He smirked at me widely as he stalked up to me, right in front of Jax, snaked his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my mouth to his.
I pulled back but he held me tighter and I struggled as I tried to push him off. “Don’t do this Sed” I warned against his mouth.
I had never seen Sed’s fighting skills but I knew without a doubt that he was no match against Jax, especially an angry Jax.
“You ready for me baby?” he smiled at me sinfully as Jax came hurtling across the room and before I could stop it, Jax had thrown Sed against the wall and had punched him with force.
“JAX!” I screamed and grabbed his arm before he could land another.
Sed smirked and pulled himself off the ground. “Well, well, well. If it aint Jax Cooper. Although I doubt Helen will be pleased you’re guarding another bitch when you’re marrying her in three months!”
Did you hear that? Because I was certain I had misunderstood what he just said?
Jax’s jaw clenched tightly and I just stared at the small twitch in his cheek as my world crashed to the floor around me.
He turned to look at me and I could tell from the painful expression on his face that Sed wasn’t lying. “Jax?...” I choked out.
He closed his eyes in distress and lifted his hand to me but I stumbled back. Luckily Boss was behind me and lifted me into his arms, before I landed on my ass and made an even bigger fool of myself.
“I need to get out of here Boss” I swallowed heavily. “No problem hot stuff” he whispered in my ear as he swept us out of the room and straight out of the building, into a waiting car.
He garbled an address to the driver, but in my mind fuck, I didn’t hear where.
We were both silent and I just stared out of the window, people watching, as I refused to acknowledge the echo of Sed’s words in my head.
How the hell had I missed it? He had even asked me to move out there with him. Did he think I would be the other woman? The woman who sat at home all day waiting to see if her married lover turned up that day?
I didn’t even realise we were in a hotel suite until Boss passed me a glass containing a wedge of whisky.
“What the hell just happened Boss?” I whispered in shock.
“It’s not what it looks like E. You’ve gotta give him chance to explain.” I snorted loudly “Like hell Boss!”
I swiped frantically at the stray tear that rolled down my cheek and shrugged. “Hey, it doesn’t matter anyway. He goes back Monday and that’s the end of us anyway.”
Who the hell was I kidding?
The glass slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor, along with my heart, and I quickly followed it as uncontrollable shudders racked my body.
“Shit baby” Boss hissed as he picked me up out of the glass, and placed me on the sofa.
He crouched in front of me and took my hand “E. Please, just let him explain.”
“He should have explained before I slept with him Boss. He always knew I wasn’t one of those girls that fucked unavailable men. Hell, he told me he loved me. I mean…fuck!”
My phone was going wild and I knew it would be either Brent or Leah and I suddenly realised I’d walked out on a charity event. “Shit Boss. I have to get back.”
He nodded as I answered my phone. “Don’t Leah, just don’t. I’m on my way back. Sort it around me. I’ll be thirty minutes.” I ended the call before she could blast my hair off with her screech.
“You sure E?” Boss asked as he huddled me through the door and back into the car.
It was like I was on a piece of elastic and I felt dizzy. “It’s charity boss. I won’t let them down. My own concert, yeah, but not these guys.”
He sighed and paused before he regarded me with narrow eyes. “You ever think about yourself hot stuff?”
I frowned at him and then thought about what I did for myself.
Nothing! Okay, this was news and quite bitter news at that.
“I…well…I…” I sighed heavily then shrugged in resignation and Boss sucked air through his teeth. “Baby. You’re gonna have to slow it down before you drop, cos’ you will E, fucking hard.”
Pursing my lips I looked at him guiltily “It helps.”
He frowned at me and cocked his head. “It helps what?”
“Forget…” I turned away, embarrassed by my admission but Boss grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.
His eyes bore into me and I’m sure he could read my soul. “It helps you forget Jax” He stated honestly.
I just nodded; it didn’t need any words for him to understand.
“Shit E. Has it been that bad?”
I shrugged and blushed furiously. I was mad at myself without Boss been mad at me too.
“I tried Boss, honestly I did, but I just couldn’t…it’s like he’s welded to the depths of my heart and as much as I try to rip him out, he sticks hard” I revealed, completely disgusted with my lack of restraint where Jax was concerned.
He nodded with a sad smile as we exited the car and fought through security to get back in. We were huddled immediately back stage and I didn’t see Jax as I was trolleyed through the different parts of the building en-route to the stage.
It was the worst performance of my life but luckily the audience hadn’t picked up on my mood and had still enjoyed the songs, but next came the big test…Sed!
I stormed into his dressing room, the door bashing against the wall as I flung myself at him and punched him hard in the chin. “You fucking twat!” I raged.
He reared back at the sight of my fury and his security guys had their hands around my arms before I could lay another one on him.
“What the Fuck E?” he snarled as he rubbed at the sore spot on his chin. “I was just letting you know who you were fucking baby.”
