by Bella Andre
…or you got over it and kept holding on to hope.
Ari might not give up her dreams, but she would get over having them crushed.
Deep in the night, she’d hug her memories of their beautiful night close to her heart, the touches, the kisses. But during the day, she’d be totally practical and realistic. From here forward, she’d never forget that Matt was just her boss. Period. End of subject.
“Let’s go for a picnic,” she told her little charge. She wanted the warmth of the bright autumn sun. “We can pack sandwiches.” She glanced at Cookie. “If Cookie doesn’t mind us using her kitchen.” It would be good to have Noah do things for himself sometimes.
“Oh no. That is my job. I will make cheese and tomato sandwiches.” Cookie’s broad face lit with a smile. “I have a special basket to put my goodies in.”
It would be ungracious to refuse, so Ari smiled her thank-you and plucked Noah off the stool, swung him high, then down to the floor. His hand in hers, they headed out to the stairs so she could get her tennis shoes. But they were stopped by a roar outside. A semi was backing through the gates into the wide driveway, just as a red sports car buzzed around it and jammed to a stop.
Noah dropped her hand and ran to the entrance hall, stretching on his toes to pull down the handle and swing open the front door. “Mommy!” He hurtled down the steps like a careening freight train, Ari’s heart pounding its way up her throat to choke her.
Oh God, could there be a worse day to meet Matt’s ex?
Even at the best of times, Ari wouldn’t have been ready to compare herself to the bombshell who climbed ever so elegantly from the expensive, sporty car. But today of all days, when she was doing everything she could to rebuild her crushed heart…
The stunning woman scooped Noah into her embrace. He wrapped his legs around her waist as she cradled him lovingly against her hip and peppered his face with kisses. Her thick, dark hair was cut in a chic bob, her fashion-model figure draped with clothes Ari was sure had cost a year’s salary.
Ari didn’t want to be jealous. It was a totally wasted emotion when Matt wasn’t with this woman anymore—and when he didn’t want to be with Ari anyway. Plus, his ex seemed so in love with her little boy that it was honestly hard to find anything wrong with her.
The woman shaded her eyes from the sun. “Hello. Who are you? Another of Matt’s nannies?”
Noah clung to his mother, laughing, giggling, joyful. Ari’s chest squeezed tighter around her heart as she walked down the steps. “Yes, I’m Ari.” She made herself smile. “Noah’s new nanny.”
“You must have guessed I’m Irene, Noah’s mommy.” She tipped the boy’s face up and kissed his nose. “It’s been ages, and I’ve been out of the country.” Her voice dipped down into baby talk. “I just had to see my little man.”
“It’s so nice that you could stop by, but Matt’s not home—”
“Good, then my timing is impeccable.” Irene raised her brow in a perfect arch. “Matt always gets his shorts in a bunch when I bring my little boy a fabulous present.” She looked down at Noah. “Do you want to see what it is?”
“Yes!” Noah squirmed in her arms, and she set him down, taking his hand.
Irene flourished her other hand at the two men who had climbed down from the semi’s cab. “Open it up, boys,” she called.
At Irene’s command, they opened the back doors.
“What is it?” Noah strained to see inside.
“Wait and see,” Irene told Noah, her mouth curved in a satisfied smile, as if she’d bought the present just for the effect.
It shouldn’t have hurt to see his small hand in his mother’s elegant, manicured fingers. This was what Ari wanted for all children—parents who loved them even if those parents weren’t together. But this morning it reminded her of last night’s dreams. And this morning’s apology. Reminded her that she didn’t really matter.
Because she was just the nanny.
Chapter Eleven
The two men pulled out a ramp and used dollies to roll down a massive round thing with metal legs that looked like an enormous beetle. Moments later, Ari recognized the beetle as a trampoline—one that would stand at least five feet off the ground.
“Take it through the side yard to the playground,” Irene called. Noah ran after the men as they trundled the trampoline around the side of the house.
“Did you also order a mesh cage so Noah can’t bounce off?” Ari had glanced into the truck as she’d passed. It was empty.
