I was asking too much.
‘You can say no,’ I told her softly. ‘I’ll still help you to get back home. I just … need to know.’
‘Callum, I’ve already forgiven you. I just wish …’ Sephy’s words trailed off into silence.
‘What d’you wish?’
‘That things were different between us.’
I expelled the breath I hadn’t realized until that moment that I was holding. Different … Different how? I was too wary of the answer to probe further.
‘My turn,’ said Sephy. ‘That’s two questions you’ve asked me, by the way. You’ve got one left.’
I frowned. ‘Just a second, that’s not fair.’
‘You made the rules, not me.’
Damn it! Sephy was always tricky like that. Not much had changed there then. ‘Go on then,’ I said with bad grace. ‘What’s your first question?’
‘You do realize you’ve now asked me all three of your questions, don’t you?’ Sephy grinned at me.
‘Huh? Wait a minute. Asking you “what’s your first question?” doesn’t count!’
‘I think you’ll find it does,’ said Sephy. ‘A question is a question. You never said anything about the required subject matter.’
‘Jeez,’ I scowled. ‘You should be a lawyer.’
‘The benefits of a Chivers Boarding School education,’ Sephy said.
‘Funny, Sephy! Funny.’ I was being bulldozed!
‘My turn.’ There was a significant pause. ‘Callum, what do I need to do or say to stop you … h-hating me so much?’
I placed my hand under Sephy’s chin to turn her face towards mine. Brushing my lips against hers, I asked, ‘Does this feel like I hate you?’
Sephy’s fingers crept to my lips and, before I realized what she was about to do, she started to wipe my mouth.
I pulled my face away from her hand. ‘Don’t.’
‘You did it,’ said Sephy. ‘I’m just saving you the trouble. I don’t want or need your pity, Callum.’
I had really hurt her by wiping my mouth, much more than I’d realized at the time. Time to be honest.
‘I wiped my mouth because I thought you were about to do the same,’ I admitted. ‘It was a stupid gesture meant to save my stupid pride, nothing else.’
Sephy tilted her head. ‘So you don’t hate me?’
‘Talk sense, Sephy. Would I be doing all this if I hated you?’
‘I don’t know. I wondered if maybe you were helping me escape as a result of a guilty conscience?’
I took a deep breath and allowed what was left of my pride to dive out of the shutters and scarper.
‘Sephy, I’m doing this because I love you. You went away to Chivers and I promised myself I’d get over you, but I never did. I joined the LM, but being with you is the real and only cause worth fighting for.’
Sephy inhaled sharply.
Silence.
‘You really love me?’ she said at last.
‘Yes, really! And I’m sure that’s a lot more than three questions. Seems like neither of us can count.’
Sephy sighed. Did she believe me? God only knows, I meant every word.
Love …That was such a small word for what I felt. She had me so wrapped up, I couldn’t even think straight. It didn’t matter how far apart we were, in distance or time, I was hers. No one else’s.
There was a lull where she leaned her head on my shoulder and I held her tighter. ‘Callum, what’s going to happen to us?’
‘I don’t know,’ I admitted. ‘What d’you want to happen?’
‘Couldn’t … couldn’t we go away somewhere, just the two of us?’ Sephy whispered. ‘I have some money saved.’
‘What about your family?’
‘I’ll let them know I’m safe, but I want to be with you. You’ve always meant far more to me than anyone else.’
Oh, God! ‘Sephy, don’t say things like that. You don’t know what it does to me when you say things like that.’
‘But it’s the truth,’ Sephy replied. ‘I want to be with you. Don’t you want the same?’
I needed to be with Sephy more than I needed my next breath, but how on earth was this going to work?
‘You’re thinking too much,’ Sephy told me. ‘Don’t over-analyse it, just answer. D’you want to be with me?’
‘Yes.’
Sephy’s arms snaked round my waist. ‘I love you, Callum. Tonight is the start of the rest of our lives. And in the morning, where you go, I go.’
‘You make it sound so simple …’
‘That’s because it is,’ said Sephy. ‘Because you and I have never belonged anywhere except with each other.’
