He’d felt guilty about that ever since.
Mike remembered the look on Lisa’s mother’s face when he told her, after having a long heart-to-heart talk with the doctors, that Lisa would not only be permanently paralyzed but that she would be an invalid for the rest of her life. The damage to the brain had been irreversible. Semi-comatose, while she could breathe and eat on her own, her vocal and motor skills were gone. She would never walk, laugh, cry, or love again.
Without knowing what he was doing, Mike walked up to Lisa and stroked her hair softly. She slept, oblivious to him standing over her. Before the attack she’d been a beautiful woman in every way; vivacious, filled with laughter and wit, charming, fun-loving. She’d taken the news of her pregnancy with happiness; she’d been looking forward to being a mother.
But now that was all gone, shattered by a viscous crime.
“What time will you be back tomorrow?” Karen called from the kitchen.
“Before twelve,” Mike said. He wiped a solitary tear from his cheek and stepped away from Lisa.
“Will you need me after you get back?”
“No. In fact, I’ll be looking forward to spending the rest of the weekend with Lisa.”
“Good.”
Five minutes later the doorbell rang. It was Lisa’s parents, arriving to take their granddaughter for the night. His mother-in-law, June, gave Mike a questioning look as she greeted him, as if she wanted to give him the third degree about his strange request, but then wisely decided not to. Bob, his father-in-law, gave Mike a friendly nod and headed to the kitchen at the sound of Angie’s squeal of “Grandpa!” Mike handed over Angie’s overnight bag to June, which Karen had packed before they got home. They made small talk while Angie finished her supper, then Bob and Karen packed her up for the trip to their home. Before they left he gave Angie a kiss and a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby girl. You be good now.”
“I will, Daddy.”
Lisa’s folks left and Mike went to his bedroom and gathered his things. He donned his jacket and headed into the living room. He’d told Karen and his in-laws that he was going to a co-worker’s house to discuss the next marketing move at DBH, the company Braun and Edwards was consulting for. If their scheme paid off, it would be big bonuses for the both of them. They planned on burning the midnight oil and working to the early hours of the morning. He had his cell phone with him in case Karen or his in-laws needed to get in touch with him. “See you tomorrow morning, Karen,” he said, pausing at the doorway. “And thanks.”
“No problem, Mike,” Karen said, seeing him to the door. “You two have fun.”
You two have fun. The sentiment echoed in his mind as he walked to the parking garage and got in his car. It sounded like something that would be said by a babysitter to he and Lisa as they went out for the first time in the almost three years since since Angie was born
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.
MIKE SAT IN a corner booth in the hotel lounge, nursing an Absolute on the rocks. It was smoky and dark; Natalie Cole crooned in the background, singing with the ghost of her father. The lounge was partially filled, people lined up at the bar, couples huddled in booths. Mike traced the rings of his glass on the table and tried to quell the quickness of his beating heart.
He’d changed into a clean suit as soon as he checked into his room, a two-room suite on the tenth floor of the Marriott in Long Beach. He’d also left a bottle of champagne chilling on the rocks. He’d wisely left the bedsheets the way they were instead of turning them back. For all he knew, what he intended on doing tonight might not even happen.
He’d been thinking about Lisa almost non-stop since leaving the house. Part of him felt a twinge of guilt for even considering what he was planning on doing tonight. But then another part of him said it doesn’t matter anymore, Mike. The Lisa you knew and loved is gone and is never coming back.
Never.
In a way, she was as good as dead.
It hurt Mike deeply to think that, but he knew it was the truth. He’d seen the damage, and despite everything the doctors could do they were all unanimous in their diagnosis that Lisa would be a vegetable for the rest of her natural life. Thank God for their medical insurance and the settlement they received from the mall where the attack occurred. If it wasn’t for that, they’d be destitute.
That didn’t change things, though.
Three years of living like this, with nobody to talk to the way he and Lisa had talked, nobody to confide in the way he’d confided to Lisa, and nobody to be physically intimate with, Mike realized that he was growing stir crazy lonely.
He needed some companionship.
Emotional companionship.
Physical companionship.
He’d spent the past two months researching his options. He’d tried internet chat rooms, but most of the people that logged in to them were lying about something: their age, their gender, their physical description. He thought briefly about employing the services of an escort, but decided against it. The money they charged wasn’t the problem; he didn’t have the time to arrange a rendezvous with an escort. Plus, paying for sex and companionship was something that went against his ethics.
The World Wide Web had still been able to provide what he was looking for. He did his web surfing at work in the privacy of his cubicle. He was lucky enough to have his monitor turned away from the cubicle door so he could easily click on a spreadsheet when somebody came in to engage in work-related banter. It was at work where he’d done his research and come up with the solution.
The solution had been www.casualpartners.com.
Unlike other internet dating services, casual partners.com didn’t charge a fee. All one had to do was e-mail them to a secure email address that was routed to the person you were interested in meeting. Mike had scanned through the personals and gone through dozens of profiles and photos. Many of the women advertising were provocative and alluring, but he was looking for something special. Someone who would be sensitive to his needs, who would be willing to forsake companionship and friendship first for unadulterated lust. To wit: he was seeking somebody to satisfy his sexual needs.
