by A. E. Murphy
“Didn’t it suit me?” I’m not upset, just curious.
“Oh, no, it did.” He hooks his hands around the back of his neck. “It really does suit you; it just isn’t you. It’s too sophisticated. I don’t want you to lose who you are.”
I can’t help but stare at him, wondering why I couldn’t have met him under entirely different circumstances. “Thank you, Enri.”
“For what?”
“For having my back.” I grin, wondering if I should hug him or not. I decide against it. “But don’t worry; I’ve already torn up the bottom, added a few badges and accessorised with shit you won’t find in those prissy stores.”
He looks relieved. I feel relieved that I wasn’t the only one worrying about losing my image. This is who I am.
“It can be so easy to lose yourself in this industry.” He shrugs and I see his eyes glaze over with memory. “Before this, I was a cap wearing poet, working in a coffee bar.”
“Seriously?”
“I loved it. I could tie my hair back; I had a moustache; I actually got to play my own guitar when I got on stage.”
I tilt my head. “Yeah, I’ve noticed you don’t do that much anymore.”
“I don’t get the chance. People like stage presence. They want me to dance and move through the audience.”
“Oh.”
“It’s understandable and I don’t mind it, but I miss the old ways sometimes.” His phone begins to vibrate. He looks at it and runs his tongue over his lower lip, making it glisten in the dim light. “My mum. I’ll call her back.”
I smile. “How come you don’t have any family and friends on tour with you?”
“I do.” He pats my knee and stands, stretching tall before putting his phone to his ear. “I needed a break from the usual and you guys needed a place to stay.”
“Oh.” Now I feel bad.
“It’s a pleasure having you here,” he assures me. “You can make it up to me when you’re more famous than I am.”
I don’t get the chance to respond as his mum answers the phone and he leaves the room.
I pick up my keyboard and practise a few notes. I just haven’t felt like playing much lately, beyond what I’m supposed to play with the band. Normally, playing is all I can think about. The music is my soul and the keys are my outlet. My soul has been silent recently.
“I’m going shopping,” I tell Wayne, pulling the side door open. He jumps up, looking worried about how to proceed. “I’ll be fine; nobody knows who I am.”
“Take somebody with you. I can’t leave Enri and I have strict instructions to never leave you alone.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t take them with me; I’m going shopping.” He grimaces in response and I add, “See?”
“I’m sorry, Pet.” He shrugs, looking defeated and as apologetic as he sounds. “I really can’t let you go by yourself.” Ridiculous. I can’t take Kai and Dane with me; they don’t want to come and they hate shopping.
“Please?”
“If you can convince Enri to join you…”
I sigh, pouting like a child. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I shall go and amuse myself in my hole in the wall.”
I’m completely lying. I head to the cinema room. Between there and our sleeping area is another door. If I time it right, I’ll be able to escape without issue. How ridiculous that I’m not allowed out by myself. I’m not a child and I’m not famous enough for anybody to want to fuck with me.
Watching for any signs of Wayne in the massive wing mirror, I quickly jump down the steps and onto the gravel. Dane’s soft snores carry through the window and I hear Kai talking to Enri somewhere further down.
I set my destination on my mobile and plug an earphone in so I don’t have to walk around with my phone in my hand.
This is so naughty of me but I’m desperate to get out by myself for a while. I won’t be long anyway.
I drop my sunglasses onto my eyes and set off. We’re parked in a safe zone, a place for motorhomes and caravans and now tour buses, by a large hotel, not too far from the city centre but far enough that it’ll take me a good thirty minutes of brisk walking to get there. Not that I mind, Nottingham is absolutely stunning. So many handsome buildings, aged yet perfect, so many gorgeous little shops selling homemade jams and dresses. Not all in the same place but scattered around.
Using the money that I stole from Lockhart and have yet to spend, I head to the street we went to when we went to get our hair done. That wasn’t the surprise Enri has promised us, but his original plan has been delayed until tomorrow so he treated us to a touch up at one of his favourite hairdressers. The woman who runs it used to be his makeup artist back when he started out.
