by RobertAsprin
Crazy!
The Legionnaires’ tactics on the confidence course had been unorthodox, but this … This was unheard-of! It looked like the entire company of the Space Legion was in attendance, filling the bleachers at one end of the floor, while his own Red Eagles, unhappy at not having a direct hand in the deciding event, were fidgeting impatiently in the rows of chairs provided for them at the opposite end. What really surprised him was the audience.
He had, of course, known there were going to be spectators, but had never imagined the crowds jamming the bleachers on both sides of the gymnasium floor … for a fencing match, for God’s sake! Even the media had their holo cameras set up to record the event! This looked more like a gathering for a basketball or volleyball game … or a coliseum waiting for the gladiators to start!
The major quickly put that disquieting thought out of his mind, along with the nagging suspicion that he had somehow walked into a trap. He had been surprised by the confidence course, to be sure, but there was only so much you could do on a fencing strip. Here, at least, there were standardized rules!
Apparently this Phule, or Captain Jester, as he was called, was not surprised by the turnout. In fact, a few minutes ago he had announced a demonstration of stick forms by one of his men to hold the crowd’s attention while waiting for the formal competition to begin.
The costumed figure who took the floor at that point created a small ripple of interest among the Red Eagles, as he was quickly recognized as the Legionnaire who had held their own Sergeant Spengler at knife point during the afternoon exercise. After watching the small brown figure twirl his sticks in a blurred, bewildering net of interweaving circles and strikes, however, whatever concerns O’Donnel might have had about an unofficial “meeting of retribution” between his force and that notable quickly vanished. The Red Eagles were all hand-to-hand experts, and that expertise included the wisdom not to pick a fight with someone who used a martial arts form you were not familiar with.
Ignoring the flashing display being performed on the floor, the major took a moment to study the diminutive figure warming up quietly against the back wall.
He had been surprised (again) when the lists of competitors were exchanged and he realized the Legion was fielding a woman for the foil bout. Recovering quickly, he had offered to substitute one of his own women for the competitor listed in that event, but the rival commander refused to take him up on it. “You’ve chosen your best, and we’ve chosen ours,” was his only comment.
Strangely enough, though it was the most commonly fenced weapon, foil was the Eagles’ weakest event. Normally O’Donnel would have fenced that weapon, being the second best fencer in the unit behind Corbin, who would, of course, fence saber. That would have possibly brought the competition to a close after only two bouts, without having to field their weakest fencer. As it was, Jester had boxed him into fencing épée, and there was a chance it would all come down to the third and final bout. The problem there was that épée was an “iffy” weapon. If your point control was not clicking or your timing was a hair off …
Again the major fought his concentration back onto his own preparations. There was no point in getting oneself wound up over speculations. Shortly the matter would be decided once and for all in the real thing.
The demonstration was over now, and the director—the coach from the university fencing club—was taking over the microphone to address the crowd. O’Donnel had met him earlier, a spry little man who was obviously nervous about directing for this confrontation in front of an audience, not to mention the holo cameras, yet his voice was firm and confident as he launched into his explanation of the sport for the benefit of the spectators.
This, at least, the major had no difficulty ignoring as he resumed his stretching exercises. He had heard it all before, even knew it by heart. He also knew that it was extremely difficult to explain some of the subtler points of fencing, like “right-of-way,” to those impatient to see “people swinging from ropes while hacking at each other with swords,” the common misconception of the sport generated by countless swashbuckler movies and holos.
Simply put, “right-of-way” was a set of rules designed to preserve the true spirit of dueling, from which fencing descended. By those rules, once fencer A had “declared an attack” by extending his weapon to an arm’s length, threatening a valid target area, fencer B had to parry or otherwise remove that threat before retaliating with an attack of his own. The logic was that if the competitors were using “real” weapons capable of inflicting injury or death, it would be foolhardy, if not suicidal, to ignore an attack in favor of launching one of your own. Though the concept itself might be simple, a goodly portion of any fencing bout was spent with the competitors standing by impatiently after a blinding flurry of action while the director sorted out exactly who had the right-of-way at each moment during the exchange so that the touch, or point, could be awarded. This was, of course, a little less exciting than watching grass grow. The only thing duller than sorting out right-of-way was listening to it being explained.
Finally the director concluded his explanation—or gave up—and raised his voice, announcing the first bout.
“Our first event this evening will be saber,” the speakers boomed. “With this weapon, either the point or edge can be used on the attack. The target area is from the hipline up, including the arms, head, and back.”
The man paused to consult his notes.
“Representing the Red Eagles of the Regular Army will be Isaac Corbin, who held the Tri-Planetary Saber Championship for five years in a row!”
O’Donnel swore lightly under his breath as a surprised murmur swept through the audience. He had hoped Corbin’s record would go unnoticed or at least escape comment. As it was, before the bout had even started, the Legion’s representative would be seen as an underdog. If he lost, it would be expected, and if he won, it would be an upset!
“And representing the Space Legion, Sergeant Escrima, who has never fenced saber before this evening!”