I scoffed and shook my head in disgust “Well it certainly isn’t you. We do this performance Sed, and then it’s strictly video only performances from now on.”
I didn’t give him chance to answer as I turned and stomped to my own dressing room.
I groaned inwardly when I was met with a room full of people wanting to tweak every inch of me.
My hair was pulled in every direction; my face was painted to within an inch of its life. I was adorned in sexy clothes and many exquisite pieces of jewellery. My feet were squeezed into five inch heels, but no-one actually bothered to look at me…not even just a quick look to see the me underneath it all.
If they had, they would have seen me dying a slow, torturous death. A death that I would never be resurrected from, as my heart finally stopped beating and my soul once and for all, left for bluer skies.
The loneliness was back and the urge for the whip came with it.
CHAPTER 49
Sed was professional throughout our act and no-one would ever tell we had argued, never mind that I had just clocked him one.
As soon as we finished and we were escorted off the stage, my fingers were dialling the now unfamiliar number.
“William, Eve Hudson. You got anybody in for me tonight?” I asked as I closed my eyes in hunger whilst my hands shook and my pulse rate quickened.
“Eve. You sure about this?” William asked with concern. “Just a quick session William. I promise I won’t go too far.”
He sighed heavily but conceded “Sure. Joel’s in tonight.”
I thanked him, then ended the call before I dialled a taxi and sneaked my way out of the building via the backdoor.
Everybody would be expecting me back in the dressing room to change so I didn’t have long and I sighed in relief when I saw the taxi already waiting for me.
I clambered in the back and gave the address just as Jax exited the shadows and as though he realised what I was doing he made a sprint for me.
“Move, quickly!” I shouted at the driver.
He was a damn good driver! He squealed out of the alleyway and had rounded the corner before Jax had got within reach of us.
“Thank you” I breathed and the driver bobbed hi
s head. “No worries love” he frowned then his face brightened as it dawned on him who I was.
I smiled timidly and cursed myself when I realised I’d given him my destination.
“Look, I’ll make it worth your while if you keep this our secret.” I tried optimistically.
He grinned at me “Sure love.”
I placed a hundred in his palm as I exited and kept my fingers crossed that my face wouldn’t be splattered all over the newspapers tomorrow morning entering a sex club.
The Black Panther was heaving when I stepped into the bar area and I smiled widely when William approached me. He hugged me tight and held me back to inspect me but his face saddened “E, you’ve done so well sweetheart.”
I nodded and bit my lower lip “Just having a bad day William.”
He nodded in understanding before he led me up to one of the rooms. William always closed off the area for me due to my status, not risking photos from other clients making their way online. I always paid William heftily for his consideration and he only ever got his most loyal employees to deal with me.
My whole body trembled in anticipation as my veins itched ferociously and my brain ached. I bit down against the tremor that racked my bones and William glanced at me with unease “Don’t let it take you E. Just let it ease it, I’ve already warned Joel not to go too far” he said gently.
I knew he didn’t mean his words offensively; he was just looking out for me after what had happened before at his other club in Leeds.
I blew out a breath as I entered the room and my heart ached at my failure. Joel smiled widely at me “Hey E.”
I nodded but didn’t speak as I pulled my leather Basque off and William rubbed my shoulder tenderly. “Don’t forget what I said Joel” he said before he closed the door behind him.
Joel gestured to the wooden frame with his chin and suddenly I couldn’t make the journey across the room but when the jolt hit my brain, I found myself stumbling across to the structure eagerly.
I raised my hands and Joel strapped my wrists in and tied my hair back for me then placed the bunch over my shoulder so it was out of his way.
My breathing stuttered and my brow beaded with sweat as my body screamed out for him to hurry the hell up, but there was still something in my heart that was shouting at me to stop.
I took a deep breath and tried to ride the uncertainty. “The Bull or the Quirt E?” Joel asked from behind me.
Pulling in a huge breath, I answered him. “The Quirt.”
***
I hid myself away all of Sunday, refusing to acknowledge the constant ring of my phone or the relentless battering of the front door.
Eventually I turned off my phone and closed the curtains then watched old black and white movies, as I ate pizza and ice-cream all day.
After the stream of Jax offensive died down, I frowned when after a few hours of peace, I heard a key in the front door.
Clambering off the sofa hoping Jax hadn’t magically cut a key, I was relieved to find Bruce come hobbling round the corner.
The sight of his bandaged head brought forward my tears and I dropped to the floor to hug my poor broken boy.
Aaron followed him in with a stern expression and I gasped when he gripped my arms and yanked me upright.
His hands grabbed the back of my vest and he spun me around before bunching it up. “What the…” he puffed and I turned and slapped at him.
“What the hell are you doing?” I snapped but he continued to look confused. “Jax rang me and said you’d gone to the bloody club and he couldn’t get to you on time.” He divulged and I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Jax has no fucking right to phone you. Him and me are done, so what I do has nothing to do with him” I barked.
