by A. E. Murphy
I keep my eyes focused on his cheekbone, scared to look into his eyes for fear of losing myself again. They say one can see a person’s soul in their eyes but I was a sceptic, until now.
“I’ll escort you out,” he adds, speaking only to me.
I raise my chin, as I had when I entered the room, and begin walking with Kai and Dane, who are clearly brimming with excitement but don’t want to show it until Mr Lockhart is out of earshot. My footsteps carry me forward and they want to kick at the ground and start running when my body begins absorbing a force of heat from behind.
He’s very close to me. Too close. If I swing my arm back, I have no doubt my hand will touch his groin.
This is what he wants, I can tell. I hate how much it excites me. I loathe myself for it.
This isn’t why I’m here. I should be focusing on the band; they deserve this. They - we even - worked hard for this result, and with me coming out of hiding, who knows what doors it could open for them. Maybe nobody will care about the child prodigy who dropped off the face of the earth, maybe they will. It’s still worth discovering.
I tell myself to focus, still moving forward.
Dane clicks the button for the elevator and both he and Kai glance my way. They notice how close Mr Lockhart is to my back and neither of them are sure what to do about it. It’s clear to see on their faces as they look around for a possible solution but come up with none.
I’m feeling slightly freaked out, at the same time as being flattered. It’s odd, the way I feel about the situation. If this was a guy in a bar with a beer gut and food in his beard, I’d instantly think sleaze ball. And even though the situations may be the same, it’s shocking that in just the way a man holds himself, he can invoke so many different feelings and emotions.
I’m not getting the creepy vibe from him… well, not too much. Mostly I’m just unnerved at the situation and his clear confidence and prowess. He’s making it known he wants me and he doesn’t care that my friends see. I’m not sure if it’s a statement to them or to myself.
Is he trying to intimidate me because I refused him? Well it’s working. Consider me intimidated.
If he does this with every woman he pursues under the table, then he would probably have the sleaze reputation by now. Which begs the question, does he do this a lot? Or is it a test for me, to see how I react to him? But why?
The elevator opens with a welcome ding and I’m about to rush into it when a finger secretly hooks through the belt loop at the back of my dress. People pile out of the elevator and my breathing turns heavier with each second that I wait for him to release me.
I wait for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. He merely holds me in place until the elevator has emptied and then lets me go. A large part of me can’t help but feel like his action was another statement.
But of what, I’m unsure.
*
The three of us remain silent until we reach Kai’s car. It’s an old Ford, nothing special, not yet at least. He can’t wait until he gets his first pay cheque. That’s if people even like our music. Although our advances are substantial enough for a few expensive toys, we just can’t fritter it away as we might need it in the future.
Luckily I already have a small amount of experience in the music industry so the boys get their cues from me usually, although Kai is becoming quite knowledgeable himself. I doubt he’ll be asking me for advice for much longer.
I wait for it, and wait. As soon as the air settles, a strange buzzing seems to fill the space around us, right before the grand finale. Two very excited males cheer and bang their fists against every part of the car they can find. They high five each other, they high five me and they chat animatedly about our future in the music industry for a while. Finally they settle, with grins still plastered on their faces.
Removing my hands from my ears, I grin back at them, buzzing with the same excitement but not quite showing it the same way.
*
“Okay,” Kai says, placing his hands on the steering wheel and looking at me expectantly. “Are you going to tell us what the fuck that was about?”
Dane hums his agreement as he pulls a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lights the end with a match. Out of habit, he hands the burning stick to me. I blow out the flame and hold the smoking stick under my nose.
“You’re such a freak,” Kai laughs. He really is very good looking, especially when he laughs or smiles.
Unlike me who looks like a character from Wallace and Gromit when I smile or laugh. Oh well.
“I like the smell,” I mumble, throwing the stick out of the open window.
“So you’ve told us many times and yet we still think it’s weird.” Dane points out, blowing smoke from his nostrils.
I waft it away, motioning for Kai to roll his window down too. The stench of a burning cigarette is vile, but we put up with it for Dane’s sake, because we love him and also because without his cigarettes he is not a nice person to be around.
“So,” Kai says, pulling out onto the street. “Have you met him before?”
Knowing he’s referring to Mr Lockhart, I shake my head.
“He certainly kept very close,” Kai purses his lips, clearly not happy about our boss’ behaviour. I can’t blame him for that. “Was he making you uncomfortable?”
Yes. “No, I think he was just trying to get a rise out of me. I’m hardly known for my passive demeanour when under such a close inspection.” My temper doesn’t have the longest fuse, that’s for sure, and it tends to flare up when not needed.
“I thought you did well. He seemed nice enough to me,” Dane adds. “Besides, he’s taking on an unknown band with only a small group of fans and little to no experience.” He gives me a knowing look. “Except you, of course.”
“She’s the only reason he’s taken us on. What were his words?” Kai taps his chin in thought before batting his eyelashes at me. “Captivated. You captivated him.”
“Shut up,” I grumble, not wanting to admit to the warm feeling that one word now stirs in me, knowing that it came from his lips.
