She spotted the mass of pink by her bedside table. “Roses. Pink roses. Thanks,” she said limply.
“Hey,” Daniel said with a frown, “your mother’s ring. Where is it?”
“What?” Her hand flew up to the empty space against her chest where her mother’s wedding ring used to sit. I gave it to Israel. For him to remember me. But…he’s not here. Did he not remember me?
Or maybe he was on his way now? Her eyes flicked to the door. She couldn’t see anyone through the small glass window.
“What are you looking for?”
“What?” She jerked her gaze back to Daniel.
He frowned and gave her a funny look. “You keep glancing over to the door. Are you expecting someone?”
She licked her lips. She had been expecting Israel. Any second now. But if Israel came in and saw Daniel…
I should have told him.
“I’m just really tired,” she lied and felt terrible for it. “Do you mind coming back later?”
“Of course.” He leaned in to kiss her mouth and her heart remained a placid beat, the machine by her bed announcing the unchanging rhythm. Her body didn’t light on fire. Her mind didn’t dissolve to nothing except his kiss. The only thing she could think was how hurt Israel would feel if he saw this.
The door opened. Her heart gave a thud as she pushed Daniel away to look past him.
It wasn’t Israel. It was the doctor who was shaking her head as she walked in.
“What’s wrong?” Alyx asked.
“Someone’s dropped a bunch of sunflowers just outside your door.”
Her heart crammed up to her throat. Sunflowers. Israel must have been here. He must have seen Daniel.
Oh God.
She should have told Israel about Daniel.
Now it was too late. And she had no way of finding him not now that she was sure he wouldn’t want to be found.
He promised her that he would come for her. He promised her that she wouldn’t be alone.
He said he’d never leave.
He lied.
Alyx had spent the rest of her hospital stay staring at the door, begging Israel to walk back in so she could apologize and explain everything.
But the days came and went and he never came.
She had not wanted to be released, the hospital her last link to Israel. Once she left, he would not know where to find her and she didn’t know where to find him.
She was silent as Daniel walked her out the hospital lobby and in the car on the way home she kept her eyelids shut so she wouldn’t have to talk.
Her stomach churned with guilt, over Israel, over Daniel. Her insides tumbled with what the hell she should do now. She wished so hard that it hurt that she and Israel could still talk into each other’s minds through their bond. It didn’t stop her trying.
Israel, if you can hear me, come find me. I’m sorry. Please, find me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Israel slumped at the bar of his local dark basement tavern. He wasn’t sure what day it was or what number scotch this was that he was nursing. A tall man in a thick black coat pulled up to his chin, slid into the stool next to him. It took one glance for Israel to recognize who it was. “Want do you want, Jordan?”
Jordan didn’t flinch. He kept his pale jade eyes forward. “Thought you might want some company.”
Israel snorted into his glass. “My old nemesis pities me enough to keep me company. How far I have fallen.”
Jordan made a motion to the bartender, pointed to Israel’s glass, then indicated the empty space in front of him. The young bartender ambled over and poured Jordan a glass of scotch. Jordan took a slow sip and smacked his lips. “I see you’ve decided not to pursue Alyx.”
Israel let out a growl and repressed the urge to strangle Jordan. “Is this your way of asking me if you can go after her?”
Jordan let out a small laugh and shook his head. “You’re still such a boy, even in this life.”
“And you’re still such an asshole.”
“Firstly, if I were to pursue Alyx, I’d hardly ask for your permission. Secondly, believe it or not, I’ve found my Forever. But I’m not here to talk about my love life. Alyx—”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Okay, let’s not talk about her.”
Israel drained his glass, the remaining ice cubes cold against his lip. He slammed the empty glass down. “She has a fiancé.”
Jordan nodded. “And he’s a good guy from what I hear.”
The edges of him felt fuzzy, but not fuzzy enough. He called out to the bartender, who refilled his glass. Israel took a large gulp of his fresh scotch, reveling in the burn of his throat, and hissed. “She deserves better than me. Maybe we’re just not meant to be together.”
“Maybe not.”
Israel stared at Jordan in surprise. “Aren’t you here to make me feel better? To encourage me or something?”
“No, I’m here to tell you the truth.” Jordan’s eyes slid over to meet Israel’s. There was no maliciousness to his demeanor or tone. “Let’s face it. You gave up on yourself before your life even really began. You don’t deserve someone like Alyx. Not yet. But you could one day, if you made some changes…”
“You don’t know—”
“I know because I gave up on myself once too.” Jordan’s face softened. “It took…Alyx to show me just how I had to change. That, we have in common.”
Israel looked over to Jordan and saw himself reflected in Jordan’s eyes.
His heart wailed. Why didn’t he put in the effort to get over his issues with Adere earlier? Why had he avoided it, by drinking, with women, by taking on dangerous and illegal work just to feel alive? Painful as dealing with it would have been, it was nothing compared to the stark, naked realization that he had lost something truly beautiful because of it. He only had himself to blame.
