by Lori Ryan
Ethan had texted to see if she wanted to get lunch. She’d texted back that she wanted to talk to him. He had to know what was coming.
She pulled into the lot behind the feed store. He’d suggested they meet there and he was waiting, hands shoved in his pockets as he leaned against his car.
Cora parked and came out.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he said back.
Yeah, she hated this. She came to stand in front of him. “Ethan, I um…”
“Don’t worry, Cora, I get it. You can skip the it’s not you, it’s me speech.”
He didn’t sound angry or bitter, just resigned. The knots in her stomach loosened a little as she realized he wasn’t going to make a scene or try to convince her to give him more time.
“I’m really sorry, Ethan. If it helps, it really is all about me and not about you. I’m kind of hung up on someone.” She thought about saying more, but if she said more, it would essentially be saying, hey, you weren’t enough to pull my attention away from him. She clamped her mouth shut instead.
Ethan nodded. “Thanks.”
“Still friends?”
His face relaxed and he smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Cora hugged him and then walked to her car.
He called out to her when she’d reached the door. “Cora!”
She turned and looked at him. “Yeah?”
“I really do mean that, about being friends. I uh, I don’t really have a lot of friends in the area anymore.”
Cora grinned at him. “Well, you have one now.”
18
Cora took a deep breath and knocked on Justin’s door. She hadn’t ever been to his house, but she knew where it was. Since it was a weekend, she’d taken a chance on finding him at home, although knowing him, he could just as likely be at work.
The door swung open to reveal Justin in a dark shirt and dark jeans, bare feet and mussed hair. She wondered if he’d been sleeping or maybe just tugging at his hair the way he sometimes did when he was stressed or thinking.
“Cora.” The surprise was evident in his tone.
She raised a hand, palm out to stop him. “Are you alone?” She could picture herself having this soul baring monologue and then having some sexy slinky woman coming up behind him. Or his mother. Either would be mortifying and she wasn’t about to do this with witnesses. It was bad enough the whole town knew she’d pined for him for years. The fact she was about to say what she was about to say would give them no end of gossip if it was overheard.
She didn’t have to worry about any nosy neighbors overhearing her. Justin lived in a large home set back on a secluded piece of land at the end of a half-mile long drive. It was the opposite of her duplex where she shared a porch with her neighbor on one side and could easily jump to her other neighbor’s porch with a single leap.
He nodded, his expression half bewildered, half amused.
Another deep breath. “Okay, here’s the deal. We all know I’ve been in lust with you for years. I mean, let’s just be adults about this. I know it, the whole town knows it, and if you haven’t figured it out by now, you’re a complete idiot.”
She narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at him when he looked like he might interrupt her. “Let me get this out.”
He waited.
“Everyone also knows I started dating other people. I was done waiting for you. I was finished with just living on a stupid pipe dream that wasn’t going to happen.”
Cora could see something brewing in his eyes, but she ignored the dark look. “So, I’ve gone on a few dates and suddenly you’re taking an interest. So, I tell myself, don’t be an idiot, Cora. Maybe he’s suddenly thinking he wants what he can’t have. That’s no reason to go back to panting after him.”
Justin opened his mouth. She put two fingers on his mouth. He stopped.
“So, I keep trying to make it work with someone else, even though, I’m no idiot. I try to make it work with these other guys. But the thing is, I’m also smart enough to see that something has been changing with you lately. I don’t know what it is, but I can see the change. I can see that you’re not pushing yourself to beat back some internal demon anymore. The demon that’s always haunted you is gone. I can see that. And you tell me you’re happy I found a man who makes me happy. You say it like you’re sorry you missed your shot.”
She stepped back now, letting her hand drop, to put some space between them. “But here’s the thing. I don’t know if that demon vanishing thing means you’re ready to give something between us a try or whether you were never really interested in me in the first place and you only meant you were glad for me because we’re friends.”
Now she crossed her arms over her chest because she was suddenly realizing, as she spoke, that this could be a monumentally bad idea. She was probably going to walk away from this very embarrassed. What had started out as a well-rehearsed speech was devolving—very rapidly—into an epic babble fest.
“Anyway,” she said, arms firmly clamped across her chest now like a barrier. “I just wanted to get that out there. Just in case there’s any small chance you had changed your mind before I dive back into the dating pool.”
She stopped and he looked at her for a minute. He didn’t ask if she was finished. His expression said it all.
Cora waved her hand in a “go on,” motion. Might as well get this over with.
Justin spoke slowly, but he took a step toward her as he did. His face was carefully blank.
“When you say, ‘jump back into the dating pool,’ does that mean you’re out of it right now? As in, you’re not seeing Ethan?”
Cora frowned. “No. Ethan and I are just friends now.”
Justin moved before she finished the sentence. He closed the space between them and then, in a heartbeat, every damned fantasy she’d stored up over the years came true as his arms came around her. Cora’s arms came up to his chest, her eyes wide as the mask over his face fell.