“Watch it,” a rude elderly man snarls as he pushes past me to get onto the waiting bus to my right.
I don’t react. I look at the front of the bus before deciding to cut my walking trip in half. Now I can make the old geezer uncomfortable by sitting right next to him on one of those narrow bench seats.
At least he doesn’t smell. He does huff though and look entirely uncomfortable.
I never claimed to not be a bitch.
“Best shopping centre in this city?” I ask him, playing on my phone. He doesn’t respond and I don’t expect him to.
I get off three stops later, grateful that the bus didn’t take me on a loop to the wrong direction.
As fate would have it, only a few buildings up from the stop is the cutest underwear store I think I have ever seen. The cream and gold tones make it look as though it should be a little café, not a place for harlots like myself to buy seductive garments.
Never have I ever owned something so sexy.
I check how much I have and fill my arms with things to try on, rejecting help from the fitter. Bra experts never get my size right. Ever.
As I stare at myself in the mirror, wearing a milk and grey lace coloured teddy with suspenders, I feel sexier than I ever have and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel sexy. It’s okay to want to impress a man you find attractive. That’s what I’m doing, right now. These are going to blow Lockhart’s mind because I know I have the power to do that. He wouldn’t be fucking me if I didn’t.
*
It’s dark and I’m exhausted. I have three bags in my hands that are digging into my palms, but I have had the best day. After leaving the underwear store, I went to a patisserie. How is it that I’ve never been to one before? I ate my weight in cake, drank the equivalent in lattes and then stumbled out onto the streets to explore some more. The local markets, cute little stores and other places just lured me in. Before I knew it the sun was setting and unfortunately, because I am a complete moron, I left my navigation on and didn’t close all the apps on my phone, so at some point today, my phone died in my pocket.
“I’ve found her.” I swear I could sense him before I hear him because as he says this, I’m already turning towards his location. Which has nothing to do with the fact a car angrily pulled onto the curb behind me seconds before.
The look in his eyes is murderous. To say I have majorly fucked up would be an understatement.
“Hey, Lockhart.” I try to smile but it shows I’m nervous.
“Get in the car,” he bites, pulling open the passenger door and taking my bags. “Now.”
Gulp.
I slide into the seat and tuck my hands between my thighs. I’m in big trouble.
After inserting his tense body into the car, he leans across me, allowing me to inhale his alluring scent, and he rips the seatbelt across my body before clicking it into place.
His breathing, his sharp movements as he drives, all point to one emotion. Rage.
I sit quietly. There’s no need for me to speak. I know I fucked up and he knows that I know that. Apologies are unnecessary at this point. Besides, if I speak, I have a feeling it’ll tip him over the edge.
As he drives in silence, I don’t recognise the route we’re taking. It looks nothing like the way I came and seems to be
in a completely different direction, not that I’m an expert on navigation. I’d be lost without my phone in a new place, but I’m pretty good at remembering the way I came and this does not look like the way I came.
His phone rings and the touchscreen radio lights up a dim blue. “Answer,” he commands and the ringing stops.
“What’s going on? Wayne said you’ve found her? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” Lockhart clips and I’m surprised when his hand covers mine on my lap. “She’s safe.”
“Where the fuck was she?”
“Buying cake,” he responds, “by the look of her bags.”
“Fucking cake,” Enri chuckles. “Why am I not surprised?”
I don’t speak and neither does Lockhart as Enri relays the information to Kai and Dane.
“How long will you both be? Are you close?” He asks kindly.
I’m about to respond that we’re on the way but Lockhart abruptly ends the conversation after replying, “We aren’t.”
The blue light turns to black, only the time lighting up the screen. It’s just gone eight, not too late, but I can understand why they were so worried.
“Where are we going?” I ask quietly, finally daring to penetrate the silence.