“I’m just saying, he doesn’t seem like the kind of man who impresses easily. The fact you seem to have impressed him worries me a little.” He raises his hands when he catches my look of warning at his seemingly insulting words. “I’m just saying that if somebody finds nothing to bring that level of emotion and joy to them for such a long time, they tend to want to keep a hold of whatever it is that stirs that in them.”
“Guru Kai,” I comment dryly. “Can we change the subject? You’re being an idiot.”
“Whatever, you’re probably right.”
My brow quirks. “I always am.”
I hope.
*
When we make it back to our hotel room, I head straight into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror for a while. This is nuts. My skin feels so sensitised. Definitely nuts.
Why do I always have to be attracted to older men? I don’t have Daddy issues. My dad is pretty cool and my mum is your average, every day Mum with a license to smother and worry. I think it’s the maturity thing that does it. I just don’t connect to guys my own age and always have a thing for authority figures.
Teachers, Doctors, Police officers. If he’s in some kind of suit, I’m all over it.
And now I’m crushing on one of the most powerful men in the music industry. Typical.
*
“What are you doing in there?” Kai demands, banging on the door with his fist. “I need to piss.”
“Nice,” I laugh and move away from the mirror.
My hand briefly touches the exact spot on my satin knickers that the man of my thoughts touched only forty minutes ago. A shudder races through me and I just know that tonight I’m going to suffer. Why didn’t I insist on having my own room? Stupid lack of funding.
“Hello?” Kai shouts, sounding desperate and irritated.
Coming back to earth, I pull open the door, squealing when he pushes m
e out of the way and charges into the bathroom. I close the door behind me, knowing he will leave it open and urinate for us all to see and hear if I don’t.
When I walk into the main area, where the two queen sized beds sit side by side, I grab the nearest object I can find, ready to hurl it at the man with my second favourite lacy bra in his hands.
Dane, squealing like a girl, drops the bra and steps away from my bed. “I was just moving it!”
“From my suitcase to my bed?”
He only grins, but stops and drops to the ground when I pretend to throw the kettle. I knew going on a trip with these two would be a bad idea.
I spy the bottle of vodka peeking through the zip in my rucksack that sits by my suitcase. Who am I kidding? This is going to be the best trip ever.
“Celebrate good times, come on,” I sing in perfect key as I swipe the bottle and start filling the small white cups by the kettle I was planning to destroy on Dane’s face.
“Hell, yeah,” Kai grins as he exits the bathroom. “Now we’re talking.”
“Bottoms up, boys.” I raise my cup once they have theirs. “To a successful future and lots of adoring fans.”
“Hear, hear.” Dane is the first to tip back his drink, and Kai and I follow, each of us gasping when the burn hits our throats and travels straight to our heads.
“This way,” Rick states, leading us through a maze of hallways on the ground floor of Lockhart Studios.
Today we are recording our first single. Excitement doesn’t even begin to cover the type of energy bouncing off the three of us right now. The word is too simple.
I’m the only person with an instrument: my trusty keyboard. I know how it works and I don’t need anybody else’s. Call me a diva, but my instrument is my own. I feel comfortable with it. I trust it and I know it better than I know myself, so I refuse to use the ones they offered to provide, no matter how high-tech and funky.
“It’s a simple process; we do each thing individually. It’s better that way when it runs together,” Rick explains as we finally come to a stop outside of two huge doors with a red light above it stating, ‘RECORDING IN PROGRESS’. He notices me looking. “These walls are sound proof but we like people to respect the area anyway.”
I nod, not knowing what to say.
We enter the room and I’m shocked by how technical it all looks. There are so many large metal beasts covered in wires, dials, buttons and screens that I’m not really sure where to look.
It’s also spacious and cosy. All of the main equipment is settled beneath a large glass window that shows another large room. This one has only the instruments we need set up in the right places and it also holds huge, heavy, metal microphones which hang from the dark ceiling.
“Cool,” Dane breathes, looking like he’s stepped into heaven.
Kai looks nervous and I can tell by the way he’s twitching that he wants to pace.
I keep my calm. The music part isn’t the hard part; it’s everything else.
“Where do you need us?” I ask, getting straight to the point.
I notice Wayne stood in the corner by two men who clearly work the machinery. Wayne smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Now that I think about it, he didn’t speak at all during the last meeting. I still don’t know what he does or why he’s here, but I have a feeling that’s about to become apparent.
“Umm… well first,” sound guy number one begins an unnecessary introduction to the equipment. It’s unnecessary because none of us have a clue what he’s talking about.
It’s like going on a plane for the first time, excited to take off but having to sit there for twenty minutes listening to the safety rules. Ridiculous.
“Can we do this another time? I’m afraid your expertise is lost on three morons with the need to rock.” I give him a sweet smile.
He laughs, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. “Sure. Go on through. Give me that and I’ll get it set up.”
I thank him and hand over my keyboard, which is slung over my shoulder in a hefty, padded bag covered in badges and glued on trinkets from all of the places I’ve visited over the years.