There, in his expression, she saw heat, vulnerability, and hope.
His motion slowed, and he simply stood there, holding her pressed to him as he lowered his head to hers, his mouth hovering inches from her own. When he spoke, his voice sounded gruff, almost strangled. “To answer a few of your questions, I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. Every time I saw you over the past three years, I’ve wanted to do this.” He pulled her closer still. “To hold you like this.”
“Oh.” It was all Cora could think to say.
“And yes, things have changed recently. I honestly don’t know how much of it had to do with seeing you date other men—which drove me out of my mind, by the way—and how much of it had to do with me finally talking to Laura and my mom about a lot of stuff that I should have faced years ago.”
“Will you tell me about it?” Cora whispered. His mouth was so close to hers, she wanted to stand up on her tip-toes and close the distance, but she also wanted to protect her heart. She wanted to know he was really ready for this. That this was more than him just saying screw it, might as well since she’s throwing herself at me.
That this was more than him just wanting to have her because he finally saw her walking away with another man.
Justin nodded, holding her for another minute, his mouth so close to hers, as he watched her closely. The heat in his eyes said he was thinking about kissing her, too.
He broke apart from her, slowly, not rushing as he took her hand and tugged her inside. He took her to the couch, where he sat, turned sideways to face her as he pulled her down next to him.
“What do you want to know?” he asked.
“All of it.” She said the words, and despite their simplicity, she meant it. She wanted to know all of what he’d been figuring out lately. All of what he thought he wanted now. And all of what he thought he was ready for.
Justin blew out a breath as he ran a hand down his face. “I think I’ve been trying to make amends somehow for the last few years.”
“For what?”
“For not saving my mom and Laura.”
Cora shook her head. “You did save Laura. You were part of it, at least. You got shot trying to help her.”
Years before, when Justin’s sister-in-law had come to Evers, she’d been tracked by her former husband’s partner. Justin had unwittingly helped him, not knowing the man wanted to hurt Laura. When that man went after Laura, Justin had stepped between her and a gun and taken a bullet in his gut because of it.
“Too little, too late. I grew up in a house where my father was emotionally controlling and physically abusing my mother. I didn’t know. I knew they weren’t happy in their marriage, and I knew I didn’t want to have anything to do with my dad and his manipulating, controlling ways, but I didn’t know about the abuse.”
Cora stayed quiet now. She wanted to let him get this out, the same way he’d let her say her piece earlier. What he had to say was a lot harder and much heavier.
“By the time Laura joined our family, I had left home and was burying my head in the sand. My dad was dead, but somehow, his ghost still seemed to haunt the house for me. I was your typical spoiled rich kid. I blew enormous quantities of the family’s fortune on fast cars and parties for people I barely knew. My mom never did anything to make me think she wanted me home and my brother and I weren’t close. He was five years older than me and we’d gone to separate boarding schools as kids. My mom drank a lot. She was always taking pills to numb her own pain.”
Justin’s arm rested on his raised knee as he talked, his fingers playing with hers.
“I met Laura at the wedding, and then I took off again. I think I might have visited a total of two times while they were married and it never once occurred to me to wonder at the way she barely spoke. I never thought to ask why she seemed like a shell of a person being directed by my brother at every turn.”
“I’m sure when you were there, your brother was on his best behavior.”
Justin nodded. “He was. I still feel like I should have seen it. I should have known something was going on. Hell, I lived in my family’s house with my mom and dad and never knew.”
“No, you didn’t. You said it yourself. You went to boarding school. How old were you when that started?”
Justin ran a hand down his face again. “Seven. First grade.”
“See?”
“Yeah, I’m starting to get it. Laura and I have been talking a lot lately and my mom and I have talked about it. My mom says she was really good at hiding it from me. It’s why she sent my brother and I away to school.”
Cora took his hand. “You know what I think?”
One corner of his mouth twitched as he looked at her. “What’s that?”
“I think you’re holding yourself up to some imaginary standard that’s completely unrealistic. You see, right now, you’re a man who runs an organization focused on domestic violence. You’re probably more knowledgeable about looking for signs of abuse than a hell of a lot of men out there. And you’re looking back now on your childhood with the 20/20 vision of someone who can spot all the little telltale signs that a seven-year-old missed.”
He watched her.
“But the thing is, you haven’t made yourself see those events through the eyes of that seven-year-old kid.”
He wove his fingers through hers and looked at her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you sound a hell of a lot like my mom.”
That brought a burst of laughter from Cora. “Gee, thanks.”
He sobered and she realized he was watching her, but this time his gaze was on her lips, not her eyes. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I met you. I can see now that I was keeping my distance because I didn’t think I deserved you. I didn’t think I had the right to be happy and if there was one person who could make me happy, it was you. It is you.”
Cora pressed her lips together. Her heart raced.
