by Kira Saito
“Oh, please Arelia. I’m sick of you always playing the victim card. Poor me, I don’t have any parents, I’m not pretty when you know you have it all.”
“Really?” I crossed my arms. “Tell me Sabrina, how exactly do I have it all? Go ahead, please enlighten me. I’m dying to know.”
“Just like you to be sarcastic,” she bitterly mumbled.
I ignored her comment. “I’m waiting, please do enlighten me.”
“You always claim that you don’t care about boys or the way you look, but you know you’re gorgeous. Your skin doesn’t get blotchy, and your eyelashes are way longer than mine even when I have fake ones on with clumps of mascara. You know that any guy at school would go out with you in a heartbeat.”
“I don’t care. You know all I want to do is get out of my shitty apartment and go to college, not become some kind of stepford wife like you.” I knew that statement was below the bikini line, but at this point I just couldn’t help myself. My words were spewing out like venom, and it felt exhilarating.
“Have you ever thought that maybe some of us aren’t as smart as you and that the only hope of happiness we have is becoming a so-called stepford wife. Not all of us have to work, my mother never had to, so why should I? I’m not guilty about being privileged. Besides, from what I can see, you’re treading in stepford land given the attention you’re giving Lucus.”
“You’re insane, do you hear yourself? How am I giving any attention to Lucus? You’re the one who stayed up all night talking to him, and dancing with him.”
“Shut up Arelia, you know I was lying about that.”
“What are you talking about?” I pretended I was clueless.
“I passed out, but woke up when you came in the room.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I was so worried about you and you were awake all along eavesdropping into our conversation?”
“I didn’t want to spoil your little flirtation. I heard it all. I see the way you look at him. I may be stupid, but I’m not blind.”
“You’re not stupid.” I felt bad for her, staying awake there listening to us talk. Shit. Had she heard the part about the snake bite and the swamp too, if she had she hadn’t mentioned it yet. “You are delusional though.” I hid my fear by continuing the argument. “We’ve known him for two days.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied with confidence. “After you left last night, Lucus and I had sex.”
“Good for you.” At this point, I really didn’t care.
“It was magnificent,” she wickedly taunted. “He told me how beautiful I am and swore that he was falling in love with me. He was rather insatiable. We did it three times or was it four?” She tapped her finger against her forehead making it seem like she was trying to remember. “He may have given you chocolates, but he gave me something much better. Yeah, I know the chocolates weren’t for me, I read the card. You left it on the table.”
“I couldn’t care less,” I maintained.
“Sure you do,” she continued. “You shouldn’t be surprised though, men do prefer these,” she pointed to her boobs, “over those,” she pointed to mine trying to demonstrate the considerable difference in their size.
“That’s so mature. I thought we were past junior high school.”
“We may be, but boys will never be.”
“If you’ve already had sex with him and know that he prefers you over me, why the hell are you telling me to stay away from him? We’ve been best friends all of our lives when have we ever let a stupid boy come between us?” It was the truth, this was the first time we had an argument over a guy, and it was getting very ugly.
“Because this is the first time I know you like the same guy as I do, so I’m just warning you if you compete against me, you will lose. That’s a promise. Besides, guys don’t like freaks, they like nice, normal girls who won’t complicate their lives.”
“What do you mean by that? Are you implying that I’m some kind of freak?”
“Cut the crap Arelia. Like you said, we’ve known each other our whole lives. You really think that I’m so self-absorbed that I never noticed the spirits that you’re always mumbling to? Now, Lucus knows it too given your little show in the swamp last night and all.”
“You knew. You knew,” I repeated trying to come to grips with what I had just heard. “All of these years you knew about that and you never said one word. Not a single peep came out of your thin, little lips.” I knew she hated the fact that her lips were so thin. Hey, if she took a jab at my boobs, I had a right to take one at her lips.
“Why should I have? I don’t want to get involved in that freaky crap and neither do you apparently.”
Now she had hit a soft spot, and I could feel tears starting to form. I rarely cried, but knowing that Sabrina had never lent me any sort of support knowing how hard it had been for me all of these years pretending to be normal was too much. “Then don’t.” I fought my tears. “Don’t be involved, I don’t need you.”
“I have no intention of being pulled into your world,” she cruelly screamed. She left me standing alone in the cabin.
Upon her exit, I fell to the ground and started sobbing. I let the tears stream down my face freely and didn’t care if anyone overheard me. This whole situation was so confusing to me. I couldn’t believe that my best friend had just classified me as a freak. Sure, I knew I was different, but up until this point no one had called me a freak. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to care what others thought, Grand-mere Bea had taught me to be proud of myself, but it was Sabrina, she was family. I thought we were sisters. Despite, our differences and fights over the years, it had never gotten this dirty before.
Why was she so threatened by me and what she perceived as my relationship with Lucus? I had never done anything to betray her trust, but all of a sudden she was acting like I was the enemy.
