I stopped, thrown off-kilter. I couldn’t storm over there whilst he was talking to someone. I’d look like a crazy person. But it was odd that anyone would stop for a chat with the elements so against them. Curiosity prevailed. Staying between the wall of the ferry dock and the queue of cars, I crouched a little and crept closer. The road bent slightly, giving me some coverage, but I wasn’t close enough. I weaved around a couple of cars until I’d gotten close enough to just hear their voices, over the power of the wind.
‘I hardly see why this is any of your concern,’ I heard Joseph say, his tone irritated and impatient like it had been on his work call. The person he was talking to had his back to me, and his voice didn’t carry well. I strained my ears, trying to hear what he was so concerned about.
‘She doesn’t deserve it,’ was all I caught. It was all very weird. My mind raced with possibilities, from the obvious – a minor car bump in the queue – to the clearly far-fetched – Dee sending a henchman to lynch Joseph for his failure. My vantage point wasn’t great, crouched between two cars, peering out for a few seconds at a time, but I didn’t dare compromise my hidden status.
Joseph spoke again. ‘Well . . . never mentioned you . . . you’re insignificant.’
‘. . . YOU . . . insignificant . . . puppet . . . pathetic.’ The other man had raised his voice allowing me to catch a few louder words, and I ducked back down out of sight. The voices became more aggressive, and just as I was about to peer around again, I heard a dull thud followed by more raised voices. As I popped my head up, I was horrified to see Joseph hovering, fist raised, over the other man, who was lying across the bonnet of his Mercedes. I swallowed hard. I didn’t know what to do. Should I run over and stop him? The guy could deserve it for all I knew.
‘Go on . . . coward,’ the man spat. I could see the burning rage in Joseph’s face. My breath caught and I froze in anticipation of Joseph’s next move. But he just slammed his fist hard onto the bonnet. Slowly, the other man got up, and I suddenly noticed a familiarity about him. His jacket, his hair . . . Scott!
Panic welled up inside me. Why would Scott be arguing with Joseph? It didn’t make sense, until I made out the next word.
‘Melissa.’
Then it made sense. Oh God, he must have still been in the ferry queue when Joseph arrived, and he put two and two together – the car he saw at my house, the number plate. He must have spoken his mind about the sham date I’d told him about.
My thoughts were interrupted as I looked up to see them grappling, Joseph’s arms locked around Scott’s body. People in the ferry queue had got out of their cars to watch from a safe distance, but nobody dared intervene. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t give myself up after watching for so long. I wished I’d stayed at home. I really should stop them, I thought.
At that moment, they both hit the ground, rolling around, wrestling. It was getting more embarrassing, and I decided enough was enough. I had to do something. Slowly, I stood up, trembling, and walked out from behind the car. Still grappling, neither of them noticed me. ‘Scott. Joseph.’ My voice was surprisingly steady. Slowly, they pulled apart and looked up at me. Joseph softened his glare and a sheepish look crept across his face. Scott looked utterly ashamed.
‘Mel, I . . .’ Scott began before looking down to the ground.
‘Melissa, who is this? He just started verbally attacking me as I pulled up!’ Joseph regarded Scott with contempt. I glared at him and shook my head. My determination to confront him was trickling away as I stood with both pairs of eyes fixed on me. I looked back at Scott, who was sitting on the ground, resting his head on his knees. Bystanders had begun to crawl back into their cars now the drama had reached its damp squib of a climax.
‘Mel, I’m sorry. I saw he was here, and I just wanted to let him know that if you’d given him a second chance, which you obviously had, then he needed to make sure he didn’t pull any stunts like last time. I wanted to let him know you don’t deserve to be treated that way.’ There was a sadness in his eyes that cut through me.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ Joseph spat. I had nothing to say. A whirl of emotion had encased me and nothing from the outside was getting in. I just wanted to be on my own.
As the ferry came in, I turned to them both. ‘Just go, both of you. I need to be alone.’ I didn’t even wait for a response before turning and walking away, back to the seclusion of the cottage.