He thought he found it in a woman named Barbara Franklin. Her profile described her as a thirty-year-old professional woman who enjoyed movies, concerts, amusement parks, traveling, and shopping. She wasn’t looking for a permanent relationship; she was simply looking for a good time with no strings attached.
Which was exactly what he was looking for.
The photo he saw on the site depicted the woman who was now walking into the hotel lounge.
Five-foot five, slim figure accented by firm breasts and long, shapely legs. She was dressed in a white cocktail dress that showed a lot of leg and fit her figure snugly. Her hair was blonde and fell about her shoulders in a curly disarray. Her sea blue eyes scanned the room, twinkling in anticipation, and she smiled in delight when she spied him in the corner booth. She started heading toward the back of the lounge. The few lone businessmen seated at the bar turned their heads to watch her walk past.
She approached the table. She looked better in person than in her picture. “Mike Peterson?”
Mike smiled. “Barbara.”
They clasped hands, as if unsure how to appropriately greet each other. Mike detected a shyness in her that mirrored his own feelings. He gestured toward the seat opposite his and she slid into it, never once taking her eyes off him.
WHEN THEY ENTERED his room an hour and a half later they were both a little tipsy and were laughing as if they’d known each other for years. Mike locked the door and escorted Barbara into his suite. “How about some Champagne?”
“I’d love some,” Barbara said.
They’d both been shy at first and started off talking about the internet service that brought them together. Mike broke the ice first by confessing this was something he’d never done before and she laughed, as if releasing a tremendous weight of relief, and voiced similar sentiments. Mike smiled at
her, feeling better about the arrangement, and they’d spent the next thirty minutes getting better acquainted. He told her everything about himself except his marital status and his daughter. As far as he knew, she told him the same.
In addition to what he’d learned through her profiles and e-mails, Barbara Franklin was single, had never been married, and she worked long hours as a consultant for MacKenzie. She’d attended Boston University and received her MBA from Pepperdine. When she took vacations she preferred exotic locales like the Caribbean or Hawaii. She rarely dated; when she did, it was usually brief. “My work schedule is of the kind that most guys get tired of me after a month or so anyway,” she said. “One guy dumped me during a date. We’d gone to the Playboy Jazz festival at the Hollywood Bowl. We’d only been going out for six months and had only been on five dates.”
Mike nodded. He knew very well what she was talking about.
“Now I’m only interested in one thing when it comes to dating,” she told him over cocktails, “and that’s sex.” She smiled shyly, as if bashful to confide in such intimate details about her life. “It’s still my number one reason for going with a guy because I really don’t have much time to devote to a steady relationship. But now what I’m really interested in is a more monogamous sexual partner. I still don’t have the time to commit to a...well, a real relationship...but it would be nice to be able to have a guy who I can come to for sex over and over again without feeling that he needs to marry me or something. You know what I mean?”
Mike did know what she was saying, and it was precisely the type of relationship he was looking for. He was excited at hearing Barbara say this; he had the feeling this was what she was looking for, and she only confirmed his feelings. If he had a monogamous sex partner that he could go to for sex, he wouldn’t have to worry about his frustrations anymore. He could stay married to Lisa, hoping against all odds that she would eventually come out of her vegetative state and things would eventually return to normal between them.
They talked some more, had a few more drinks, and then before he knew it they were in his suite.
As Mike poured them some Champagne he reflected on their initial fumbling at getting to know each other downstairs in the lounge. He liked Barbara very much, but there was something about her that he couldn’t put his finger on. It felt that she was holding something back, as if she were afraid to reveal any more than she’d revealed to him. It was certainly something he could understand all too well; he didn’t feel quite sure about telling her everything about himself either. Why should he when they were both after the same thing?
He handed her a glass of Champagne. She took it and raised the glass, her eyes holding his with a sparkle. “How about a toast? To a promising beginning.”
Mike clinked his glass with hers and drank, never taking his eyes off hers.
He poured them both more champagne.
“Do you want to have a seat?” he asked, trying hard not to stammer. He motioned toward the couch in the living room area of the suite. She smiled, nodded, and he led her to the couch, champagne glasses in hand. She sat close to him, leaning forward, skirt riding up her thighs. They talked a little more, sipping champagne, not taking their eyes off each other.
The pressure built.
Before he even knew what was going on, she was in his arms. At some point they must have finished the champagne and placed their respective glasses down somewhere, because both his hands were free and holding her close to him as he kissed her. He could feel her hands roaming up and down his back, across his chest, as they kissed. It was a tender moment, both awkward and exhilarating at the same time. He trembled as he realized what he was getting himself into. He was just about to stop, to tell her that maybe he wasn’t really ready for this, when she stood up and took his hand. She motioned toward the darkened rear bedroom.
He followed her.
