“And he didn’t want you to change?”
Michelle shrugged helplessly. “I... don’t know. All I know is that I have to do this for now, and I’m not about to leave him hanging and string him along while I figure things out. He’ll find someone else. He’s an amazing guy. He’s not going to stay single for long.”
Even after reminding herself of that on a daily basis for weeks now, she still had trouble not hating the sound of it.
The truth was, no matter how sure she was of her decisions, she still didn’t want Steve to date anyone else. The feeling was wrong. Completely wrong. And she wasn’t going to indulge it. But it was definitely there.
“That sounds familiar,” Ginny murmured.
“What does?”
“Thinking you’ve broken up, moved on, and that you’ll both find someone else. Never doubting it for a moment.” Ginny gave a soft huff of amusement and twirled her wedding and engagement rings. “It didn’t work out that way for Ryan and me.”
“You guys were broken up for a while?”
“For years. I was sure it was for the best. But we kept circling around each other, and no one else could measure up to what we’d had. We found each other once, and it didn’t matter that we’d tried and couldn’t make it work. There was still no one else in the world that I wanted. We finally figured things out. Maybe you will too.”
Michelle wanted to believe that, but she’d met Ginny’s big, handsome, warmhearted husband. The two of them were perfectly in sync, like they’d been created for each other.
The same just wasn’t true of her and Steve.
All she said was, “Maybe.”
Two middle-aged women walked into the shop just then, and Ginny stood up quickly. “You go on and take your break. I’ll cover the counter.”
Michelle said thanks and went outside to head up to her place. While she ate a yogurt and granola bar, she worked on the reading she needed to do for one of her classes this week.
It wasn’t easy—juggling work and graduate classes—but people did it all the time. She could too.
She liked her life, which hadn’t been true a month ago. And she was excited about the future.
She missed Steve though.
Even if they could never be together, she wished she could talk to him again.
STEVE HAD BEEN GIVEN the day off because he’d put so much overtime in for the past month, but he didn’t really enjoy it.
The day felt weird and endless without work to fill it, and no one was around to hang out with since everyone else had jobs to do.
Michelle was working until midafternoon. He’d seen her talking to her boss in Tea for Two when he’d walked by. Jill kept regular office hours, and Lucas had appointments with a couple of clients.
Then his father called, and he was bored enough that he didn’t even hesitate about answering.
After some small talk about work, the dentist, and his father’s garden, Steve was hoping to get out of the conversation without a lecture about his personal life.
It wasn’t to be, however.
His dad asked, “So how are things with Michelle?”
Steve tried not to groan. “We’re broken up, Dad.”
“I don’t understand why you’ve given up on her.”
“I didn’t give up. She needed it to be over. I can’t force a relationship on her, you know.”
“She’s just got cold feet. It’s your job to help her through that.”
“She doesn’t want help through it. She’s a grown woman, and she makes her own decisions. I can’t make them for her. I can’t. And I’m not going to start pressuring her again. I love her, and I want her to be happy even if that’s not with me.”
Steve heard himself saying the words as if he were someone else. He couldn’t believe he was speaking them. Couldn’t believe he meant them.
It took him by surprise, and that just made him feel guilty—since it was so obvious that he hadn’t been treating Michelle right before, when he thought he knew better than she did about who she was and what was right for her.
His dad was silent for a moment. Then, “So you find another girl.”
“I don’t want another girl, Dad.”
“But—”
“But nothing. I’m sorry I’m not doing things on your timeline, but I have to do things that are right for me. I love Michelle. I’m not interested in anyone else right now. If she decides to move on without me, then I’ll have to get over her for good. But she’s not moving on yet, and I’m not ready to date anyone else right now. Give me time. Please.”
There was another long pause until his father said, “I’m sorry, Steve. I don’t like to see you with your heart broken.”
“I don’t think it’s broken. Not really. It’s just not... whole. Not without her.”
“Well, maybe after she has some time, she’ll change her mind.”
“Maybe. But either way I’ve got to give her room to... to be herself.”
“Okay. I guess I don’t fully understand, but it seems like you do. I’ll stop nagging. For now.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Steve was smiling as he hung up.
After that, nothing of note happened, so he hung out doing nothing and feeling like a lazy slob until Lucas came home and they decided to go work out.
Steve had been going to the gym much more regularly lately. He had a lot of tension (both emotional and physical) that no longer had an outlet, so he used it to push his body harder than was his natural inclination. It was having an effect. His pants were looser at the waist. He was stronger. And he was blessedly tired at night so his mind wouldn’t drift off in wrong directions.
Lucas went straight from the gym to see another client, so Steve went home alone. When he arrived, exhausted and much less restless, Michelle was back. She was in the kitchen, working on something at the stove.
She turned her head when she heard him. “Hi there.”
“Hey.”
That was the extent of their conversation.
That had been the extent of their conversation in private for the past four weeks.