***
After a few hours mulling over what happened, I’d calmed down considerably. I supposed Joseph had had it coming, and he’d shown a side I didn’t like by almost punching Scott, who seemed to just want to stick up for me, and that was what I’d gone there to do myself. It was quite a gallant gesture, really, and I was flattered.
Scott didn’t actually know that Joseph and I weren’t even a thing. It dawned on me that he might have still thought we were together, especially since he knew Joseph had stayed the night, and I hadn’t said anything to the contrary and it didn’t seem like Joseph had the chance. My mind wouldn’t stop; the thought of Scott thinking I could be with Joseph was driving me mad. No matter how many times I reminded myself that Scott wasn’t even interested in a relationship, that he had too many issues with his divorce he needed to deal with, I couldn’t deny that I had feelings for him that went far beyond friendship.
If it was Hollywood, I’d have driven over to Scott’s hotel to catch him before he left for Manchester. I’d fling my arms around him and tell him Joseph meant nothing, that it was him I wanted, and he’d forgive me and we’d live happily ever after. I’d not seen enough Scottish films to know how it happened there. Apart from Braveheart, and that didn’t exactly end well for love.
If Amanda were there, she’d have given me a big slap across the face and told me I was worrying over nothing. I so wished I could speak to Amanda, or Gemma, for that matter. What I wouldn’t give for a few minutes of Skype right now!
My thoughts turned back to Scott – his kiss, our walk, our easy conversation. Part of me was hoping that when the ferry had docked, he hadn’t got on it, and he’d spent the day plucking up the courage to come and see me, to tell me he just couldn’t leave without saying a proper goodbye.
But I knew it wouldn’t happen; it had been hours and it hadn’t happened. Joseph had gone and Scott had gone, so there was nothing more to do but what I’d come here to. Focus on myself, have a break and get some work done. I decided to pay particular attention to the ‘break’ part since that was what Dee had suggested. It was far too early to go to the pub for a drink, so I hopped into my car. I might as well see some of this beautiful place.
I drove for about an hour before arriving at Kentra Bay, one of the beauty spots I’d seen in the leaflet the shopkeeper had given me yesterday. I was blown away; the bay was stunning. I took the coastal path towards Gortenfern beach. Walking through the coniferous woodland alone anywhere else might have made me feel uneasy, but here it felt peaceful, like I was the only person left in the world. It was just what I needed.
The woodlands gradually merged into a heath, and once through it, I arrived at the beautiful beach. I walked across the golden sand to the shoreline. It was completely deserted – I supposed that no one else in their right mind would brave the icy wind for an early morning stroll this far away from civilisation.
I drew a long breath, taking in as much of the clean air as I could, then I let it go, breathing out long and hard, as if pushing every bit of the air from my lungs would take my confusion and frustrations with it. I wished for my old life back. Online dating, social media and movie streaming: a time when things were simpler, and despite being better connected, ignoring people was much easier as they never had any reason to turn up on your doorstep. I longed to be back in the matrix of technology. Being unplugged was hard.
I sat down in the sand and took out my notebook, intending to write up some notes for my article, but when I opened it, I was greeted by my silly list. I’d forgotten all abo
ut it, but there it was: what qualities I wanted in a man. I stared at it for a moment.
He must:
1. Look after himself/take pride in his appearance
2. Have a good job/be financially secure
There was so much more to a perfect man than this. If this list would satisfy my wants and needs, why had Joseph not seemed enough? Even before the text message from Dee, I’d had my doubts about him. I grabbed a pen and added to the list:
3. Be easy to talk to
4. Be easy-going/not take himself too seriously
5. Be fun to be around
6. Be considerate/kind
7. Have a good great sense of humour.
As futile and childish as the activity seemed, it did make me think about Joseph. He nailed points one and two, sometimes okay on point three but could do better. He put on a good outward show of point six but then completely failed points four, five and seven. He took himself far too seriously – he couldn’t adapt to being in a new setting when he came here, and God knows what would have happened if he had been the one I fell on top of at the ski slope.
