by Rick Riordan
Surt stalked to the window. I expected him to open it and blast Thor with a fireball, but he just yanked the black silk drapes shut. “Show’s over,” he barked. “If you would all resume your seats, you may now state your worthiness to join me at Ragnarok.”
The first god stood up. Balding, sweaty, with a stomach that protruded over his belt, he reminded me of a foreman on a low-budget infrastructure project.
“THE NAME’S HOLLER!” he bellowed. “GOD OF DISEASE, DESTRUCTION, AND DISASTER! LET ME PLAY FOR YOUR TEAM, AND I WILL STRIKE DOWN THE MASSES WITH DEVASTATING HEAD COLDS! THEN I’LL FOLLOW UP WITH A LEAKY-FAUCET EPIDEMIC AND A RASH OF TEETH-RATTLING POTHOLES!”
“Interesting.” Surt scratched a few notes on a yellow legal pad. “Next?”
A pinched-faced spinster type with ramrod-straight posture rose from her chair and smoothed out her pinafore. “I am Snotra.”
Once again, I almost gave myself away by laughing. I changed into a cockroach—for some reason, I was defaulting to bugs—and skittered beneath a sideboard.
Snotra reminded the others that she was the goddess of prudence and self-discipline. “I will make sure the giants attack in an orderly fashion. No cutting the line. No horsing around. No”—she drew herself up and tightened her thin lips disapprovingly—“gum-chewing. And I will organize a chore chart of post-Ragnarok duties.”
“Mmm,” Surt murmured. “Quite . . . fastidious of you.”
The other deities stood up in turn. Some, like Snotra and Holler, had actual plans to propose. The rest were prepared to throw in with Surt because they had grievances with the current gods in power.
Forseti, the cigar-smoking god of justice, complained about not being part of Odin’s inner circle. “The All-Fadda kept me outta the big decisions, like where and how to tie up Loki, you know? I’m with you, though, new world comes, and then boom! I’ll be the big cheese in charge—present company excluded, of course, my lord,” he added hurriedly when Surt frowned.
The goddess Glum, who looked and sounded exactly like her name, was one of Frigg’s handmaidens. “I’m just so tired of being in her shadow all the time,” she said. “I want to have a chance to shine.”
“And what would you do if given that chance?” Surt prodded.
Glum stared at him. “Do?”
A goddess in a dowdy shirt and shapeless skirt cupped Glum’s face in her hand and gave it an affectionate shake. “Pretty young thing like you, you don’t need to do. You need someone to do for you. A husband!” She glanced over at Forseti, then leaned close to Glum. “I’m Lofn,” she whispered, “goddess of arranged marriages.” She handed her a business card. “Call me. We’ll talk.”
More gods and goddesses introduced themselves. I hadn’t heard of any of them, which made me a little sad. I know what it’s like to be pushed aside. It stinks.
And yet, with each new deity that spoke, my tension grew.
They might be a motley crew, I reminded myself, but they still add to Surt’s power.
I had to get them to come back to our side. Or at least not join his. But how?
Surt began detailing his plans for his new world order. Once again, the deities fell under the spell of his hypnotic voice. I had to find a way to break that spell.
Then it hit me: I’d put a bug in their ears. Literally.
I changed into a gnat and flew near Snotra. “Surt thrives in chaos,” I whispered in her ear. “Do you really think he’ll let you create order?”
To Holler, I murmured, “What place will a god of destruction have in a new world, where the goal is to build?”
“Surt will expect something from you,” I breathed in Glum’s ear. “Do you really want that kind of pressure?”
Around the table I went, sowing whispered seeds of dissent. When I’d finished, the deities were looking at Surt with suspicion.
The Black One sensed the change in attitude. He slowly rose from his seat. “My friends, you have outlined what you have to offer. Now perhaps you need a reminder of what I bring to the table.”
He thrust his hand in the air and summoned his sword of pure white flame. The gods and goddesses cowered. Throwing his head back and laughing, Surt grew to his full giant size. “You minor, forgotten, pathetic deities! So easy to bend to my will. Not one of you would dare to defy me!”
I chose that moment to shape-shift into a bee, buzz up Surt’s teeny-tiny nose, and jab him with my stinger.
With a howl of pain, Surt dropped his sword and shrank to his previous size. I changed into my true form.
“I dare.”
I whipped one end of my golden garrote around his neck and yanked it tight. Then I snatched up his flame sword and with one upward flick, sliced off his pubescent nose. “Jack and Magnus send their regards.”