Jordan tilted his glass, letting the light catch the amber liquid. “Someone very wise once told me that sometimes you need someone to come along who shakes you up, who forces you to look at yourself, to make you see how you need to change to become a better person. The One Before The One. Then only when you’re that better person can you deserve The One.”
Israel stared at his drink. As much as he wanted to hate Jordan, he couldn’t. He knew what Jordan was saying was true.
He rubbed his eyes with his palms. Here he was again just drowning his sorrows. He had to pull himself together, get back into life instead of wasting his days in here.
It took Jordan to help him see that. “Hey man, thanks for—” He cut off when he saw Jordan’s seat was empty and he was nowhere to be seen, his nearly full glass of scotch and a few bills the only sign that he’d ever been there.
The one that makes you see how you need to change to become a better person…The One Before The One.
If Israel couldn’t have Alyx, then he was sure as hell going to work his ass off to deserve someone like her. If they ever came along in his life again. Next time, he’d be ready.
Israel threw some cash on the bar, grabbed his coat off the back of the barstool, suddenly feeling sober and renewed. The feeling became clearer as he walked along the chilly streets, the city on the cusp of spring’s end.
On his way home he pulled out his phone, Jordan’s words still ringing in his head. “Hey,” he spoke into his phone when the man on the other end picked up.
“You ready to take that job yet?”
“No.”
“What? Dude, you’re crazy for turning this down. It’s a big payday.”
“I’m getting out of the business. Permanently. Going legit.”
The laughter and snort at the other end of the phone didn’t deter him. “Yeah I’ve heard that before. You’ll be back. I’ll be waiting for your call.”
You’ll be waiting forever.
After Israel hung up he made another call to his friend Anton, who he had been friends with on the force. Anton had left Saint Joseph recently to start work
for a company that specialized in stolen goods retrieval. “Hey, Anton,” he said into the phone when his friend answered. “Any chance there’s a job going at your company?”
“Hello, National Museum of Prague. How may I direct your call?”
Alyx chewed on her nails as she walked the streets of Saint Joseph, clutching her light jacket to her body. This was it. The call she’d been dreading. She had put it off long enough.
“My name’s Alyxandria Urban. Can I talk to Dante Pierre, please? It’s about the job I was offered.”
“Certainly. Hold, please.”
This was for the best, right? Giving up this job wasn’t giving up her dreams. It was making a choice to put all this Israel stuff behind her and get her relationship with Daniel back on track. Security was important, right? More important than silly passions. And who believed in soulmates anyways?
“Hello Alyx, it’s Dante. How are you?”
“I’m well, thanks. I’m sorry for the late call back. I was actually hospitalized for a few days.”
“Oh, goodness. Nothing serious, I hope.”
“No. I’m fine.” Just a broken heart.
“Have you reached a decision on the job offer?”
She stopped on the street in front of a shop display window filled entirely with snow globes. There were globes filled with Christmas trees and snowmen, others with tiny buildings. There was even one containing Saint Paul’s Cathedral. She remembered leaning in with Israel in the Mapmaker’s shop, watching the butterflies flitter around under the glass, sharing the same breath, his warm hand over hers as they cupped the base of the globe together, their eyes meeting in the reflection of the orb. Would she ever be able to look at snow globes without thinking of him?
Something yellow caught her eye. There in the center of all the globes was one containing a bunch of sunflowers.
The sunflowers grow when I touch you.
Alyx let out a wistful sigh and brushed a fingertip on the glass window as the memory of their kisses flickered like a ghost inside her. She missed Israel. And she didn’t just miss him…she missed who she was around him. With him by her side she felt like she could do anything. Look at all those things they overcame in the Dream together. He made her feel like life might not be so terrifying with him beside her.
Look at what she was doing without him. She was about to accept Daniel’s plans for her life and turn down her dream job. The right person would support your dreams, not stifle them. The right person would set your life on fire.
Holy shit…
Her heart lurched. She couldn’t do this. Even if she couldn’t be with Israel, she couldn’t do this.
“Hello, Alyx? Are you there?”
“Yes.” She spun on the sidewalk, her heart beginning to race in her chest. “I’m here.”
She remembered what Israel had said to her in the Dream.
“Just because it doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.”
She knew what he was talking about now. Even though it hurt to know that Israel was never coming to find her, she should be glad that she got a chance to spend the little time that they had together in this life. She had to let it be worth it. She felt her bitterness beginning to fade.
“Well, Alyx?” the voice in her ear said. “Will you accept the job?”
“Yes. I’m saying yes to the job.”
“That’s great. When can you start?”
As soon as Alyx got off the phone she broke into a run. She needed to pack. But first there was something else she needed to do.
“I don’t understand this,” Daniel said, his hands running through his combed hair. “This makes no logical sense.”
Alyx stood in Daniel’s well-decorated living room in his uptown flat. This was the only grim spot in her whole plan; telling Daniel.
“I know it might not seem to make sense, but it does. To me.” Instead of looking at him, she stared around at the black leather couch, the cream carpets, the blank white walls where he refused to put up paintings because the nail marks would “deface the plaster”. This would be where she would move into if they got married. Everything was ordered and had its place.
