by Dinah Harper
“Vi.”
“No!” She held up her hands as her eyes filled with hot tears. “You made me feel dirty, used, alone. You took what you wanted and walked away. You never addressed what was happening between us and you stopped talking to me. All you wanted was sex. You made me feel like a thing rather than a person. You made me your dirty secret. That doesn’t sound like love to me—” A sob interrupted her tirade.
Tears blinded her to the fact that he had moved in. When his fingers brushed over her face, she jerked back, but he wrapped her against him.
“Let me go, you son of a—”
“I’m sorry.”
She stopped breathing. He cradled the back of her head and rocked her from side to side as she began to shake.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said against her temple. “I never meant to make you feel used or alone. I meant to worship you.”
His hand smoothed over her quivering back as she sobbed against his chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take more care with you. I’m sorry I didn’t have enough patience. What I feel for you isn’t gentle or sweet. It’s this dark, insatiable craving and even after years of training and discipline in the military, I still don’t know how to handle it. I’m sorry I’m not stronger.”
“You can stop,” she said raggedly.
His hand fisted in her hair. “You know I can’t.”
She punched his shoulder. “What’s the point of apologizing if you aren’t going to stop?”
“I can’t be around you and not have you.”
“You can—”
“Every time I take you, it gets worse. I should stop. I should let you go. I should feel like a piece of shit for pushing you, but I need you.”
As close as they were, she could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes—lust clashed with pity. She could feel him vibrating against her and didn’t move for fear of pushing him over the edge. He was capable of anything.
“What we have, I’ve never felt with anyone else. Tell me you’ve felt like this with one of those assholes you used. I dare you.”
Tears slid down her face. “You hurt me.”
He kissed the tears away. “I know. I’m sorry. I can make it up to you. I’ll give you anything you want, Vi.”
She strained to get away from him. “We’re both here for Mom. We should focus on her.”
He clasped her face between trembling hands. “Tell me you love me.”
The expression on his face made her soul ache. She closed her eyes against the sight of him. “We need to go.”
“I won’t believe you if you say you don’t love me.”
Her hands fluttered between them. “I can’t do this.”
“Say it!”
“I… I did love you, but—”
He gave her a sharp shake. “No buts. You love me. I know you do.”
She shoved at him, but he didn’t budge. “Jesse, I’m not doing this with you.”
“Give me something,” he said harshly.
She stared at him through a haze of wet. “I already have.”
“I need more.”
“I don’t have anything else to give you.”
She jerked out of his hold and marched back to the truck. Her chest was so tight, she couldn’t take a full breath. She wasn’t sure if he was going to follow, but she had to get away. She would hitchhike if she had to. His words made her feel as if she had razor thin cuts all over her body. She couldn’t take another verbal blow. She was barely holding herself together.
She swiped at her eyes as she stomped through the grass and climbed back into her seat. She glanced at the GPS. Two more hours. They were so fucking close to home. She had just belted herself in when his door opened. She kept her face turned toward the window, but felt his searing gaze moving over her. She held her breath as silence filled the cab. Her hand went to the door handle, but she relaxed when he fired up the engine. When he pulled back onto the highway, she slumped in her seat and closed her eyes.
She wasn’t sure what he hoped to accomplish from this confrontation, but they were still at an impasse. They hadn’t reached any agreements or compromises. Neither of them would budge. She didn’t know what to think of his declarations. Maybe he thought he loved her, but she refused to believe him. Going down that road would only lead to more pain and heartache. She wanted a clean, happy life away from him and his lies and sexual barrages.
“I told myself this time around, I’d try to give you the words, even if you didn’t accept them,” he said.
She wanted to clamp her hands on her ears and sing at the top of her lungs, but that wouldn’t stop him. Nothing would.
“I’m sorry, Violet.”
Her eyes slid shut on a fresh flood of tears. She received the apology she had always longed for, but it was an empty one since he wasn’t going to stop. Where did that leave them?
“I’m sorry that I loved you too much.”
The moment Jesse pulled up to the house, she hopped out and raced up the driveway. The last two hours of the drive felt like an eternity. She had to sit there in a silent, emotional hell. She felt as if he stabbed a hornet’s nest inside of her. Thousands of angry insects ricocheted inside of her, demanding to be set free. She needed a distraction, people, anything that would drown out the words she refused to ponder.
She burst through the front door and saw Dad coming toward her. She gave him a quick hug. “Hey.”
He patted her on the head. “You made it.”
“Yes.” She looked up. “Where’s Mom?”
“Out back.”
She gave him another squeeze before she headed toward the back door while he went out front to help Jesse. She found Mom sitting on the porch swing. Despite the warm day, she was dressed in a jacket and long pants. Lynne started when the door banged shut.
“Oh, sorry, Mom,” she said as she walked toward her and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
“You’re here! Everything okay?”
“Yes,” she said as she dropped onto the seat beside her. “How are you feeling?”