This time, the major ignored the crowd’s surprised reaction as he snatched the lineup list from his pocket and studied it quickly.
There it was: Sergeant Escrima … Saber! He had been so wrapped up thinking about his own bout and the woman foilist that he had completely overlooked the posting for saber!
Sure enough, the demonstrator had surrendered his sticks and was being helped into a fencing jacket and mask by two Legionnaires.
Not a bad idea, O’Donnel thought with a tight smile, running a totally unpredictable opponent at the champion by bringing in a non-fencer. Still, he doubted it would make much difference. Corbin was simply far too seasoned a veteran to be rattled by the antics of a beginner.
As it turned out, the major was correct in his assessment. Corbin scored an easy win over his inexperienced opponent, though the victory was not as decisive as O’Donnel would have liked.
At first, Escrima scored a few hits, lashing out with lightning speed to “slash” the wrist of his opponent as Corbin began his attack. As the major predicted, however, the champion soon learned to ignore these “stop hits,” carrying through with his simple attack and scoring the hit on right-of-way. In short, he knew the rules of the weapon better and rode that knowledge to victory.
Time and again, Escrima would electrify the crowd with his speed, either closing with his tormentor or dropping low to slash at his legs, only to have his hits disqualified as being “off target.” Twice he was warned by the director for bodily contact, a strict no-no in tournament fencing.
The crowd, not fully understanding the rules, cheered and applauded Escrima’s moves, only to lapse into stunned silence spiked with a few low hisses and boos when the action was nullified or the touch awarded against him.
As a final indication of his ignorance of the sport, Escrima clearly missed when the bout was over. With the awarding of the final touch, Corbin whipped off his mask and stepped forward to shake hands, only to be confronted by an oppone
nt who was still clearly ready to fight. For a moment it looked like a disaster, but then Escrima realized his opponent was no longer competing. Sticking his saber under one arm, he pumped Corbin’s hand once, then removed his own mask and stood looking around in bewilderment as the weak applause rose and sank.
“Sergeant Escrima!”
The voice cracked like a whip, and Escrima turned toward the bleacher of Legionnaires.
The company commander, who had been sitting, suited and ready for his own bout, stood pointedly in a position of attention. With careful deliberation, he raised his weapon to Escrima and held it in a salute. In a slow wave behind him, the entire company of Legionnaires rose and joined their commander, saluting their sergeant in his defeat.
The Eagles’ commander was puzzled for a moment. It had been his understanding that the Legion didn’t go in much for saluting. Of course, proper military form would have been for the salute to be given only by whoever was in charge of the formation, which was to say Jester, rather than by every individual simultaneously. Still, it was a nice touch.
Escrima stared at the company for a moment, then acknowledged their salute with a curt nod of his head. Holding himself stiffly erect, he turned and marched off the floor, ignoring the new burst of spontaneous applause that rippled down from the spectators.
“Our next event will be foil. This is a point weapon only, and the target area is the main torso, including the groin and back, but excluding the head and arms. Representing the Space Legion will be Private … Super Gnat, and for the Red Eagles, Corporal Roy Davidson.”
Without being conscious that he was ignoring the announcement and the beginning of the next bout, O’Donnel found his attention arrested by a small drama being played out outside the spectators’ line of vision.
From his vantage point, the major could see the wall behind the bleachers which held the Space Legion company. What caught his eye was the figure of Escrima, who had just challenged the Red Eagles champion saber man. The stick-fighting sergeant was squatting by the back wall facing away from his company, his head bowed and shoulders hunched forward, a picture of abject misery.
To O’Donnel, the reason was immediately clear. Everyone else might have expected Corbin to win, and his rival commander might have fielded Escrima as a long-shot chance, but either the strategy hadn’t been shared with Escrima or the message had failed to sink in. The proud, scrappy little warrior had apparently expected to emerge from the bout triumphant, and was now suffering the crushing aftermath of not only having lost but of having let down those who had counted on him as their champion.
As the major watched, Captain Jester appeared, first standing behind the sergeant, then kneeling to talk with intimate, earnest intensity. Though they were too far away for him to hear the exact words, O’Donnel had no difficulty constructing the conversation in his mind.
The commander would be explaining again the impossibility of the fight Escrima had just undertaken, possibly even apologizing for sending the sergeant into a hopeless situation instead of undertaking the job himself. It would be pointed out that the sergeant had scored several hits against a seasoned champion, which was more than many practiced fencers could do, and that he had, indeed, more than upheld the honor of the company.
Eventually the sergeant’s head came up, and a few moments later he was nodding at what his commander was saying. The two men rose to their feet, and the captain clapped Escrima fondly on the shoulder, leaning close to share a few last words before leading him back to the bleachers.
O’Donnel found himself nodding as well.
Good. The little sergeant was much too good a man to be abandoned by his own during such a trauma. The major’s appreciation of his rival went up yet another notch as he turned his attention to the bout in progress.
“… the initial attack misses … passé … then the counterattack lands before the final replacement of the point. The touch is right … Score, three to one! … Gardez! …”
Three to one?