He’d showered at the gym and changed into jeans and a clean T-shirt. He rubbed his still-damp hair as he walked over to the island to check the mail that Michelle must have brought in.
Nothing but junk.
They never got anything in the mail but junk.
He lifted his eyes to Michelle’s slim back. She wore thick black leggings and a long black top of a thin material that somehow made her look curvier than normal. He ran his eyes up and down her long legs and small, round ass. When his body started to react, he looked away immediately.
His body still wanted hers. It hadn’t gone away, and he doubted it ever would.
But no good would come from indulging the lust. It would just torture Steve and upset Michelle.
Michelle turned her head to glance back at him. “You okay?” she asked, her brown eyes soft and slightly concerned.
His chest tightened. “Yeah. Of course. Just worked out too hard.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot late—” She broke off the word, biting her bottom lip in a way he well remembered. She turned back to the soup she was warming up on the stove top. “Sorry. I’ll be done in here in just a minute.”
Suddenly Steve couldn’t stand it.
He couldn’t stand that they were this way with each other. Couldn’t stand that she felt the need to run into another room whenever he showed up.
He knew she was doing it because he’d asked her to, but he didn’t want that anymore.
He wasn’t in the same state he’d been last month, feeling like his whole world had been torn out of the ground, roots and all. He was stronger now. He could be around Michelle without falling apart or doing something she didn’t want him to do.
“You don’t have to,” he said, sitting down on one of the stools at the island and laying his phone on the countertop.
“Oh. But I thought—”
“I k
now. But that was a month ago. We don’t have to keep avoiding each other forever.”
Michelle turned to face him, her eyes big and her mouth trembling slightly. “Really?”
“Yeah. Really.” His voice was rough, so he cleared his throat. “I’m doing fine.”
“I know you are.” She started to say something else, but her soup was boiling now so she had to turn away to rescue it. After she’d poured it into a bowl, she grabbed a spoon and sat down at the island too.
“So how have you been doing?” he asked, his heart accelerating slightly. It had been so long since he’d really talked to her, and he couldn’t help but be excited about it.
“Good. I’ve been doing good.”
“You seem like you are.”
She looked kind of tired, with heavy-lidded eyes and the smudge of dark circles beneath them. But her clear skin was glowing, and her lips were relaxed and deliciously pink. She must have been spending more time on her hair than she used to because it was smooth and shiny around her shoulders, and she’d lost a lot of the delicate hesitance that had been characteristic of her before.
She was beautiful. And different. But still Michelle. He could see the woman she’d always been—sweet and brave and serious and loving. Just more so. More vividly.
Like she was coming fully to life.
How could she possibly think he’d stop loving her if she changed?
If anything, he loved her even more now.
“Steve?” The question was reflected on her face, and her shoulders had stiffened, as if she were preparing herself to flee.
“Sorry,” he said, shaking off his reflections. She definitely wouldn’t want to hear what he’d just been thinking. “You really look good. Happy. So things are going well with all the changes you’ve made?”
Her expression relaxed into a smile. “Really well. Working at Tea for Two has been great. It’s decent money, and it’s really convenient. They seem to like me there, so hopefully I can keep the job until I’m done with school.”
“And you’re liking your classes so far?”
“They just started two weeks ago, but so far so good. One of them is great, and the other... well, there’s always going to be boring, useless stuff you have to get through. I know this is just introductory stuff so far, but it’s been like a breeze after what I was doing before. I really think I can do this.”
“I know you can.” His chest tightened again at the clear excitement on her face. He was glad to see it, but it also made him feel heavy, poignant.
That she’d been so unhappy before.
That he’d never known how much.
That he hadn’t even tried to fully understand her.
He must have been a selfish asshole to be so blind about it. To want to keep her as his even if that meant she never got to grow.
“Is something wrong?” she asked after swallowing a spoonful of her soup.
“No. Nothing. What about your parents? How are they dealing with everything? I’ve been wondering.”
“They’re doing about as well as I can expect. They weren’t happy, and they spent a full week trying to talk me out of it. But they’re paying for my classes this summer, which is a huge help. I think it’s a gesture to prove they’re not unreasonable—so I can try out something else before I come back to my senses. I don’t think they’ll keep paying for it when I want to continue in the fall, but that’s okay. I’m going to do it anyway.”
“Yeah. I know you will.” He started to reach out to touch her arm, but he caught himself in time.
She didn’t want him to touch her.
She didn’t know how much he still wanted to touch her.
She smiled at him as she finished her soup. “And things are going well with you?”
“Sure. My job is the same, but I like it.” He tried to think of something else to say—something else to update her on. But the truth was most of the past month he’d spent trying to learn to live without her.
“Are you...” She dropped her eyes, and her cheeks flushed slightly—proving that whatever she was about to say made her self-conscious. “Are you thinking about dating anyone?”
Her.
He was thinking about dating her.
Again.
Forever.
He wasn’t fool enough to say that, however.