I’d never thought that words could set anything on fire before, but that’s what Sephy’s words were doing to me. I was burning up. Time to move. I shifted, pulling my arm away from her shoulder as I attempted to stand up.
‘What’re you doing?’ asked Sephy.
‘I’m moving to the other side of the room,’ I told her.
‘Why?’ Pause. ‘Didn’t you mean any of the things you said?’
I immediately hugged Sephy to me, hating the uncertainty I heard in her voice.
‘Seph, I meant every word, but you’ve got to give me a break here. I’m not made of stone and being this close to you, knowing that you don’t hate me …’
‘I love you,’ Sephy interjected. ‘Always have, always will.’
I groaned. ‘Damn it, Sephy. You’re not making it easy to walk away from you …’
‘Then don’t. Kiss me instead.’
‘Seph, if I kiss you, it won’t stop there.’
Sephy nuzzled my jaw, planting kisses as she went. ‘Good, because I don’t want it to stop there.’
‘Do you know what you’re saying yes to?’ I had to be absolutely sure. ‘I want to make love to you, Sephy.’
‘Jeez, Callum!’ Sephy huffed. ‘I had kinda worked that out. And am I pushing you away?’
All my birthdays and Crossmases had come at once. I wanted to whoop for joy, but then reality intruded, just a bit, and my smile faded.
‘Sephy, if we’re going to be together, I want you to promise me something first.’
‘Anything.’ Sephy resumed nuzzling me.
I pulled my head away. ‘Persephone, this is serious.’
Sephy became still in my arms. ‘What is it?’
‘If at any point we come across anyone from the LM and I tell you to run, I want you to promise that you’ll do as I say. You’ll run as fast as you can and not look back.’
‘But Callum, how can I just … ?’
‘I mean it, Sephy. I need you to give me your word. If we’re going to have any kind of life together, I need to know that you’ll do this.’
‘You’re asking me to just abandon you?’
‘I’m asking you to survive.’
Silence.
‘And if I say no?’ asked Sephy.
‘Then I move to the other side of the room for the night and in the morning I deliver you to your mother’s door.’
‘But Callum, how can you ask me to do that?’ Sephy didn’t sound at all happy, but she wasn’t the only one with a stubborn streak.
‘Sephy, this isn’t a debate. Either I get your promise or after tomorrow we never see each other again.’
‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’ Sephy’s voice barely rose above a whisper.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. Sephy always knew when I was playing – and when I wasn’t.
‘OK. I … I promise,’ said Sephy reluctantly.
‘And I’ll hold you to it,’ I told her, my tone gruff.
‘I promise,’ Sephy repeated with a sigh.
We held on to each other whilst unwelcome thoughts crowded around us. Sephy took an audible deep breath.
‘You’re probably worrying about nothing,’ said Sephy. ‘This time tomorrow, we’ll both be so far away from here that no one in the LM will ever find us. You can dye your hair and I�
�ll grow a beard and no one will see through our disguises.’
I laughed, just as she’d intended that I should.
‘Callum, you and I are going to have the rest of our lives together.’
I smiled and forced myself to relax. ‘I know. I’m counting on it.’
‘Now what happened to the kiss you promised me?’
I kissed her.
nine. Maybe Tomorrow
I AWOKE SLOWLY, basking in a contentment I don’t think I’d ever felt before. I glanced down at Sephy who was still asleep with my arm round her, her head on my shoulder, her arm round my waist, her thigh resting over mine. Pure happiness replaced my blood and raced through every part of my body.
I was happy.
God, it felt strange, alien – but so good.
I could definitely get used to this.
Sephy was mine. She loved me.
During the night, after we’d made love, we both got dressed again and held each other whilst we talked and kissed and erased our years apart, until finally we’d both fallen asleep, wrapped round each other. And we’d woken up in the same position. No matter what happened now, no one could take that away from me.
But so much for keeping watch!
Thoughts of the night I’d just shared with Sephy filled my head and healed my heart. I kissed the top of Sephy’s head, unable to keep the grin off my face. At that moment, I was so happy, I might self-combust with it.