“A cage?” Irene’s eyes were framed by thick lashes as she watched Noah, his body vibrating with eagerness as the men quickly set up the huge trampoline on the grass next to the sandbox. “You can’t cage a little boy. They have to run free. Do you put him on a leash when you go to the park?”
Ari didn’t dignify the question with a reply. Instead, she pointed out what any rational person would already have noticed. “That’s a long way for a five-year-old to fall.”
Irene tsked. “You’ll keep him safe when you’re up there with him. That’s what Matt pays you to do, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what Matt pays me to do. Which is why there’s no way I’m going to put Noah on a trampoline like that in the first place.” Matt might worry too much, but in this, he would be perfectly justified. “It’s too tall for him to even climb on.”
Irritation flashed in Irene’s big blue eyes. “There’s a rope ladder. Besides, you can boost him up.”
“No,” Ari said emphatically. “Not without netting.”
One of the men scrambled up and began jumping on the trampoline. Noah shouted in excitement. “Can I try, Mommy? Can I, can I?”
Before Irene could get out the word yes, Ari said, “No.”
“I’ll help him,” Irene insisted. Thankfully, though, she wasn’t exactly kicking off her heels and making a run for the trampoline.
“Not while I’m here.” Ari would stick to Noah like glue if that meant keeping him safe from his mother’s dangerous gift. “He could fall off before you had a chance to grab him.” Ari pointed a finger at the delivery man, then jerked her thumb back, gesturing for him to get down. He rolled off the side, his heavy work boots thudding on the ground.
“Party pooper,” Irene said. “You’re just like Matt. He took away the skateboard I gave Noah last year. And the kiddie parachute I bought him. The canopy was a huge Superman.”
“You gave Noah a real parachute?”
“Haven’t you ever jumped out of a plane? There were kids out there jumping, and they had the best time. Free-falling is one of the most amazing sensations ever.” She sighed like she’d just had an orgasm.
But Ari couldn’t imagine that free-falling had anything on making love with Matt.
Oh God, she couldn’t be thinking like that, especially not around Matt’s ex!
She turned her focus back to the issue at hand. “That’s crazy. Children shouldn’t be jumping out of airplanes.”
“Spoilsport.” Irene scrunched her nose. Even then she was stunning. “I can see you’re the perfect nanny for Matt, just as overprotective as he is. And here I thought he only hired you because you’re cute. Come on, if you’re so worried about Noah, we can both get on the trampoline with him.”
Working to ignore how insulting the word cute had sounded, as though Ari were nothing more than a new pet meant to entertain the family, she reiterated, “Not without a net.”
“I’m his mother.”
“And I’m his nanny, hired by his custodial parent.”
Irene sighed. “All right, Mary Poppins, you win.”
Ari hunkered down in front of Noah, who looked like his world had just ended. “It’s too big for you, honey. You could bounce off and land on your head.” She smoothed her fingers over the bandage on his forehead. Irene hadn’t even asked about it.
“But I wanna try,” he whined.
“Don’t you worry.” Irene swung him up in her arms and marched back to her car. “I thought your daddy
might be too much of a stick in the mud to let you have fun with the trampoline, so I brought you plenty of other prezzies.”
“Ma’am, you gotta sign.”
“Put it right back on the truck,” Ari said, ignoring the clipboard the man held out.
“No can do, ma’am. You gotta talk to the store about returns.”
“Then have her sign for it.” Ari nodded at Irene.
Ari had always assumed that having a loving parent meant everything would be okay. But for the first time she realized things were more complicated than that. Because while Irene clearly loved her son, that didn’t necessarily mean she was good for him. Not when she seemed to bring just as much recklessness and instability with her as she did adoration and love.
* * *
After they’d carried the seemingly endless number of boxes and bags into Noah’s playroom, Irene ordered coffee, which Cookie brought, accompanied by pretty bone china cups and coffee cake on matching flowered plates. Ari apologized to Cookie, saying they wouldn’t need the picnic lunch, and got a knowing smile in return, as if she was used to Irene’s unannounced visits. Noah wolfed down cake with a milk chaser, then dove on yet another present.
