able to think straight.
I glance at Alex, and my heart rips in two. His eyes are hard, his face blank but pale.
I failed him.
All the words I should have said to him while we dressed come rushing back to me. I love you. I will always love you—only you. You saved my life, and made me whole. Happy. Loved. You are my world, and I am yours, always. Forever.
I open my mouth to say them all to him, but the only thing that comes out is, "I'm sorry."
The click of the handcuffs around Alex's wrists sounds like a ticking time bomb.
"I love you, Kylie," Alex says before they turn him away to take him out of the courtroom. He glances at Paul. "Take care of Kylie—like we discussed."
"I will, brother. I promise," Paul says.
Alex walks from the courtroom without looking back. A few members of the jury have tears in their eyes.
How dare you? You did this to him! How dare you sit there and cry about it, you cowards!
I turn my back to them before I start shouting obscenities at them. Judge Franklin calls the courtroom to order. Jack grasps my elbow, and guides me to my chair and sits me down.
Alex…
What have I done?
I swallow hard, and force back the tears that hit my eyes. I can't cry. Not now. If I start now, I will never stop. I concentrate my focus on my pen, laying across my legal pad. It's a Mont Blanc pen. It has a ruby on the end of the clip.
Alex gave it to me when I opened my law firm. I found it in my bag, a handwritten note inside. For my smoking' hot wife. I love you. Always. Forever. Your grateful husband, Alex.
I smiled when I saw it. Did I even thank him for it? I can't remember. I should have. I should have thanked him every single day for loving me. For making sure I knew I was the most important person in his life. I should have done more…
"And now it's too late," I murmur.
Jack places his hand on my back between my shoulder blades, and leans close to me. "Kylie, we have to go downstairs if you want to see Alex before they take him back to the county jail."
I look up. The jury is gone. The judge is walking into his chambers. There is a low roar of activity and talking around me. I nod at Jack, and slowly stand. Jack puts his hand up as if to tell someone to stop.
"Kylie, I'm very sorry." Matt Gaines is behind me. Rage builds within me, surging to a point where I am seconds away from exploding. Jack touches my hand, his eyes soft, his head shaking just slightly from side-to-side.
"Take your apology and shove it up your ass, Matt," I manage to say through clenched teeth. "I don't want to hear it, and I will never accept it."
I walk away before he can say anything else, and make my way to the back corridor behind the courtroom. Jack and Jake follow me onto the elevator, and we slowly descend to the basement where the holding cells are located. I've made this trip a few times to discuss appeal options with my clients. I'm very good at maintaining a professional demeanor with them as their lives fall apart. After all, my life wasn't impacted by a conviction.
Until now.
Jake opens the doors that lead to the holding cells, but stays in the hallway. Jack leads me into Alex's cell. Alex has his back to us, but turns when he hears the heavy metal door close behind me. His eyes are wide. He pulls his hand down over his face, his exhale shaky.
He looks…lost.
And I can't speak. My chest seizes. Inhaling feels like shards of glass slicing my throat and lungs.
Jack is explaining that we will be asking the judge for leniency at the sentencing hearing in two days. Alex nods, but his eyes never leave mine. He reaches his hand out to me.
I step closer, take his hand in both of mine, and kiss his knuckles. Jack backs away, and disappears from my sight.
"I'll visit you tomorrow," I say, my voice thick, as tears stream down my face.
Alex shakes his head. "No, I don't want you going to the jail. Or to the state prison when I am transferred there. You need to stay away."
"Alex, no—"
"Kylie, I don't want you to see me there." His eyes are glassy. God, I hate seeing him like this. "I want you to remember me before all this."
"I don't care about that. I love you."
"You need to move on, Kylie." His voice is so low, I wonder if I heard him correctly.
"No!"
He lifts his eyes to mine. They are still glossy with unshed tears, but hard. "I won't see you. I'll add your name to the list of visitors not to be admitted. If you force the issue, I'll fire you as my attorney."
"Why are you doing this?"
He steps closer, the space between us almost non-existent. I'm surprised the guards aren't going nuts, but I guess even they have hearts. "I love you so much, baby. It would kill me to see you, to be that close to you, and not be able to touch you. Never hold your hand, or kiss you goodbye. God—how would I be able to say good-bye every time you left?"