Scott, on the other hand, was all of those things. He was the list, and after everything that had happened this weekend, I was pretty sure he had feelings for me too. It was just such bad timing.
***
As I sat on the plane home I reflected on my time in Scotland. I pushed Scott and Joseph out of my mind to focus on the real experience. It was such a beautiful place. The short time I’d spent there seemed so easy, it made me question why I felt the need to live in the city. I was on a first-name basis with the barman at the pub, Ged, the shopkeeper, Paul, and a dog walker, Miriam.
I’d spent the rest of the week exploring and writing. I’d visited Fort William and taken the mountain gondola up Aonach Mor to capture the amazing views from above. I pulled out my camera and flicked through some of the pictures,.A full spectrum of colour, from the snowy whites of the mountain tops to the emerald greens of the valleys.
I’d spent time in local tea rooms. On one occasion I had spotted an old couple; the elderly gentleman was reading his newspaper whilst his wife sipped her tea, glaring at him expectantly. It had occurred to me that humans have long ignored each other in social situations – fiddling with a mobile phone was actually no worse.
After a week of early nights and long baths, I felt relaxed and rejuvenated, though I still had the small matter of Joseph and Scott niggling beneath the surface. I was looking forward to a catch-up with Gemma and Amanda – I was desperate to fill them in.
***
From the airport, I caught the train into Piccadilly and walked straight to Amanda’s apartment, which was a huge gamble considering it was Friday evening and she’s a lush. I rang the buzzer, and luckily she answered. Eagerly I dragged my suitcase up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. When I reached her door, she was waiting for me with a welcome glass of wine in hand.
‘Oh, just what the doctor ordered!’ I smiled, leaning in for a hug.
‘Well, you’ve just spent the week alone, in the middle of nowhere, and it’s Friday night. It was a no-brainer really. Come in and sit down.’
‘I’m surprised you’re not out on the town, actually.’
‘I was working until late and then felt too tired to go out. There were only a few paralegals going anyway, nobody worth impressing. Anyway, spill, how was your trip?’ She grinned eagerly, which was slightly odd, as a week in the middle of nowhere was not exactly high on Amanda’s list of things to do, never mind hear about. Luckily for her, I did have some juicy bits to keep her interested.
‘Well, we’re going to need more than this one glass of wine, so grab the bottle and I’ll fill you in.’
Chapter Nineteen
The next morning I woke up early, determined to go and see Scott. My only problem was the fact I didn’t know where he lived and had no way of contacting him. It was only a minor setback, since I’d adapted to my technologically deprived lifestyle. In fact, the worst part of it all was that I’d have to visit my mother first to ask for his address.
When my mother opened the door, her facial expression confirmed that she was more than a little surprised to see me, which was understandable as I never called out of the blue. She probably thought the apocalypse was impending.
‘Melissa, what a surprise! I wasn’t expecting a visit so soon. Come in!’ I could tell she was desperate to ask me the reason for my visit, but her true British politeness came forth, and she dutifully offered me tea instead. We went to the kitchen, where I perched on an oak bar stool whilst she made the tea in silence. I could almost hear the curiosity bubbling over in her mind, so I decided to put her out of her misery.
‘Mum, do you have Scott’s address?’ I tried to sound casual, but eyes darted to me.
‘Scott’s address?’ she asked with forced nonchalance.
‘Yes, I want to visit him.’
‘Visit him?’ Her thinly veiled curiosity wasn’t fooling me.
I really didn’t want to go into the whole ins and outs of mine and Scott’s non-existent relationship, but I had to give her something. I just wasn’t sure yet what that would be. ‘Yes, Mum, I want to visit him. So do you have it?’
‘I do, darling. I always send him a Christmas card. Hang on a minute whilst I grab my address book.’ She scuttled off into the study to search.
A few minutes of paper-rustling later, she returned with a folded piece of notepaper. ‘Here you go, love, I’ve popped it down for you. What is it you want to see him about?’ There was a hint of hopefulness in her question that I chose to ignore. I felt like a teenager again, wanting to run off when my mum asked if I had a boyfriend. She would love it if Scott and I got together; she could tell all of her friends how she was the matchmaker. The idea was almost enough for me to forget the whole thing.
