“My son doesn’t ask for much out of life. Getting what he wants usually turns into a pain in the neck for him. He had to wait a couple years before his wife’s father would allow them to marry. He wanted a child badly and then lost his wife during childbirth. And now…you.”
“Me? I don’t understand.”
“I’ve never seen him so happy, yet so miserable.” She chortled. “That must sound crazy.”
Surprisingly, MaKayla understood. She wouldn’t interrupt the woman. She needed to let her explain.
“Growing up at his granddaddy’s ranch, he loved being with the horses, taking naps in the hay, and staring up at the stars at night. When we had to go home, he’d get tears in his eyes and I’d have to assure him we’d be back. He acts the same way with you. When he talks about you, his face lights up. But then the reality of your relationship hits him, and I see that little boy he used to be. Only I can’t reassure him you’ll come back. As you stated previously, we drop everything for our kids. And that’s why I’m here.”
MaKayla could relate to Dustin’s emotional roller coaster. Whenever he was near, she felt complete. And when he was away, she allowed herself to remember his touch and his laughter; and that’s when emptiness filled her heart. But the past still stood between them no matter how strong their feelings.
“I’m sorry, Vicky. I know what he’s going through. I feel the same way.”
“I understand what it’s like to lose a husband, MaKayla. I blamed everyone and everything I could so I wouldn’t disparage my husband for leaving me, or castigate myself for not stopping him from flying that night.” Vicky sipped her tea then trailed a finger around the cup’s edge. “And I also understand your feelings about doing the right thing.” She smirked. “After all, what will people say if you date the man who killed your husband, right?”
MaKayla choked on her sip of tea. Finally, someone who understood her reasoning that dating Dustin was actually a bad idea. What would Paul’s parents think? She’d always included her son’s grandparents around the holidays’ family gatherings. She couldn’t change tradition. She nodded and allowed the woman to continue.
“I’m about to share something with you I’ve never shared with my children.”
Great. The last thing MaKayla needed was to have a secret from Dustin. She’d have secret written all over her face, she’d lose sleep, and have yet another reason to avoid seeing him. “Please, don’t share. Secrets make me feel as if I’m hiding something.”
Vicky reached out and touched MaKayla’s hand. “It’s okay. I do need to tell Dustin and Dana, and I will. But I want to share this with you now.”
“Okay.”
Vicky inhaled deep and smiled. “First, I want you to know how much I loved Dustin’s father. We met through a political party my parents were invited to. My father adored Harold, invited him to the house, took him golfing, and gave him money to take me to the best places. But Harold wasn’t my first love.” She sipped her drink, then swallowed hard.
This conversation wasn’t easy for Vicky. MaKayla did what always helped her get through a tough situation. She held the woman’s hand. “You’ve never talked about this before, have you?”
The woman’s eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. “I would have disappointed my father if I’d told him the truth.” She took a napkin and dabbed her eyes. “I’m sorry, dear. It’s been a long time. I’ll cut this short, and stop all this emotional nonsense. At the time, I was in love with a man who my father would never have approved of. He was from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. Frankie knew how much my family meant to me and he didn’t want to get in the way of that. He stepped aside so I could be with Harold.”
“I’m so sorry. You must have been crushed.”
Vicky forced a smile. “I was. But life goes on. MaKayla, I don’t want you to have to live the way I did.”
“How so?”
“Wondering how my life would have turned out if I hadn’t worried so much about what my father and others thought.”
MaKayla’s eyes filled at the notion of never seeing Dustin again, wondering what life without his smile and arousing touch would be like.
She knew she might never find another man who made her feel so safe, sexy, and alive the way he did. He had a caring heart and his presence brought out the wild-woman in her she never knew existed.
“You know the guitar at the club with the initials on it?”
MaKayla nodded.
“It was Frankie’s guitar. He used to write me love songs and play them for me. When he moved away, he wanted me to have something to remember him by. Harold wanted to know about my relationship with Frankie so I told him. He was willing to let me go, but I’d become pregnant by then. I did the right thing and married my children’s father, and tried to forget.”
“That’s admirable, Vicky.”
Vicky shook her head as if trying to erase the memories. “When we moved to Tennessee, I’d left the guitar, along with Frankie’s memory in Oklahoma. Afterward, Harold and I became closer. I never expected my son to end up with a part of my past.”
MaKayla swiped a tear from her cheek. “I can’t imagine living with that pain.”
“Honey, look at me. This will be you in a few years if you don’t get past this crisis of conscience. I’ve seen the way you look at my son. And I do understand the pain in your heart. You’re still loyal to your husband. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s time to let go.”
“I’m trying.”
“Good.” Vicky stood. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Thank you for the tea, and for listening to an old woman ramble on.”
“It was my pleasure. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure that wasn’t easy.” MaKayla hugged the woman goodbye.
As she closed the door behind Vicky, only one solution came to mind. She and Dustin weren’t the only ones hurting by not being together. Their families and friends were part of this non-relationship drama as well. She had to make a decision to be with him—as more than friends—or break off her ties with him altogether.