I sat on the dirt floor for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was probably only a couple of minutes. Around me, I could hear what sounded like the beating of drums and chanting. It was savage, rhythmic, and at the same time absolutely tantalizing. The drumming put me in a trance, and for a few minutes, I was able to connect with the ghosts of the slaves visiting the cabin. They whispered in my ears stories of tragedy, death and betrayal. Their wails were woeful and full of turmoil. They cried about their plight as slaves and the cruelties they endured to attain freedom. I could feel them giving me strength and trying to comfort me with the knowledge that if they had the power to go on, then so did I. They told me, they sometimes chose to come back to Darkwood because the oak trees were so peaceful. They were happy and at last finally free from oppression. They spoke of destiny and how sometimes we were chosen to do things that others were too weak to do. Despite the hardships, they had faced, and the wounds that had left them scarred, not all of them were bitter. They told me that everything would be alright, but I did need to be careful, because after this summer, life would never be the same for me. Eventually, the drumming stopped and I was left alone. I felt silly, sitting there and crying my eyes out over an argument when life could be so much crueler than it was, but I was hurt so I allowed myself to cry.
I thought about Mad Marie, and for the first time, I could see why she had done what she did. All the people that she ever loved were taken from her and she was left alone. Was I capable of turning into a Mad Marie? Was that the reason I was so afraid of what I really was? I must have been there for an hour reflecting and trying to stop bawling like a baby when I heard someone approaching the cabin door. It was Ben.
“Arelia.”
“Ben, what are you doing here?” I quickly adjusted my voice to make it sound like I hadn’t been crying and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“I wanted to see if I could catch a glimpse of the ghost.” His voice was excited until he saw my tear stained face. His squinty eyes looked at me in confusion as he walked towards me. “Why are you crying?” He sat beside me on the dirt floor and put his chubby arm around me.
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“I’m not crying,” I lied.
“Yes you are,” he accused. “Your face is all puffy. It looks weird, and your eyes are all red.”
“It’s the air, I have contacts on,” I continued the act.
“It’s okay to cry if you’re sad. Are you sad because there’s no more cheesecake?”
I had to laugh at his comment. “No, that’s not it,” I admitted. “I’m sad because I had a fight with Sabrina, she’s my best friend.”
“It’s okay Arelia. I get sad with my mom and dad too.”
“Like when?”
“When they spend too much time with Mary or watching hurricanes and forget that I am there.”
Hearing Ben talk about his problems made me forget my own. “I know they love you very much Ben, sometimes people make mistakes though.”
“Like your friend Sabrina,” he reasoned.
“Yes, like my friend Sabrina. I guess.”
“I bet she’s just jealous because you’re prettier than her.”
“Thanks Ben, I gave him a little nudge. You’re going to be quite the heartbreaker one day. Why don’t you go and see if there is some cheesecake still hidden somewhere. I’ll be there in a minute.” I really needed that minute to compose myself and get over the nasty scene that had just played out.
“Sounds awesome!” He leapt up from the floor.
As soon as Ben left, Ivan rushed in. “Peace at last.” He was unaware that I was in the room. When he did notice me, he looked surprised. “Don’t tell me you’re crying over Prince Charming and Barbie. I really need a break. I’ll pass on the pity party.” He lit up a cigarette and sat down next to me.
“Leave me alone. It’s none of your business anyways.”
“Do you want a drag?” He held out his cigarette.
“No, I want to be left alone.”
“What do you see in that guy?”
“Seriously! Again? How many times have you asked me that question and how many times have I said nothing. Don’t you have anything better to do? I’m sure that you can find another hobby besides annoying me all summer.”
“Trust me, if it were only that simple,” he muttered under his breath, but it was still loud enough for me to hear.
“I don’t have to put up with this.” I got up to leave.
“It looks like someone’s annoyed,” he mocked. I felt like punching him, I really did. How could one human be so annoying? I was beginning to think that his sole purpose in life was to make me want to kill him. I was about to leave when I heard Ivan start to sing:
When the sun comes up and the first quail calls, follow the drinking gourd.
For the old man is a-waiting to carry you to freedom,
If you follow the drinking gourd
The riverbank makes a very good road.
The dead trees show you the way,
Left foot, peg foot, travelling on
Follow the drinking gourd
The words sent a shiver down my spine, his voice was oppressively gloomy. His eyes were full of torment as he sang. I couldn’t help but be mesmerized. “Where is that from?” I was curious.
“What do you care?”
“Never mind.” I was an idiot for even trying to ask him a serious question.
“It’s a slave song,” he informed me while taking a deep drag.
“Why do you have a slave song memorized?”
Ivan threw his head back and laughed. “Do you have some sort of monopoly over the slave songs in the area? Is there some sort of law that makes it illegal for me to sing one?”
“No, I just think it’s weird.” Well it was.
“I’m in a band.” He was obviously lying. “Since our songwriter died last month, and I’m tired of doing shitty covers I’m trying to explore some fresh material. You know, trying to think outside the box.”
“You’re lying,” I accused.
“What if I am? Are you the moral police?” His voice had a ruthless ring to it.
“It’s pointless trying to have a conversation with you,” I stated.
“I’m sorry I don’t captivate you and make your heart pound, I’ll try harder to be much cuter. Would you share some sweet tea with me Arelia? I would be honored if you did,” he imitated Lucus.