‘Shame on you, little brother. I thought I’d taught you better than that.’
Jude’s voice was like a bucket of ice-water thrown over me. I sat bolt upright, dislodging Sephy in the process. My brother was leaning against the opposite wall, next to the now-open door, the gun in his hand pointing straight at my head. I felt round surreptitiously for mine.
‘If you’re looking for this, then don’t bother,’ said Jude, tapping my gun which was half hidden beneath the waistband of his trousers.
Shit! I’d really messed up.
Sephy was awake and sitting up beside me by this time. Jude cast her a look of acid hatred. We were in big trouble.
‘Like I said, little brother. I thought I’d taught you better.’
‘Sod you, Jude.’ I got to my feet, reaching out to help Sephy do the same.
I glanced at Sephy. Her eyes were wide with fright and something else, something worse. Resignation. I slipped on my shoes, desperately trying to think whilst I never took my eyes off my brother.
‘Jude, let Sephy go. It’s me you want.’
Jude looked me up and down, his gaze dripping with complete contempt. ‘Was screwing this dagger whore really worth betraying your cause, your race, your own flesh and blood?’
Oh, God … a little help, please …
If you’re up there …
What was I going to do?
Some way, somehow, I had to get Sephy out of here and to safety. But even if I fought Jude for the gun and I won, how far would either of us get before he came after us again? The only way to stop him from pursuing us was to kill him.
But Jude was my brother …
But Sephy was my lover …
Oh, God.
‘How did you find us?’ I asked, slowly moving to stand between Jude and Sephy.
‘An elephant stampeding through the forest would’ve left less of a trail to follow than you two,’ Jude informed me with derision. ‘You screwed up – on so many levels.’
‘Jude, please let Sephy leave. This is between you and me.’
‘No, it isn’t. You brought her into this. She’s not going anywhere,’ my brother replied.
‘Don’t make it sound like Sephy stood some kind of chance if she’d stayed in the cabin with you and the others,’ I said with scorn. ‘We both know the truth behind that one.’
‘Yes, but now you’ve let her drag you down with her,’ Jude told me. ‘And that was your decision, no one else’s.’
‘Then why didn’t you just shoot us both when we were asleep?’ I asked bitterly.
‘And miss the look on both your faces when you saw me?’ Jude mocked.
That’s when I knew that between me and Jude, only one of us would leave this room alive.
‘Jude, I don’t care what you do to me, but please leave Callum alone,’ said Sephy. She stepped out from behind me.
Jude turned his malevolent glare on Sephy. I took her hand in mine and gave it what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze.
‘Whatever you may feel about me, Callum is your brother …’ Sephy continued.
‘Not any more,’ Jude replied. ‘Not when he chose you over me.’
And Jude levelled his gun to aim straight at Sephy’s heart. I stepped in front of her.
‘Callum, move,’ Jude warned.
I stood absolutely still. Behind me, Sephy tried to sidestep me again, but I moved in front of her again. Jude and I regarded each other. His finger began to squeeze the trigger.
I leaped forward. ‘SEPHY, RUN!’
A loud retort echoed throughout the entire shack. A bolt of white hot lightning lanced straight through my right shoulder, so hot, so intense it sucked all the breath from my body. But only for a moment. With a yell of rage, I lunged at my brother, my heartbeat thunderous in my ears, my blood roaring.
‘SEPHY, YOUR PROMISE. RUN!’ I yelled.
I grabbed hold of Jude’s gun hand, forcing it upwards as he pulled the trigger yet again. A blur took off past me through the open door.
Run, Persephone. Don’t stop. Don’t look back. Run.
I said the words over and over in my head as I wrestled Jude to the ground. But one of my arms was beyond useless.
Please, God, let Sephy escape. Please. I won’t ask for anything ever again, but just let her escape … If you’re up there. Somewhere.
Jude punched my wounded shoulder.
‘ARGGHHH!’ I cried out in agony.