‘It’s just to arrange some more skiing lessons,’ I lied.
‘Oh, yes. Did he catch up with you in Scotland?’ I was sure she already knew the answer, but I humoured her anyway.
‘Yes, he did. It was nice to see a friendly face. He was busy skiing, but we did get to the pub for a drink one lunchtime.’
‘That’s nice, love. It must have been lonely up there. I nearly asked Dad to drive us both up to keep you company.’ She smiled and patted my arm. Oh my God, I’m glad she didn’t! With Joseph, Scott and my parents turning up unexpectedly, that would have been a disaster.
‘That’s so thoughtful, Mum, but I was fine. It was nice to get some work done, and the place was beautiful. I even managed a bit of sightseeing.’
‘I’m glad you were okay. Dad’s back was playing up, which was why we didn’t come, but we were thinking about you.’ She smiled and rubbed my shoulder. I felt like a seven-year-old again, not big enough to care for myself in the big wide world.
‘Thanks, Mum. Anyway, I’d better get going if I want to catch Scott. Thanks for the tea. I promise I’ll be over again soon.’
‘Okay, love. He actually doesn’t live too far from here. If you hang on an hour or so until Dad gets back from the shops, he could run you round.’ I felt a pang of guilt at the delaying tactics. I knew my mother would like to spend more time with me, and we’d been getting on a lot better lately so the thought didn’t horrify me completely.
However, I really did need to catch Scott early, before he headed out. I couldn’t wait any longer to find out how he really felt about me. ‘Thanks, Mum, but I need to go early and get back into Manchester.’ I slurped the last few drops of tea and gave my mum a kiss before leaving.
Once on the street, I took a look at the address. With no smartphone, I couldn’t look up the exact location, but the postcode was very similar to Mum and Dad’s so I guessed I was in the right vicinity. There was a row of shops about a hundred metres away that included a post office. If they don’t know where Acre Street is then we’re all screwed. The kind assistant scribbled down some directions that consisted of a few
turns, a walk past a green and another set of shops – I’d never have remembered them.
After a few minutes’ walk, I arrived at Acre Street. I stopped for a moment outside number twenty-three. Scott’s number was fifty-seven, so I was probably still out of his line of sight. I could have walked away, chickened out. I’d not even thought about what to say. All I knew was that I needed to tell him that nothing happened between me and Joseph. I took a deep breath and forced my feet forwards.
Number fifty-seven had a car on the driveway. Is it his car? I wondered, procrastinating slightly. What if he has a guest? Maybe I should come another time. I hadn’t thought this through at all. As I stood contemplating leaving, a face appeared at the window. His face. He’d seen me. Shit. I had to go and talk to him.
Just as I put my finger to the bell, the door opened, and there he stood.
‘Mel, what a surprise.’ It was the second time I’d heard that that morning, though I couldn’t help but feel the surprise was a much less welcome one this time. Oh, how I longed to resolve this via text message. But I couldn’t, and it would feel good to face the matter and not hide behind a gadget.
‘Hi. I’m sorry to call so early. I’d been to my parents’ house and thought I’d call round to thank you for my millefeuille.’ I smiled, hoping that would be enough to at least get an invite in.
‘Oh, yes. No problem,’ he replied coolly, filling the doorway with his frame as if I were some unwelcome canvasser. I considered just giving up and saying goodbye, but I’d come this far, and if I left I knew I’d regret not getting things straight between us. It would eat at me.
‘I loved your tip on how to eat it without making a mess. It worked, by the way.’ I could feel the corners of my mouth twitch a little. Nerves were getting a hold of me.
‘I’m glad you found it useful.’ He folded his arms across his body protectively and leaned against the door frame. It was obvious he wasn’t going to invite me in on the basis of small talk, but I carried on regardless.
The Secret to Falling in Love Page 18