“But…but, there’s nothing there E” Aaron said in astonishment.
How bloody dare they!
“I didn’t do it, that’s why!” I shouted at him. He reared back in stunned silence at first, then his lips curled into a huge grin and I couldn’t hold back my own smile at the sight of it.
“Fuck me! Fucking proud of you E” he choked on a sob as he huddled me up tightly.
I gave in and embraced him back. “Don’t ask what stopped me. It was just something there inside me that said ‘No’…so I listened to it for a change.” I smiled at his happy relieved face before I turned my attention back to my boy.
“Sing to me Brucey baby” I beamed at him and he dove straight into song for me. I scrunched up my nose at him, and Aaron and I joined him, happily blasting out Trains ‘Bruises’ as I fed him treats.
“You gonna say goodbye before he goes E?” Aaron asked when we settled down with a coffee and I shook my head. “Nope. Too much pain Aaron. I can’t…I…”
His hand settled over mine and he nodded “I know but maybe you should hear him out…”
I shook my head “It could be for a chuffing visa for all it matters Aaron, it’s the fact that he’s been home over a week, he’s shared my bed and my body, and he still didn’t think it important to tell me.”
He turned to look through the window at Bruce digging up my gladiola and I snarled but left him to it. That boy could have a gold plated biscuit for all I cared…he was alive and home and that was all that mattered.
“I just don’t want to see you hurt like last time E” he swallowed as if in pain and I clasped his hand “I have to get on with it Aaron. Like my tat says ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’ and I intend to fucking run to get through it.”
Aaron regarded me sceptically “But the faster you run the harder you fall E.”
***
Monday morning came and went and I filled it with as much distracting things as I could. I bathed Bruce which was always fun, then I cleared out my wardrobe and the cupboard under the stairs, which wasn’t fun. Then I baked some muffins, much to Bruce’s disgust when I tried to force on one him and before long the time had passed and his plane had flown.
Then I sat and cried, hating myself for missing the opportunity to say goodbye once and for all.
Monday afternoon saw me in the studio interviewing new drummers and most were impressive but none were Boss. We eventually picked out a guy called Kirk, whom we nicknamed Blade because he had a thing about knives.
Don’t ask!
Monday night saw me sobbing into my pillow with a concerned Bruce whimpering beside me as I wept until I was sick.
I relented and pulled on Jax’s old G N’ R t-shirt from years ago. I had never parted with it and had refused to take it off my back for about three weeks the last time he left.
He continued to phone and text for the rest of the week but I never answered or read any and after a couple of weeks I was flagging.
The boy’s grew concerned at my gaunt appearance and my mood swings and the following Monday they called a meeting.
They all eyed me with both concern and anger as I entered the room and plonked myself wearily into a chair.
“Gotta sort this out now E” Hunter spoke first and the others just stared at me.
“I’m fine” I barked back and Angel scoffed loudly. “Have you seen the state of yourself E? You’re fucking dropping as you stand and you’re breaking us with you.”
I bit my lip and looked away from them. “E. We love you girl and this isn’t working. You are brewing one hell of a storm and I don’t wanna drown under you” Hunter added and I flung myself upright.
“Then buy a fucking umbrella” I hissed as I attempted to leave the room but Leah grinned mischievously as she waggled the key at me when I pulled at the door.
“Just let me out Leah” I demanded but she shook her head slowly.
The large screen on the wall flickered to life and Brent’s face appeared before us. “Sit the fuck down E” he snarled at me and I narrowed my eyes at my manager, forgetting that he could see me as much as I could see him.
I huffed and sat, digging my nails into the palm of my hand to control my temper.
“You
’re dragging E and we need to sort it out now. I wanna know what you want?” he asked openly and I shrugged.
“Nothing Brent, there is nothing you can give me what I want, believe me.”
Brent pursed his lips and nodded slowly. “So Red Music wouldn’t have what you want either?” he smirked and my eyes flicked up to his.
“What…” I breathed out with a puff.
Angel smiled and nodded. “It’s ours if you wanna do it E.”
I looked from guy to guy to Leah and they all smiled and nodded. “America is ours E but do you want it?”
My heart soared but my brain sent a warning to my mind.
He was getting married, would he still want me? Would I be able to settle over there? It was a complete different way of life.
“E” Brent said and I looked up at him “You never fail until you stop trying” he smiled as he recited the tattoo that ran across the nape of my neck.
CHAPTER 50
Bruce licked my face as I sat on the mound in the park and threw his stick for him again. He bounded down the hill after it, then I knew I had lost him when his girlfriend, a red setter by the name of ruby, came flirting up to him.
He was a typical boy; his tongue hung out of his mouth eagerly as his nose attached to her ass and the motion reminded me of Jax.
Amanda, Ruby’s owner, came and sat beside me. “Morning E” she smiled sweetly and I beamed back at her, and then cringed in horror when Bruce decided he wanted more than friendship with Ruby.
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