“You’ll see,” he murmurs, turning another corner sharply. Why he insists on driving like James Bond I have no idea. Does he not understand how full my stomach is of cake and coffee right now?
“Why are you here? I didn’t realise you’d be coming to Nottingham.”
“I didn’t realise either,” he snaps. “In fact, I missed three very important meetings to come and find you.” We finally pull into a small carpark and he whips the car into the space nearest the entrance of a large building that has a huge sign running down the side. The name of the building is French. I can’t pronounce it. “You have nothing to say?”
“How did you find me?” I wonder, secretly impressed.
Climbing from the car, he moves around to my side and opens my door for me. “We’ll talk when we get inside.”
“Inside?”
This time he doesn’t respond. He leads me not to the main entrance but to a door on the side. We enter a narrow hall and then a small elevator which, upon further inspection, only goes to two floors.
“Where are we?”
He ignores me and pushes the button for the seventeenth floor. The elevator moves, grinding and humming quietly as we rise higher and higher.
“I’m sorry for pulling you away from your work.” The more I think about that, the more I wonder why he’s here. Couldn’t he have just sent somebody? Maybe Kai, Dane or Enri? “It’s a long drive; maybe you should rest or something?”
This is the first time I’ve felt anxious in his presence. I’m not sure I want to be here now.
The elevator stops and opens onto another narrow hallway, where a door is only a few feet away. Lockhart pulls a key out of his pocket and slots it into the lock. He manoeuvres the door handle down as he twists the key and the door clicks open.
We step into a studio apartment, huge, warm and beautiful. It’s modern, completely kitted out, but definitely hasn’t been lived in for a while. Or if it has, it’s been cleaned so thoroughly that everything looks brand new, even the kettle. There’s not a speck of dust or a mark on anything.
“Why are we here?” I ask. “Where exactly are we?”
“This is one of my apartments,” he explains. “I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?” I gulp when he pulls me towards a door on the far left of the room. We step into a light brown fully tiled shower room with a toilet on a raised step and a shower directly in front of a floor to ceiling window.
“I was going to come tonight anyway. I simply came sooner because a certain somebody had everyone in a panic. Only I had the tools to track her down.”
“How?”
Tapping his nose, he grasps the hem of my turtleneck top and pulls it over my head. His hands pull the grip free of my hair and let the pastel pink locks spill past my shoulders. “I love this; it suits you. It just doesn’t suit formal attire.”
“I never wear or attend anything formal.” I frown, folding my arms across my chest.
“That’ll change. We’re attending an event tomorrow, together.”
“What?” I squeak as he undoes my denim skirt and lets it drop to my ankles. I step out of it, standing in nothing but my underwear. “A formal event? What kind of formal event?”
He smirks and unhooks my bra, letting it fall to the ground. “Silence, the movie premier.”
“Together?” My voice gets even squeakier. “I thought we were keeping this private?”
“Just because we attend an event together doesn’t mean we’re dating. Although, that is likely what they’ll surmise.” He doesn’t seem bothered by this. I’m about to ask him to elaborate when he states, “I said I can’t be more than this. I didn’t say I couldn’t be seen with you. In fact…” he grins and kisses my lips, “I’m certain it was you who gave that rule.”
“I don’t want anyone knowing because I don’t want them worrying that our affair will fuck up their future.”
“Kai and Dane?”
I nod and drop my knickers to the floor. He leads me into the shower and turns on the water. It’s all digital, on a black glass panel on the wall. How bizarre. There’s an emergency stop button beside it, probably for idiots like me who don’t know how to get the right temperature on the first six tries. Lockhart nails it right away.
“Shower. I have something to do.” He states and turns away from me.
“I’m sorry if I worried you, or anyone,” I call and he stops in his tracks. “That wasn’t my intention.”
“I wasn’t worried,” he grits and strides quickly from the room, but not before adding, “Don’t do it again. You signed away your freedom when you released your first successful single.”