“No,” Ari said for what felt like the millionth time when he unearthed an array of firecrackers in a bag that read Catalonia. Talking with Irene was like saying no to a child over and over.
“But I got them in this marvelous town in Spain. They have a wonderful tradition—”
“I’m sorry, Noah,” Ari said. “Those are really dangerous.” Seeing that he was on the verge of a tantrum—heck, Ari felt like having a tantrum herself—she added, “Why don’t you build a giant’s castle out of the new Legos your mommy brought you?”
Thankfully, she was able to divert him before the explosion. But Irene wasn’t at all diverted from her purpose. “You really are a Mary Poppins, aren’t you? I didn’t mean Noah should set off the fireworks all by himself. You and Matt can help him. Before we had Noah, it’s just the sort of exciting thing Matt would have loved to do with me.”
Ari tried to ignore the implication about all the other exciting things Matt had loved to do with Irene. And really, no matter what she thought of the woman—or how much her heart clenched inside her chest—she couldn’t pretend his ex wasn’t stunningly beautiful. What man wouldn’t want to do exciting things with Irene? And for more than just one stolen night…
“If we’d ever gotten married,” Irene continued, “I would have made sure we had the most incredible fireworks show.”
“You two were never married?” Ari couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.
Irene flapped her hand. “God forbid. Matt’s adorable and”—she fluttered her eyelashes—“we’re still such good friends.” She winked as if to make it perfectly clear just how deep that friendship still ran. “Even with the baby coming along, I wasn’t ready for marriage. But I thought having a baby would be such fun.” She widened her eyes dramatically. “I just didn’t realize they were so much work. And I got so bloated and ugly.” She grimaced. “I couldn’t do anything fun anymore.” Then she smiled brightly. “The baby shower was a blast, though. Even if all the presents were for the baby.” She planted her hand on her chest. “I’m an absolutely terrible mother. Matt’s so much better at the whole parenting thing.” She waved with a flourish.
Ari had the uncharitable thought that the gesture was just like the Wicked Witch. But Irene wasn’t really wicked. She was just…careless and thoughtless. After spending less than sixty minutes with her, it was obvious that having fun was more important to her than actually raising a child.
Ari’s mother had had nothing and Irene had everything, but still Ari saw the similarities: Fun was the most important thing to Irene, just as the next fix had been more important to Ari’s mom than keeping food in the fridge or taking care of her kids.
“It’s so much better for Noah this way, don’t you think?” Irene looked at Ari as if she expected her to actually agree that leaving her child was a good thing.
“Mommy, come help me.”
Noah already knew how to build the blocks on his own. He had his father’s inventive spirit, and he could follow the instructions. But he obviously wanted his mother’s attention.
And Irene was good at giving a few moments of bright and cheerful attention, even if she was as terrible at being a full-time mother as she said. She lay on her stomach on the floor beside him, propped her elbows, and began sorting through bits and pieces, reading instructions, and making Noah the center of her world. He soaked up all that love, laughing, playing, enjoying.
“We went to the zoo last week,” Noah told her, recounting all the animals they’d seen in Oakland.
“That sounds like such fun.” The tiny frown creasing Irene’s forehead made Ari think she was a little jealous that her son had had fun with someone else. “In fact, let’s go to the zoo in San Francisco this afternoon just as soon as we’re done building your new castle. They have the most marvelous gorillas there. Ari, could you please arrange that for us?”
Ari nodded, texting Doreen to ask her to please have the car ready in the next hour or so for a trip to the San Francisco Zoo. Noah and his mother talked about everything Noah had done with Ari in the past week, and Irene made plans for all the things they would do not only this afternoon at the zoo, but also the next time she visited, which she assured him would be in a couple of weeks.
Matt should have told her Noah’s mother stopped by every two weeks. Warned her, anyway. But maybe if Irene was a little jealous of the fun things Noah had done with Ari, she might come around more often.