They stood facing each other for a moment, his arms around her waist, hers around his neck, gazing into each other, pausing every so often for a soft kiss. Then they began to undress each other.
Fully nude, they came together in bed.
“You’re trembling,” Barbara murmured.
“I’m a little nervous, that’s all,” Mike said, trying so hard not to be.
Barbara smiled. “I am too, baby. It’s okay...”
They came together then, exploring each other with their mouths, lips, and tongues. For a moment Lisa rose in his mind and her features briefly replaced those of the woman in the bed with him. Lisa, I miss you so much, he thought, feeling a slight sense of guilt.
Their foreplay was long and tantalizing. It developed slowly, languorously, and it was evolving into a more physical nature quite beautifully. Mike let himself go with the flow, letting the sensations of her lips on his carry him to new sensations. Before he knew it they were making love and then suddenly they weren’t. Barbara pushed him away. “No, Mike, please....not now.”
For a minute he didn’t know what she was saying, he was so lost in his own feelings and sensations, but when she began to push him away he blinked. He looked down at her, surprised to see her crying. “Please Mike, I just can’t!”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he said. She cried and turned her face away from his. “What’s the matter?”
For a minute she didn’t answer him. His erection wilted as soon as he began thinking about what he could have done to have created such a reaction out of her. He was just about to ask what was wrong again when she turned to him, a completely different look on her face than the one he’d met just under three hours ago. “Oh, Mike, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. He felt an overwhelming need now to take care of her, to hold her and comfort her
(if only he’d been there)
and be a patient listener. He barely knew her, but he felt that they were strangely connected. “What’s wrong, hon?”
She took a deep breath, paused as if contemplating what she was going to say, then let it all out. “Almost everything that I told you tonight was a lie,” she said.
He let that sink in, his mind racing to track what she’d just said. “Okay,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it, or what?”
She nodded, sniffling. “I’ve never been out on a lot of one night stands. I know I told you that that’s what I’m really into. But I lied. In fact, this is my first time out on a date from the computer service we met on. I didn’t lie about that.”
Mike was listening, and he encouraged her to go on.
“The part I told you about being single,” Barbara began, looking up at him with a look of shame. “That was a lie. I’m married to another consultant from MacKenzie. We never see each other. He refuses to compromise his career for our marriage, and I’ve been coping with the thought that our marriage is dying, that it’s doomed, but I can’t see any other way to stop it. I’ve suggested counseling, taking more time off from work–he won’t have any of it. He loves the goddamn salary he makes more than he loves me.”
She began to sob quietly.
Mike sat beside her, stunned. The paternal part of him that wanted to take care of her reached out and lightly touched her arm. “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay, honey.”
She was crying openly now, the tears running down her cheeks, streaking her mascara. “No, it’s not okay. I am so sorry for leading you on like this.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I just wanted somebody....that would understand me. I just wanted somebody to hold, and...to be with.” She looked at him through tear-stained eyes. “Do you understand?”
Mike nodded, feeling a rise of emotion well up in him. “Yes,” he said. He knew exactly what she meant. The image of Lisa’s comatose figure sitting in her wheelchair, came to him again. He was lonely, too, and had just wanted the physical comfort of another human being. He wanted the soft touch of a woman.
Mike took a deep breath and let it out. Then he told her.
Everything.
/> He told her that she shouldn’t cry for misleading him because he was just as guilty as she was. He, too, was lonely, and just wanted somebody to hold and love, even if just for one night. He told her he was married, that he had a little girl. He told her about that fateful night three years ago that had turned Lisa into an invalid. He told her about the three years of hoping for a miracle, of raising their daughter alone, of the long hours put in at the job to escape the pain of going home. He told her about the doctors’ prognosis on Lisa’s recovery, and how she was just never going to get any better. He told her that if he hadn’t been working so goddamned much that maybe this wouldn’t have happened, that maybe he would have been with her that night, that his very presence might have deterred the vermin from doing what they’d done to her. And through it all Barbara listened, the cries having trickled down to sniffles.
When he finished he tried to offer her a smile. “I guess we both weren’t very honest with each other, were we?”
Barbara looked at him for a moment, then down at her hands, which she’d crossed in her lap during his confession. She cast a look of sorrow and loss up at him. “I’m so sorry, Mike.”
“For what?”
“For what happened to you. For your pain.”
“I’m sorry for you, too,” he murmured.
They came together again, but this time it was to seek comfort. She snuggled against him, his arms encircling around her, her head resting against his chest. They lay there in the dark silence of the bedroom. Outside, the Los Angeles sky was unusually star-filled, the sounds of the street below barely filtering up to their tenth floor retreat. Mike lay back in bed, holding Barbara to him, stroking her hair gently with his left hand, wondering how long it would take for the void to be filled.
“Maybe what happened tonight is a good thing,” Barbara suddenly said.
“Of course it is,” Mike said, not really thinking about his answer, just wanting to give some sort of positive response. The way he was seeing it now, they’d both walked into emotional disasters.
When the Darkness Falls Page 19