As we’re taken through a thick, heavy door with padding around the edges to keep the sound from leaking into the room with all of the equipment, Dane stops in his tracks and gapes. I almost slam straight into his back, but fortunately I have better reflexes than that.
I immediately take my spot and stretch my body a little. My vocal warm up was completed in the car on the way here, so a stretch is all I need.
Dane and Kai get set up with their guitar and drums. Kai has a tiny orgasm at the high-tech drum kit before him and I roll my eyes, smiling secretly, and begin warming my fingers up on the shiny white keys of my beloved electric piano.
Tiny stickers sit in the centre of each one: happy faces, Minnie Mouse, one of the penguins from the movie Madagascar, little yellow minions from Despicable Me and many more. It probably looks tacky to the untrained eye, but to me it looks beautiful.
I don’t realise I’ve begun playing the beginning of the Moonlight Sonata until I notice the hustle and bustle of everyone moving around me has died down. I stop, giving them all a look that tells them to fuck off with their staring.
“I don’t think I’ve heard you play that one before,” Kai comments, getting himself situated at the right height behind the monster drums.
He’s never heard me play much. Classical music isn’t my genre anymore. I tend to start a tune but never finish it. “I haven’t played it before, period.”
“Ever?” He doesn’t look surprised. He knows how I work, how my mind works and how my fingers work.
“Never,” I confirm, quickly testing the Homer Simpson G sharp key a few times. It has been playing up recently. What more can I expect from our beloved, lazy TV Dad? “So, are we going to hit this or what?”
Sound guy number two frowns at me through the glass. I ignore him. We’re here to make music, not idle about chatting about bullshit. They’re wasting company time and money and they’re wasting my time.
My hangover still hasn’t completely vanished from Friday night and it’s now Monday, so excuse me if I’m a little on the stroppy side. That third bottle of Vodka we shared should have been our last.
“When will Mr Lockhart be arriving?” Kai asks as sound guy number two opens the padded door.
He gives Kai a strange look. “Mr Lockhart doesn’t attend recordings; he hasn’t for a few years. He doesn’t need to. That’s what Wayne is for. I doubt you’ll see him today.”
Thank God.
“Oh, I’m sure he said…” Kai trails off and waves his hand in the air. “Never mind.”
“Count us in, Kai,” Dane says, running his fingers up and down the neck of his borrowed guitar.
Kai begins and then so do we. We play in perfect synchrony, the music flowing through each of us and into the room. It’s brilliant. Normally I’d have something to pick at, but not this time. They’re both at the top of their game.
My fingers slide across the keys of my keyboard with ease, looking as graceful and as quick as butterfly wings fluttering on a breeze. Or that’s what people used to tell me, way back when.
My voice carries over the music and I hear it through the large headphones clasped around the top of my head. I don’t miss a note. I never do. I don’t allow myself to. Music means too much to me.
It’s not one of my favourite songs by us, but it is apparently one of the most appealing ones. I don’t moan about it, even when we go through it for the fifth time to add new instruments and a second layer to my voice.
It is actually kind of fun, especially when they play my voice back at a pitch that even helium would envy.
“This is going to be an amazing fucking year.” Dane whispers in my ear as I laugh along with everyone else.
“Amen,” I whisper back, still grinning maniacally.
*
We exit the room after a long few hours, ready for a well-deserved l
unch and a needed break. My fingers ache and my throat is sore. Bed seems like such a distant and loving memory. I miss my bed. I forgot how exhausting this was and it’s only day one, though I have no complaints at all.
*
Darren greets us in the hall as we try to make an escape, eager to hit a pub that we saw down the street for food and a crafty afternoon beer.
“I apologise for not being here this morning.” He shakes our hands again and checks his watch. “I had a few things to do that couldn’t wait, but I’m all yours now.”
“We were just planning on getting some food.”
“Good choice, I am famished.” He grins, showing perfect white yet slightly crooked teeth. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to the best place to eat in this entire building.”
“Oh yeah? What does it have?” Dane asks and I swear I hear his stomach growl.
“You’ll see.” Darren flashes us a wicked grin over his shoulder.
We follow him, disappointed at being unable to escape but also happy that we don’t have to head out in the rain. The elevator which we accessed yesterday, the same elevator that Lockhart held me back in, is the same one we step into now.
Darren presses the number two on the button panel and quickly closes the doors before anyone else can join us.
“These are yours.” He hands us each an ID on a ribbon and I cringe at the photo in mine. It’s one they’ve pulled off my social media account, not a valid passport photo that’s for sure. It shows my face and little else. The card also holds my height, my employee number and my date of birth. “See the hologram and the little chip?” We nod. “Those are your meal tickets. Your holograms are gold, so you basically get to eat as much as you want when you want.”
“Oh,” I murmur, impressed as my fingers guide the ribbon around my neck. Mine is purple, Kai’s and Dane’s are black. “What do we do with it?”
“You’ll see.”
“You’re so cryptic,” Kai says, smiling and still fondling his new ID.
“Put it down.” I elbow him playfully and he responds with a wink, though finally lets the plastic laminated card rest against his chest.