In any case, Ari knew she needed to stop judging Irene. Yes, there were some obvious lapses in her judgment. And she could be a bit condescending with “the help,” as Ari and Cookie so clearly were to her. But at the same time, she was very sweet with Noah, listening to his chatter as though it had the potential to rearrange mountains or bring world peace, while she handed him pieces and praised him for the absolutely amazing, fantabulous job he was doing. Ari’s heart lit up seeing the glow on Noah’s face, the joy brimming in his eyes and bubbling over in his voice.
A cell phone rang from deep within Irene’s ginormous, expensive leather purse. “Can you toss me my phone?”
After witnessing Noah’s joy, Ari barely even resented being cast as Irene’s personal assistant. She rummaged down into the expensive bag, searching for the phone’s lighted dial and the source of the old Blondie song Call Me, then handed it over to Irene.
“Angela, honey, talk to me. It’s been ages.” Propped on her elbows, the phone to her ear, Irene crossed her legs at the ankles, swinging them back and forth, flashing the red soles of her shiny black high heels while Noah plugged away at the giant’s castle. Some of his glimmer died as he lost her focused attention.
“Yes, I’m in California, so of course you should count me in. I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Irene flipped her wrist to look at her watch. “I have to pack and shower and make myself gorgeous, but I can do it.” She listened, nodding. “Send your driver. I have no desire to manage the drive to SFO on my own. You’re a doll. Smooches.” Hanging up, she flopped over on the carpet, then rolled into a cross-legged position. “You are not going to believe this.” She waited until she had both Ari’s and Noah’s complete attention. “Angela got an invite to a private fashion extravaganza with three of the top designers. In Paris. This will be epic.” She clapped her hands. “We’re taking her daddy’s personal jet.” She patted Noah’s cheek. “I have to run, sweetie. But we’ll do all those fun things we talked about when I get back. Promise.” She leaned in, offering him her cheek. “Give Mommy a smooch.”
“But I want you to see the castle.” His lower lip trembled, and Ari saw tears glimmering. “And we were going to the zoo.”
“Oh honey-bunny, I wish I could, but I’ve got to pack and shower. So many things to do before Paris.” As if she’d only just noticed her son’s impending tears, she cupped his chi
n. “I’d take you with me, but you know your daddy would hate that.”
Ari’s hackles rose like a mama bear protecting her young. Irene had given Noah exactly an hour and a half. Ninety minutes of love and attention before the timer dinged. But getting into a battle in front of Noah would make things worse.
Irene rolled to her feet, smoothed her designer outfit, then held out her hand to Noah. “Walk me to my car so you can give your mommy a big good-bye kiss.”
Ari could see how much self-control it took the five-year-old boy to blink back his tears before he scrambled to his feet and took his mother’s hand. Outside, Irene hauled him up in her arms and covered his face with more kisses, while Noah threw his arms around her neck, hugging tightly as though he’d never let go.
After less than sixty seconds—Ari couldn’t help but count silently in her head—Irene pried him off. “Run to your nanny. She’ll help you finish building your toy.”
He stood staring at his mother for a long moment before finally trudging back to Ari’s side. For the first time, he didn’t reach for her hand, and when she bent down to take his, it was limp.
Irene climbed into the car, blowing kisses. “I’ll be back soon. We’ll do the zoo. Promise. Love you. ’Bye!”
Ari remembered the trampoline too late, and before she could remind Irene to have the store pick it up, Matt’s ex was gone with a squeal of tires as the sporty red car roared through the front gates, like a hurricane blowing through and leaving its wreckage behind.
“It’s not too late,” she told Noah. “We still have time for that picnic Cookie was going to make us.”
“I don’t want to go,” he grumbled, his mouth in a frown as he stared down the empty drive.
“Okay. Then why don’t we finish the castle so your dad can see it when he gets home?”
“I hate the castle.” He scuffed his shoe on the drive. “Why wouldn’t Daddy let me go if Mommy wanted me to?”
There was no way Ari could explain to the little boy that Irene would never take him on a trip like that, because no matter how well behaved he was, he would get in the way of her fun. Ari was beyond fumed that Irene had the nerve to blame it on Matt.