Chapter Seventeen
“Good morning, Mom.” Dustin wiped down the bar with a damp cloth. He smiled at his mother sitting on a barstool in front of him. “Off shopping this morning?”
“No, dear, I came to talk.”
“Okay. Want a coffee?” He filled two cups and set one down in front of her. “Is everything okay?”
She waved a hand. “Fine.”
He’d never seen his mother without a smile unless she was upset or hurting. He touched her arm. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
After a moment’s hesitation she confessed. “I went to MaKayla’s house yesterday.”
“No.” Dustin gripped his hair. Although his mother had always done things out of the kindness of her heart, she sometimes overstepped her boundaries. This was one of those times. “What happened?”
“She’s a lovely woman, Dustin, but confused about her feelings. We had a nice talk about relationships and doing the right thing.”
“I’m sure you meant well, but you shouldn’t have.”
“I know, I know. But I had to. I can’t stand watching you walk around here miserable anymore, honey. The poor girl needed a woman-to-woman talk.”
“She has friends to talk with, Mom.”
“Well, now she has one more.” Vicky sipped her coffee. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
There’s more? What she has to say can’t be any worse than what she’s already revealed.
MaKayla must think he’d gone to his mother and cried because she wouldn’t go out with him. How pathetic. He was forty years old. When would his mother realize he was an adult and quit butting into his personal life?
“Dustin, you know the mystery autographed guitar you have over there?”
He turned to the guitar on the wall. “Yeah.”
He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that now he had to go apologize to MaKayla and come up with s
ome explanation as to why his mother had stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. Who cares about some stupid guitar?
“It belonged to a man named Frankie William Rose.” She tapped the side of her cup. “He was an old friend of mine.”
Great—mystery solved. “Was he some famous singer?”
“Oh, gosh, no.” She looked up. “He was my first love.”
Dustin covered his mouth to prevent spitting coffee all over the bar. “There was someone before Dad?”
She nodded. “Frankie and I were in love. My father always got in our way. He didn’t care for Frankie. He wasn’t rich enough, or smart enough.”
“Wow.”
She laughed. “He now owns Kennedy Mutual Bank.” She met her son’s gaze. “I wonder what your grandfather would think of Frankie now, if he were alive today.” Her brow rose.
The sarcasm in his mother’s tone made Dustin chuckle. The older she became, the more he saw his grandmother in her—which wasn’t a bad thing. His grandmother had been a vibrant old woman who wouldn’t take crap from anyone and she loved her family more than anything else on earth.
“What does this have to do with MaKayla?”
“You two have a past getting in your way. I know what she’s going through—wondering what people would say if she dated you. Well, I say ‘screw everyone.’ She should do what makes her happy. And you should too. Don’t worry about anything but the two of you.”
MaKayla had mentioned worrying about Alex, but her son was okay with them. “Who, besides her son, would she be worried about?”
“Her family, his family.”
It had never crossed Dustin’s mind about Paul’s family, and their probable disapproval. Women were different in their thinking about such things. “I wouldn’t have a problem with either of their families, Mom, so it never occurred to me.”
“She has some soul-searching to do, Dustin. But I think she’ll come around.”
“I’ll go talk to her tonight. I do appreciate your concern, Mom, and your help, but please let me handle this from now on.” He smiled and touched her hand.
Vicky nodded and finished her drink. “Okay. I’d better go and make your step-father his breakfast.”
Dustin walked his mother outside. The winter wind blew through his hair. Today could be the longest day in history, until he could go and apologize to MaKayla.
****
Jodi walked MaKayla back to her office. “You’re quiet today.”
MaKayla should have known there was a reason her friend was sniffing around. Normally, Jodi went home for an afternoon rendezvous with Duke and didn’t sit in the break room for lunch. Why today, of all days, had her friend decided to be lunch pals? There was a lot on her mind and she wasn’t in a talkative mood. “I’m tired.”
“Liar. You’re only quiet when your mind’s racing. Spill it. Maybe I can help you sort things out.”
This would be a useless conversation. Jodi’s libido and one-way thinking would advise MaKayla to date Dustin, for no other reason than to have a lovemaking partner. But there was so much more to them dating than living between the sheets.
Would Dustin be able to sleep under the same roof she and Paul once shared? There was just no way she would give up her house. Would he be comfortable being in the presence of Paul’s parents during family events? There were too many unanswered questions.
No, Jodi couldn’t solve these problems. This decision had to come from within. Her head was beginning to hurt. “I’ll figure this one out on my own, Jodi. Thanks.”
“It’s about him, isn’t it?”
Was she that transparent? She could have been upset about her new business or about Alex being away from home. MaKayla perceived her best friend would know she wasn’t telling the truth the minute the words passed through her lips because her voice would crack.
“Okay, yes, it’s about Dustin. His mother stopped by my house yesterday.”
Jodi sat down. “Go on.”
There was no stopping now. After she finished the story, she sat in the chair behind her desk and said, “She more or less told me to do what I wanted and not to worry so much about what other people think.”