Surt lunged for me. I transformed into a bighorn sheep and head-butted him right where his nose used to be. Then I changed back to human, tightened the garrote until his eyes bulged, and threatened him with his own sword. “Come at me again,” I warned, “and you’ll regret it.”
I surveyed the stunned deities. “If one einherji can do this, imagine what all of us can do. And will do, come Ragnarok. We are not destined to win, but we will fight with honor. We would welcome you on our side of the fight. But, if you must side with him”—I gave the garrote a vicious tug and was rewarded with a gurgle from Surt—“know this: I will personally hunt you down on the Last Battlefield of Vigridr and see that you are sent straight to Ginnungagap. The choice is yours.”
The deities vanished.
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
I admit it: I was feeling a bit full of myself. Then I realized my predicament. I couldn’t return to Valhalla, not with Surt wrapped in my garrote. Odin frowns on bringing nasties like him into his realm. And if I let Surt go, he’d attack me—the flaming rage in his eyes made that pretty clear.
I was starting to panic—just a little—when I heard a distant ding. Sam, Hearth, Blitz, Halfborn, T.J., and Mallory charged in, weapons drawn and ready, only to skid to a halt when they saw me with Surt on a leash and his sword in my hand.
“Hey, guys,” I said. “How is it you’re not burned to a crisp?”
“A little elfish shielding magic.” Sam nodded at Hearth. Arms raised wide overhead, the elf’s face was contorted with effort. “Good thing he had a spare algiz rune, or we’d all be toast.”
“Why’d you come here, though?” I asked. “Not that I’m not glad to see you. Just confused.”
“Jack told us you were in trouble,” T.J. said. “He heard it from a billy club, who heard it from a slingshot, who heard it from your garrote.”
“And speaking of garrotes,” Mallory added, eyeing the wire digging into Surt’s throat, “it seems you don’t need our help after all.”
“Actually, I could use some assistance,” I admitted.
“Got just what you need, right here.” Blitzen stepped forward holding a thin silvery rope. “Nowhere near the same quality as Gleipnir or the new rope holding Fenris Wolf, but it’ll do in a pinch.”
While he hog-tied Surt with some sweet cowboy roping moves, Sam turned to me. “What the Helheim happened here, anyway?”
“Long story. I’ll tell you in the elevator.”
“Then if we’re all ready, after you, little . . . erm . . .” Halfborn looked me over. “Lady?”
I grinned. “Got it in one.”
We headed to the doorway. At the last moment, I flicked my garrote free from Surt’s neck. Then I held up his sword. “I’m keeping this. Souvenir of our special time together. And one more thing. The next time you try plotting against us, remember this.”
I gestured to my friends.
“We’ll be ready.”
ASGARD. MIDGARD. Nidavellir. Alfheim. Jotunheim. Helheim. Niflheim. Vanaheim. Muspellheim. Trekking through the Nine Worlds to rack up ten million steps wasn’t easy. The chafing and blisters alone nearly ended my quest to earn a cameo on my favorite Midgard television show. But I
’d do it all over again if I had to.
Which, apparently, I will have to, because I forgot to turn on my FitnessKnut.
GLOSSARY
AESIR—gods of war, close to humans
ALFHEIM—the home of the light elves, ruled by the god Frey
ASGARD—the home of the Aesir
BALDER—god of light, the second son of Odin and Frigg, and twin brother of Hod. Frigg made all earthly things swear to never harm her son, but she forgot about mistletoe. Loki tricked Hod into killing Balder with a dart made of mistletoe.
BEAR GRYLLS—a British adventurer best known for his television series Man vs. Wild
BIFROST—the rainbow bridge leading from Asgard to Midgard
BOUDICA—a queen of the British Celtic Iceni tribe who led a revolt against occupying Romans in 61 CE
EINHERJAR (EINHERJI, sing.)—great heroes who have died with bravery on Earth; soldiers in Odin’s eternal army; they train in Valhalla for Ragnarok, when the bravest of them will join Odin against Loki and the giants in the battle at the end of the world
FENRIS WOLF—an invulnerable wolf born of Loki’s affair with a giantess; his mighty strength strikes fear even in the gods, who keep him tied to a rock on an island. He is destined to break free on the day of Ragnarok.
FIMBULWINTER—three years of unending winter immediately preceding Ragnarok
FOLKVANGER—the Vanir afterlife for slain heroes, ruled by the goddess Freya
FORSETI—god of justice
FREY—the god of spring and summer; the sun, the rain, and the harvest; abundance and fertility, growth and vitality. Frey is the twin brother of Freya and, like his sister, is associated with great beauty. He is the lord of Alfheim.