But there’s no place for me here.
There had never been room for her here. It took Israel to make her realize that.
“This is just cold feet.” Daniel grabbed one of her hands and peered at her, a slight crease between his brows. “We’re well matched. We make sense.”
It was true. They were matched intellectually and could spend hours talking about history and politics. They confided in each other, to a point, and she was comfortable with him. But she and Daniel never felt the depth of love that she knew was out there. They had never shared a deep and fiery passion that would ignite the coals to keep a marriage burning for all their lives. They were friends, great friends…but…
There is more than this.
That was it, wasn’t it? The crux of why they couldn’t get married. She could never marry him when deep down within her, her soul was whispering that there was someone else who was out there waiting for her. Someone who would be everything to her. Best friend. Lover. Teacher. Soulmate.
Her mind turned back to the kisses she had shared with Israel, all of them, in the Dream and before it.
“Daniel, don’t you want to be with someone who makes you feel?”
He blanched at her. “How ridiculous. I feel. Of course I feel.”
“I mean, to feel passion.”
“I feel passion.”
“For me?”
“Of course, for you.”
“But look at us, Daniel. I just told you I’m not marrying you and you’re just trying to calmly talk me out of it. You should be furious. Crying. Throwing things.”
“Throwing things?” His eyes widened and she saw the first real sign of horror from him. God forbid anyone threw anything in his apartment.
“At the very least, you should be yelling.”
“I can yell if you want. Will that make you stay? If I yell?” His voice rose the loudest she had ever heard it, but even then she knew it was born out of frustration and not passion.
She pulled her hands from his grasp. She took the ring box from her pocket and pressed it into his palm. “I’m sorry. I just…I have to go.”
Daniel stared at her for a long moment. In that long moment, she swallowed, the clock continued to tick loudly on the wall and the slight crease in his brow deepened a touch. “Okay, go. I’ll be here. When you realize you’ve made a mistake and come back.”
The mistake would be staying. She said nothing more. She just gave him a kiss on the cheek and left.
Israel ran into the grand entrance of the Saint Joseph museum. He knew this was the one place he could find Alyx. He pulled up short at the security guards, x-ray machines and turnstiles. He ran up to the friendliest looking security guard, an older man with a white moustache. “I’m here to see Alyx Urban.”
The guard raised an eyebrow and picked up the phone. “Is she expecting you?”
“I—”
“Sorry, buddy, but she’s gone,” one of the other guards called out as he walked over to them.
“You mean for the day? But it’s only…10 a.m.”
“No, I mean, gone gone. She took another job. She just came in to clear out her desk this morning. You just missed her by like…five minutes.”
I just missed her.
“Where is she working now?”
The guard shook his head. “Sorry. Couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”
She must have taken that job. Good for her. But she’d never told him where it was, just that it was out of town. Shit. He had no way of finding her now.
He just wanted to see her again and give her back her mother’s ring and tell her that he was sorry for running away in the hospital. That he wasn’t bitter anymore. That he was happy for her and Daniel if he was the one for her. He wanted to tell her thank you for making him want to be a better man. He wanted her to be
proud of him.
This was his last day here in Saint Joseph. He was leaving too. So if he didn’t find her…what would be the chance that they’d ever see each other again?
Five minutes. He just missed her by five minutes. She must be close by.
Israel ran out into the street. He couldn’t see her anywhere. But she couldn’t have gone far, right? He had to find her. He picked a direction and began to run, his eyes darting around, searching for her face in the crowd.
Surely his instincts would take him to her. Right?
Alyx sat in the small space underneath the bell tower at Saint Paul’s Cathedral. She had been friends with one of the sisters who worked here and she had shown Alyx the secret staircase that went all the way up to the bell tower. Alyx came here to think. It was quiet and the view across the city of Saint Joseph calmed her. Her problems never felt so big up here.
Except for today. Today her heart broke when she thought about Israel and that she’d never see him again.
Israel, wherever you are. Know that I won’t ever go a day without thinking about you. Know that I’ll treasure all our memories in this life and the last. Even if we didn’t get our afterlife.
Israel was out of breath as he burst through the gates of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.
She had to be here. She had to be. His eyes roamed over the front steps of the church, the very place where they had met in this life. He just expected her to be standing there. Idiot.
She wasn’t.
The front door opened and his heart almost stopped. But it wasn’t Alyx who stepped out, it was one of the priests, dressed in black with a rosary hanging from his belt. He waved at Israel and Israel waved back.
Israel walked across the lawn and jogged up the steps. “I’m looking for someone,” he said to the priest, who was smiling at him.
He looked faintly familiar, a soft, wise look on his face. “Whether they shall be found, remains to be seen.”
Israel brushed off the priest’s strange response and entered the cathedral. He studied the backs of the heads of the few parishioners who were in here. He couldn’t see Alyx in any of the pews. He could have sworn that he would find her here.
Legends of the Damned: A Collection of Edgy Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance Novels Page 271