“What a very smart woman.”
“She also suggested I let go of the past.” MaKayla should have those last five words looped on a tape recorder set on replay.
“What other choice do you have? Paul’s not coming back. What are you holding on to, MaKayla?”
“Don’t start.”
“Someone has to.”
MaKayla pointed a finger. “Not again.”
“I’ll stop when you face reality.”
“I don’t want to hear this, Jodi. Stop it”
“Not until you say it.”
Silence. MaKayla wasn’t about to say another word.
“Say Paul’s gone, MaKayla.” Jodi raised her voice. “Say he’s not on a business trip.”
“Okay, okay, Paul’s gone!”
Her body went numb. Her hands trembled and her throat tightened. There’d been reasons why she’d never said those words aloud. It had been her way of keeping her emotions together these past few years.
Why was her friend making her do this? Sometimes, Jodi could be a real pain in the ass. And to put her through this on a workday? “Happy now?”
“I’m getting there. You also need to realize that dating another man isn’t cheating. But first you have to admit and understand that what’s keeping you from moving on is that you’re waiting for Paul to return. And that’s not going to happen.”
MaKayla put her hand on her face as if Jodi’s words had reached across the desk and slapped her. “That’s not the reason—” Tears streamed down her cheek and her stomach knotted.
So many times she’d pushed her feelings aside when Paul had left for Texas on business trips. Shutting down had helped to not miss him so much. Now she saw, that in a way, that’s what she’d been doing for the past three years.
Awareness set in. She would never welcome him at their front door again. He would not witness Alex graduating from college, nor hold his first grandchild—milestones in their son’s life they had always looked forward to.
She gasped for air as the life she’d grown content with, behind her brick wall, crashed down around her.
“Oh my God.” She met her friend’s gaze. “Paul’s gone. He’s never coming home?” Her voice pitched, but her heart knew she’d finally made the realization. “Paul’s never, ever, coming home to me again. Is he?”
Jodi scurried around the desk and dropped to one knee. “No, baby, he’s not.”
MaKayla sobbed on her friend’s shoulder as her arms wrapped around Jodi’s neck holding on for dear life. “I know he’s not coming home. I watched him being buried.”
For the past four months she’d intentionally shut down to avoid facing her feelings for Dustin. But truthfully, she’d been closed off emotionally since Paul’s death.
She didn’t want to face being a single parent. They would never have their dream vacations. They would not grow old together. She hadn’t wanted to live the rest of her life alone, and could not face that she’d never hear him say “I love you” again.
“I miss him, Jodi.”
“I know. We all do. MaKayla, you can’t lay in that box with him. It’s not fair to you or Alex. You know Paul would want you to move on.”
MaKayla reached for a tissue. “I know. But how do I do that?”
“One day at a time.”
****
MaKayla was glad to be home. The puffiness beneath her eyes from crying was starting to diminish and the revelations of Jodi’s words were sinking in.
At first she’d felt that her friend had done the meanest thing anyone could do to another friend. By the day’s end, she realized Jodi had done her a favor.
She now understood the meaning of crying until she couldn’t cry anymore. She’d waited until she arrived home to finish her lamentations. For the first time in three years she felt a weight had b
een lifted off her shoulders.
Lighting the fireplace and sipping a cup of tea helped her to relax and allow herself to accept that Paul would want her to be happy. She’d been holding on to a man who could never hold her in return. She understood now that if she let go, maybe in a spiritual way, Paul would be at peace too.
The phone rang. She guzzled her last ounce of tea to clear her throat before answering. If Alex were on the other end, she didn’t need him picking up on the fact she’d been crying. Even a forced smile might help to lighten her mood. “Hello?”
“Hey, honey, are you still mad at me?”
She sighed as Jodi’s voice came through. “I was never mad. I’m figuring out what a huge favor you were doing for me at the time. Thanks for the tough love today.”
“How about we go to the club for a drink? That’ll make you feel better.”
“Thanks, but I need some alone-time right now.” She’d already showered and slipped into her nightgown and robe. Her body was emotionally drained. Besides, her bloodshot eyes weren’t ready for public viewing. She also knew there was a risk of breaking down again if the wrong thing was said.
“Well, you call me if you need to talk.”
The doorbell rang. “Hold on, Jodi. Someone’s at the door.” She hoped it wasn’t Dustin’s mother again. Between Vicky and Jodi, her emotions had been sent on a whirlwind these past forty-eight hours. “Who is it?”
“MaKayla, it’s Dustin. I need to talk to you.”
She unlocked the door and waved him inside. “Jodi, it’s Dustin. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She disconnected and then forced a smile at the man who was the center of her emotional trauma. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?” His thumb caressed beneath her eye. “You’ve been crying.”
Once the floodgates that were her eyes opened she clearly saw what stood in front of her. Here was a wonderful man who’d put his life on the line to save hers during a bank robbery. He was kind and funny. He made her feel attractive and safe. He was exactly the man she had wanted—before learning of their shared past.
The Patriot Girl Page 17