FREYA—the goddess of love; twin sister of Frey; ruler of Folkvanger
FRIGG—goddess of marriage and motherhood; Odin’s wife and the queen of Asgard; mother of Balder and Hod
GARM—the guard dog of Hel
GINNUNGAGAP—the primordial void; a mist that obscures appearances
GJALLAR—Heimdall’s horn
GLAMOUR—illusion magic
GLEIPNIR—a rope made by dwarves to keep Fenris Wolf in bondage
GLUM—a minor goddess, a handmaiden of Frigg
GUNGNIR—Odin’s staff
HEIDRUN—the goat in the Tree of Laeradr whose milk is brewed for the magical mead of Valhalla
HEIMDALL—god of vigilance and the guardian of Bifrost, the gateway to Asgard
HEL—goddess of the dishonorable dead; born of Loki’s affair with a giantess
HELHEIM—the underworld, ruled by Hel and inhabited by those who died in wickedness, old age, or illness
HLADGUNNR—daughter of Hel; granddaughter of Loki; a Valkyrie that played tricks on her victims
HLIDSKJALF—the High Seat of Odin
HOD—Balder’s blind brother
HOLLER—Norse god of disease, destruction, and disaster
HONIR—the Aesir god of indecision, avoidance, and mystery
HULDER—a domesticated forest sprite
HVERGELMIR—the hot springs surrounding Yggdrasil
JOTUN—giant
JOTUNHEIM—realm of the earth giants
LOFN—goddess of arranged marriages
LOKI—god of mischief, magic, and artifice; the son of two giants, Farbauti and Laufey; adept with magic and shape-shifting. He is alternately malicious and heroic to the Asgardian gods and to humankind. Because of his role in the death of Balder, Loki was chained by Odin to three giant boulders with a poisonous serpent coiled over his head. The venom of the snake occasionally irritates Loki’s face, and his writhing can cause earthquakes.
LYNGVI—the Isle of Heather, where Fenris Wolf is bound
MIDGARD—realm of the humans
MIMIR—an Aesir god who, along with Honir, traded places with Vanir gods Frey and Njord at the end of the war between the Aesir and the Vanir. When the Vanir didn’t like his counsel, they cut off his head and sent it to Odin. Odin placed the head in a magical well, where the water brought it back to life, and Mimir soaked up all the knowledge of the World Tree.
MJOLNIR—Thor’s hammer
MUSPELLHEIM—the home of the fire giants and demons
NáBRóK—pants made out of a corpse’s skin
NIDAVELLIR—the home of the dwarves
NIDHOGG—the dragon that lives at the bottom of the World Tree and chews on its roots
NIFLHEIM—the world of ice, fog, and mist
ODIN—the “All-Father” and king of the gods; the god of war and death, but also poetry and wisdom. By trading one eye for a drink from the Well of Wisdom, Odin gained unparalleled knowledge. He has the ability to observe all the Nine Worlds from his throne in Asgard; in addition to his great hall, he also resides in Valhalla with the bravest of those slain in battle.
RAGNAROK—the Day of Doom or Judgment, when the bravest of the einherjar will join Odin against Loki and the giants in the battle at the end of the world
RATATOSK—an invulnerable squirrel that constantly runs up and down the World Tree carrying insults between the eagle that lives at the top and Nidhogg, the dragon that lives at the roots
SAEHRIMNIR—the magical beast of Valhalla; every day it is killed and cooked for dinner and every morning it is resurrected; it tastes like whatever the diner wants
SESSRUMNIR—the Hall of Many Seats, Freya’s mansion in Folkvanger
SIERSGRUNNR—Norse for cheesebutt
SIF—goddess of the earth; mother of Uller by her first husband; Thor is her second husband; the rowan is her sacred tree
SNOTRA—goddess of prudence and self-discipline
SUMARBRANDER—the Sword of Summer
SURT—lord of Muspellheim
THANE—a lord of Valhalla
THOR—god of thunder; son of Odin. Thunderstorms are the earthly effects of Thor’s mighty chariot rides across the sky, and lightning is caused by hurling his great hammer, Mjolnir.