He closes his eyes for a moment before looking at me again. "I need you to be strong. For both of us. I need you to do this for me, Kylie." He lifts my hands to his lips. "Can you do that for me?"
Can I? I have to—I failed him when he needed me most. I can't deny him this, no matter how much it kills me to do so. This is my penance for not protecting him. I nod, a fresh stream of hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Ms. Stone, we need to transfer the prisoner to the county jail until sentencing," one of the officers says behind me.
I tighten my grip on Alex's hands. I can't let go. I can't. I'm not strong enough for this. He is my strength. My rock. How can I be strong without him?
"It's okay, baby," Alex whispers, and pulls his hands from mine. He takes his wedding band off and places it in my hand, closing my fingers around it. "They'll take it from me. I can't have it anymore." He pauses, and stares at my hand that holds the ring. "God, I loved wearing it, though. I loved being your husband."
Alex steps away. The officers place cuffs around his wrists and ankles. Jack pulls me out of the cell. Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he holds me tight to his side, and walks me into the hallway where Jake is waiting.
"Take her home," Jack tells him. "I'll get things wrapped up here, and stop by later to check on her." He kisses my head, and passes me off to Jake.
Jake holds me in the same manner as Jack did, and guides me to the SUV in the parking garage below the courthouse. Opening the back door, helps me inside.
Before he closes the door, I place my hand on his arm, and he looks at me. "I'm sorry, Jake."
He offers a small smile, and closes the door. He either feels bad for me, or hates me. God, I hope he hates me. He should. I failed him as much as I failed Alex. I failed everyone.
And now I have to live with that.
Thirty-Four
Jake pulls into the circular drive, and I get out of the SUV. Trudging up the front stairs, I open the door and step into the foyer. The emptiness that fills the space hits me as soon as I enter.
We were just here—together—a few hours ago. He kissed me. Told me he loved me.
Sorrow descends on me like a heavy, dark cloud, weighing on my head and shoulders. Slowly, the pain covers me like thick honey, and seeps into my skin, my blood, and my bones. Alex's absence pierces my chest—a poisonous syringe killing my heart, flowing into my lungs, erasing my ability to breath.
He's gone. He will never be here again.
And it is all my fault.
So many memories assault me. The first time I stood here in awe of the magnificence of this house. In awe of the man who brought me here to protect me from my crazy ex-boyfriend's assault. All the times he would greet me as I came into the house at the end of the day. The fights. The reunions. The times that meant nothing at the time, but mean everything to me now. The memories that will never be added now that he's gone.
Tremors slowly build until my body shakes. My knees buckle, and I drop to the floor, my kneecaps cracking against the hard, cold tiles. A sob expands in
my lungs, forcing it's way up my throat, and out of my body. The scream reverberates off the walls and high ceilings, reminding me of the new hollowness that exists here.
I want to die.
Tears flow from my eyes in steady streams, dripping into my lap, and onto the floor. Alex is everywhere. I can see him, standing in the living room, making a gin and tonic to give to me as soon as I walk in the room. The smile that made me melt every single time I saw it, knowing there was so much emotion behind it. More than I had ever felt from any other man in my life. More than I deserved.
I cover my face with my hands, unable to look at all I have lost. I can't live without him. I won't survive knowing he will spend the rest of his life in prison because of me.
I failed him.
What right do I have to enjoy the life he made for us while he serves a life sentence for a murder he didn't commit?
I can't.
The sobs keep coming. I try to pull air into my lungs, but the poisonous sorrow blocks the flow. I don't care. I don't care if I suffocate.
I promised I would not visit him. That means I will never see him again.
How do I go back to my life before I met him?
There is no way. My heart is dying piece by piece. I might as well already be dead.
Hands grasp my shoulders, and I look into Paul's wide eyes. He pulls me against his chest, his lips next to my ear. "Shh, Kylie. It's okay. You'll be okay. Just breathe…just breathe."
He's wrong. Nothing will ever be okay again. My life ended the moment that verdict was read.
I hear Ryan's voice, but I can't concentrate on his words. I don't care what he is saying. None of it matters to me. Why can't they just leave me here? Let me curl into a ball until I turn to dust and can be swept up and thrown away.
Vindication: Of Demons & Stones: Tri-Stone Trilogy, Book Three Page 20