“Successful?” I speak loud enough to be heard over the spray, placing my hands on the window and looking over the city. I know nobody can see through it, or at least I hope they can’t, because when I was outside I couldn’t see through any of the windows at all. “What do you mean by successful?” I continue, my voice still raised.
The urge to internet search myself is overwhelming. I’ve never showered so fast in my life.
No! I order myself mentally when I see my charging phone on the kitchen counter. I am not going to search myself. That’s the worst thing I could ever do.
Instead I update my Twitter feed with a picture of the view.
“You must be Cerise?” A soft female voice startles me. I spin on my heel, feeling dizzy at the speed of my movement. She looks at me, giggling under her breath. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”
I cling to the towel at my chest. “Where’s Lockhart?”
“Here.” He steps through a doorway on the left as I peruse the woman before us. She’s a little bit taller than me. Her hair is perfectly straight and such a gorgeous shade of blonde that it glows like sunshine. Her eyes are brown and shadowed beneath what look to be false lashes, but not the tacky looking kind. I need to ask her where she got those done. I drag my eyes down her body, mesmerised by every single inch of her. She works out hard and looks after her body, I can tell. Who is she? “This is a friend of mine.”
“Annice Cole.” She takes a step towards me and holds out her hand. Keeping one arm folded over the towel on my chest, I reach for her hand, still entirely fucking confused. She doesn’t shake it like I assumed she would. Instead she tugs me a step closer and looks at my nails. “I have my kit in the car; I’ll fix your nails for you later.” She’s a nail technician?
“Thank you?” I glance at Lockhart out of the corner of my eye and become even more confused when he lifts his shirt over his head. “I’m just going to go and get dressed.”
She smiles, looking at Lockhart who begins to make his way towards me, slowly stalking like a predator after its prey. I suddenly feel like a little rabbit in the sig
hts of a jaguar.
Her own perfectly manicured fingers bite into my wrist when I try to pull free.
What the fuck is going on?
“Do you trust me?” Lockhart asks softly, his fingers under my chin.
“With what?” I breathe, my eyes locked on the soft, slightly narrowed eyes of Annice.
He kisses my lips and softly tickles the front of my throat with his fingertips. “With your body.”
“It’s my soul I’m worried about,” I murmur and Annice steps into me.
“You’re so beautiful,” she whispers in my ear and the thrill of it sends a shiver through my body. Her free hand finds mine against my chest. “Don’t be shy.”
“Shy?” I whimper when her teeth nip at my neck.
It sends a spark through my body unlike any other. My towel drops to the floor. This isn’t happening. I’m dreaming.
“Kiss her,” Lockhart orders, standing to the side as I’m backed up against the glass window. I don’t like being able to look down but I don’t get the chance to dwell on it because I’m kissing a woman, for the first time since I was fourteen, and I don’t know how to respond. My body is tingling, straining and wanting, but my brain is trying to convince me that I don’t like it, that this is wrong.
How can it be wrong when her lips are so soft and she tastes like strawberries?
Lockhart moves behind her and a flash of jealousy rolls through me when I hear him unzipping her dress. I’m now realising that if she’s privy to this, then they’ve probably fucked before.
“Relax,” she coos, massaging my breasts with both hands. My thighs press together but my eyes won’t leave Lockhart’s as he gently teases the shoulder bands of her dress down to her elbows. She releases me for a moment and lets gravity pull the dress to the ground. “I only bite where it matters.”
“Fuck,” I whisper when she sucks a nipple into her mouth.
Lockhart’s smouldering stare only makes this experience that much more powerful. His look, his presence and the taboo of the situation makes me want to come already and nobody has even gotten near my clit yet.
My head falls back against the window when her nails scratch gently across the surface of my skin. Lockhart moves to my side and pushes his lips to mine. I turn my head to kiss him and he smiles, gripping the back of my neck with one hand to keep me pinned to him, unable to escape.