“I think some part of me worried, too, that I would turn out to be like my dad and my brother if I got married.”
Cora scoffed. “That’s just ridiculous.”
He squeezed her hand where they were connected. “I’m going to start seeing a therapist about all this stuff. I think I’ve gotten it through my hard head that it’s okay for me to be happy and that I’m not going to turn into a monster overnight just because my brother and father were monsters. I think, though, that it would be a good idea for me to see someone to make sure I don’t start slipping and sabotage anything good that comes my way.”
“Do you think something good is going to come your way?” Cora whispered.
Justin’s eyes blazed with the heat and intensity she’d known he was holding at bay. He leaned in, closing the distance between them as her heart sped up and her toes started to feel the telltale signs that something toe-curling was about to happen.
He stopped, just long enough to whisper one more thing. “She already has.”
And then he was kissing her and this kiss left no room for doubt or distraction or second-guessing. This kiss raced through her, sending her heart pounding, making certain parts of her warm, and curling her toes. Hell, she wasn’t sure, but she thought she felt that curl all the way up to her calves.
19
“We’re taking things slow.” Cora curled up on the couch, coffee in hand as Ashley took the other end and settled in.
“Just as long as that slow pace isn’t going to match the three-year build up to your first kiss.”
Cora couldn’t help but laugh. “It better not.” She looked down at her hands where they hugged the warm mug. “I do appreciate that he’s taking the time to make sure he’s got his head on right and everything. I think if we dove into this too quickly and then he realized he was only with me because it seemed like the right thing to do or something, it would kill me.”
Ashley’s grin was slow and filled with the mischief Cora was used to seeing there. “But he’s an amazing kisser, right? I mean, did the toes curl?”
Cora laughed. “The toes totally curled.” She tilted her head back. “Ah. May. Zing.”
Ashley slapped a hand to her chest, in a dramatic gesture and sighed.
“Yeah, that’s how I feel,” Cora said, fanning herself.
“So, when are you going on an official date?”
“He’s officially taking me out tonight, but he won’t tell me what we’re doing.”
Ashley leaned in. “Oh, intrigue. I like it.”
“I know, right? It’s kind of fun not just doing a typical dinner date.” She frowned. “At least, I assume it’s not just going to be dinner.”
It wasn’t just dinner. Eight hours later, Justin rowed Cora out on Redding Lake in a row boat. A picnic basket sat between them and he was headed for the bend in the water where a small cove would give them even more privacy than the water already offered.
“You really put this picnic together yourself?”
Justin answered her with a grin.
She tried to lift the lid of the basket again. “And there’s real food in there?”
“Hey! Hands off,” he said, though his hands were stuck on the oars so he wasn’t in a position to do anything to stop her.
Cora lifted her hands and laughed. “Just thought I’d check. You don’t want to get me out on the water and have nothing to feed me. Appearances can be deceiving. I get hangry a lot more easily than you’d think.”
He played at being offended. “It’s not just peanut butter and jelly in there. I promise.”
“Mm hmm.”
He was telling the truth. When he unpacked it later, there were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches—which made her laugh—but there was also a bottle of wine, two glasses, fresh fruit salad, chips, pickles, and what looked like homemade apple pie.
Cora held up a sandwich. “I can’t believe you cut the crusts off and cut them into triangles.”
“Makes them taste better that way.” Justin took hold of her wrist and brought her sandwich to his mouth, taking a large bite. “See? Perfect.�
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She shook her head. “White bread, too.”
“Destroying peanut butter and jelly with whole grain stuff is sacrilege. There are some things in this world that we just don’t do.”
“I see.” She took a bite of her sandwich and surveyed the food as she chewed and swallowed. “And are you going to sit here with a straight face and tell me you baked that pie?”
“Not at all.” He was grinning now as he piled chips and a pickle next to the fruit on her plate. They were sitting knees to knees in the boat, plates balanced on their laps. “I bribed Laura. I promised her two hours of babysitting. I’ll just call my mom when the time comes and ask her to come over so I don’t screw anything up with Jamie.”
Cora thought about saying that he wouldn’t do anything to screw up Jamie. He was a great uncle, but she didn’t say anything. She’d leave his therapist to do the work for him. She wasn’t going to try to be his shrink and his girlfriend.
He loaded his plate, then looked at the wine and glasses, still sitting in the basket. “I’m not sure how we’ll manage to balance our wine glasses if we set them down anywhere.” He looked around. Between them and their plates and the basket, there wasn’t a whole lot of space to put anything. “I also brought club soda, in case you didn’t want wine. I wasn’t sure what time of the month it was,” he said with a wink.
Cora snorted. “I can make an exception and have a glass. We’ll have to eat first, then drink wine,” she said.
They did that, talking about nothing in particular as they ate. She enjoyed the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches more than she should have. She always made her own sandwiches on whole grain bread, and he was right. That was fine for turkey and cheese, but it sure didn’t work for pb&j.