Lynne gave her a wan smile. “Tired, but happy. Where’s Jesse?”
“He’s taking care of the truck. Dad’s with him.”
She felt raw, confused, and in desperate need of a safe place. She rested her cheek on Lynne’s bony shoulder. The comforting smell of lavender and vanilla soothed her as nothing else could. She shut her eyes and soaked her in.
“You and Jesse patched things up?” Lynne asked.
She tensed, but covered the telling motion by pushing off the ground to make the swing sway. “Yeah.”
Lynne draped her arm around her and patted her side. “I’m glad. It hurt me to see you two drift apart. You were so close, closer than most blood siblings.”
She said nothing.
Lynne sighed and rested her cheek on her head. “We’re family. We fight, but we should never let the sun set without settling our differences. Life is too short for that.”
She grunted.
“I know you don’t need the lecture, but I feel like I need to impart as much wisdom as I can,” Lynne said in a tone filled with wry humor. “You’re going to carry a heavy load when I’m gone.”
She straightened so she could see Lynne’s face. Lynne had dark circles under her eyes and in just the few days they had been gone, seemed to have lost more weight. Seeing this strong, larger than life woman morph into a frail caricature of herself made her lightheaded with rage. Life was so unfair.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“I’m worried about them—Jesse and your father. Women are the glue that holds families together.” Lynne cupped her cheek. “I need you to promise me you’ll keep the family intact.”
Her heart leapt into her throat. “I don’t—”
“Jesse needs family. You and Isaac are all he has. Don’t let him pull away.”
She escaped from one emotional skirmish only to run straight into another.
“Your father is so
angry. I don’t know how he’s going to be after I’m gone. I’ve been talking to the pastor about it. We’re glad you’re coming home so your dad will have company.”
She shut her eyes against the flood of tears and placed her hand over Lynne’s. “Mom.”
“I’m sorry, Violet. You’ve had the shortest amount of time to digest this and will have the biggest responsibility after I’m gone. They need you.” Lynne kissed her forehead as a tear coursed down her cheek. “I know you can do this.”
She swallowed hard. “I just need a moment.”
“We have that.”
Lynne settled her against her side again and let the swing rock as they sat in silence. A slight breeze ruffled the leaves of the forty-foot Texas Ash trees that lined the back yard. Beyond the trees were rolling hills that went on forever. It was a tranquil, peaceful scene, but she felt anything but.
“I thought I had so much time,” Lynne mused. “Before I found out I was sick, I was worried about paying off the mortgage before I retired and buying a new car. Now, I’m grateful for soft socks, beautiful days like this, and everyone around me.”
Her heart tore.
“A lot of my students have stopped by. I love listening to their stories and hearing how far they’ve come.” Lynne let out a heavy sigh. “I wish I could see where you and Jesse will end up.”
“Mom.”
Lynne gave her a watery smile. “You two are so young. You have lots of life to live.” She stoked her cheek. “Promise me you won’t take anything for granted. Live, Violet.”
“I will,” she promised.
Lynne’s eyes tracked over her face and brushed back her tangled hair. “I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”
“And I couldn’t ask for a better mom,” she whispered.
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Lynne smiled. “Help me inside, honey. I want to lie on the couch.”
She steadied Lynne as she helped her into the house. Lynne’s skin looked ashy and she seemed so weak.
“Are you okay?” she asked as Lynne grabbed a blanket and huddled in on herself.
“Of course, dear. Are you ready for the beach?”
“Yes. I can’t wait.”
“We’re going to have so much fun! Now, tell me all about your road trip.”
She did her best to weave an interesting story, but was saved by a group of Lynne’s friends who stopped by for a visit. A glance out the window showed that there was a small crowd gathered around the moving truck and trailer. Dad and Jesse were talking to the neighbors who wanted the latest scoop on their lives. She let out a long sigh. She would have to get used to that again.
She busied herself by starting dinner and noted Lynne’s smile of approval. When the guys finally came in, she had a pot of chili and coleslaw ready. They sat at the table. She made a concentrated effort to keep a smile on her face and the mood light as she told her parents about her friends in Utah. Jesse stepped in when her energy flagged and went into great detail about the road trip. Mom took one bite of food and pushed her plate away. It freaked her out, but she tried not to let it show. When Dad assisted Mom to their bedroom, she started to clean the kitchen. She was so tired, she felt faint.
“I got it,” Jesse said.
“It’s okay,” she said without turning around.
When he gripped her hip, she stiffened.
“You’re dead on your feet. I got it,” he said firmly.
She wasn’t going to argue with him. She walked away without a backward glance. Taking a shower was almost beyond her, but she did so, turning Mom’s words over in her mind as she washed her hair and scrubbed the grime from her body.
She fell face first into bed, hair wet, with no underwear beneath her nightgown. She was beyond caring about anything. She needed sleep before she took on tomorrow.