O’Donnel focused his attention on the action.
What was going on here? How could his man be down 3-1 so fast?
“Allez! Fencer!”
In the quick flurry of swords that followed the director’s signal, it became clear what was happening.
The little fencer representing the Legionnaires—what was her name? Oh yes, Super Gnat—had found a way to compensate for her shorter reach. She would hang back at the edge of Davidson’s lunge range, obviously too far back to launch an attack of her own, and bait the Eagles’ fencer into initiating the action. Sometimes she would simply step back out of the reach of the attack, but then …
The major scowled as Super Gnat dodged the oncoming point and stepped in close to her taller opponent. Davidson tried to reverse his advance to bring his point to bear again, but she followed him back down the strip and …
“Halt! The initial attack falls. On the recovery, the counterattack lands! Touch is right! Score, four to one!”
The bitch was so small, her target area was almost nonexistent! Hell, she could inhale and disappear behind her foil! And that footwork she was using …
O’Donnel watched closely as Super Gnat skipped and danced backward down the strip, leading Davidson like a terrier teasing a bull. He had seen that floating, pivoting footwork before. He couldn’t quite put his finger on where, but it wasn’t on a fencing strip! The Legionnaires had run another off-style martial artist in on him, but this one had managed to translate her moves into fencing! What was more, Davidson lacked Corbin’s experience and was clearly thrown off his normal form by his opponent’s unorthodox movements.
The Eagles’ fencer managed to rally and score two touches in a row, but to the major the outcome was already a given. The scrambling little fencer was simply too resourceful to let a three-point advantage slip away, and …
As if in response to his thoughts, Super Gnat launched a running, diving flèche attack, taking the offensive for the first time and catching Davidson napping as he planned his own attack.
“Halt! The attack carries! Touch is right! Five to three! Bout to the Space Legion! The meet is tied at one bout each!”
The spectators exploded with cheers and applause as Super Gnat saluted her opponent and pulled off her mask, revealing a beaming face that shone like the sun. She pumped the hands of her adversary and the director, nodding her thanks at their murmured compliments, then turned toward the Legion bleachers.
No cue had been necessary from their commander this time. The entire company was on its feet saluting its victorious champion. Still holding the jubilant smile that seemed to pass her ears, Super Gnat returned the salute with a flourish of her weapon that ended in an exaggerated mock curtsey. At that, the Legionnaires broke their stiff poses and swarmed out of the stands to surround their teammate.
“All right, Gnat!”
“Way to go!”
The first to reach her was the tall, misshapen nonhuman Legionnaire whose mere presence made the Red Eagles uneasy. In a move that could only be genuine affection, he snatched her into the air in a huge bear hug that was at once enthusiastic and gentle, then, without setting her down, shifted his grip and held her aloft to the cheers of the rest of the company.
“Sorry about that, sir.”
The terse apology pulled O’Donnel’s attention back from the other end of the gym.
“Don’t worry about it, Davidson,” he said firmly, lightly punching that notable on the arm. “Nobody wins all the time. Looks like it’s up to me to try to settle up.”
“Yes, sir,” the corporal said, shooting a glance down the floor to where the Legionnaires were still celebrating. “Do you think you can do it? They may be goofballs, but they’re tricky as hell.”
The major nodded his agreement of the corporal’s assessment.
“To tell you the truth, Corporal, I don’t know. Ask me again in about ten minutes.”
Davidson flashed him a quick smile.
“Right. Good luck
, sir.”
“Our next and final bout …” The director’s mike boomed through the loudspeakers, and he paused to wait for the Legionnaires to quiet down and take their seats again before continuing.
“Thank you. Our next and final bout will be épée. For those of you who have been confused by my explanation of the right-of-way rules, you’ll be glad to know there is no right-of-way in épée! Whoever hits first, gets the touch!”
A brief ripple of applause and laughter greeted this announcement, which the director acknowledged with a grin.
“This is because the encounter épée is re-creating a duel from the period after the Code Duello was changed to accept “first blood” rather than death to settle an affair of honor. First blood can be drawn from anywhere on the body, including the hands and feet, and accordingly the entire body is fair target when fencing épée.”
O’Donnel gathered up his mask and his weapon, plugging his body cord into the socket hidden inside the weapon’s bell guard. The movements were automatic and ritualistic as he began to mentally set himself for the upcoming bout.
“By watching the lights on the scoring machine,” the director was continuing, “it is easy to see who has scored the touch. The machine, which both fencers will be attached to by means of feed reels and body cords, determines within a twentieth of a second who hit whom first. If both fencers score a hit within that time frame, which happens more often than you might think, both lights will come on and it will be scored as a double touch. That is, a hit will be awarded to each fencer for that particular exchange.”
The major wished the bout would get under way. He was starting to feel the tension of the deciding bout creeping into his shoulders. Nervously he shook his sword arm to keep it loose. Tension meant stiffness, and stiffness meant slowed reflexes, a potentially fatal error in a sport where the winner and loser were often divided by split seconds.