TREE OF LAERADR—a tree in the center of the Feast Hall of the Slain in Valhalla containing immortal animals that have particular jobs
TYR—god of courage, law, and trial by combat; he lost a hand to Fenris’s bite when the Wolf was restrained by the gods
UTTGARD-LOKI—the most powerful sorcerer of Jotunheim; king of the mountain giants
VALHALLA—paradise for warriors in the service of Odin
VALKNUT—a Norse design of three interlocked triangles; the word comes from vair, meaning slain warriors, and knut, meaning knot
VALKYRIE—Odin’s handmaidens, who choose slain heroes to bring to Valhalla
VANAHEIM—the home of the Vanir
VANIR—gods of nature; close to elves
VIGRIDR—a plain that will be the site of the battle between the gods and Surt’s forces during Ragnarok
YGGDRASIL—the World Tree
PRONUNCIATION GUIDE
AESIR AY-ser
ALFHEIM ALF-haym
ALGIZ AL-gheets
ASGARD AZ-gahrrd
BALDER BALL-der
BIFROST BEE-frrohst
DAGAZ DAH-gahz
EINHERJAR/EINHERJI in-HAIRR-yar/in-HAIRR-yee
EITRI EE-tree
FENRIS FEHN-rrihss
FIMBULWINTER FEEM-bool-ween-ter
FOLKVANGER FOHK-vahn-ger
FORSETI FORR-seh-tee
FREY FRRAY
FREYA FRRAY-uh
FRIGG FRRIHG
GARM GAHRRM
GEBO GIH-bo
GINNUNGAGAP GEEN-un-guh-gahp
GLEIPNIR GLYP-neer
GLUM GLOOM
HAGALAZ HA-ga-lahts
HEIDRUN HY-druhn
HEIMDALL HAME-doll
HEL HEHL
HELGI HEL-ghee
HELHEIM HEHL-haym
HLADGUNNR H’LAHD-goo-ner
HLIDSKJALF H’LIHD-skelf
HOD rhymes with odd
HOLLER HO-lair
HUNDING HOON-deeng
HVERGELMIR H’VERR-gehl-meer
&n
bsp; ISA EES-ah
JOTUN YOH-toon
JOTUNHEIM YOH-toon-haym
KENAZ KEH-nahtz
LAERADR LAY-rrah-dur
LAGAZ lah-GAHTS
LOFN LOH-fin
LOKI LOH-kee
LYNGVI LEENG-vee
MIDGARD MIHD-gahrrd
MIMIR MEE-meer
MJOLNIR MEE’OHL-neer
MUSPELLHEIM MOOS-pehl-haym
NáBRóK NO-broke
NIDAVELLIR Nee-duh-vehl-EER
NIDHOGG NEED-hawg
NIFLHEIM NIHF-uh-haym
ODIN OH-dihn
RAGNAROK RAG-nuh-rrawk
RATATOSK RAT-uh-tawsk
SAEHRIMNIR SAY-h’rrihm-neer
SAMIRAH AL-ABBAS Sah-MEER-ah ahl-AH-bahss
SESSRUMNIR SEHSS-rroom-neer
SIERSGRUNNR Sears-grroon-ner
SIF SEEV
SNORRI SNOH-rree
SNOTRA SNOH-trah
SUMARBRANDER SOO-marr-brrand-der
SURT SERT
THOR THORE
TIWAZ TEE-vahz
TYR TEER
URUZ OOR-oots
UTGARD-LOKI OOT-gahrrd-LOH-kee
VALHALLA Val-HAHL-uh
VALKNUT valk-NOOT
VALKYRIE VAL-kerr-ee
VANAHEIM VAN-uh-haym
VANIR Vah-NEER
VIGRIDR VEE-grree-der
YGGDRASIL IHG-drruh-sihl
DON’T MISS THE TRIALS OF APOLLO
SERIES, FEATURING ALL YOUR
FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM
THE HEROES OF OLYMPUS
HERE’S A SNEAK PEEK AT BOOK ONE. . . .
1
Hoodlums punch my face I would smite them if I could
Mortality blows
MY NAME IS APOLLO. I used to be a god.
In my four thousand six hundred and twelve years, I have done many things. I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy. I blessed Babe Ruth with three home runs in game four of the 1926 World Series. I visited my wrath upon Britney Spears at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.
But in all my immortal life, I never before crash-landed in a Dumpster.
I’m not even sure how it happened.
I simply woke up falling. Skyscrapers spiraled in and out of view. Flames streamed off my body. I tried to fly. I tried to change into a cloud or teleport across the world or do a hundred other things that should have been easy for me, but I just kept falling. I plunged into a narrow canyon between two buildings and BAM!