“You’re an idiot.” I turned my back on him and left him sitting on the cabin floor.
Back at the picnic area, everyone was still lounging around enjoying the afternoon sun. Ben went to get himself some Coke, and I promised to find us some cheesecake. Sabrina and Lucus were sitting under the same tree that I had fallen asleep under. They weren’t kissing. Sabrina appeared to be rambling on about something, while Lucus listened intently. When Lucus saw me, he excused himself and made his way towards me. Of course, Sabrina was pissed.
“You disappeared.” His smile vanished once he saw my tear stained puffy face. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I replied in a cold voice that I hoped would discourage him from talking to me.
“Where did you go?” He continued cautiously.
“Look, it doesn’t matter where I went. Why do you care anyways?”
“I just…”
“Please, leave me alone. I want to be left alone” I cut him off. He looked a little shocked and unsure of what to say next.
“Of course, I understand.” He didn’t press or demand that I tell him what was wrong which made me feel relieved that I didn’t have to explain myself, and the fight that Sabrina and I had. I walked away, fully aware that he was watching me, but I didn’t care or so I told myself.
Chapter 12
I Need You
That night, I sat in our room and took a look at the book that Ms. Mae had given me. Dinner was over, and we had been relieved from our duties, or I had anyways. I hadn’t seen Sabrina since we had been in the dining room where she had proceeded to give me evil glances if Lucus even looked in my general direction. She hadn’t come to our room afterwards, so I assumed that she was off somewhere with Lucus having the time of her life. I tried to forget about what she had said about me being a freak and was determined to concentrate on what was written on the pages in front of me.
I flipped through the LaRue spell book, and saw that it dated back to the 1700s, no wonder it looked like it could fall apart at any minute. I was overwhelmed by the amount of information it contained covering spells, ingredients, voodoo dolls, candle reading, card reading and surprisingly even black magic. I decided to start by reading the basic principles of being a voodoo queen. Even though, living with Grand-mere Bea had given me a rough idea, I wasn’t entirely sure if voodoo was anything more than a marketing idea invented by the tourism board of New Orleans. Still, putting my skepticism aside I read on:
Proceed with caution my child, this book and the knowledge within it is not for the weak or foolish. This knowledge only belongs in the hands of the powerful and respectful. When a voodoo queen intentionally or unintentionally offends a loa, she will have to pay for her betrayal in the worst possible way. You see, the loa do not exist to be the puppets of the queen. Instead, they exist to be served and respected. One cannot call upon the loa to do ones beck and call without showing them respect. A queen must take caution when contacting the spirits, for there are many who disguise themselves as loa, but are really evil demon spirits who mean harm rather than good. Pay careful attention to the following list:
1.Voodoo is based on communication with spirits known as loa.
2. The loa are responsible for all events that take place on earth.
3. Spirits can be controlled through rituals and offerings. However, one must be cautious in dealing with the spirits, not all have any intention of helping.
4. In voodoo, there is no distinct difference between good and evil. There is only balance.
5. In order to be truly powerful, a voodoo queen must have complete control over natural and supernatural elements that can be used to communicate with the loa. Once mastery is complete, she can utilize all elements in order to heal
, curse, reverse hexes, contact the dead, and even bring back the dead.
6. Some queens are blessed by the spirits thus are automatically more powerful than others.
7. Voodoo queens have the capability of being more powerful than any other supernatural creature.
8. A truly powerful queen will be able to heal, communicate with the spirits, predict the future, cast spells and create potions.
9. It is critical to remember that the loa are not gods, and they should never be treated as such. A voodoo queen must have a two way relationship with the loa which is based on the principles of giving and taking. Once you start treating the loa as gods, you will be put in a very vulnerable position. You must treat them with respect, but at the same time not give in to their every demand.
As I read through the list, I felt my eyes closing. There was no way that I would be able to remember all of this stuff and why did I have to anyways. What was I getting myself into? I wanted to put an end to all of this nonsense and tell Ms. Mae that I had no desire to be a part of this world, but then where would that leave me? Would I always be running and hiding from who I was? Sure, I had been in denial my whole life, not the most effective plan, but enough to keep me sane.
A soft knock at the door interrupted my thoughts. Dressed in ratty shorts and a prehistoric blue tank top, I was hesitant to open it, but I decided to anyways thinking that it may be Ms. Mae or Henri.
“Lucus.” I was surprised to see that it was him. “Sabrina’s not here.” I swiftly attempted to shut the door in his face. It was a move that was blocked by his foot.
“I’m not here to see Sabrina. I am here to see you.” His voice was eerily serious, and his expression was anxious.
“What is your problem?” I asked a little louder than I had hoped to. “I had a horrible fight with my best friend over you because she is under the impression there is something going on between us. Now, if you are the gentleman that you claim to be, which I know you’re not considering that you had sex with Sabrina three times last night and now are here with me, you would get out of here.” Okay, I had no idea why I was actually speaking like Lucus and I didn’t know why I was so angry at him for having sex with Sabrina. He was a guy, and that is what they did. I had been a fool for thinking that there was something different about Lucus. An idiot for thinking that despite his good looks, and wealth, he was…