He managed a casual smile. “Nah. Not yet. What about you?”
Her eyes dropped again, and he knew the answer, so he had a few seconds to prepare himself for it.
“I’m... I’m going out tonight. With Brent.”
He managed to keep his expression still, but he couldn’t stifle the skepticism in his voice. “The lumberjack?”
“You know his name.”
“Yeah. I do.” He exhaled slowly and relaxed. “He seems like a decent guy.”
“It’s not serious. I mean, we’re just grabbing some dinner. It’s not... serious.”
He knew he shouldn’t be relieved by that information, but he was. “You’re allowed to date him even if it’s serious.”
“I know, but it’s not. It’s barely even a date.” Her mouth twisted slightly. “I just want to... to start.”
“I get it. You should.”
He meant it. In the reasonable side of his brain, he meant it and knew it was for the best. She needed to prove to herself that she could do anything she wanted, even date someone else.
The other side of his brain was howling in outrage, but that side couldn’t be fed. So he silenced it. Stomped it out. Made it submit to what he knew was right, what he knew was best for her.
She’d gotten up to rinse out her bowl. “So... so you’re okay if we... if we talk some?”
“Yes. I’d like to.”
“Me too. I’ve missed you.”
He’d missed her like a vital organ had been torn out of his chest. He didn’t say that though.
He gave her a casual smile. “I’ve missed you too.”
MICHELLE HAD TOLD STEVE the truth when she’d explained her “date” with Brent wasn’t a serious thing.
It was barely even a date.
It was something, however, and she really needed to begin moving on from Steve. The only way she knew to do it was to try going out with someone else. Her world wasn’t replete with scores of eligible men, so she went with one of the only single guys she knew and liked.
She’d seen him in the hall as she was coming back from working at Tea for Two that afternoon, and she’d made herself be brave and suggest they get some dinner later. He hadn’t looked surprised or uncomfortable. He’d said that sounded good, so they’d agreed to leave at seven.
She made a point of not dressing up. She wore dark jeans and a casual pink top, and she was glad she’d chosen that outfit when Brent came out of his apartment in the same outfit he’d been wearing before.
He seemed to be in a good mood, and they walked down the street to a little Greek restaurant. The food was good, and Brent was sweet and funny and surprisingly shy, despite his huge size and rough beard.
Michelle liked him a lot.
She wasn’t a bit interested in him as anything but a friend though.
And she suspected he felt the same way.
She knew it for sure when he said, “This was nice. I don’t have a lot of friends in town yet.”
He’d moved to town in the fall to start a graduate program in Agricultural Science, so he hadn’t even lived here a year yet.
She smiled at him. “Well, you have me as a friend. And you can have Jill and Lucas and Steve and Chloe too if you want them.”
“Y’all come as a package deal?”
“Pretty much.”
“Steve doesn’t like me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. For some reason he thinks I’m trying to take you away from him—which is ridiculous. You two are obviously a matching set. I knew from the first time I saw y’all. I’m about as clueless with women as a guy can be, so I’d never be stupid enough to try to b
reak up a matching set.”
She swallowed hard. “We’re not a matching set.”
“Yeah, you are. You might not want to be, but there it is.”
She wanted to argue but decided not to waste her time. Brent could believe whatever he wanted to believe. “So you’re clueless with women?”
“Can’t you tell?”
“I thought you’ve been fine.”
“With you, yeah. Because you’re already taken. But if I’m interested in someone, I’m a mess. I can’t even get a word out.”
“Are you interested in someone now?”
He looked momentarily trapped but then replied, “I just meant in general.”
“Well, if you need any help with women, you just ask me.”
“Thanks. I will.”
They had dessert and then walked back to the apartment, and Michelle was pleased with the evening.
Obviously, there was no potential with Brent, and he knew it as much as she did. But he felt like a friend now.
And she could always use more friends.
STEVE WAS DETERMINED to behave himself this evening while Michelle was on her date. He wasn’t going to be petty or jealous or possessive. He was going to give her the freedom she needed. He wasn’t going to say a word to her about it, and he wasn’t going to be hanging around when she got home.
If Brent made her happy, then he would learn to live with it.
But Brent sure as hell better not make her happy.
He was pacing restlessly in the living room shortly after she left when Jill and Lucas came in. Jill was tired and wanted to take a bath, but Lucas must have seen something on Steve’s face because he suggested they go out and grab something to eat.
“What about Jill?” Steve said.
“Jill’s fine. She had a hard week at work and doesn’t feel like doing anything, but I’ve got nothing going on. Let’s go out.”
“I’m really okay.”
Lucas’s green eyes glinted slightly. “Sure. I can see how okay you are. There’s no sense in sitting around and being okay by yourself all evening.”
Steve gave a self-deprecating laugh. “All right. Thanks.”
“But we’re not drinking. I don’t want you to end up drunk off your ass the way I did in your situation.”
Living with Her Ex-Boyfriend (The Loft, #2) Page 10