He started to level his gun at me again. I brought my knee up to his groin just as hard as I could. He howled, dropping his gun as he clutched between his legs. As he rolled on the floor, retching, I scrambled for the gun he’d now dropped. Jude quickly pulled out my gun from beneath the waistband of his trousers. I leaped up, his gun in my left hand. Jude struggled to his feet, my gun now in his right hand.
We stood facing each other, each gun pointed at the other brother’s heart. My right shoulder was screaming at me in white hot fury. Blood poured down my arm and over my T-shirt. My right arm might be useless but my left still worked and what’s more, Jude knew it.
‘So what now, little brother?’ asked Jude. ‘You do remember that we are brothers? Blood? Blood should mean more to you than some Cross whore.’
‘Brothers? That didn’t stop you ventilating my shoulder.’
‘It was meant to be your heart,’ Jude told me, eyes narrowed.
‘Then it’s just as well my aim is better than yours,’ I replied.
My head was beginning to swim. I was losing too much blood.
‘I will catch up with that whore of yours. You do know that, don’t you?’ said Jude silkily.
Don’t let him get inside your head, Callum. Don’t play his game.
‘Assuming that you leave this place alive,’ I said.
‘Even if I don’t, even if you do kill me, Morgan or one of the others in the LM will get her. And you. You can’t win, Callum.’
My arm, my whole body was so tired. Tired of the bloodshed, the hatred, the means which had grown so large and grotesque as to obscure the end. Tired. And my head felt like it weighed ten times more than usual.
‘So what happens now?’ I asked, already knowing the answer. My finger tightened on my gun’s trigger.
‘We both know this can only end one way,’ said Jude.
I nodded. With Sephy’s teasing, loving smile dancing through my head, I pulled my trigger, just as Jude pulled his.
Read on for an extract from Noughts & Crosses, where Sephy and Callum’s story began …
one. Sephy
I wriggled my to
es, enjoying the feel of the warm sand trickling like fine baby powder between them. Digging my feet even deeper into the dry, yellow-white sand, I tilted back my head. It was such a beautiful August afternoon. Nothing bad could ever happen on a day like today. And what made it even better was the fact that I could share it – something rare and special in itself, as I knew only too well. I turned to the boy next to me, my face about to split wide open from the smile on it.
‘Can I kiss you?’
My smile faded. I stared at my best friend. ‘Pardon?’
‘Can I kiss you?’
‘What on earth for?’
‘Just to see what it’s like,’ Callum replied.
Yeuk! I mean, yeuk!! I wrinkled up my nose – I couldn’t help it. Kissing! Why on earth would Callum want to do anything so . . . so feeble?
‘Do you really want to?’ I asked.
Callum shrugged. ‘Yeah, I do.’
‘Oh, all right then.’ I wrinkled up my nose again at the prospect. ‘But make it fast!’
Callum turned to kneel beside me. I turned my head up towards his, watching with growing curiosity to see what he’d do next. I tilted my head to the left. So did he. I tilted my head to the right. Callum did the same. He was moving his head like he was my reflection or something. I put my hands on Callum’s face to keep it still and dead centre.
‘D’you want me to tilt my head to the left or the right?’ I asked, impatiently.
‘Er . . . which way do girls usually tilt their heads when they’re being kissed?’ asked Callum.
‘Does it matter? Besides, how should I know?’ I frowned. ‘Have I ever kissed a boy before?’
‘Tilt your head to the left then.’
‘My left or your left?’
‘Er . . . your left.’
I did as asked. ‘Hurry up, before I get a crick in my neck.’
Callum licked his lips before his face moved slowly closer towards mine.
‘Oh no you don’t,’ I drew back. ‘Wipe your lips first.’
‘Why?’
‘You just licked them.’
‘Oh! OK!’ Callum wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
I moved forward to resume my original position. Keeping my lips tight together, I wondered what I should do with them. Purse them so that they stuck out slightly? Or should I smile to make them seem wider and more appealing? I’d only ever practised kissing with my pillow. This was a lot different – and seemed just as silly!
Callum: A Noughts and Crosses Short Story Page 4