Ten
A warm, comforting weight stroked her stomach while someone nuzzled her cheek. “Wake up, baby.”
She moaned as she tried to come up from the murky depths.
“I made breakfast.”
She could smell something tantalizing that awakened her taste buds. That was a good reason to get up, right? She struggled to get a hold of her faculties.
“We’re going to unpack the truck and then return it.”
Her brows came together. Truck? Unpack?
“Come on, Vi. Wake up.”
Hard lips covered hers and a tongue sank into her mouth. The taste of coffee and sausage hit her a second before she remembered where she was. Her eyes opened at the same time that her hand flew up and shoved at the shoulder of the man crouched over her.
“What the hell are you doing?” she hissed and prepared to roll away when she realized her nightgown was hiked up to her waist. “What the fuck, Jesse?”
He stole another kiss before he tugged her nightgown down. “Tempting, baby, but we have work to do.”
She sat up and glared at him. “What the hell are you doing in my room?”
“Would you rather Dad came to wake you up and find you like this?”
She flushed. “Get out!”
“Get dressed. We have to unpack your things and return the truck. Some guys are coming over to help and you need to decide where you want everything. Dad cleared a section of the garage if you want to put stuff in there until we come back from Florida.”
With that, he walked through the bathroom to his bedroom. Hell. She rolled out of bed and heard the chatter of multiple voices coming from the dining room. She had overslept. How the hell was Jesse up? He should be in worse shape than her. She brushed her teeth and glared at her reflection. If she had to choose between her father and Jesse finding her like that, she’d have to choose him. If she hadn’t been so tired, she would never have gone to bed like that. Now that she was living at home, she’d have to make sure she was presentable at all times so she wouldn’t give her poor father a heart attack. Her father was a man’s man. It pained him to see her in anything too feminine or revealing. In the beginning, she tried to tone it down for his sake, but once she went to high school, she stopped caring so much.
When she came into the dining room, she found everyone gathered at the table. The sight of Lynne laughing with her father warmed her heart. She felt Jesse’s eyes on her, but she ignored him as she made herself a plate of food and listened to their flight arrangements for tomorrow morning. She was just finishing her breakfast when some cars pulled up. She shoveled the last of the food into her mouth as Dad and Jesse went outside and a bunch of Lynne’s friends swept through the door. She said her hellos and made hurried small talk before she rushed outside.
The group of assembled men gave her pause. Brody and several other classmates had come to help along with her father’s friends—retired firefighters, police officers, and paramedics that she considered uncles. One of them caught sight of her and put a hand to his chest and staggered back.
“That can’t be my baby girl,” he shouted.
She laughed and ran toward him. He caught her up in his arms as if she was still a little girl instead of a grown woman. She laughed as he spun her around and then gave her a bone cracking hug. She was passed from man to man and kissed bearded cheeks and even got some head noogies from the more reserved men.
They talked for an hour before they opened the truck and began to unload it. Thanks to Reese’s organizational skills, she knew exactly what she wanted in her bedroom and what could be left in the garage to be sorted later. With all the guys help it took less than an hour. Jesse and a friend returned the truck and trailer while she chatted with her uncle’s and eventually broke off from the others with Brody who had stayed by her side.
“How you been?” he asked as they settled on the rock wall under a tree.
“Crazy,” she said.
He nodded. “Your life’s been turned upside down. I’m sorry about you mom. She’s a good woman.”
She sighed as her chest tightened. �
��Yes, she is.”
“It’s a big deal, you moving home to be with her.”
“I wasn’t doing that great in Utah so it wasn’t a big deal to make the leap.”
“Still. You had a life there and it’s not easy to pick up and go. Family’s important.”
She touched his arm. “I’m sorry about your dad.”
He looked away. “Yeah.”
Her heart turned over. He couldn’t hide his pain. “You’re taking care of your siblings and your mom. That’s a heavy load, Brody.”
He shrugged. “That’s what you’re supposed to do.”
“Not everybody thinks that way.”
He looked back at her. Her heart skipped as his eyes moved over her face in a way that wasn’t brotherly.
“I’m glad you’re back, Violet.”
It was her turn to look away. Her dad leaned against one of the trucks, smiling and talking to his friends about the good old days. Same stories, but they never tired of rehashing them. “Me too. I haven’t seen these people in years.”
“Tragedies have a way of bringing people together.”
She wasn’t prepared for him to cup her chin and turn her face back to his. This was a bold move, considering her father was within hollering distance and there was a bunch of people around. Her eyes bugged as she stared at him.
He grinned. “Why do you look so shocked?”
“You…” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her father looking in their direction. “My dad…”
“Your dad likes me.”
She jerked out of his hold. “I don’t know if he likes you that much,” she lied. Dad had actually already given his blessing where Brody was concerned, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.
“He isn’t going in the house for his guns. I think I’m safe.”
“I wouldn’t chance it,” she said with mock severity.